Dear sister,
I am copy-pasting here some questions and answers from a site, which I trust. Their opinions are sometimes not identical with the classical schools of law but they remain within the bounds of Quran and sunnah. The source site is:
http://www.understanding-islam.com
the copied Q&As begin here:
Question:
I am seriously considering conversion to the Muslim faith. My husband is aware of this and doesn't want me to, but I feel that I must. He has already proclaimed his dislike for Muslims. He also doesn't want me to include my 6-year old son in the decision. My question is: Should I remain married to him, if and when I convert?
Answer:
Your question needs to be considered from two separate standpoints. Firstly, whether the Islamic Shari`ah (i.e. the Law) allows you to remain married with your husband, who ascribes to a faith different from Islam; and secondly, whether it is practically possible for you to remain married to your husband.
As far as the directives of the Islamic Shari`ah are concerned, they do not expressly require you to seek separation from your husband. In other words, the Islamic Shari`ah is silent about the status of an existing marriage after the wife converts to Islam. In view of this silence of the Shari`ah, there seems to be no ground to consider such a marriage as automatically repealed or prohibited to continue. Thus, in my opinion, the Islamic Shari`ah does not require you to seek separation from your husband.
As far as the second standpoint is concerned, a decision in this regard has to be made by the individual concerned. You will yourself have to decide whether it is possible for you to live a comfortable life and maintain a congenial atmosphere in the house, while living as family. The response of your husband, which you have mentioned in your question, could be an initial emotional reaction to your decision, which might subside in time. If you feel that your husband's state of mind has changed considerably to allow you maintain a healthy atmosphere in your home, you may continue living with him. However, if, on the contrary, you feel that his negative bent toward your decision has only increased in intensity over time and that living with him, you are not allowed the freedom of practicing that which you hold to be true, then you may be left with no other option but to seek separation from your husband.
May God guide us to the path of His liking.
16th July 2000
Question/Comments:
While answering a Question, you said, "As far as the directives of the Islamic Shari`ah are concerned, they do not expressly require of you to seek separation from your husband. In other words, the Islamic Shari`ah is silent about the status of an existing marriage after the wife converts to Islam. In view of this silence of the Shari`ah, there seems to be no ground to consider such a marriage as automatically repealed or prohibited to continue. Thus, in my opinion, the Islamic Shari`ah does not require you to seek separation from your husband."
But one scholar has said in a similar situation:
"When you accepted Islam, your marriage with your non-Muslim wife has terminated then. There is no question of divorce."
What are the basis on which this scholar has given this opinion; please elaborate. I think the problem of the woman is more sensitive than that of the man. I want clarity about it because a Japanese lady is facing such a situation.
Jazakallah Khair
Answer:
The cited difference of opinion is actually the result of a difference of opinion regarding two things:
Firstly, the cited author apparently holds marriage between a Muslim and a non-Muslim to be prohibited, whereas, in my opinion, that is not the case;
Secondly, the cited author is apparently of the opinion that any existing or proposed marriage contract, between a Muslim and a non-Muslim is void and is, therefore, automatically severed and does not require a formal divorce.
I differ with the author on both these counts. As I have stated in a few of my earlier responses, the Qur'an has only expressly prohibited marriage between a Muslim (man and woman) and a polytheist (man and woman). The Qur'an has expressly allowed marriage between a Muslim man and a Jewish and a Christian woman. While the Qur'an is silent about marriage between a Muslim woman and a Christian and a Jewish man. In view of these facts, it is obvious that a clear prohibition exists only in marriages with polytheists. Other marriages can by no means be termed as among the clear and stated prohibitions of the Shari`ah.
As far as the second point is concerned, I am strictly of the opinion that because of the social nature of the marriage contract, it should only be severed or invalidated in a socially recognized manner. Thus, to avoid the potential social repercussions, especially for the woman, an existing marriage should only severed and invalidated according to the recognized legal framework of the society. In my opinion, therefore, there is no such thing as automatic severing or invalidation of an existing marriage.
It is obvious that had Islam not recognized the status of existing marriages, all those who accepted Islam at the call of the Prophet (pbuh) would then have been directed to renew their marriage contracts with their spouses (including, obviously, the Prophet himself), to make these marriages recognizable in the eyes of Islam. This, however, did not happen. All the existing marriages were recognized to be valid and no change of any status of the married couple was effected. In fact, we do not even find a single instance where the Prophet (pbuh) invalidated any existing marriage between a person, who accepted Islam and his/her existing spouse, even though the spouse still ascribed to the polytheistic creed.
Ibn Sa`d in his compilation of Muslim history "Al-Tabaqaat al-Kubraa", in the life sketch of Zainab (ra) - the daughter of the Prophet (pbuh) - writes:
When Abu al-`aas ibn al-Rabiy` returned from Syria, his wife Zainab (the daughter of the Prophet) had accepted faith and had migrated to Medinah with her father. Later on, he (i.e. her husband) also accepted faith. They were not separated (i.e. there marriage was not invalidated during this time). Qatadah reports that Zainab, the daughter of the Prophet (pbuh) was married to Abu al-`aas ibn al-Rabiy`. She migrated to Medinah with the Prophet of God. Subsequently, her husband accepted faith and migrated to the Prophet of God. At that time, the Prophet (pbuh) gave Zainab back to her husband... According to Ibn Abbas (ra) the Prophet (pbuh) returned his daughter Zainab to Abu al`aas - her husband - after two years of separation, under the first contract of marriage between them (i.e. without effecting a new marriage contract between them).
It is quite clear that had existing marriages been automatically invalidated through the acceptance of Islam of any one or the other of the spouses, each of the companions' marriages would have been invalidated and subsequently a new contract would have been effected.
In view of the stated points, I do not agree with the cited opinion of the referred author.
I hope this helps.
May 20, 2001
Question:
I have recently converted to Islam and was already living with a non-Muslim, whom I wished to marry. He does not believe and while I pray he will convert, it is still possible that he will not. I still intend to stay with him, though it is forbidden and we intend to have children. I was wondering what the consequences of this action would be for any children that we may have.
Answer:
Before I give an answer to your specific question, I would like to clarify that the Qur'an , while explaining the limitations of social relations between Muslims and those ascribing to other religions, has divided these other religions into two categories. The first category is of people ascribing to Shirk (polytheism) and the second category is that of those who believe in one God, even though they do not believe in Mohammad (pbuh) as a true prophet of God.
As far as the first category of non-Muslims is concerned, Islam has prohibited both their men as well as women in marriage for Muslims (Al-Baqarah 2: 221). While with regard to the second group, the Qur'an has expressly allowed marriage with their women but has not given any express directives regarding marriage with their men (Al-Maaidah 5: 5).
In view of these directives of the Qur'an , it is my opinion that marriage between a Muslim woman and a non-Muslim man should be avoided, unless he converts to Islam.
I can fully appreciate the emotional difficulty and stress that a Muslim woman may have to go through because of this directive of the Qur'an , yet one must not forget that this life is a testing time for us. We are being tested for our obedience to God's commands and our submission to His will. To be successful in this test, we should always be prepared and willing to pay its price. This price can sometimes be in the shape of sacrificing our emotions, suppressing our desires and sometimes even giving our lives. We must never forget that whatever we give up in God's way shall be returned to us with unimaginable increments. The Prophet (pbuh) is ascribed to have said, "The road to the everlasting bliss of Paradise is covered with things that are difficult and disliked [by man], while the path of the everlasting punishment of Hellfire is covered by very attractive things".
31st July 1999
"Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith" (2:286) 
