What would you do in this situation?

[slaveofAllah88]

May this post reach u in the best of health and iman – amen
:lol: I must be bugging u guyz a lot sorry about that if anyone ever feels like I need to shut there is nothing wrong in letting me know
Lol SO yea I got another issue that I feel like I shud discuss before it gets out of hand , Well its my parents in general family.

Ok well every since i decided to grow my beard , i have become so far apart from my family i literally dont even feel a part of it now i sometimes feel like im living among stranges ....
Im mostly concerned about my mom , I really love my mom, After Allah (swt) and his rasool (PBUH), I wud say I love my mom , not sure I wud be anything in life without her , I wudn’t even be here without her, Well everything was fine with her but in the last year or so I want to be better muslim, well I made some changes the biggest one is I decided to grow a beard, well lets just say it hasn’t been easy. Well other than being in a non muslim country with very lil muslim, my family has really hurt me the most.

My mom, she just ... we used to be so close now the only thing she tells me 24/7 is shave that ugly beard, she tells me i look so ugly horrible, her remarks are very painful , he has told me as soon as she sees that beard on my face she just gets angry, and she has been so angry with me lately, she just is always angry, every lil thiing and her anger comes out on all of us bros, she is always shave the beard, u r doing nothing but show off ... but i am not i really love my beard i can rep Islam, i feel so proud i walk in a crowd and people always recognize me as a musliim even thou my beard is really small, i have been forced to shave it like twice, and it really hurts cuz i spend like month on it and gone in minutes, thats not it, everyone including my bros they harrass me with names and as they walk pass me they are always shave it , my bros beg me sometimes just shave it we are embarrassed to go out with u ..... im not sure wat to do , i dont want to shave it but i feel like if i dont i will lose my family.
i try my bes to patient, but sometimes i will tell my mom plz mom leave me alone or plz drop it and then she wont talk to me for hours like wont even look at me, her demand shave the beard.
other than my mom, my dad always screams, shouts at me, and my parents say im a horrible son, im disobedient and im a bad muslim,so there is no point of a beard cuz im not obeying a bigger commandment im upsetting my parents ... i have really started to feel so low in my deen cuz my parents are always upset with me, last time it came to me telling my parents i cant take it i will just leave and they told me to leave ... and i cudn't go .... i dont know where to go , in this city, my family is all i got , i already left all bad friends, praying outside is such a prb i spend alot of time outside but it results in missing prayers sometimes cuz none of the mosque are open for 5 daily prayers .... as far as i know ....

ANy sugguestions .... I really dont want to lose my beard , cuz its my muslim identity, but i really dont want to lose my family either ....?
Also, would Allah (swt) be upset with me cuz my upsets are upset with me, i know heaven lies under my mothers feet i feel like im losing that?

im sorry for whinning .... but i feel like im losing patience cuz of the already so many pains there and those pain i can take but when someone breaks ur heart it hurts alot.

JazakAllah khair
sorry for so much rambling but I love my mom so much, i always used to hug and kiss her before going to bed, i wud wake up and the 1st thing i wud want to see is my mom, i hug her before leaving home, on entering like i really love her BUT now its all opposite instead of the love i usuallly send her bed angry, she wakes up angry and is mostly angry looking at me, and i cant even sleep at night knowing my mom is angry going to bed ..... not sure wat to do

 

[DanyalSAC]

A couple questions for you brother...

Are you a revert or is your family Muslim also?
Do you live with your family?
Are you an adult as defined by the country you live in?

 

[podolski11]

same issue when i growed my beard...it will tend to wear off after like 5-6 months and ur parents will stop bugging u and jz accept the fact that their son has grown!....

 

[slaveofAllah88]

A couple questions for you brother...

Are you a revert or is your family Muslim also?
Do you live with your family?
Are you an adult as defined by the country you live in?

My family is Alhumdulilah muslim, I live with my family i want to take care of my parents, yea im an adult defined by my country but i dont want to leave them, my dad is out of country im the only care taker .... i cant leave them .....
i want to trust me i do but that will just crush my mom from inside...

 

[slaveofAllah88]

same issue when i growed my beard...it will tend to wear off after like 5-6 months and ur parents will stop bugging u and jz accept the fact that their son has grown!....

its been 6 months .... and now its even worse than before .... 1st my mom was like its just a small thing cuz i feel religious it will wear off NOW she is very harsh about it ....

My parents get mad at me , actually at many other things too they say i go extreme and i shudn't be like that, and the only thing is i tell them not to commit cultural bidah, not celebrate b day no interest, and those things

When i went to Pakistan my parents wont allow me to meet with friends who had beard cuz they thought i wud get invovled in some organization and go do weird things .... i haven't told them yet i :shymuslima1: (lol its a boy) have enrolled in a darul Alum part time to study arabic and my deen better cuz than they will be like OMG what am i doing....

