Am I normal????

[Mixedup]

Dear All

Please do not be offended by what I am writing. I want to be truthful and I know I do not lead a Muslim life but I am hoping to change this. I have no one who can understand me or offer guidance so I am going to open my heart to you and hopefully you can help.
I am labelled a Christian but do not practise this and am in a relationship with a Muslim man. We have just celebarated 13 years of been together and I am very happy with him. We have a 8 year old son who is been raised as a Muslim. He attends Mosque 5 nights a week and speaks English/Urdu/Punjabi and is currently studying Arabic. I am passionate that he follows Islam as is his father. (i know our relationship is a problem under Islam).
My partner wants us to marry so that we can be a proper family and everyone says oh its fine as he can marry a Christian etc but my issue is even if we marry it is not proper as I am not a practising Christian.
I really want to convert to Islam and have read many a book on Islam as well as gaining information from other Muslims. The problem I have is one person tells you one thing then another says thats not true!!! Culture sometimes mixes its self with religion and this is what I find hard. After 13 yearsof reading, studying etc you probably wonder why on earth I have not converted. Well I guess the answer is this.
I will not convert in order to satisfy others wishes and to make life easier for them. I need to do it for me and it will be a life long committment no matter what. I have watched other people convert so they can marry etc or be with a Muslim man and when the relationship ends thay are back to their old ways and Islam is out of the window. I can not do that as i take it very seriously. To come and then leave Islam is not what you do. I am not a hypocrit and will not call my self a Muslim to satisy a need.
Its hard when you are raised not to have faith to suddenly find faith. I am a sceptic by nature and if someone talks abouts ghosts for example I would say I dont beleive in them because I haven't seen one. This is the problem I have.
I read books and for example whilst sat on this site I feel so much inner peace and my heart really feels ALLAH. My head how ever constantly argues with me and I dont understand why. Why am I doing this???
My partner always says just let go and try, you will be suprised but I guess he doesnt understand because he has always had a strong religious up bringing and he truly submits without question.
The other problem I have is fear of failure. I try so hard with the language and I have learnt some prayers but I do not know enough to do my 5 daily prayers. My partner says I can not say my prayers in English as they lose meaning and also if I went to Mosque I need to know them in arabic. This is really hard for me and I get so frustrated at not been able to say them properly.
I do wonder if I expect too much from myself as if I need to know everything before I can convert. Is it ok to become Muslim if you dont know everything? I am so willing to learn and will always try my hardest but feel I may be unsuccessful. I know people think I am worried about what others think but I am not, I would be proud to call myself a Muslim and would wear Hijab without any concern. My parents would find it strange but I have no fear of them dis owning me or anything they love me for me and would accept it without question. This drags me into something else now though. I am told that because my parents are not Muslims they will go to hell. How can I live happy in paradise with my parents and brother etc in hell? Its so complicated for me.
I do live by Muslim ways on a day to day basis. I only eat halal meat and no pork produce etc. I dress modestly and do not drink party etc so there is no issue for me around this. I just feel so confused and incomplete
Any advise would be appreciated especially from those that may have had similar concerns.
Thankyou
Jo

 

[muslimah-2k8]

:salam2:

Everything is fine... you love this beautiful deen and you are trying to practise it... i suggest you to pronounce your shahada and become a muslim... if you are living together without marrying, its forbidden in Islam... i suggest you should marry first...

As for your parents and brother, you can help them understand Islam... but you will not be responsible for what they receive on the day of judgement... save yourself first...

 

[TiffanyM]

Hi Mixedup,

I myself have been in a very similair situation. I knew a muslim man for 2 years and had an american relationship. I wasn't a practicing christian and he was not a praticing muslim. After two years things got serious and we realized our religous differences. Even though we didn't practice we could imagine a divided household. We broke up sp we both could learn more about our religon and seek God. We stayed in touch and talked about all the things we were learning. I became interested in Islam because it was similar to christianity because the Koran also had a lot of the same prophets (peace be upon them) as the bible did. MY eyes began to open and me heart kept seeking God through Islam. Never in my life did I think that I would learn about Islam. After 4 months I knew I wanted to be muslim. This religion is what I always believed and the way of life made since. I also began to struggle with do I really know enough to change my religion. I also had the problem learning the Surahs said during prayer. I have never been good with learning other languages. My muslim friend told me that when someone is struggling to learn about Islam Allah gives them blessings because it's difficult. See how merciful and loving our God is. From then I began doing wudu and praying almost 5 times a day however i still wasn't a muslim. I was scared to make the change I know shaytan was trying to hold me back. Sister the best advice I can give is listen to your heart you are so blessed that Allah has opened your heart to Islam. We will never learn everything about Islam but as muslims we should always strive more more knowledge. Sister this is a decison you won't regret. Four months after learning I took my Shahada. I have been a muslim for a year ALHUMDIALLAH. You need to break away for a few hours and think about what do you want for yourself, what do you believe, and if today was the last day you would live what would you say you believed. When it comes down to it your intentions need to be pure and for yourself. I became muslim for myself not so I could marry someone I love, or to make others comfortable or uncomfortable. I didn't want to live another day and regret not doing what I believe in. Take everything slow sister you are not going to do everything perfect. We all make mistakes and we all need to learn different things about Islam. You and I both need to learn Arabic so we can understand the beauty of Islam and maybe other brothers and sisters need to learn about how to give Dawah to others. I have no regrets of becoming muslim the only thing sometimes I wished I would have became muslim earlier, but Allah knows best and I might not have been so opened and humble to Islam. Let me know if you need anything sister I am here for you.


