Sister that doesn't want to wear hijab

[Laura]

I wonder if anyone can help me?
I'm an english revert (as those that have held me prattle on before will know) and I'm having problems with the concept of covering........
I've always lived where I do and was previously a christian. I've got a lovely family and I have always been bought up with good morals (by my standards). I don't dress in excessively short skirts, or walk round with low cut reveal tops (designed to expose your chest as much as possible.)

However I'm quite used to wandering around shorts and t-shirts and where I live legs and arms aren't considered awrah........... the number of 'looks' women get from men are extremely rare.

Now I know thats not the case in Islam......people have been very kind in gently trying to explain to me the whys and whats....... and have said that don't worry with time I'll feel more happy about it.

The problem is that the more I try to accept the less I like it. I feel that by covering I am making something not particularly interesting into something highly sexual. I have ams and legs in the same fashion as men so why are mine considered awrah (sexual organs, so I've been told) when the mans are not.

Various people have said that the abaya is a must and that I should consider wearing one, which I do when visiting family in egypt. But a lot of the time its just not practical.....like when you are trying to keep fit at the gym, or when youre cutting the grass etc etc.... Also the few times I have worn the hijab outside I just sit and burn up with annoyance and anger...because no matter how hard I try I just don't personally feel comfortable with wearing one and I don't feel I ever will.

I last time I aired my thougts to someone they just told me I was selfish and just didn't want to do what the koran instructed me to do.... please, no replies like that cos that doesn't help much!

Where I live there are virtually no muslims probably the only other muslim in my area is my husband!
I'm desperate to be a good muslim and any helpful comments/ suggestions would be really helpful!

 

[Rosheen]

Hi there...

I too am a revert and have yet to take to the hijab. I totally understand how you feel....we have lived our lives dressing as westerners, and it is hard to suddenly change everything.

My difficulty is the heat...but as another revert advised me the hijab is very light and its more thinking about it that annoys us (as 'oh i am wearing hijab and therefore i am more hot than usual'). Inshallah I will wear hijab full time after ramadan. I am going to take my first ramadan as a starting point and keep it on afterwars.

My choice is to take baby steps....I have always been modest in dress so its fair enough. Now I am trying to buy things with long sleeves...when i lose a little weight I want to try long skirts (they hang funny at this weight)

I might never wear an abaya, but as long as you are covered then i don't see the big deal.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam sister,

I converted last year and find myself constantly struggling to submit to Allah's command. This is normal and to be expected...shaytaan loves to find any niche in our armor to squeeze into.

With that said I completely relate to the heat thing. I am living in the Caribbean and the temps have climbed to the 90-100s lately, whew! The first semester I began covering and didn't have the right fabrics, my long sleeved shirts were heavy and designed for winter. The ACs broke down at school and I would sweat profusely during lecture. Whenever I became frustrated I remembered that Shaytaan was most likely up to trouble and trying to give me any excuse to remove my hijab. Thanks to Allah SWT I was able to keep it on.

Don't be so hard on yourself, like the previous sister said, baby steps. We all have our own jihads and this one is likely to be yours. As far as the abayas go....anything that doesn't fit tightly and show your shape is hijab. I wear very loose jeans and loose kameez/kurta tops. My hijabs and shirts are made of 100% cotton and light weight. This last detail has helped immensely in dealing with the heat.

Dear sister, you are a prescious jewel and your body is a wonderful and magnificent creation. The female body was made much more attractive than the male and that includes the shapes of our arms and legs. Some non-Muslim friends of mine were agreeing with me last night while we talked about this very subject. Men are basically attracted to every part of a woman...it's their nature.

We are here to cheer you on as you fight this jihad, and I myself offer of dua so that Allah SWT will mkae your way easier, Inshallah.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[38khadj]

:salam2: sister
Dont worry too much take one step at a time. I know some people wont totally agree, but Allah made each and everyone of us different.
You are making intention and Allah knows this so keep trying to move forward sometimes we hit a stand still and we might take a few steps backwards as well this is all part of learning to appreciate what Allah gives us too - in my view.
Yes the Quran tells us to wear it and Inshallah you will, but there has to be the intention of doing it sincerly for Allah and not to just be accepted as a muslim or because the people tell you too.
We have naffs (desires) which we have to fight most of the time, sometimes it will be easy and sometimes not.
Islam is not hard its us that make it hard. We are quick to say do this do that but not quick enough to practice it ourselves or do it sincerly.
One step at a time sister dont run walk and appreciate it and you will then love it and it will come easier for you.
There are many things to learn and Inshallah we will be learning all our lives with Allahs guidance Inshallah.

