cross cultural marriages

[esperanza]

would be interested to hear about peoples experiences in cross cultural marriages,,,especially european-arab ,if anyone cares to give their story..

 

[strive-may-i]

Halaal and Trust , time, talk, touch... because Marriages are always rocking!! ,

Marriages are always rocking, either ways
Though its cross cultural , your beliefs [religion], and compatibility should work right. There should be some common denominator that acts the hook or bridge in the marriage. Trust, talk, time,touch... are the words that comes to my mind when it comes to marriage. Firstly, this marriage should be within the bounds of religious tenets, Halaal and not Haraam..

From folks i have seen... Dont judge , but understand. Don't overlook whats important to the culture of spouse you are marrying to, Give each other time to adjust. Don't do/overdo something from your spouse culture, when you are not yet comfortable with it. Communicate , that strengthens bond and avoids confront. When relatives are involved, be tolerant in doubtful scenarios. Respect each others space. You will have to win the trust , confidence or approval of some friends / key relatives of your spouse, because they could come to your spouse counsel or yours, when matters become difficult in the marriage. Make friends or meet elders who approve of your marriage in first place. We humans are social

There have been other threads here, that have partly thrown light on cross-cultural marriage stories. I will give link if I get them

 

[esperanza]

Marriages are always rocking, either ways
Though its cross cultural , your beliefs [religion], and compatibility should work right. There should be some common denominator that acts the hook or bridge in the marriage. Trust, talk, time,touch... are the words that comes to my mind when it comes to marriage. Firstly, this marriage should be within the bounds of religious tenets, Halaal and not Haraam..

From folks i have seen... Dont judge , but understand. Don't overlook whats important to the culture of spouse you are marrying to, Give each other time to adjust. Don't do/overdo something from your spouse culture, when you are not yet comfortable with it. Communicate , that strengthens bond and avoids confront. When relatives are involved, be tolerant in doubtful scenarios. Respect each others space. You will have to win the trust , confidence or approval of some friends / key relatives of your spouse, because they could come to your spouse counsel or yours, when matters become difficult in the marriage. Make friends or meet elders who approve of your marriage in first place. We humans are social

There have been other threads here, that have partly thrown light on cross-cultural marriage stories. I will give link if I get them

thank you sister

 

[Yaapin]

As salam aleikum,

I believe it should be within the islamic boundaries as well.

And your partner should be a muslim & marry you (i.e if converting) for the love of Allah & the deen & not for you as a person because later on if there's some misunderstanding & it gets worse & certanly comes to a point where talak is to be the only solution, there's a probability of your spouse (the convert) to revert to his previous religion..which I feel isn't right.

Therefore, apart from all the passion, affection, understanding & mutual commitment to each other...The commitment to the deen is very important.

 

[Shak78]

:salam2:

My husband and I came from very different socio-economic backgrounds and that has led to some issues between us. I grew up in a single parent home with my mom working 2 jobs to support us and I was left home alone often. My husband grew up in a 2 parent affluent home. After he lost his job he had and still has issues with money and not understanding that no he can't go buy the newest video game. That can cause issues between people too. I just now handle the money in the house with his blessing and it has stopped most of the those issues.

 

[esperanza]

:salam2:

My husband and I came from very different socio-economic backgrounds and that has led to some issues between us. I grew up in a single parent home with my mom working 2 jobs to support us and I was left home alone often. My husband grew up in a 2 parent affluent home. After he lost his job he had and still has issues with money and not understanding that no he can't go buy the newest video game. That can cause issues between people too. I just now handle the money in the house with his blessing and it has stopped most of the those issues.

yes your right,,there can be differences between husband and wife for many reason ..cultural ..econonmical...social ..age..but the importance is to have patience and understanding towars one another,,,

 

[Yaapin]

:salam2:

My husband and I came from very different socio-economic backgrounds and that has led to some issues between us. I grew up in a single parent home with my mom working 2 jobs to support us and I was left home alone often. My husband grew up in a 2 parent affluent home. After he lost his job he had and still has issues with money and not understanding that no he can't go buy the newest video game. That can cause issues between people too. I just now handle the money in the house with his blessing and it has stopped most of the those issues.