 

[podolski11]

or well it can go the other way and ur parents tie u up and shave ur beard with a machete .....

 

[slaveofAllah88]

My parents always say, oh im only 20 , i can go this when im like 40, but ... i want to be good muslim now ! , i feel so sad of all the years i wasted before , it feel good close to ALlaH (swt) -- i hope i am inshallah, and i read somewhere, the ibadah in youth is very dear to Allah (swt), but they say i got all my life not to do this now

 

[slaveofAllah88]

or well it can go the other way and ur parents tie u up and shave ur beard with a machete .....

im not sure if i mentioned this but my family tried to shave some of wat i had at night .... so i look horrible and shave it off ...

 

[podolski11]

im not sure if i mentioned this but my family tried to shave some of wat i had at night .... so i look horrible and shave it off ...

i was only joking but if they did that then u should report urself to like child abuse i guess??

 

[zbhotto]

Love your mother more than ever before. Kiss her everytime you left her in home, and return at home. Spend most of your time with your mother. Serve your mother as much as you can. Ask her, mother would you not help me to go to paradise. If you are not pleased with me how come I can go to paradise. You would share every of my good deed even after your death.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

i was only joking but if they did that then u should report urself to like child abuse i guess??

haha! LOL dude aren't u pakistani too lol child abuse hehe they weren't abusing me i guess

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Love your mother more than ever before. Kiss her everytime you left her in home, and return at home. Spend most of your time with your mother. Serve your mother as much as you can. Ask her, mother would you not help me to go to paradise. If you are not pleased with me how come I can go to paradise. You would share every of my good deed even after your death.

I try my best , and i hope she will cool down soon i really hope so .... actuallys he wont let me me kiss her and stuff anymore cuz i gross her out with my beard lol

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

Ibn Umar said, The Prophet said, 'Do the opposite of what the pagans do. Keep the beards and cut the moustaches short.' Whenever Ibn 'Umar performed the Hajj or 'Umra, he used to hold his beard with his hand and cut whatever moustaches. Ibn Umar used to cut his moustache so short that the whiteness of his skin (above the upper lip) was visible, and he used to cut (the hair) between his moustaches and his beard. (Sahih Bukhari)

The Prophet said, "There will emerge from the East some people who will recite the Qur'an but it will not exceed their throats and who will go out of (renounce) the religion (Islam) as an arrow passes through the game, and they will never come back to it unless the arrow, comes back to the middle of the bow (by itself) (i.e., impossible). The people asked, "What will their signs be?" He said, "Their sign will be the habit of shaving (of their beards). (Fateh Al-Bari, Page 322, Vol. 17th) (Sahih Bukhari)

I remember you are the one highlighted one Hadith from Sahih Bukhari, something similar to the 2nd hadith. Brother Ayman did asked whether it is sahih and you replied yes, I did checked Bukhari and found to be there also. I checked about this hadith with one ustaz during a visit to house on Eid, because the hadith implied keeping beard as "wajib". The ustaz said growing beard is sunnah, but once you have grew your beard, removing it will be haraam. Allahu 'alam. I hope someone can verify this inshAllah.

I believe your parents may not intended to ask you to do something against the religion, though the action is, perhaps because the country you are living now.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Ibn Umar said, The Prophet said, 'Do the opposite of what the pagans do. Keep the beards and cut the moustaches short.' Whenever Ibn 'Umar performed the Hajj or 'Umra, he used to hold his beard with his hand and cut whatever moustaches. Ibn Umar used to cut his moustache so short that the whiteness of his skin (above the upper lip) was visible, and he used to cut (the hair) between his moustaches and his beard. (Sahih Bukhari)

The Prophet said, "There will emerge from the East some people who will recite the Qur'an but it will not exceed their throats and who will go out of (renounce) the religion (Islam) as an arrow passes through the game, and they will never come back to it unless the arrow, comes back to the middle of the bow (by itself) (i.e., impossible). The people asked, "What will their signs be?" He said, "Their sign will be the habit of shaving (of their beards). (Fateh Al-Bari, Page 322, Vol. 17th) (Sahih Bukhari)

I remember you are the one highlighted one Hadith from Sahih Bukhari, something similar to the 2nd hadith. Brother Ayman did asked whether it is sahih and you replied yes, I did checked Bukhari and found to be there also. I checked about this hadith with one ustaz during a visit to house on Eid, because the hadith implied keeping beard as "wajib". The ustaz said growing beard is sunnah, but once you have grew your beard, removing it will be haraam. Allahu 'alam. I hope someone can verify this inshAllah.

I believe your parents may not intended to ask you to do something against the religion, though the action is, perhaps because the country you are living now.

