Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahe Wabarakaathuh Baji. By your post, I knew that it was urgent that I replied to you quickly. I ask Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla to remove all of the pain that you may feel in your heart. That he may change the mind of your parents, and remove from them their narrow mindedness and stupidity, and that he makes your sitaution better and easy. Ameen.
As for your situation, it's very depressing to hear your sitaution Baji. Actually, I'm starting to feel a lot of pain in my heart, because I am seeing my brothers and sisters in Islam starting t suffer and feel depressed and sad.
May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla make you situation better, and may he fill your entire life and Akirah with Bliss, Love, Happiness, Serenity, Secirty, and Peace. Ameen.
Sister, one thing that I would like actually, would be that if you could give more information about your parents (on this thread, I have too many PMs), like their attitude, their way with other people, what they do, and so forth, then Inshallah I'll be able to advise you more on what you may be able to do.
Sister, it is not a good idea for you to leave on your own, because you are more prone to th evils of society. The Shayateen can try their best to attack you, using their Awliyyah, of the evil ones of Humankind. Evil males will try to take control of you (and many use the stupid "soft talk"), and it can get EXTREMELY difficult.
If the case is that BOTH of your parents don't want you, and are REALLY willing to abandon you, then maybe, Inshallah you can find a good Muslim sister that you can live with, or maybe, if you have a good Pious (blood) relative (and I mean MUSLIMAH ones, like any of your older cousins (meaning 18+), or you aunts, etc.), then Inshallah, you can live with them.
But the BEST thing to do at the moment though, is to make dua, and ALWAYS spend your time in Ebadah. Why? Because when a Mumin(ah) tries to atain Piety sincerely to be a Pious Slave of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (by abstaining from evil sins, trying extremely hard to fulfill your duties as a Muslim, and doing Nafl deeds (or acutally ANY deed) with the intention to Please Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla), then Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla opens the Mumin(ah)'s heart to his Mercy, and his Light, the CORE of Islam,
which is the feeling of Serenity and Peace within a person's soul. (When you right Islam in Arabic, there are four letters that are used, and when you look at the last three letters, they spell our the word, "Salam," or "Peace," thus, what is fulfilled when a person is in the CORE of Islam).
And Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla says:
"Fa Meyy Yuri Dillahu Eyy, Yah deyahu Ash Ra7 Sawd Rahoo, Lil Islam."
"And whom so ever Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla wills, he
opens their heart to Islam."
And in this Ayat, what does Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla mean by his words, "opening his heart?" It means that the TRUTH reaches that person due to the Sincereity that they had to find the truth, and thus when they find the truth, they embrace it with thier heart, and then it uplifts their soul, which makes their hearts soften and then Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla allows their life to be easy, unless he decides that he wants to test his slave, and he puts some bit of hardship into his Slave's life, and after his slave has endured a lot of hardship, once they RETURN in Remembering Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla and Contemplating over him (in their Ebadah), then THAT is when their heart starts to, Inshallah, feel at ease once more.
And with your parents, Baji, it's best for you to stay a BIT more patient at the moment. The BEST thing to do, is make dua for Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla to make things easier for you, and to change things with your parents, and it's also best that you try your BEST to avoid them, like avoid talking to them (unless they start talking to you, or they ask you a question, but besides that, it's best to stay quiet for the time being so that they can't use anything against you. And if they EVER say anything bad about what you do (like a mistake), it's best to just look down and not say anythnig, because if they can't get your attention, then they wll, Inshallah try not to point out a lot of your mistakes).
I remember long back when I was also in your situtaion. That time, I was becoming 14, and Alhamdulillah, like you sister, I was getting closer to Islam and to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla, and then like you, my parents were ALSO hostile towards me, to the point that my father had acutally beated me in the face because I said that I don't want to shave off my beard, because Rasulallah (SAW) said not to (Bukhari and Muslim). And liek your paernts Baji, my parents ALSO wer eextremely narrow minded, that they wuld not let me spend time in the masjid with other brothers simply because they were "from an ethnicity that we had been at war with decades ago,"so meaning that "they're the enemy" (even though there's a differance between Karachi and Punjabistan!) And when I tried to wear my Kufi to highschool, my mother actually STOPPED me from weaing my Kufi, and since I refused to go to school without it, my father started HITTING ME,. But I KNEW that I couldn't go to school without my Kufi, because I felt that I really NEED my Kufi, since it will help me in many ways to get closer to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla (such as the fact that if I don't wear it, then I need to oil my hair when it gets a bit long, and after
last year, I didn't want to have to worry about girls feeling attracted to my apperance and start talking to me like what happened in my other school, which absolutely DISGUSTED me). And so what I did was is that I would secretly bring my Kufi to school, or put it in my locker, and once I'm on the bus or I reach school, I put my Kufi on.
And so Alhamdulillah, after some time, my parents started to become less hostile towards my decision to practice Islam to "the extreme," which inreality, means trying to be a Pious Muslim to the point that you try to follow ALL the Sunnahs of Rasulallah (SAW) and try t make every Ebadah perfect.
And so anyway, what I suggest you do Baji is that you do both of the things that I told you to do. Make dua, and don't speak alot to or around your parents, and also, try to find if there's any Muslimah relative that you have that is a good practicing Muslimah (which can be easy since, Mashallah, you find alot of our good Pakistani/Urdu speaking sisters), and that you try to build a STRONG and GOOD relationship with that relative, so that incase if anything bad happens, or if the situation comes that you SERIOUSLY have to leave your house, then you atleast have a close aunt or sister who you can, Inshallah live with.
And Verily, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta Alla's help is sought ffor all our Problems, Ameen.
You are in my duas Baji, and also PLEASE reply back on this thread, because the more information that we have on your problem, then Inshallah, the more we may understand what we may need to do,
So, Farewell Amatullah Baji (since to me, that's a very nice name, so I hope you won't mind that I cal lyou that
). And.....