As salam aleikum,

It may depend with actually the way he as raised, if he was the only child, this may cause the effect on money & wanting all his desires fulfilled, bcz of the pampering & attention focused on him as an only son...

But now that he's a grown man with a family & responsibilty, he has to understand that you don't always have to have everything that everyone has or what is new in the market just to be known yo also have the latest products.

And yourself as a wife, It is your duty to handle him & its good to hear that you handle the finance in the hse...

At times, i feel you should go aroung the market with your husband & shop togeher, esp when you're having money crisis, so he can understand the value of money & how you have to budget, maybe this may bring an impact to him & an understanding of having to sacrifice the need of having the newest products

 

[Shak78]

:salam2:

We are both only children actually which is where I can understand his wanting things which does help. He does go shopping with me often as does our son as well. I will say he is getting better and we have a rough budget which he does hold to but it's still a fight now and again. He does understand that he does need to make sacrifices so our son has what he needs which is far better then it was. One thing that is nice is my husband is a great cook so the food bill is well in hand when he cooks, he needs to be a chef.

 

[Yaapin]

:salam2:

We are both only children actually which is where I can understand his wanting things which does help. He does go shopping with me often as does our son as well. I will say he is getting better and we have a rough budget which he does hold to but it's still a fight now and again. He does understand that he does need to make sacrifices so our son has what he needs which is far better then it was. One thing that is nice is my husband is a great cook so the food bill is well in hand when he cooks, he needs to be a chef.

Now that's where the whole immaturity comes in since you're both very young & at an early stage of marriage.

But again, since you both now have a son to look after, I may feel, & since you say he does realise the need of sacrifice for his wanting which is good, maybe he feels bad that with a child very young, he sees toys or nice stuff at the mall which he would like to purchase for the kid & make him happy just like any dad would do for their child.

Instead of the fights, He should be very lineant bcz he's still searching for a job & knows that since he doesn't have one, to stop with all that chaos.

Well then, maybe he could cook for some orders.. It might help for the moment till he gets a decent job of his choice, that way to earn, Not to feel ashamed the fact that he's a man cooking for outsiders or that job being strange!! The good thing will be he's still catering for your needs.

Anyway, I wish you both the best of Luck & I pray InshaAllah, you both get along well & able to have an understanding & the fights reduce. Ameen

 

[brmm]

would be interested to hear about peoples experiences in cross cultural marriages,,,especially european-arab ,if anyone cares to give their story..

:salam2: sister,
I can say:
You will tell jokes and your husband will not get them and vice versa ! Maybe it is a good idea to avoid telling jokes.
All kinds of marriage need both sides to be patient or super patient some times.
Problems must come, but this is normal.
I think it makes a big difference if the couple live in a western country or in an Islamic country alone or with someone parents or family because they will face different kinds of problems.
I believe if the couple were good Muslims they will manage easily.

BRMM

 

[islamirama]

would be interested to hear about peoples experiences in cross cultural marriages,,,especially european-arab ,if anyone cares to give their story..

It seems that those who lived in the same society have a better chance of success at it then those coming from two different societies. It does work but very hard for the most and may not work for some. For example, you're more likely to have a success being a revert and marrying an arab living here or who grew up here than one from his home land who just got here or you are going there.

But then again, Arabs love white people so they'll go for it no matter what and white reverts are in the delusion that marrying an arab will make it easy to learn arabic, quran and everything so they run for arabs too. And then reality hits them, seen too many stories of reverts facing domestic violence and not knowing what to do now...

 

[buriedaway_4536]

I'm a revert, and my wife is Somali. Alhamdulillah.
Neither of us believe culture is ever a problem, unless PEOPLE make it one.