:salam2:
yes i remmeber, i probably posted the 1st hadith cuz i have read that in sahih bukhari and know where it is....

My parents i feel like have fears .... well one that i have normally seen, they feel like some security force will take me away thinking im a terrorist .... 2nd is my mom brought it up that no girl will marry me .... 3rd that i hear often beard makes me look alot older than my age ....

so yea these are the small small concerns in a nut shell

 

[ShyHijabi]

i was only joking but if they did that then u should report urself to like child abuse i guess??

Report them for child abuse when he is 20? Umm, nah.

Brother I am so sorry your parents are being this way to you. Remember that you must obey parents in all things EXCEPT when the request you to do something counter to Islam. ANd shaving the beard is imitation of kuffar and a big no-no. May you be rewarded a thousand times for every strand you grow and maintain for the sake of Allah.

Oh and as far as the marrying thing goes, most Muslim females I know want to marry a guy with a beard. Tell your mom you are interested in a girl who wants to marry a guy for his deen, not his smooth cheeks.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Report them for child abuse when he is 20? Umm, nah.

Brother I am so sorry your parents are being this way to you. Remember that you must obey parents in all things EXCEPT when the request you to do something counter to Islam. ANd shaving the beard is imitation of kuffar and a big no-no. May you be rewarded a thousand times for every strand you grow and maintain for the sake of Allah.

Oh and as far as the marrying thing goes, most Muslim females I know want to marry a guy with a beard. Tell your mom you are interested in a girl who wants to marry a guy for his deen, not his smooth cheeks.

:salam2:
JazakAllah khair for the reply lol yea u r right about that hehe chilld abuse hehe im sorry i so didn't catch that :lol: not even a teenager anymore

JazakAllah khair sis ameen to ur dua , and i just hope my parents stay with me and i dont lose them

lol sister im not really worried about marriage to tell u the truth my mom , im pretty sure the girls she wants me to marry do not wat the beard ... cuz it aint hot enough ... So ... thats why otherwise i dont think personally i wud chose a girl who wud not allow me to grow my beard

 

[Seeking Allah's Mercy]

oh brother don't u have problems these days...................

stay firm on ur good believes. i've heard allah put those ppl in problems who are closer to him.so u could b the closer one since u started taking interested in ur deen and all.

i don't know akhi but i feel like ur mother is feeling protective of u i think she feels she may lose u.perhaps she is having the fears that u may b under the influence of the ppl who use young boys for evil thing behind the cover of islam.suiciders etc.so why don't you take some other,worldly yet allowed interestes too.like soccer,new hair styles,funky dresses,wrist bands..........stuff wesernised boys do which is not in contradiction to islam.mayb it will help.
unless u haven't tried that already...................
good luck.may allah help.

P.S don't talk too much abt cultural bidah.most parents including mine don't like it verymuch.coz they kno wat u say is true.2ndlypreach those who listen to you.

 

[al-muslimah]

Akhi shaheer im so sorry to know about your situation. But borther as long as you are close to your mother, why dont you talk to her and tell her in a nice way how you feel about the beard and tell her the relation of islam and the beard. It's not a big deal you know. you are a grown up and the beard wont change anything from your personality. Like tell your mom that I am your son wether i was with a beard or without it. I'm still the same! Like yea i dont know..just talk to her alone and disscuss things. The most important thing is to choose the right time to talk!

May Allah subhanahu wataala make it easy for you and may allah make your mother love your beard as I pray to allah that you get closer to your mother more than before inshallah!!

 

[Aapa]

Salaam sweet brother,

Brother your mother is not angry with you. She fears for you. You see it as anger. She sees the hatred in the eyes of the disbelievers and wants to protect you. She does not despise the bread..she is afraid of the pain you will be receiving because of the beard.
You must talk to her and let her know that she has raised an obedient slave of Allah. You fear none but the One Worthy to be Feared.
I will keep you in my dua, always. Son eat sunflower seeds..and the beard may grow a hair or two.

 

[podolski11]

Salaam sweet brother,

Brother your mother is not angry with you. She fears for you. You see it as anger. She sees the hatred in the eyes of the disbelievers and wants to protect you. She does not despise the bread..she is afraid of the pain you will be receiving because of the beard.
You must talk to her and let her know that she has raised an obedient slave of Allah. You fear none but the One Worthy to be Feared.
I will keep you in my dua, always. Son eat sunflower seeds..and the beard may grow a hair or two.

well if ur pakistani sis then u must know pakistani parents mentality i suppose...its not to protect us but they feel ashamed of us keeping a beard...affects their status in society... 1st they used to make fun of people with a beard and now their own son has a beard so they jz cant stand it......well thats my point of view from my family