Please help me! I feel like I may lose control!

[TheHumbleWun]

thank you all so much. im in the uk ad i have to admit most my friends are non-muslim white girls. but they are very nice and understanding. im sure one of them will shelter me until im on my own feet. but running away is harder than it sounds, its easier said than done. it will crush my mum. my mum is is pakistan, dad wont let her come back, hel get violent with her. e wont even let her stay at her brothers house, but makes her stay at his sisters house! I hate his sister, shes so mean, and shes my mother in law! there isnt a reason for this. my dad is just very controlling and extremely strict.

Salaam,

It saddens me that there are Muslim men like this out there. I assume your husband is probably 22-26 years old. You should have your husband and father sit at the table and you need to speak out seriously about your feelings, but without anger.

Ask your husband how he feel about the marriage, what are his standards, what does he look for wife in a wife, what does he want for his future? You should tells yours as well. People have fixed standard, such as religious qualities, beauty or even materialistic. Marriage is also about compromise. You give and take. iYou'll be suprised what you'll learn about each other. Communication is vital in marriage.

If your dad has a history of violence then it's best to speak these issues around other family members, a mediator, and even friends. Take your husband to a masjid and have the talk there with others to help you. No one
should be forced into anything. Making choices is one of our unalienable rights given by Allah swt.

Get a job, focus on school, and keep yourself busy. It will make your husband reflect on his lonely time. Your dad won't say as much. You might also try doing activities with your husband so that he gets to know you better and you get to know him better. The fact that he almost said divorce 3x times shows there is still room for hope and I'm sure he knows the consequences.

If none of the above work, your last resort would be divorce. Only Allah knows what is best for you. I pray that Allah resolves your situatioin and brings ease between you and your husband. Ameen.

this is where I say thank God I live in the US.

What's that suppose to mean? There is prostitution, forced marriages, incest, rape by family members, women cooking their children in the oven, etc in the U.S. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Pride is the cousin of arrogance.

 

[Mairo]

:salam2:Try to get help from Muslim organizations,or friends cousins ,,,etc just don t fall in the hands of the kuffar that is all they love hearing to paint all Muslims with the same brush,they might show you other horizons that you come to accept as being the norm, as if physical abuse happened only among Muslims!just don t be vulnerable in the presence of the kuffar don t show them you weaknesses neither share your secrets as it might lead you somewhere where you might loose more important than that not your freedom but your deen little by little ...none of them is an option for you, as a Muslim woman you deserve both.

This happens quite often with young sisters without protection don t think that leaving your home for some safe heaven would be uncompromising there is no safe heaven in this jungle.Am sure you are the exception according to yourself ,just don t gamble...

Nevertheless there here are enough muslims in the UK at least that is what they pretend ...and if your husband is man enough and he fears Allah swt he has got to let you go , make things easy for you to be arranged in a peaceful way and free himself his religion and others from the left overs of a tradition that is totally alien to Islam and which is poisoning the very spirit of this Ummah. You do not have to go through this nightmare get in touch with Muslims.Wish you all the best my sister keep in touch with us.

Even in this website there are a lot of sisters from the UK who am sure wouldn t hesitate to offer you concrete help ,in fact they should be competing in extending their arms towards you if they can as Allah swt is witness of their deeds.For the time being keep hoping until things get better and hold onto his rope for your patience and strength are well counted.
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wassalaam
respectfully
jameel

Jazak Allahu Kharain brother JustONeof Million for your post, especially for that video. Some people in the world just cannot ever fathom what kind of suffering other people in the world endure. May Allah have mercy on us all, but especially the poor children all over the world who are suffering in poverty. Those poor babies, witnessing their immense suffering truly broke my heart with compassion towards them. I can't understnad, how there could be a person who could witness their condition and not have their heart break with compassion towards them, I honestly don't know. May Allah provide them and their families with relief. May Allah guide all the True Believers to the Upright Course. Allah is the Guide. And Allah knows best. Amin

wasalaam u aleikum

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

As I read the responses it dawned on me that you are the young woman who would not consumate her marriage. You are the one who wrote you had kept your huband at arms bay for three weeks. You also stated you did not love him. You never made mention of these horror stories. You just did not want to sleep with him. You told us he was dirty. Many sisters explained to you he was not.
I can not help become skeptical.
Now the situation has changed.
This is Ramadan. I do not mean to sound angry..but if you are telling us the entire truth you would be taking action. In essence you argreed to a marriage and changed you mind when your husband came to the UK. If you do not wish to be married to him..divorce him and live with the consequences. However, do not pull in the rest of the world with your pity. It serves no good.
Be honest with yourself. You are too old to be telling us your father will pull the phone. You are 23 years old. This makes no sense. This is not a Muslim way to behave. You have placed blame on your father and husband. That is unfair. You had agreed to the marriage and you allowed everyone to wati four years. Please tell me I am wrong.

Allah forgive me if I am wrong.

 

[The Begum]

Salaam,

As I read the responses it dawned on me that you are the young woman who would not consumate her marriage. You are the one who wrote you had kept your huband at arms bay for three weeks. You also stated you did not love him. You never made mention of these horror stories. You just did not want to sleep with him. You told us he was dirty. Many sisters explained to you he was not.
I can not help become skeptical.
Now the situation has changed.
This is Ramadan. I do not mean to sound angry..but if you are telling us the entire truth you would be taking action. In essence you argreed to a marriage and changed you mind when your husband came to the UK. If you do not wish to be married to him..divorce him and live with the consequences. However, do not pull in the rest of the world with your pity. It serves no good.
Be honest with yourself. You are too old to be telling us your father will pull the phone. You are 23 years old. This makes no sense. This is not a Muslim way to behave. You have placed blame on your father and husband. That is unfair. You had agreed to the marriage and you allowed everyone to wati four years. Please tell me I am wrong.