Selaam Alaykum,

Tiffany

 

[ummsami89]

I understand

Hi Jill. I feel that even though you havent taken the shahada officially, you are living as a muslim, so SALAM ALAIKUM.
ok, I will tell you a bit about myself. I married a muslim 23 years ago. I knew him 4 years prior to that. I wasnt muslim then. He wasnt much of a practicing muslim. more like what we call, "I dont eat pork"muslim. :astag: anyway, we married and I still wasnt muslim. We had a son and always planned to raise him in the Islamic faith. That was no problem for me. What I knew of Islam, made sense to me.I wasnt ready for myself. Well, my non-muslim mother suggested I go to the mosque and see what they were teaching my son. She thought I wouldnt like it, and pull him out. I started going and went to haleqas(like bible studies in the church). I met more people and started to learn more about Islam. One day, I was invited to a home for dinner. The sisters were sitting around the table discussing Islam, naturally. The most knowledgable sister knew that I believed in it but was scared. I told her I thought I needed to learn more. She said dont wait to learn more if you believe. We as born muslims are always learning. She said, "Jamie, if you walk out the door and something happens to you(death) you will die as a nonmuslim.. and you believe in Islam. Thats not good." I said the Shahada right that moment. Alhumduillah. Alhumduillah.:tti_sister: I started going to the haleqas, studying more, etc. I am still learning quran and I am very slow at my prayers.:astag: I blame it on age, mainly(I am 48). I know how to read and write arabic for the most part, but speaking it is very broken. I am just lazy.:astag: I have taken arabic 101 at Purdue and taking Conversational Arabic. Unfortunately, i am very self-conscious with all those young college minds. Anyway, Alhumduillah, I practice Islam, pray, fast etc. I have worn hijab 8 years in November. I have been muslim almost 9 years(January 2009). I work in a major dept store(Macys) in hijab. You dont think that's hard? yea, sometimes. No trouble with coworkers, just dumb customers. But for the most part, alhumduillah, everyone is very accepting and kind. good luck. If you need anything, let me know. Your sister, Inshallah, In Islam, jamie

 

[Ashima33]

Hello Hello!!!
I was introduced to Islam from a muslim man I was in a relationship with. I struggled with a lot of the same issues of, "Am I doing this for someone other than myself?" or "Islam is HIS thing. NOT mine." Then I realized that these thoughts were being supported by my PRIDE. And no matter what faith you are... your pride is not something you should let take over. For me, the first step in truly looking at Islam objectively was letting going of the thoughts and insecurities of what other people would think. If you are truly doing this for yourself, other people are not apart of the equation. Even your family, as you're a christian and marraige is permissible for a muslim man and christian woman.
The main step to becoming a Muslim is taking shahada. First, if you believe that there is one God, Allah... second, that the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) is the final messenger. If you can state BOTH of these... that is enough to become muslim. If you're not sure about the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) being the messenger... then read up on him. But once you take Shahada you can learn everything else little bit by bit... and also... Islam is something you will be learning about for the rest of your life... so when you look at it like that, it kind of puts things into a different perspective of "what you need to know before you take shahada." Allah knows your intentions and does not expect for you to know everything all at once of course!!! =)
Learning prayer will take time. I converted about 3-4 weeks ago and I'm still holding a book while I pray!!! But, I'm learning faster than I thought because I have to do it 5 times a day!!! ha!
But, if you mess up... you just have to keep in mind that Allah is more merciful than he is wrathful. This doesn't mean you take advantage... just don't overwhelm yourself. It sounds like you live in a very supportive environment. Don't take shahada because of what other people tell you, even on here... but don't let your pride stop you either.

I hope this helps =)

 

[a_stranger]

O mankind! worship your Lord

:salam2:
i think there is many verses from Quran we must remember:

O mankind! worship your Lord, Who hath created you and those before you, so that ye may ward off (evil). (2,21)Quran

Allah tasketh not a soul beyond its scope. For it (is only) that which it hath earned, and against it (only) that which it hath deserved. (2,286) Quran


Say, (O Muhammad): Whether ye hide that which is in your breasts or reveal it, Allah knoweth it. He knoweth that which is in the heavens and that which is in the earth, and Allah is Able to do all things. (3,29)

On the Day when every soul will find itself confronted with all that it hath done of good and all that it hath done of evil (every soul) will long that there might be a mighty space of distance between it and that (evil). Allah biddeth you beware of Him. And Allah is Full of Pity for (His) bondmen. (3,30)

Say, (O Muhammad, to mankind): If ye love Allah, follow me; Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.(3,31)

And vie one with another for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth, prepared for those who ward off (evil); (133)

Those who spend (of that which Allah hath given them) in ease and in adversity, those who control their wrath and are forgiving toward mankind; Allah loveth the good; (134)

And those who, when they do an evil thing or wrong themselves, remember Allah and implore forgiveness for their sins - Who forgiveth sins save Allah only? - and will not knowingly repeat (the wrong) they did. (135)

The reward of such will be forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens underneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide for ever - a bountiful reward for workers! (136)

Islam teaches us that it is not our duty to judge people , Allah swt is absolutly just and mercifull ......No creature will be wronged each will get what he/she deserves :

45:22 Allah created the heavens and the earth for just ends, and in order that each soul may find the recompense of what it has earned, and none of them be wronged.

I pray to Allah swt to guide us all and full our hearts with peace and happiness.

 

[Sophie1]

Dear sister,
it is understandable that you are a little confused at the moment. however you have had the advantage of having lived a muslim lifestyle, this will make it easier for you to revert to a muslim.
i personally think you are quite ready to revert to a muslim however in order to be sure you should study it more in depth and understand it.
i can understand your concern for your parents and brother if i was in your state i would feel the same. infact i can understand how hard it would be. but for now you must be concerned with pleasing allah first, becoming a good muslim and ensuring that your husband and son are good muslims. dont worry too much about cultural stuff its not neccessary, you dont have to agree to traditions just to please others as long as you are living in the correct islamic condition it is all good.
after you have understood islam and have enough knowledge about it, then you could introduce it to your parents. it will be hard they have lived all their life believing in a different faith, they wouldn't want to just turn that away. but you can make them reaslise that islam is the only way...the prophet says respect your parents, and you should do that even if they aren't muslims. may allahguide you and your family to the real way of life. inshallah.
your sister
safia

 

[Mixedup]

Dear all

Thanks for your support. Its nice to know I am not the only one who has faced these issues.
Sister Ashima states PRIDE and you know what I think you are right. I never looked at it that way before. Its easier to find excuses for not than it is to do.
I am going to talk things over later with my partner when he gets home from Mosque and hopefully I can finally put these demons to rest and embrace what I know is right.
Again thanks to you all
Jo

 

[nasiruyola]

OPTFORGIVEN, MOST MERCIFUL THAT IS MY RAB...

Dear all

Thanks for your support. Its nice to know I am not the only one who has faced these issues.
Sister Ashima states PRIDE and you know what I think you are right. I never looked at it that way before. Its easier to find excuses for not than it is to do.
I am going to talk things over later with my partner when he gets home from Mosque and hopefully I can finally put these demons to rest and embrace what I know is right.
Again thanks to you all
Jo

THAT IS MY LORD!!!
HE GUIDES WHOM HE WILL TO HIS DEEN AND ALLOW THE SEEKER OF THIS TRANSITORY LIFE ON HIS/HER OWN
GUIDE US OH ALLAH YOU ARE MY RAB,
WE COMMITTED SINS BUT HE PARDONED THEM,
WHEN TESTED TO RELIEVE US OF THE BURDEN THAT WE CARRY TO THAT PERMANENT DESTINATION!!!
WE TEND TO DESPAIR AND COMMIT MORE SINS OR ALLAH FORGIVE US ALL ,
LIFT OUR STATUS , BESTOW ON US SABR AND BLESSED US BOTH IN THIS TRANSITORY LIFE AND IN THE NEXT
WE DONT HAVE A WALIY EXCEPT THEE
OH ALLAH I HAVE WRONGED MYSELF, FORGIVE ME OH ALLAH AND ALL THE UMMAH AMEEN....

 

[shichemlydia]

trial to help,

salam alikoum,
i will try to answer your question in a reverse order,
concerning your parents, it is clear in the quran, without any doubt, that if someone takes a religion other than islam, it will not be accepted from him, and in the hereafter he will be among those who are the loosers, try to find who can read this for you
ومن يبتغ غير الاسلام دينا فلن يقبل منه و هو في الاخرة من الخاسرين
but nevermind, because allah swt in the day of judgement will let everyone worried about himself, so you will not recognise your family; and this is a mercy from allah,
concerning cultures and islam, the culture should not interact with islam, islam is totally based on the teachings of the quran and the sunah of his messenger mohamed pbuoh. so the culture should not mix up with islam.
in fact if you read about the other religions, you will recognise that islam is the only religion which is still true on the earth, because all the messengers came with this message and people came and chnage it to satisfy their desires.....so the religions were all true and from allah at the time they come, but later they were changed.
i hope this help you...
wa salam alikoum

 

[Ashima33]

Dear all

Thanks for your support. Its nice to know I am not the only one who has faced these issues.
Sister Ashima states PRIDE and you know what I think you are right. I never looked at it that way before. Its easier to find excuses for not than it is to do.
I am going to talk things over later with my partner when he gets home from Mosque and hopefully I can finally put these demons to rest and embrace what I know is right.
Again thanks to you all
Jo

Just know that we are here for you!!!!! =)