online love

Tamana

Junior Member
:salam2:
I have been researching about love relationship for a year now, and I still cant find the answer about online love, I found out information about normal love relationship where the boy and girl can have physical contact and are together. But this is different, I was in relationship with a guy online a year ago. we were in relationship for four months, then I broke up with him because I didn't want my parents to find out as I knew they would be upset for what I did.
it has been a year and I'm still not over him. I always think about him and I know this is wrong but I just cant stop thinking about him. But the weird thing is I dont know if it was lust or love. I am now 16, and many of my friends say it was lust as at this age teenagers desires are at its highest.
we live in two different countries, I have seen his picture but he hasn't seen mine, and never talked about anything sinful, you know the type of things most couple talk about.
so what I want to know is what Islam says about online love, in the Prophet's (SAW) time there was no such thing as internet therefore has online love been discussed in islam?
I need help with how to forget him because I really want to move on with my life but finding it hard to do so
moreover in Islam how do you know that you are really in love with someone? because the word love and lust confuses me a lot
should I do isthikara to ask Allah whether this guy is right for me?
jazakallah for your time, May Allah accept all your duaaz ameen :tti_sister:
additional info: this is guy in love with another girl at the moment, it was so easy for him to move on with his life but its so hard for me
 

Precious Star

Junior Member
Dear Tamana,

You developed a crush that was fueled by fantasy. As a result, you have a strong attachment to the idea of this boy whom you really don't know. Attachment is not love.

Even teenage crushes take a long time to get over. Eventually you will think of him less and less.

I hope this clarifies things for you.
 

Tamana

Junior Member
Dear Tamana,

You developed a crush that was fueled by fantasy. As a result, you have a strong attachment to the idea of this boy whom you really don't know. Attachment is not love.

Even teenage crushes take a long time to get over. Eventually you will think of him less and less.

I hope this clarifies things for you.

crush? but don't u have a crush on someone when u see them and think they r good looking? with this guy I didn't know how he looked, we met on a story/poetry website. I really liked his poetry (they were mainly love poems), and then I talked to him about his poems and eventually we started talking more until I confessed to him that I liked him.
jazkallah for ur reply, I really appreciate it
 

xAllahKnowsBestx

Junior Member
Assalamu alaykum sister. :)

I agree with PreciousStar's post. This was probably just a crush considering you only knew the person online.. I'd call it infatuation. You're also only 16, and stuff like this tends to happen. You'd get over it insha'Allaah, and stay away from online dating/free-mixing cuz it could be very dangerous you know..

Hope I helped. :hijabi:
 

a_stranger

Junior Member
:salam2::
Dear sister i advice you to be sincere in your prayers and concentrate in them more and more this with help you a lot , You can t know a man in this way ......this is not a safe way ........i am sure u will forget him and i pray that Allah will gather u with the suitable man .
 

Just a Guy

Reinventing Myself
:salam2:

I used to talk to a LOT of girls online back in my younger days. Some of it was just for fun, but some of it was because I actually liked the girl. I've had some good times, and some bad times.

The worst part about it now is that sometimes I start thinking about all those girls and what it would be like had things gone differently. I could be with one or more of them, or none of them (as I am now). Who knows, maybe I would be married, or divorced with a couple of kids to support. Or I could be still single and alone like I am now.

But that is a dangerous road to be on, believe me. "What if?" can be a terrible thing to live with, and a terrible question to answer sometimes.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Asalaam walaikum,

Aren't you guys glad the old lady is here!!

Precious Star is correct.

OK...here I go again..

In Islam we are told to be so very careful about playing with fire. When we play we get burnt.

In the world of feelings there is no need for the physical to arouse us. Why do you think we are warned not to watch television or listen to music. It takes us to places in our minds and hearts and we are left with feelings that confuse us.

At the tender age of 16 you are so alert and sensitive to being aroused. It is natural and normal. Do not blame yourself. ( were I young and sensitive).

How do you get over the gushy stuff: you do good deeds. You do not allow yourself to be put into a position where you feel the bad after-taste.

