*CONFUSED* what should I do ???

[finding light]

Jazakallah Khair dear brothers and sisters for all your replies.

After putting so much thought and considering the spiritual element as sister Aapa said I finally wholeheartedly decided to say yes to this man.

BUT SOMETHING STRANGE HAPPENED !!!

I announced my consent to my parents and they called the groom's house, but groom's family took us by surprise. The people who collectively gave consent to the proposal the day we met, gave Salaams, presented me with sweets to declare that they are happy, now said over the phone that they need to think this over again. Feel like I am back to square one. Is this some kind of a sign from Allah ? I can see my parents have lost interest in the proposal, with my mum calling people enquiring about other suitable proposals. What am I to conclude from this ? Ya Allah guide me !

AHHH! Alhamdulillah.... Like the sister above me stated, whatever happens is for best. Trust in Allah and all will fall into its right place
Say Alhamdulillah.... give them their "time to think it over"... who knows what will come of that... in the mean time, move on... go with the flow - be excited!

Keep us updated on news... Our duas are with you sis

 

[sweetshaama]

Jazakallah Khair dear sisters,

Yes, I would place it all in the hands of ALLAH and move on with my life. InshAllah will be active on this page and keep you updated. I am glad I found this place Alhamdulillah

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

I just woke up...

this is not how one wishes to start the day with your name...

let me get a couple of cups of coffee in me...

InshaAllah...it all works out...

 

[helpinghumanity]

Assalaamu Alaikum, Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Wa-alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah

Chances rarely come in life, but when they do make sure to get them before it is too late or before you regret. This is one of the advise shaikh Yasir Birjas gave to us and I am passing it onto you.

BUT SOMETHING STRANGE HAPPENED !!!

I announced my consent to my parents and they called the groom's house, but groom's family took us by surprise. The people who collectively gave consent to the proposal the day we met, gave Salaams, presented me with sweets to declare that they are happy, now said over the phone that they need to think this over again. Feel like I am back to square one. Is this some kind of a sign from Allah ? I can see my parents have lost interest in the proposal, with my mum calling people enquiring about other suitable proposals. What am I to conclude from this ? Ya Allah guide me !

If the results are not in our favor, then know that it is for our own betterment. All we can do is try our level best and then leave the results to Allah. Make duaa to Allah that oh Allah grant me a spouse which will aid me in being close to you..which will love me, care about me and which will be on my side both during the time of ease and happiness.

Last night I was with Napolean, the former rapper. After listening to his story, I am forced to say that "Life doesn't go the way we human plan it ...because Allah has already planned it for us and indeed He is the best planner. "


Umme Salamah said: “I had heard from the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) that a person struck with a calamity should recite this prayer:

“O, Allah! Recompense me for this affliction by giving me something better than what I have lost: then Allah would accept his prayer.” I had been reciting this prayer since the death of Abu Salamah (Radhiyallaho anho), but I could not imagine a husband better than he, till Allah arranged my marriage with the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) .”

 

[Thauban]

As'alaamu Alaikkum

The solution in Islam for avoiding zina is not to marry off young women early in their lives, those who are patient and God fearing will do the right thing. Those who are not God conscious will always go astray no matter what a parent might try and do. It is a fact that there are more divorces in Islam than any other religion. I wonder is this because it is allowed in Islam? People just get married and say 'oh we have the option to divorce if things don't work out'.

Anyone and everyone will always do the right thing if they have iman. I repeat marriage is not suitable for everyone. Those who are in doubt go and read some hadiths where the Prophet (pbuh) tells people to not to marry due to whatever reasons.

Slightly off topic but women today are not the same as women of yesteryear. Women msotly obeyed their husbands and looked after the home whilst women of today want to dominate the men and run the home like the way they want to. Go to any marriage site online and see the demands most of these women come up with. They want this, that and the other from a prospective husband.

As'alaamu Alaikkum

 

[Ershad]

Slightly off topic but women today are not the same as women of yesteryear. Women msotly obeyed their husbands and looked after the home whilst women of today want to dominate the men and run the home like the way they want to. Go to any marriage site online and see the demands most of these women come up with. They want this, that and the other from a prospective husband.

As'alaamu Alaikkum

Are men of today same as men of yesteryear? Very poor generalization.

