contacts between men and women

[Janulka]

Hi everybody,

I´m not a Muslim, but I´m really interested in and I would like to know more. I have read some discussions, and the fact that it isn´t allowed to have friends of opposite sex surprised me.

My question is: How somebody can choose a future husband or wife, if she/he isn´t allowed to parler with men/women more than it is necessary??

Firstly, a man and a wife are so differents beings, how can thay learn what they can expect from opposite sex if they cannot make friendships with? I mean, not so much a man, he is straight, but woman has various moods;-)

Also in the school, on civics a teacher told us, that firsts "platonic" loves are important for a human being, for social developpment...

What´s more, how can he/she find a future partner, how can he/she be sure, that she/he is the one, if they weren´t spending time together?
To make it clear, I don´t believe that everybody has only one THE one. You can fall in love with more men/women, but you decide by knowing him/her, if you will go on working on relationship...

Thank you very much for your answeres.

PS: pls, excuse me for my english, I ve stopped to practicing it, and it´s dumbing down

 

[Hard Rock Moslem]

Welcome to the forum sister. I managed some answer for you but let me upfront that my answer may not be convincing to you because of my own shortcomings.

Hi everybody,

I´m not a Muslim, but I´m really interested in and I would like to know more. I have read some discussions, and the fact that it isn´t allowed to have friends of opposite sex surprised me.

There is nothing to be surprised...Islam never stop to have friends, what is not allowed is mixing around freely. Is it allowed in any other religion anyway? Most religion teaches almost the same moral behaviour but the followers choose to ignore them. But Islam has been strict about it and necessary action can be imposed under the Islamic Shariah law. Today you can never avoid from talking to men especially at work or school/college. That's ok but the discussion should confine to work / education related matters and some matters of common concern. And the gal and guy should not seem to be privately somewhere.

My question is: How somebody can choose a future husband or wife, if she/he isn´t allowed to parler with men/women more than it is necessary??

Both are allowed to look at each other's face once before they are married. If either one dislike the other party, then he/she may decline the marriage proposal. There is no compulsion in Islamic marriage..

The Prophet (may peace and blessings be upon him) said:

Jaber reported that the Messenger of Allah said: when one of you seeks a woman in marriage and then if he is able to have a look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do. (Abu Daud)

Firstly, a man and a wife are so differents beings, how can thay learn what they can expect from opposite sex if they cannot make friendships with? I mean, not so much a man, he is straight, but woman has various moods;-)

On the other side, is love marriage guarantees the couple will live together happily forever? Islam promote prevention before something bad happen. Assuming a guy and gal allowed to make friends and decide about getting married later, who can guarantee the relationship will not get intimate? What will happen to the gal if the guy refuse to marry the gal after "they have lived together like legal husband and wife" and refuse to take responsibility? This may be acceptable in the western society but not for the people in the east.

Also in the school, on civics a teacher told us, that firsts "platonic" loves are important for a human being, for social developpment...

Again, nobody can assure this "platonic" loves will not turn into pre-marrital intimate loves going fwd. Falling in love with opposite sex maybe unavoidable, if this happen, the party concern must inform their respective parents. No other contacts allowed in the meantime.

What´s more, how can he/she find a future partner, how can he/she be sure, that she/he is the one, if they weren´t spending time together?
To make it clear, I don´t believe that everybody has only one THE one. You can fall in love with more men/women, but you decide by knowing him/her, if you will go on working on relationship...

That's right sister. But again not all love marriages were successful either. You may have heard, "marriages are made in heaven", so if you believe in God then why need to worry? There is no compulsion in marraige also, gal can always decline her parents proposed guy if she does not like him.

The best is to follow what your religion say, otherwise why one should called himself a Muslim, Christian, Hindu etc?

The Prophet (may peace and blessings be upon him) said:

Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet said: A grown up girl shall be asked permission about herself. If she is silent, it is her permission and if she declines there shall be no compulsion on her. (Tirmizi, Abu Daud, Nisai)

The above Prophet (may peace and blessings be upon him) saying give clear evidence that in Islam the gal allowed to choose her own future husband, likewise man choose his choice. But no pre-marrital relationship is allowed.

Indian used to say "tell hundred lies to marry a girl", when love is still hot the guy may lie to the woman and finally get his wished to marry her. Mid way through the marriage, suddenly they found themselves to be not happy and get divorced.

Thank you very much for your answeres.

PS: pls, excuse me for my english, I ve stopped to practicing it, and it´s dumbing down

No problem, I hope you understand my english. Pls accept my sincere apology if I said anything wrong.

 

[revert2007]

Hi everybody,

I´m not a Muslim, but I´m really interested in and I would like to know more. I have read some discussions, and the fact that it isn´t allowed to have friends of opposite sex surprised me.

My question is: How somebody can choose a future husband or wife, if she/he isn´t allowed to parler with men/women more than it is necessary??

Firstly, a man and a wife are so differents beings, how can thay learn what they can expect from opposite sex if they cannot make friendships with? I mean, not so much a man, he is straight, but woman has various moods;-)

Also in the school, on civics a teacher told us, that firsts "platonic" loves are important for a human being, for social developpment...

What´s more, how can he/she find a future partner, how can he/she be sure, that she/he is the one, if they weren´t spending time together?
To make it clear, I don´t believe that everybody has only one THE one. You can fall in love with more men/women, but you decide by knowing him/her, if you will go on working on relationship...

Thank you very much for your answeres.

PS: pls, excuse me for my english, I ve stopped to practicing it, and it´s dumbing down

as a muslim i must talk this thing according to religion..there is nothing wrong with love and even love is a beutiful feeling comes from Allah..all living creatures have love..

but in islam there is no such thing as "dating",talking on the phone,chatting and so on...because it makes u closer to zina..

if u have attraction on someone,quickly approach that person in a good way and get married...

it all depends on ur intention in ur heart...always fear Allah and do the right thing for the sake of Allah..if ur true to Him,He will be true to u...

just because some muslims couples are talking or discussing something,we cannot come to a conclusion that they are bad people..we cannot judge people and only Allah knows their intention..perhaps they are husband and wife..

well i am a revert and my husband and i only know for 4 days and on the 4th day he proposed me and within 32 days we got married..our intention is good coz we dont want to do any haram things and we dont hv anyone beside us to make the proposol and marriage.,..so we did by ourselves with Allah as the witness...

just because my hsuband proposed me without the presence of my mahram(he didnt propose face to face though) it doesnt mean we are bad people...if u could find good channel then proceed with the correct way..if u end up in my case..then always fear Allah and make sure ur very clear with ur intention which is to get married qucikly to avoid bad things...

islam is not complicated but the people make it complicated...so do not worry about not getting married coz even if ur sexy or whatever n u can attract men..it doesnt mean u can get married without Allah's will
everything happens with His will and u must make dua to Him