You did nothing wrong..just don't do it again.

You are a Muslim girl. Insha'Allah, you will have a life filled with joy. Concentrate on your studies. You are now a little wiser.....

Insha'Allah, when the time is right, Allah will grant you true love, Islamic love, with a pious and loving husband.


Post script: In the West we are given the example of what you are seeking. The classic tale of Cyrano de Bergerac. This explains to us what happens when there is no wali and a man woos a woman. She is unaware that her suitor, who lacks poise gets a friend to woo her under a balcony. She falls in love with the words of the suitor, the friend, and not the suitor. Words are powerful.
 

Perseveranze

Junior Member
This is kinda why there's emphasis on gender seperation ...

Imagine you grow to be of a marraigable age, and thoughts like this held you back =/
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
:wasalam:

you can use what maybe called negative psychology.

eg.

1. maybe he is ugly and the pic he showed you was his frnds.'

2. maybe he is ill mannered and hard to live a lifetime with him.

etc etc
 

kashif_nazeer

~~~Alhamdulillah~~~
:salam2:

I found this artice,I hope it will be benificient inshaAllah.Plus,yes we humans are weak so we can fall into sins but best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.Anyways here's the article ::

Getting over a broken heart
Step 1: Accepting Allah’s Qadr

This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner?

The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allah knows your compatibility, only Allah knows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allah knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is only Allah who knows. Have trust in Allah that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allah.

So firstly, make dua to Allah to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allah and His infinite wisdom.

“Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]

Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome

An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you.

Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself.

Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allah the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match.

Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere.

These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allah will put into your life at the right time insha Allah. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz).

The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don’t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time.

As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allah, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on.

Step 3: Be proactive

Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.

Step 4: Move on

In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allah has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds:

“If you depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.” [Tirmidhi]

Allah will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allah and His infinite wisdom.
Source: http://islamic-quotes.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-you-are-suffering-from-broken-heart.html

:wasalam:
 

ipanda

Junior Member
Of course you can have a crush on a guy online or offline. and he even can have a crush on you, tho he may not have seen your picture at all. Though I don't know what Quran says about online love, I do believe you can meet your soul mate and true love online.
 

Tamana

Junior Member
This is kinda why there's emphasis on gender seperation ...

Imagine you grow to be of a marraigable age, and thoughts like this held you back =/

You're right, and the weird thing is yesterday I was saying to myself 'marriage is for losers and so is love, I'm never going to fall in love again or marry anyone'
If I have started having these thoughts at this age Allah know what I will think when Im actually ready, the thought of it scares me
jazakllah for your reply
 

Tamana

Junior Member
:salam2:

I found this artice,I hope it will be benificient inshaAllah.Plus,yes we humans are weak so we can fall into sins but best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.Anyways here's the article ::



:wasalam:

Jazakllah so muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch I really don't know how to than you , this was really useful, I read it like three times, and alhamdulilah I haven't crossed the boundaries, like I said it was online therefore alhamdulillah there was no physical contact or anything like that and alahmdulillah he hasnt seen my pic
May Allah accept all your duaaz ameen:tti_sister:
 

Tamana

Junior Member
:salam2:

I found this artice,I hope it will be benificient inshaAllah.Plus,yes we humans are weak so we can fall into sins but best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.Anyways here's the article ::



:wasalam:

realised my mistake I was meat to say 'I really dont know to THANK you' :)
 

Tamana

Junior Member
realised my mistake I was meat to say 'I really dont know to THANK you' :)

Okay this is getting annoying now, I keep making spelling mistakes, (no one's perfect)
okay so this is what I was meant to say 'I really dont know how thank you'
 

Tamana

Junior Member
Assalamu alaykum sister. :)

I agree with PreciousStar's post. This was probably just a crush considering you only knew the person online.. I'd call it infatuation. You're also only 16, and stuff like this tends to happen. You'd get over it insha'Allaah, and stay away from online dating/free-mixing cuz it could be very dangerous you know..

Hope I helped. :hijabi:

I guess you're right, MAYBE it was a crush, yeh inshallah I will get over this guy
jazakallah so much for your reply, may Allah reward you
and thanx for teaching me a new word 'infatuation'
 

kashif_nazeer

~~~Alhamdulillah~~~
Okay this is getting annoying now, I keep making spelling mistakes, (no one's perfect)
okay so this is what I was meant to say 'I really dont know how thank you'

Wa iyyaki,wa Ameen to your duas and yours too.
Heh, it's ok sister,no worries.Just whenever you make a spelling mistake ,use the edit option to edit your post.

:wasalam:
 

Just a Guy

Reinventing Myself
You're right, and the weird thing is yesterday I was saying to myself 'marriage is for losers and so is love, I'm never going to fall in love again or marry anyone'
If I have started having these thoughts at this age Allah know what I will think when Im actually ready, the thought of it scares me
jazakllah for your reply

:salam2:

Sister, I am 35 and have never been in love, and probably never will be. I've resigned myself to the fact that I may be single for the rest of my life, and I'm becoming OK with that.
 

queenislam

★★★I LOVE ALLAH★★★
Many Online Relationship Are Mostly Fake.

:salam2:
I have been researching about love relationship for a year now, and I still cant find the answer about online love, I found out information about normal love relationship where the boy and girl can have physical contact and are together. But this is different, I was in relationship with a guy online a year ago. we were in relationship for four months, then I broke up with him because I didn't want my parents to find out as I knew they would be upset for what I did.
it has been a year and I'm still not over him. I always think about him and I know this is wrong but I just cant stop thinking about him. But the weird thing is I dont know if it was lust or love. I am now 16, and many of my friends say it was lust as at this age teenagers desires are at its highest.
we live in two different countries, I have seen his picture but he hasn't seen mine, and never talked about anything sinful, you know the type of things most couple talk about.
so what I want to know is what Islam says about online love, in the Prophet's (SAW) time there was no such thing as internet therefore has online love been discussed in islam?
I need help with how to forget him because I really want to move on with my life but finding it hard to do so
moreover in Islam how do you know that you are really in love with someone? because the word love and lust confuses me a lot
should I do isthikara to ask Allah whether this guy is right for me?
jazakallah for your time, May Allah accept all your duaaz ameen :tti_sister:
additional info: this is guy in love with another girl at the moment, it was so easy for him to move on with his life but its so hard for me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:wasalam:

:salam2:

My dearest sister,
Out of the 100% of online relationship many and mostly are
FAKE!
FAKE!
FAKE!
And at this moment in addition this guy is in love with another girl leaving
you broken hearted by yourself???
Wake up sister
He's a fake!
He is sooo fake!

You got to
Move on !
Stop wasting your time getting involve in such relationship.
Don't waste too much time on computer if it just getting surfing on social
Be stern ,spend only some time on it
then stop,
and look around you ,
you should be spending more of your spare time,
with your loved ones
which is your family members.

That loves you dearly and not fake!
:SMILY252::SMILY252::SMILY252:
~May Allah swt help and guide you~Amin!

Thank you,
Take care!
~Wassalam :)

 

hijabi_sis

Junior Member
Walykumusalaam warahamtulah wabarakatuhu aukhti

Please do not hold on to something which is of no benefit to you, I just think you are infatuated by this brother, and InshAllah i pray that Allah makes you strong so that you can move on, because this brother certainly has....

InshAllah sister just put your trust in Allah, when the time is right Allah will bless you with a suitable spouse if marriage is decreed for you..... In the mean time learn to recognise Allah, and attach your heart with Him rather than His creation....

a friend of mine forwarded me this dua by text once, and I really think it will benefit you sister:

"Allah please take my heart so that no one can break it, and when you have seen I have fully grown, then give it to the man who seeks You to find me. I am not alone, I am not alone, Allah is with me I am not alone. Stay with me Oh Allah, and don't ever leave me Ya Ilahy " Ameen....

Hope you find my words comforting bi'ithnillah.
 
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