 

[Aapa]

Asalaam alaikum,

First, sister...the family asked time to think. Let them think.

Second, brother, why do you say marriage is not suitable for everyone. We are not to be celibate. That is the way of others. We are enjoy life. We are not to be alone and reclusive. That is against the grain of Islam.

Third, the idea of marrying a girl is wrong. A young woman must have say in the decision. That is her right.

 

[Thauban]

Are men of today same as men of yesteryear? Very poor generalization.

As'alaamu Alaikkum

Women are supposed to be subservient to men. Mother Eve was created from the rib of father Adam.

Do you want your wife to wear the trousers at home? Would you like her to be the head of the household? These are all signs of the times my friend.

 

[Ershad]

As'alaamu Alaikkum

Women are supposed to be subservient to men. Mother Eve was created from the rib of father Adam.

Do you want your wife to wear the trousers at home? Would you like her to be the head of the household? These are all signs of the times my friend.

Why not concentrate on what men are supposed to be? Rather than accusing all women of characteristics that you mention. Allaah will provide each person with what he deserves. If you are how you are supposed to be towards your wife, Insha Allah, everything will be fine.

 

[sweetshaama]

First of all my dear brothers and sisters Jazakallah Khair for all your replies and concerns means a lot to me.

Secondly, we received a call from the guy's house saying that they were considering several proposals at once and they had to change their mind and go with another proposal. I think this is ridiculous because if that was the case WHY would they give the consent to my family. For me personally this whole concept of marriage in the modern world is rubbish and money orientated and there are very few selected people who look for the level of Deen in the person they are going to marry. Anyhow I am glad that this is over Alhamdulillah and I know whatever happened is for best.

One thing I am not able to figure out is that how come some people sound so knowledgeable about Islam but all what they do is completely contrary to Islamic Principles ? For example the guy I met, he was on about how pious his family is and that their main focus was Islam, he was quoting examples in life lived on the basis of Islamic principles, the women in his family were dressed in Abayas and the men with long beards, although appearance does not completely display the level of Deen, still one can connect the dots and come to a conclusion as to how pious a person could be. And on that basis I believed him to be religious, I decided I must give priority to that quality of him and say YES to the proposal but it all turned out the other way round. I am sorry I just had to vent it all out. Feel so much better now Alhamdulillah

 

[sweetshaama]

As'alaamu Alaikkum

Women are supposed to be subservient to men. Mother Eve was created from the rib of father Adam.

Do you want your wife to wear the trousers at home? Would you like her to be the head of the household? These are all signs of the times my friend.

Dear Brother,

I am not quiet sure where did you get this whole idea of "women are supposed to be subservient to men". Hawwa Alaihissalaam was created from the rib of Aadam Alaihissalaam but that does not make women subservient to men. If you had read the part in the Quran where it mentions about the creation of the first human being (i.e. Aadam Alaihissalaam), it's stated that he was created and was let to reside in the paradise (one which is different from what's in store for us). He was given all luxuries and all his needs and wants were fulfilled but nevertheless he was feeling lonely, glum and missing something. He was simply wandering in the paradise as if he was looking for someone/thing. Then Jibreal Alaihissalaam approached him and questioned his behaviour and Aadam Alaihissalam told what was bothering him. That was when Hawwa Alaihissalaam was created. This does not mean that Hawwa Alaihissalaam was created to fulfil the need of Aadam Alaihissalaam rather she was a necessity for him. A man needs a woman in his life and vise versa. They co-exist and nobody serves neither. Woman has been created to bring peace and tranquillity to the man. When the man goes out there, earns money and takes care of the family financially, the woman bears children, bring them up according to the principles of Islam AND takes care of the family internally. They bear equal responsibilities in the family and in the society. The woman goes through pregnancy and menstrual cycle and she becomes weak and emotional which is what makes the man the decision maker and leader of the family. Again it DOES NOT mean women are subservient to men and vise versa. They have been created by Allah with certain strengths and weaknesses which makes them in need of one another.

It could be true that women nowadays are not obedient to their men etc. Look at the brighter side where there are women who are living a life which is Islam orientated. Instead of telling the women to protect themselves from rapists why don't you tell men to stop raping in the first place. I am not trying to say that it's men who are at fault but what I am trying to say is it's not women who are completely at fault, just how a man and a woman can make a family, they could equally, together break a family. So I think as a man before pointing your finger at women-kind it's always better to perfect your own selves first. Please bear with me if I had sounded harsh.