Allah forgive me if I am wrong.

salam. im sorry but where on earth did u get that idea from? you are wrong. this sister was FORCED into the marriage which makes it completly wrong right from the begining. forced marriages in islam is absolutly comdemned. in the sisters words her father had 'brainwashed' her into thinking she'd agreed to the marriage which makes me think did her own father pefrom black magic on her! subhanallah! and her husband has broken every rule of marriage! what gave him the right to revel her secrets to her father! she put her trust in him and he disobeyed that trust. subahanallah! people nowadays do not understand the true meaning of marriage, some get married just to come to the uk then once their here they'll divorce their wives.

sister i strongly urge u to listen to what eveyones said and get in touch with an imam. thats the only way ur gna get ur answers. imam can tell u whats right in the marriage and whats wrong and from there inshallah u can make the right decision to either leave or try to have sabr and stay and pray that things will get better.
heres another thought sister have u thought about movin out with ur husband and living on ur own without ur fathers presense?

may allah keep u at the bst of health and highest of iman. ameen.
waslm.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Sister Mirajmom was not making any of that up. Rather that information came from the sister's only section. I do feel we are being fed two diffferent pieces of information and not everyone here is getting the entire picture. There is a difference between so-called "brain washing" and being forced. Four years is a very long time to be married and not in contact with your spouse, plenty of time to divorce if one does not feel confortable being married.

If a husband desires to be with his wife physically there is no sin in that. But evidently the sister is repulsed by her own husband and continually turns him away. She should divorce him rather than continue to drag him through this. She said divorcing would be too shameful but I think running away to non-muslims would be even more shameful. It is time this woman grow up and divorce this man, he father cannot force her stay married. Her husband already tried to divorce her and she stopped him. So to me this is becoming like a game. She is a woman and it is high time she take the responsibilites and rights of being a Muslim woman.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,


I only responded to what had been posted. I am not there to make any judgements. However, we have to be honest and mature. I find there to be some elements of a game here.
I remind the young woman. this is an Islamic website. This is the month of Ramandan. Be careful sister.
Do not pull on the heartstrings of the members here. We have serious business to attend to...there are people who are dying..people who are incarcerated missing their families...
If indeed you were forced into the marriage...divorce your husband..however you went along with the marriage and decided you did not love your husband..you waited four years..and you played games for the first three weeks of marriage..do you not think your husband has a right to be upset. In essence you have not only decieved yourself but your husband. Please do not pull members of this website into your spider's web.

Once again, if I am wrong Allah forgive me.

 

[Believer1985]

Sister Mirajmom,
You may or may not remember that you and I have some history. You once answered to one of my posts about a year ago and were rather harsh. I still have PMs you sent me to prove this.
What I am trying to say here is that you have always, for some reason or the other have been rather happy to slash me and posts. I tell you here and now I am in a very vulnerable state and in no mood at all to display "elements of a game". How dare you even state such a thing!
I, and only I and Allah know precisely what I am going through this minute and every day. I started this thread to get some help from fellow Muslims. I had no plans to come here just so that other users such as yourself can throw harsh comments at me.
However, even through my anger at you, I realise it is the holy month of Ramazan and I wish to forgive you.

To all those who have posted helpful messages to me, Thank You.

Salaam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,


As I wrote before, if I am wrong Allah forgive me. If I am being harsh I do not have all the information. You do not need to prove anything. You have stated you are in a marriage and you wish out. You have only provided us with some facts. I am not sure what it is that you wish. I would not wish anyone harm. It is easy to blame me; when you are in a state of confusion it is easy to divide the world into those who wish me good and the others are bad. I dare state what I do simply because I am reacting to what you have written. You choose to be in the state you are in. Even when you are lost you have anger. I am not the object of your frustation. I did not put you there. I simply suggested that you take time to think of the consequences of your actions. This is a public forum. You may want to seek serious counseling. By your own words you have held on to this situation for a year. This is not good for you. You need to make up your mind. This would only benefit everyone. By not making a decision you are being unfair to everyone, including yourself.
As these are not the words you are seeking..I will not respond to this post anymore. I pray you find the courage to make a decision. I am on my way to the masjid and I will make dua for you. I do not like to see young women in pain. I would rather see you happy and ready to be a wife and a mother.

 

[Believer1985]

Look, I am angry, yes. I'm just scared of my Dad, and for my life. I am sorry if I hurt you, but all I need right now is people on my side. I just need your prayers.

Salaam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Do not be angry. Please if you are scared for your life..get some help. Call a sister..walk to a sisters house..walk to the nearest police station..call a social worker...walk to a hospital..run to the nearest masjid.
Your father is not going to do something stupid..he is verbal..do not speak to him at the moment..stay away and go to safety. Are there any relatives..go to a friend..but do not remain in an environment that is explosive.
Sister, I made dua for you. I know everyone here is, too. Put your trust in Allah subhana talla. Please remove yourself from harm's way.
Let us know how you are..but make a physical move for the moment.