Do you have a Curfew?

[TheHumbleWun]

Asalaamalikum,

My sister (who's older) and I argue sometimes when I come home late. I tell her that I am just hanging out with some brothers and I am not doing anything haram. We usually go to a cafe, sit around talk about marriage, work, Islam, and other personal things.

Out of respect for my family, I usually try to come home early. I tell my sister that it's not good for women to come home late, even if they are with their girl friends. I tell her it's different.

Do you think I'm being sexist, bias, or unfair? Or am I correct? Like to hear some views on this subject matter and if any of you brothers/sisters have curfews.

 

[jabba]

I tell my sister that it's not good for women to come home late, even if they are with their girl friends. I tell her it's different.

Do you think I'm being sexist, bias, or unfair? Or am I correct? Like to hear some views on this subject matter and if any of you brothers/sisters have curfews.

Salam
Well first of all where do you get the idea that women can't stay out as late as men? You guys are doing the same general things when you go out, so why should she come home earlier?
This has nothing to do with Islam first of all, it's either a cultural thing or your a protective younger brother.....or maybe you're being sexist only you can answer that
wa salam

 

[abdellah007]

salam

Salam
Well first of all where do you get the idea that women can't stay out as late as men? You guys are doing the same general things when you go out, so why should she come home earlier?
This has nothing to do with Islam first of all, it's either a cultural thing or your a protective younger brother.....or maybe you're being sexist only you can answer that
wa salam

salam alaykum

i think ur wrong sister. no it s not the same when woman come late home. if yes so with safety conditions..

why dont we find women working as guards in parkings and public areas like men.

remember there re evils outside that could hurt sisters and abuse them.

wassalam

 

[jabba]

salam alaykum

i think ur wrong sister. no it s not the same when woman come late home. if yes so with safety conditions..

why dont we find women working as guards in parkings and public areas like men.

remember there re evils outside that could hurt sisters and abuse them.

wassalam

there are women security guards, there are women police there are women who work in jails.....brother you can think I'm wrong all you like. Let me just say this attitude is not Islamic you have yet to give me proof that it is. Men get attacted just as much as woman, as sad as it is. Racially motivated violence and gang violence is usually targeted towards men.

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Salam
Well first of all where do you get the idea that women can't stay out as late as men? You guys are doing the same general things when you go out, so why should she come home earlier?
This has nothing to do with Islam first of all, it's either a cultural thing or your a protective younger brother.....or maybe you're being sexist only you can answer that
wa salam

Asalaamalikum,

I am protective of my sister. I think most Muslim brothers tend to be protective of their sisters, it's part of our nature

BTW, my sister is 26 and I am 25

 

[abdellah007]

salam

there are women security guards, there are women police there are women who work in jails.....brother you can think I'm wrong all you like. Let me just say this attitude is not Islamic you have yet to give me proof that it is. Men get attacted just as much as woman, as sad as it is. Racially motivated violence and gang violence is usually targeted towards men.

thanks sister,
i hope u wudnt misunderstand what am saying. yes i know that women could work as security guard,police, and also working in jails. well but i am not sure there is a woman who just work alone as a guard in such empty areas. i think u understand me. it s up also to places. canada is not morocco ,egypt ,india,sudan ,nigeria.....

i think u get the point.

 

[38khadj]

:salam2:
I dont think you are wrong to want your sister to in early.
I have a daughter and when she grows older wont be aloud to go and chill with her mates on a night nooooo wayyyy.Islamically it is not good.

Out of the Sunnats book
If out of neccessity a female has to ventue out of the house then she should walk on the side and not in the middle of any street or pathway

This sugests that females shouldnt be going out only when neccesary.

:tti_sister:

 

[jabba]

there is nothing wrong with women staying out as late as men in Islam as no one has given me PROOF to think otherwise......

 

[najbc]

Assalamu alaykum,

Do you think I'm being sexist, bias, or unfair? Or am I correct? Like to hear some views on this subject matter and if any of you brothers/sisters have curfews.[/QUOTE]

I do not know if you are sexist but you are been unfair. I agree with the sister that say it is culture thing or perspective. Curfew is about trust, do you trust your kids, sisters, brothers any enough to not given them curfew. I do not have curfew, anyway, I do not like going anywhere in night. But if I decide I would like to hang out with my friends and come home late, parents are ok with. Because they trust me. It is about trusting, and I think you should trust your sister and she should trust you. When parents or big sisters or brothers give curfew, it is good and safe, but it is more about trust the kids. trust girls and boys the same. what is up with, women can not stay out long . sometimes, brothers are so unfair to their sisters.

 

[Oem Soufiane]

I think you are absolutely right that a woman should not be outdoors late, but it is hypocritical to do it yourself, unless you spend your time in the mosque or at a brothers place. It is for both men and women better not to hang around for nothing.

I have two young sons, andt when they get older I wouldn't want them to hang in a cafe or somewhere else for nothing, that goes for every muslim.

I think it is very wrong to let your son go and hold your daughter at home for the parents among us, then you can better keep them both at home, maybe the daughter will feel sad about it and want to leave islam because of it, and the son will feel free to do anything and get into temptations wich are very prominent in our kafirsocieties. This is just the thing that creates fitnah.:astag:

 

[TheHumbleWun]

I think you are absolutely right that a woman should not be outdoors late, but it is hypocritical to do it yourself, unless you spend your time in the mosque or at a brothers place. It is for both men and women better not to hang around for nothing.

I have two young sons, andt when they get older I wouldn't want them to hang in a cafe or somewhere else for nothing, that goes for every muslim.