 

[Thauban]

Dear Brother,

I am not quiet sure where did you get this whole idea of "women are supposed to be subservient to men". Hawwa Alaihissalaam was created from the rib of Aadam Alaihissalaam but that does not make women subservient to men. If you had read the part in the Quran where it mentions about the creation of the first human being (i.e. Aadam Alaihissalaam), it's stated that he was created and was let to reside in the paradise (one which is different from what's in store for us). He was given all luxuries and all his needs and wants were fulfilled but nevertheless he was feeling lonely, glum and missing something. He was simply wandering in the paradise as if he was looking for someone/thing. Then Jibreal Alaihissalaam approached him and questioned his behaviour and Aadam Alaihissalam told what was bothering him. That was when Hawwa Alaihissalaam was created. This does not mean that Hawwa Alaihissalaam was created to fulfil the need of Aadam Alaihissalaam rather she was a necessity for him. A man needs a woman in his life and vise versa. They co-exist and nobody serves neither. Woman has been created to bring peace and tranquillity to the man. When the man goes out there, earns money and takes care of the family financially, the woman bears children, bring them up according to the principles of Islam AND takes care of the family internally. They bear equal responsibilities in the family and in the society. The woman goes through pregnancy and menstrual cycle and she becomes weak and emotional which is what makes the man the decision maker and leader of the family. Again it DOES NOT mean women are subservient to men and vise versa. They have been created by Allah with certain strengths and weaknesses which makes them in need of one another.

It could be true that women nowadays are not obedient to their men etc. Look at the brighter side where there are women who are living a life which is Islam orientated. Instead of telling the women to protect themselves from rapists why don't you tell men to stop raping in the first place. I am not trying to say that it's men who are at fault but what I am trying to say is it's not women who are completely at fault, just how a man and a woman can make a family, they could equally, together break a family. So I think as a man before pointing your finger at women-kind it's always better to perfect your own selves first. Please bear with me if I had sounded harsh.

As'alaamu Alaikkum

Narrated Usama bin Zaid:

The Prophet said, "After me I have not left any affliction more harmful to men than women."

Bukhari

English reference: Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 33
Arabic reference: Book 67, Hadith 5152

 

[Precious Star]

As'alaamu Alaikkum

Narrated Usama bin Zaid:

The Prophet said, "After me I have not left any affliction more harmful to men than women."

Bukhari

English reference: Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 33
Arabic reference: Book 67, Hadith 5152

yes, this is true. There are so many muslim males, young and old, who instead of maintaining their virtuousity run after young pretty things, and give in to the temptations offfered by non-muslim women. I know so many virtuous muslim women who have been burned so badly by men who are oh-so-easily enticed by the "dunya" and the women of the dunya.

Many muslim men are also put off by the prospect that they have to care for and protect their daughters, their sisters, their mothers, their unmarried aunts, their widowed grandmothers, etc. They will leave this responsibility to the womenfolk in the family. So, in a sense, it is the vulnerable women, the pious ones who need protection, that become "harmful" to the men, because they bring out the worst in the men. It is truly ironic.

This is a lesson to all muslim men out there. Be mindful of your duties and your responsibilities, and keep in mind that one day you will meet your maker. If you are good to the women who are under your care, and stay away from the ones who are forbidden for you, then in the afterlife Allah will be good to you. Allow these women to bring out the best in you or, as the hadith above states, your evil side will take over and harm your soul and your afterlife.

 

[Precious Star]

First of all my dear brothers and sisters Jazakallah Khair for all your replies and concerns means a lot to me.

Secondly, we received a call from the guy's house saying that they were considering several proposals at once and they had to change their mind and go with another proposal. I think this is ridiculous because if that was the case WHY would they give the consent to my family. For me personally this whole concept of marriage in the modern world is rubbish and money orientated and there are very few selected people who look for the level of Deen in the person they are going to marry. Anyhow I am glad that this is over Alhamdulillah and I know whatever happened is for best.