I am a revert of about 7 years and I wear niqab and abya Allhamdolilla.
I started to wear my hijab after about one year just now and again to go out in as I got more understanding and then after 2 years hijab abya and niqab, which like you say firstly i got soooo frustrated with because I was hot ect, but I did contiue to wear now it is easy because Allah made it easy. I was not forced and did it soley to please Allah and now it is normal Allhamdolilla.
My sincere advise is do it soley for Allah not anybody else and Inshallah in time once you get the understanding Inshallah it will become easier for you sister.

I really hope I havent upset anyone we are all different and have different opinions Inshallah we all will be guided onto the Quran and Sunnah Inshallah.
:tti_sister:

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

:salam2:

Firstly, alhamdulillah you are muslim, and alhamdulillah you are worried about the whole hijab issue, id be more worried if you weren't worried.

You know the rules, but its really tough I know.
YOu see shaytaan works on us at our weak points, although I have never found hijab an issue, establishing regular salat has alwyas been soooooooooo tough for me.
This is just where shaytann is bugging you big time.

If you are worried about people looking and feel really uncomfortable wearing it, think about those poeple who are scared of spiders, if you really look you will see spiders everywhere.

Look, yes try your best. At the end of the day hijab will please Allah, no one else. It is not up to your hubby, best friend or anyone to make you wear it, you wear it because you love Allah. Its like saying I am muslim and I LOVE Allah out loud and proud.

Do it slow, most of us started with jeans and a the smallest scarf and then slowly changed. I did, it took time. Do whats comfortable but dont go backwards.
Inshallah you will feel liberated by hijab and your soul will feel free when you wear it. KNow that you are pleasing Allah. Thats what keeps me going.

Take care sis and be strong, look on the positive and make sure you are trying a little each day and progressing on the stuff you need to improve on.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

The sisters are right. It is step by step. It is common sense. The intention of the heart is what matters. Slowly. And one day you will look back and smile. Trust me..been there done that...and keep writing to us..we will support us after all you are our sister.

 

[Ummzaina]

:salam2:

I would like to say that it is wonderful to hear reverts considering hijab/niqab at such an early stage (alhamdlillah), I am :shymuslima1: ashamed to say that me being born into a muslim family and community,being brought up as a muslim it took me until age 20 and the birth of my daughter to realise Allahs commands regarding hijab.
I dont blame my parents or anyone else for my lack of understanding of the hijab issue,but I appreciate it more because I understood it before I started wearing it.I love wearing the hijab although it hasnt got to the Abaya stage yet, I am moving towards it Insha Allah.
May Allah grant you wisdom and guide you on the right path towards Jannah.

 

[jabba]

I wonder if anyone can help me?
I'm an english revert (as those that have held me prattle on before will know) and I'm having problems with the concept of covering........
I've always lived where I do and was previously a christian. I've got a lovely family and I have always been bought up with good morals (by my standards). I don't dress in excessively short skirts, or walk round with low cut reveal tops (designed to expose your chest as much as possible.)

However I'm quite used to wandering around shorts and t-shirts and where I live legs and arms aren't considered awrah........... the number of 'looks' women get from men are extremely rare.

Now I know thats not the case in Islam......people have been very kind in gently trying to explain to me the whys and whats....... and have said that don't worry with time I'll feel more happy about it.

The problem is that the more I try to accept the less I like it. I feel that by covering I am making something not particularly interesting into something highly sexual. I have ams and legs in the same fashion as men so why are mine considered awrah (sexual organs, so I've been told) when the mans are not.

Various people have said that the abaya is a must and that I should consider wearing one, which I do when visiting family in egypt. But a lot of the time its just not practical.....like when you are trying to keep fit at the gym, or when youre cutting the grass etc etc.... Also the few times I have worn the hijab outside I just sit and burn up with annoyance and anger...because no matter how hard I try I just don't personally feel comfortable with wearing one and I don't feel I ever will.

I last time I aired my thougts to someone they just told me I was selfish and just didn't want to do what the koran instructed me to do.... please, no replies like that cos that doesn't help much!

Where I live there are virtually no muslims probably the only other muslim in my area is my husband!
I'm desperate to be a good muslim and any helpful comments/ suggestions would be really helpful!

Salam Alaikum

I;ve been Muslim for almost 2 years and unfortunately I don't wear my hijab yet either....It's funny when you meet people online the first question to be asked is do you wear hijab. The most important questions should be do you fast?, do you pray salat? do you read quran? ect
Sister just know there are always going to be people who judge, thats just life. But also know the only one who has the right to judge you is Allah (SWT). Start off slowly sis, us converts can't do everything all in one day. I know the summers are hot but try wearing long pants, it's easy to find pants with thin material at any mall. then move on to covering other areas at you own pace. Remember you are covering for Allah (SWT) not for the people you live around.

As well some may disagree with me, but have you ever talk to your husband about moving to another area? I know that since you've lived there all your life it can be even more difficult to make these changes. Sometimes it makes things easier to have a fresh start

P.S sister how long have you been Muslim for ?
fiaminAllah

 

[Alana]

I just reverted last month (alhamdullilah) and I'm struggling with the same issues that many of the lovely sisters have already commented on. I want to thank everyone for their supportive comments. It's very nice to know that I'm not alone in this struggle.
The biggest difficulty I have is living in a community where Muslims are very rare. I guess I am uncomfortable with the idea of drawing so much attention to myself; although, I know I should be doing it solely out of love for Allah. Inshallah I will gain some more confidence and make some baby steps along the way!

 

[Kayote]

:salam2:

Masha'Allah everyones answered well.

I would just like to shed some light on the 'the number of 'looks' women get from men are extremely rare'.

We men (especially in the west) are so used to 'checking' out ladies that its second nature to us. What you women donot hear are the talks men have on about the opposite sex.

I donot think its wise to go into detail but to me, its totally rational thing that in Islam, men should keep distance from non-mahrem women... much to our dissatisfaction.

 

[hqudrat]

:salam2:
our sisters has said it all may Allah SWT make it easy for you to wear and to practice ur deen ameen.from my own experience, i took it off twice before i now wear it fully alihamdulillah.it is a gradual process in no time you will be used to it insha Allah.May Allah strengthen each and everyone of us in emaan ameen.



:tti_sister:

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Assalamu alaykum,

:jumpclap: -Bravo to all the sister who response and you all gave good advices. One advice i would give you would be if you real feel hot in the hijab then wear the little hijab that cover your head and upper body but wear other clothes that are not tight on your body(long sleeve shirts & skirts). Good Luck!

 

[kayleigh]

Take it slowly and one step at a time. You don't have to revert and then put on an abaya and niqab the next day! Actually, you don't have to wear niqab or abaya if you don't want to, period (they're not absolutely required).

It's important to remember that this isn't an all or nothing thing. Don't think that just because you can't wear hijab and lose, long clothes now that there's no point in even trying. Do as much as you can now, then go from there

The first step is to understand why, which it seems like you're trying to do.

I, personally, wasn't able to start to cover completely for quite awhile and to a lot of people I still don't do it properly - I don't wear hijab, and I do wear jeans (though they are loose). When I first reverted and even now, there wasn't a lot of money to go out and buy a whole new, Islamic wardrobe. So I worked with and still work with what I can. I'm not using age or location as an excuse, but I find it easiest in the West, and at my age, to wear long sleeved shirts under my t-shirts or just wear long-sleeved shirts to begin with - ones that are lengthy as well (not just the arms), and wear wide-legged pants, loose jeans, or long skirts. Actually, long skirts and loose shirts made of light weight fabric keep me pretty cool in the summer. I find them to be cooler than jeans, actually, and now that I've gotten used to long skirts, I kind of dread ever having to wear jeans lol. They're just so uncomfortable!

 

[Aliyah206]

May Allah guide you to the right Path!

:salam2: sis
i wonder why is it that u want to hear our opinions when ALLAH's Ayah(verses) and of all the hadiths were already revealed to you......
the Quraan and hadiths should be enough quidance sistah..stop seeking what we think is right..becuse u got more facts from your almighty Lord then we can offer...And i believe you can manage it from there on.! inshallah..
may ALlah guide you to the truth and make increase you in emaan and Ihsaan.:tti_sister: .good luck sis!

 

[DOC_BRO]

Asalam O Alaikum, Sister

(i dont know if i am allowed to post here or not, if not then sorry)

Its nice to hear your concerns Alhumdolilah. But as being a man i would let u know one thing which is very wrongly taken by men themselves even practicing muslim mens too. As u said the following...
"I have ams and legs in the same fashion as men so why are mine considered awrah (sexual organs, so I've been told) when the mans are not.
....like when you are trying to keep fit at the gym, or when youre cutting the grass etc etc.... "

What it think of above is u might mean that men can wear shorts and vest or half sleeve t-shirts or short clothes etc... but let me tell u sister showing parts of body is also not allowed in muslim men i cant wear a short or a sleeveless tshirt which shows arm or clother which are tight i.e tight jeans or shirt etc because as women we men also need to gaurd ourselves. I knw u might have seen lot of muslim wearing such clothes while their wifes are cover from head to toe , i really get frustrated on them. I had one incidence while in the mall i saw this muslim couple the sister was wearing abaya and hijab all perfect muslim attire but the brother was wearing a lousy t-shirt and short and his leg and arms were visible (it was hot summer day in chicago then) but this is no way i wanted to walk to him and tell him but my wife stopped me.Like wise one of my friend he is from egypt also and we were praying dohar and he was wearing short and he went for the imamt as we were 3 but i told him i can pray behind u as ur not wearing proper clothes he said it ok my shorts fall a bit below my knees but we told him when u go for sujud they will pull up and we went on an argue .... so what my point is here that if u have this thought in mind that men are free to wear anything they want its totally untrue. Islam does justice to all so there are rules for men and women both.
This was just my thought so i wanted to share, may be u already know abt what i said. But seek guidance from Allah ask him to show u the right path and strengthen ur imaan InshaAllah he will remove all the concerns in ur heart and u will never feel anything uncomfortable whether its abouth wearing hijab jilbab or any other concerns which stop u in doing the right thing in Islam. AAMEEN
And we will pray for all our brothers and sisters to give then strength to fight against our nafs.
Ma'salam

 

[jabba]

:salam2: sis
i wonder why is it that u want to hear our opinions when ALLAH's Ayah(verses) and of all the hadiths were already revealed to you......
the Quraan and hadiths should be enough quidance sistah..stop seeking what we think is right..becuse u got more facts from your almighty Lord then we can offer...And i believe you can manage it from there on.! inshallah..
may ALlah guide you to the truth and make increase you in emaan and Ihsaan.:tti_sister: .good luck sis!

Salam Alikum

First of all the response you put with the title lazy was very rude and inconsiderate of you. Secondly This sister is Muslim, she knows what the quran commands, thats why she's asking for advice about her current decission. And lastly do you think giving this kind of attitude will help her put on her hijab??!! It sure wouldn't help me

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,


Sisters. We call each other sisters to encourage each other. By asking each other and assisting each other we become stronger in our indivdual faith and thereby our ummath becomes stronger.

To my little sister in Seattle, you have very strong faith. I read all your posts. I think you are a wonderul young lady. However, you are young. When a person gets older we become less strict. That is a fact of life. Don't stop reading just yet.
We are social beings and in Islam we are encouraged to talk to each other first. When something is new it becomes harder as you get older. Besides, we women love to talk about anything and everything. So sister, chill. We love you. I know that you ride a bus to school. I think you are a very intelligent young woman and I admire your devotion. I hope you understand the intent of this.

 

[Ummzaina]

Take it slowly and one step at a time. You don't have to revert and then put on an abaya and niqab the next day! Actually, you don't have to wear niqab or abaya if you don't want to, period (they're not absolutely required).

It's important to remember that this isn't an all or nothing thing. Don't think that just because you can't wear hijab and lose, long clothes now that there's no point in even trying. Do as much as you can now, then go from there

The first step is to understand why, which it seems like you're trying to do.

I, personally, wasn't able to start to cover completely for quite awhile and to a lot of people I still don't do it properly - I don't wear hijab, and I do wear jeans (though they are loose). When I first reverted and even now, there wasn't a lot of money to go out and buy a whole new, Islamic wardrobe. So I worked with and still work with what I can. I'm not using age or location as an excuse, but I find it easiest in the West, and at my age, to wear long sleeved shirts under my t-shirts or just wear long-sleeved shirts to begin with - ones that are lengthy as well (not just the arms), and wear wide-legged pants, loose jeans, or long skirts. Actually, long skirts and loose shirts made of light weight fabric keep me pretty cool in the summer. I find them to be cooler than jeans, actually, and now that I've gotten used to long skirts, I kind of dread ever having to wear jeans lol. They're just so uncomfortable!

:salam2:

About keeping cool...
I would like to add that living in a hot humid country I used to think that the hijab would make it more difficult when it gets hot and sweaty, but I have found out that the hijab actually absorbs most of the sweat and it is even easier to wear it while doing housework as I do not have to worry about sweat falling into my my eyes every other minute hijabi: ).

I do agree with kayleigh on the issue of recommending skirts as it does not restrict as much as jeans does on hot humid days and flared loose pants are cooling too more than tight shorts/pants/jeans.
And it is a good idea to watch the the Netherland sisters video for inspiration on hijab issues as I believe they are in a similar situation as many reverts and they may give you courage to step ahead as a new muslimah. And one of them recommends wearing the abaya with short sleeves underneath and pinning the abaya as sleeves which I personally think is a very good idea!!!