I think it is very wrong to let your son go and hold your daughter at home for the parents among us, then you can better keep them both at home, maybe the daughter will feel sad about it and want to leave islam because of it, and the son will feel free to do anything and get into temptations wich are very prominent in our kafirsocieties. This is just the thing that creates fitnah.:astag:

Asalaamalikum,

Jazakallah for the advice. Maybe I am being hypocritical. I should try to lead by example so inshallah she will follow. I guess the reason I don't want her to go out late is because I want her to stay innocent. I also look at it like this, I believe most good/pious brothers don't want to marry a sister that goes out alot or stays out late. I really don't know if this is a cultural thing in me, but, I think I need to change myself first.

 

[kayleigh]

Yes, I think it's sexist and unfair. Now, if you lived in an extremely dangerous area where there were, for example, a lot of rapes going on, then I could understand you wanting your sister in before dark. But if that's not the case and you live in a fairly safe area, then it's unfair.

Personally, my curfew varies. Now I don't really have one, but I try to be in by around midnight just so I don't disturb my parents too much.

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Yes, I think it's sexist and unfair. Now, if you lived in an extremely dangerous area where there were, for example, a lot of rapes going on, then I could understand you wanting your sister in before dark. But if that's not the case and you live in a fairly safe area, then it's unfair.

Personally, my curfew varies. Now I don't really have one, but I try to be in by around midnight just so I don't disturb my parents too much.

Asalaamalikum sister,

It does make a difference if you have a brother. Just curious, do you have a brother? Does he (or maybe your dad) say anything to you when you come home late?

 

[MubarekMuslimah]

Assalaamualaikum

I have been told that ALL muslims, male or female, should refrain from going out after Maghrib prayer unless absolutely necessary. This is because of jinn aand the temptations and dangers of kaafir society - whereby most haraam things go on in the evenings/night and most crime happens at night.

So I think neither of you should go out unless you are going to be in a halal environment - like another muslim's house or the mosque.

I will try and post the evidence insha'allah

Salaams

 

[Oem Soufiane]

Asalaamalikum,

Jazakallah for the advice. Maybe I am being hypocritical. I should try to lead by example so inshallah she will follow. I guess the reason I don't want her to go out late is because I want her to stay innocent. I also look at it like this, I believe most good/pious brothers don't want to marry a sister that goes out alot or stays out late. I really don't know if this is a cultural thing in me, but, I think I need to change myself first.

It is a mashallah good sign that you have these feelings, it is not cultural, it is called ghairah, and the man who doesn't have ghairah for his wife, daughters or familymembers, won't even smell the sent of paradise.

It is just that you can't forbid something you don't do for youorself.

 

[kayleigh]

Asalaamalikum sister,

It does make a difference if you have a brother. Just curious, do you have a brother? Does he (or maybe your dad) say anything to you when you come home late?

No, I have no brother and my dad doesn't say anything. And if I had an older brother, I wouldn't necessarily listen to him. Rules would come from my parents, not from siblings.

The point is that it wouldn't be unfair if you didn't do it yourself. If you can go out at night there's no reason your sister can't unless she's just really young or, like I said before, you lived in a bad section of town.

 

[falasteny]

salam all
i dont know what happened but i think a lot of men start wearing skirts instead of pants so every body is outside the house late and the father or husband is the last one who knows so i hope god will help us at this time that we live in and i hope the man will return to be a man again

 

[alkathiri]

Assalamualaikum
Akhi HumbleWun.I hope my message find u and your sister well.

Actually akhi, u can be a good example for your sister . Come home early and inshAllah she will do likewise even though u are younger....I am happy that u are worried abt your sister well being ...a good example for brothers to follow

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

If a girl stays out late and she is alone..it is simply unsafe...that is common sense.
Can you tell a girl that no.
I am not a scholar but it is not wise to be open to all experiences in life..we are told to lower our gaze. Tempatation is part of our nature.

Can men stay out later yes. why because they are men. It is that simple. Men have a need to be more socially active than women. Men want to come home to a wife and family. That is just a fact of life.

We need to clear about this discussion. Career choices is the topic of another thread.

Once again, it is an individual choice for an adult. For children, common sense tells us to use common sense.

It is unwise to engage in discussions of sexism in Islam. If we have decided to accept Islam we have decided to abide by the dictates of Islam. It is redundant to try and change that which is perfect.

I know I sound preachy. I am not attempting to upset anyone..we just so many more important issues to concentrate on.

 

[kayleigh]

Can men stay out later yes. why because they are men. It is that simple. Men have a need to be more socially active than women. Men want to come home to a wife and family. That is just a fact of life.

With all due respect, sister, that's a big generalization, not a fact of life, and needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis. Perhaps it even varies by culture. Almost all the women I know are much, much more social and feel the need to be social than men. I know many guys who aren't that social and don't feel the need to be, and many women who love to be around people, and vice versa.

For example, at my parents' church, the women stand around and talk for a long time - hours, if they could. But the men say a few words then kind of wander off by themselves or tire of conversation quickly and have to drag their wives home! When I look at all the parents of my close friends, their mothers are out with their girlfriends or trying to have company over while their fathers just go to work and come home and don't make too much effort to do anything else.

They don't need to be more socially active than women. Perhaps they can stay out later because physically, they're more likely to be able to defend themselves if anything should happen, but that's just about the only reason I can think of - safety. Criminals usually target weak people, and women are seen as being the weaker sex, so they are usually targeted more often. So yes, sadly, it is safer for a man to be out late than a woman.

If you don't want conflict with your sister and don't want her to think it's unfair, then the solution is simple: if you do the same (come home early) then she won't resist the rule quite so much, if at all.