One thing I am not able to figure out is that how come some people sound so knowledgeable about Islam but all what they do is completely contrary to Islamic Principles ? For example the guy I met, he was on about how pious his family is and that their main focus was Islam, he was quoting examples in life lived on the basis of Islamic principles, the women in his family were dressed in Abayas and the men with long beards, although appearance does not completely display the level of Deen, still one can connect the dots and come to a conclusion as to how pious a person could be. And on that basis I believed him to be religious, I decided I must give priority to that quality of him and say YES to the proposal but it all turned out the other way round. I am sorry I just had to vent it all out. Feel so much better now Alhamdulillah

Sister, in the "arranged marriage" market, it is one-stop shopping. Don't let the abayas deceive you. You have the stamina and strength of character to withstand it and you know what you are looking for, but just imagine - if he had agreed to marry you and then dumped you like a hot potato once someone better came along, how would you feel then? You are being protected. This guy is not good enough for you. Let someone else win the beauty pageant. They probably recognized that you are a pious, intelligent, thoughtful girl -- and perhaps became intimidated by that.

 

[Precious Star]

As'alaamu Alaikkum

Women are supposed to be subservient to men. Mother Eve was created from the rib of father Adam.

Do you want your wife to wear the trousers at home? Would you like her to be the head of the household? These are all signs of the times my friend.

And men are supposed to unconditionally protect, maintain, love, care for and support the women in their family. Most muslim men these days want it easy. Certainly, the men of today are nothing like the men of the time of the Prophet! Even in the "rishta market", they want girls from a specific country and spcifical location and specific height and specific education and the list goes on. I know a girl who was even rejected because of her chest size! And she had to sit there in front of all the elders while the boy came for a "viewing".

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

I must humbly ask that you sister forgive me. I jumped all over you. I beg your forgiveness. I just want the whole world to be happy.

Well...the best things in life are always the lessons learned. So the family went shopping for a wife and left everyone hanging. I guess the red dot special was what they wanted. Who knows.

You now have more questions to ask for the next one. You are wiser. And you should be laughing at this one. You gotta a lot of brothers and sister making dua for you.



Now what is up with the new brother on the site. You are bold. I do not like the context of the hadith you used. Why the hate for women and marriage?

I do not like to see posts that polarize sexes. It does no good.

 

[strive-may-i]

:salam2:
sweetshaama, Welcome lurking one (like brother Mabsoot said sometime back), welcome!! Yes, all for the better, patience, good news is not far away, Insha Allah. Get your part right, be patient, Almighty will give you whats better for you. From your posts I can say, you for sure know a thing or two. Be here, contribute often.

May Almighty match you with a Good one... Ameen

 

[strive-may-i]

@Thauban: Here is a link to another thread, Now dont judge the OP (Original Poster) of that thread, a Good Discussion that was - http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=82701
Infact some one said, with one rib less, does it not mean the man is incomplete, a bit imperfect.

This puts it aptly:

Woman was made from the rib of man,
She was not created from his head to top him,
Nor from his feet to be stepped upon,
She was made from his side to be close to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
Near his heart to be loved by him.
​

Another :
"When she is a daughter, she opens a door at jannah (Paradise) for her father.
When she is a wife, she completes half of the deen (religion/way of life) of her husband.
When she is a mother, jannah lies under her feet.
If everyone knew the true status of a Muslim woman, even the men would want to be women." [Widely attributed to Mohammad Akram Nadawi, Oxford center for Islamic studies]

Man and wife (the couple) are like two wheels of a cart. Both are subservient to Almighty Allah.

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. [Qur'an 49:13]​

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam alaikum,

That was so sweet even this old one had to smile.

 

[hayat84]

Woman was made from the rib of man,
She was not created from his head to top him,
Nor from his feet to be stepped upon,
She was made from his side to be close to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
Near his heart to be loved by him.
​

Another :
"When she is a daughter, she opens a door at jannah (Paradise) for her father.
When she is a wife, she completes half of the deen (religion/way of life) of her husband.
When she is a mother, jannah lies under her feet.
If everyone knew the true status of a Muslim woman, even the men would want to be women." [Widely attributed to Mohammad Akram Nadawi, Oxford center for Islamic studies]

Man and wife (the couple) are like two wheels of a cart. Both are subservient to Almighty Allah.

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. [Qur'an 49:13]​

​

it makes me feel lucky,what a beautiful similitude!:ma: