Salam alaikum,
I am so sorry i kept away for a while. My life got a bit difficult to handle.
My family has pressured me into accepting someone for marriage. I tried to talk to him but i cant...i just cant. i dont know whats wrong with me. this incident is making me hate life. im so scared of hurting my family but when i think about this guy it makes me cry so much. he isnt a bad person but i just cant. i dont know how to describe it.
i dont know what to do. the only thing i can think of is talking to him and telling him that i dont know about this.
how can this make them happy when deep down inside i am crying and hurting. i dont want to think about marriage anymore. i just want to leave and not come back
Assalam alaikom wa rahmat Allah, dear sister please, pray the prayers of need and Istikharah. Allah never abandons us and remember, when we are in the midst of a trial, that is when we are closest to Him.
When you have prayed Istikharah, what pleases Allah will be the result and will be easy to acheive inshAllah, that which is displeasing to Him and not good for you, will not affect you inshAllah.
Istikhara or prayer of guidance
Concerning the ritual prayer for guidance in choosing the best option [Salat al-Istikhara],
and the prayer of supplication [dua] appropriate to it
According to a traditional report transmitted on the authority of Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir, it was Jabir ibn 'Abdi'llah (may Allah be well pleased with him and with his father) who said:
"Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to teach us how to seek guidance in choosing the best option available in a practical enterprise [al-istikhara fi 'l-amr], just as he would sometimes teach us a Chapter [Sura] from the Qur'an. :
"'If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, or about making plans for a journey, he should perform two cycles of ritual prayer [rak'atain], not as an obligatory observance [farida], but voluntarily. Then he should say:
'"O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge, and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You are the One who knows all things invisible.
Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub
O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in the best interests of my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term, then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless me in it.
Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra khairun li fi dini wa dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa ajili-h :fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h
If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well, wherever I may happen to be, and make me content with Your verdict, O Most Merciful of the merciful.'"
wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin
The Prayer of Need
A. Make ritual ablution
B. Perform two rak’as
C. Say after the prayer:
لا إِلَهَ إلاَّ اللهُ الحَلِيمُ الكَرِيمُ ، سُبْحَانَ اللهِ ربِّ العَرْشِ العَظِيمِ ، الحَمْدُ للهِ رَبِّ العَالَمِينَ ، أَسْأَلُكَ مُوجِبَاتِ رَحْمَتِكَ ، وَ عَزَائِمَ مَغْفِرَتِكَ ، وَ الغَنِيمَةَ مِنْ كُلِّ بِرٍّ وَ السَّلامَةَ مِنْ كُلِّ إِثْمٍ ، لاَ تَدَعْ لِي ذَنْباً إِلاَّ غَفَرْتَهُ ، وَ لاَ هَمَّاً إِلاَّ فَرَّجْتَهُ ، وَ لاَحَاجَةَ لَكَ فِيهَا رِضَا إِلاَّ قَضَيتَهَا يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ.
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ وَ أَتَوَجَّهُ إِلَيكَ بِنَبِيِّكَ مُحَمَّدٍ نَبِيِّ الرَّحْمَةِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَ سَلَّمَ ، يَا مُحَمَّدٌ إِنِّي تَوَجَّهْتُ بِكَ إِلَى رَبِّي فِي حَاجَتِي هَذِهِ لِتُقْضَى لِي اللَّهُمَّ فَشَفِّعْهُ فِيَّ.
There is no God but Allah, The Benevolent, The Beneficent, glory be to Allah, Lord of the Great Throne, all praises are to Allah, Lord of the worlds, I ask You to be a recipient of Your mercy then I beg to be a recipient of Your forgiveness and the benefit of all good deeds and safety from all sins, please don’t leave my sins unforgiven or worries unrelieved and any of my needs which pleases You except that You give it to me oh Most Merciful of the Merciful.
Oh Allah, I ask You and turn to You through Your prophet Muhammad, the Prophet of Mercy; O Muhammad, I seek your intercession with my Lord for my need, that it may be fulfilled. Oh Allah, grant him intercession for me. (Hashiya Tahtawi on Muraqi al Falah sharh Nur al Idah p 324)
Dua for a blessed marriage from Quran
رَبَّنا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِيْنَ إِمَاماً
Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a’yun(iw), wa ‘j’alna li’l-muttaqina imaman.
Our Lord! Grant us spouses and offspring that will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us [the grace] to lead the righteous (Qur’an 25:74).
InshAllah, in Islam, we do not marry for Romantic love but rather for piety and compatibility. We can get to ask as many questions as we would like of a potential spouse prior to giving consent to a marriage or refusing it (this is your God given right, no-one may choose on your behalf).
We do not marry to please our parents but to be pleased ourselves with a helper who will gently pull us into paradise inshAllah, always look for a righteous husband because if he does not like you he will never be unjust towards you. This is the saying of the Prophet Muhammad(saw).
Please, be patient, because Allah loves those who are patient, do not leave the safety of your home, if you fear hurting your parents by not marrying their choice, imagine how devastated they would be to lose you and not know your whereabouts.
Be gentle with yourself and explain the process you will take to help decide matters, it is important because this is a life changing and long term commitment. May Allah protect you and give you the blessing of a pious husband who will fill you with contentment, love for the sake of Allah and bring the blessings of children to be the coolness of your eyes. Ameen.