 

[umm hussain]

Asalam O Alaikum, Sister

(i dont know if i am allowed to post here or not, if not then sorry)

Its nice to hear your concerns Alhumdolilah. But as being a man i would let u know one thing which is very wrongly taken by men themselves even practicing muslim mens too. As u said the following...
"I have ams and legs in the same fashion as men so why are mine considered awrah (sexual organs, so I've been told) when the mans are not.
....like when you are trying to keep fit at the gym, or when youre cutting the grass etc etc.... "

What it think of above is u might mean that men can wear shorts and vest or half sleeve t-shirts or short clothes etc... but let me tell u sister showing parts of body is also not allowed in muslim men i cant wear a short or a sleeveless tshirt which shows arm or clother which are tight i.e tight jeans or shirt etc because as women we men also need to gaurd ourselves.

Asalam alaikum warahmatullah

Men are allowed to show their arms because it is not considered awrah. The awrah of a man is from the naval to the knee so yes a man can walk around in short sleeved t-shirts or even vests or actually even topless if he wanted to as long as the naval and knee is covered even if the wife is complete with hijab and Niqab because Islam says so. Rather look at a man to see if he has a beard or if his trousers are above the ankle because this is how Muslim men should be dressed like. Beard for men is Fard(compulsory) just like hijab for women is.

When talking about hijab I think Quran and Hadith is enough and we should either accept it or not rather than looking for an alternative to suit our desires. For the sister who wants to wait till ramadan, how do you know you will be alive then? We cannot even guarantee if we will be alive in the next few seconds let alone months.

let us fear Allah and submit whole heartedly. Islam is not meant to be all 'lovey-dovey', easy going. It is full of sacrifice and tests to show our full submission to the creator and not submission to the will of man and let us not use our very limited knowledge to try and dissect what makes sense or what does not. Yes men have arms and women have arms but Allah and his messenger have said a womans' arms are awrah who are we to think otherwise.

Of course it wont help to be told the truth that we disagree with but it is comforting to be told far from the truth that we agree with. It is up to you to either submit or not. Islam is a complete way of life and we should submit whole heartedly. When we take shahada we have to understand what it means and how to apply it.

You say you wear it when you visit family in Egypt? Is it a lot easier to do things for family rather than our creator. From what you say your husband does not seem to mind you walking around without hijab a husband should be protective and jealous over his wife and there is hadith that says something like a man who is not jealous over his wife will not enter paradise. I have posted it before but I am a bit busy at the moment and cant look for it I suggest you two need to review everything about Islam and practise as best as you can.

Depending on which gym you go to you should be able to wear tracksuit or even shorts and t-shirt as long as there are women only and there are quite a few of these places around if you look for them and there are indoor sporting events for sisters organised by sisters. If you do cut grass maybe some loose fitting skirt would do with hijab if your garden is over looked, not something you would trip over and get caught in the mower. We must not try and make Islam seem impractical we just try to be impossible sometimes I think and give examples of some things we do not even do anyway.

There are loads of differnt hijabs and jilbabs cool ones for summer and warmer ones for winter. If you choose the right ones there should not be much of a problem. Jeans in my opinion are a lot hotter than summer jilbabs.

If these western women clothes are cooler why do they still sweat like crazy and some turning red in the heat while I am nice and cool and in most cases not visibly sweating despite my dress. I had a non muslim workmate who was going to buy a jilbab because she felt they were a lot cooler in summer after i showed her one of my summer ones.

Awrah does not equal sexual organs because if it did it means we will be showing our sexual organs to other women because in women only gatherings or with mahrams we can show our arms can this be equalled to taking off panties and sitting in front of other women or brothers or dad for example? I don't think so but rather these are just parts that need to be covered according to the commands we have been given and an Arabic speaking person would best describe what awrah really means.

Excuse me if i might seem harsh but i am just trying to point out facts and of course it might seem harsh if this is not what we want to hear.

By abandoning hijab we are also openly sinning and disobeying our Creator which we should all avoid doing that as Allah will hide the sins of some people on the day of Resurrection because their sins were hidden from others, we all have weaknesses which in some cases may be major sins but we should not go around advertising them to people

Allah knows best

 

[masihuddin]

Sisters Let me first greet you in the Islamic fashion Assalam u alaikum peace be on you Please seek Allah s guidance in all aspects of your lives You will not go stray as long as you have taqwa - Allah consiousness The Quran says that the best dress is taqwa As long as you do not show those parts of your body which can sexually excite men you are ok For this purpose Allah {S.W.T]has ordained loose dressing for women which cover their breasts The face ,hands and feet need not be covered