dipressive condition

[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:

I am so blessed that my husband was so understanding to my complaints and struggles when we first had our daughter. I think men are more sensitive and gentle than we give them credit for. They aren't going to run away just because their wife is feeling depressed or struggling with new motherhood.

I think we sell men short oftentimes and infantilize them when we assume they lack the depth to understand their wife's pain. And polygyny is not a panacea to all marriage difficulties, rather the Qur'an puts limits on it if there is fear of unfairness. Also, one cannot assume that plural marriage will result in the women helping each other out. I have a friend who does charity work in Uganda and had to take in a near-death starved child because the 1st wife had died and the 2nd wife did care one bit if this boy lived or died. Plural marriage does not guarantee friendship or even cooperation.

Sister Saima,
Go easy on yourself and remember that none of us are perfect. Try to make time for yourself for a shower, eating and even taking a walk in the sunshine. My daughter was born during blizzard season and I got cabin fever and also had to struggle with the emotional roller coaster due to hormonal surges. I had crying jags and overwhelming moments of anger and felt scared of myself. After a few months it worked itself out but if it had continued I would've considered going on a antidepressant until my body chemistry evened out. There is no shame in taking necessary medicine. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. I've been in your place and I know it feels like a dark spot. Hang in there sister, I will make dua for you.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Why depend on medicine when we have the remedy with us. Why fall into depression when it is a time of joy.

Every woman falls into postpartum depression. It is normal. But you do not need to dwell on it.

Why would you want to be on an anti-depressant. What about the consequences of the side-effects if you plan to breast feed.

This thread was originally about the sister having a hard time with salat.
Make time for salat. You are in control. If you have to make a schedule for yourself and write it out, do so.

You train your child. This is the beginning of many years of training and educating your child. In a couple of years the child will be making salat with you.

This calls for sabr. And the food for sabr is dhikr.

 

[saima abdullah]

jasak Allah sister shyhijabi for your kind words, may Allah reward you abundently for this .. Alhumdulillah my husband is soo understanding MashaAllah ,,, as i get harsh he gets more gentle,,, but he dont allow me anti dipressant due to side effects , he believes that i will get addictive of them ... and plz let me clear m greatful to Allah for my little doll she is apple of my eyes so nobody should have misunderstanding that m fade up of her but things are so new to me she is only 2 months old and there are many other problems side by ... i was not ment to become target of comments but just wanted to knew what others are doing in such....

 

[ShyHijabi]

Assalaam walaikum,

Why depend on medicine when we have the remedy with us. Why fall into depression when it is a time of joy.

Every woman falls into postpartum depression. It is normal. But you do not need to dwell on it.

Why would you want to be on an anti-depressant. What about the consequences of the side-effects if you plan to breast feed.

This thread was originally about the sister having a hard time with salat.
Make time for salat. You are in control. If you have to make a schedule for yourself and write it out, do so.

You train your child. This is the beginning of many years of training and educating your child. In a couple of years the child will be making salat with you.

This calls for sabr. And the food for sabr is dhikr.

:salam2:

You can breastfeed and take certain antidepressants, it doesn't carry over into the milk. While "baby blues" is common and will pass there are some very serious cases of postpartum depression that can be dangerous to the mother and baby. This is an area that many people are still very ignorant about and it is very stigmatized. I think it best left to the mother and her doctor when deciding if this is the right option for her.

I look forward to the day when people realize that postpartum depression is not about wallowing in self pity or not being grateful for your baby. It is a serious medical condition caused by hormonal imbalance. And while she did mention having trouble with salat, it sounds like this was more of a symptom of being overwhelmed emotionally. For those of us who have been through childbirth recently it strikes a cord. It would not have helped me at all if someone simply told me to stop wallowing in depression and "pull myself up." I was very blessed that my husband (being a physician as well) recognized that I was overwhelmed and pitched in to help as much as possible while my hormones stabilized.

I am also glad he did not start eye balling other women for wives since a big reason I was so hormonal and emotionally labile was because I had just delivered HIS child into this world. This is a time for tenderness and kindness to the sister. While we all give advice I think it would behoove us to remember to keep a gentle "tone" while giving it.

 

[ShyHijabi]

jasak Allah sister shyhijabi for your kind words, may Allah reward you abundently for this .. Alhumdulillah my husband is soo understanding MashaAllah ,,, as i get harsh he gets more gentle,,, but he dont allow me anti dipressant due to side effects , he believes that i will get addictive of them ... and plz let me clear m greatful to Allah for my little doll she is apple of my eyes so body should have misunderstanding that m fade up of her but things are so new to me she is only 2 months old and there are many other problems side by ... i was not ment to become target of comments but just wanted to knew what others are doing in such....

:salam2:

I am going to type this in capitals and I promise I am not yelling.

ANTIDEPRESSANTS ARE NOT ADDICTIVE OR HABIT FORMING. This is a myth that many people believe. There is a a group called SSRIs that are very specific and have either no side effects or are very mild.

Unfortunately there is still so much not understood about depression in the general population. It is not a result of lack of faith or trust in Allah, it is about brain chemistry, plain and simple. It is no different than a diabetic taking insulin for blood glucose regulation. But there is so much stigmatization in our society surrounding mental health.

While I respect your husband and know he is protective of you, he most likely is not a physician and should consult one before "forbidding" you from taking medication. (any medication)

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

There was nothing harsh in what I said. Part of treating depression is to help the patient understand that he or she has control over their lives. The end result of therapy is to have the patient free from medication.

The purpose of medication is to hold the patient in a steady-state so they can gain insight into why they are unable to make rational and sensible decisions. Medical therapy at best should be short term.

Given the conditions of insurance companies most physicians will write a prescription with no counseling. At best the insurance company will decide if the condition warrants a trip to the psychiatrist's office. And how many at max.

Where does that leave the person who is depressed. You take a magic pill. The magic pill runs out. The person who has come to rely on the magic pill has nowhere to fall expect back to depression. The dosage is upped. Now, it takes more of the magic pill to get out of depression.


Now..comes the fun part...lets say the person wants to go back to the workforce...not so fast..medical records are reviewed..and if it is detected that you have seen a shrink or been on anti-depressants..well, you will not be given the job..you are at-risk. These stigmas are very alive today.

This is not the Islamic solution. Where in this is the need for us to make dua. Where in this formula is the need for us to be totally dependent on Allah. Where is the need to do works of good deeds so our joints are given blessings?

Depression is taking the universe and reducing it to how the world is not making me happy.

I can not but think of Hager. Here she is with a baby. She musters up the courage to ask Ibrahim..is this what Allah wished. He does not respond. She asks him two more times. He does not respond. She accepts her circumstances. She does not go hormonal. She reacts. She runs. She calls upon Allah. She believes. Were it not for the faith of that woman, the woman who was abandoned, alone in the world with a babe, her husband returning to his other wives and family...and here she is without anything, anything..alone in the wilderness..with a tiny bundle of joy...and from her faith sprung Mecca.

 

[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:

Insurance companies do not decide if a person needs a referral to the Psychiatrist's office, I have worked for 2 years for a major medical insurance company in the past as well as see it from the Physician's end as well. Only the patient can decide if they need to see a Psychiatrist and that is usually from their own insight mixed with suggestions from their physician, family and/or friends.

I have NEVER seen a doctor prescribe antidepressants without counseling first, that would be malpractice. In the case of post partum depression I have only seen it prescribed short term until the mother's hormones regulate and she is back to her baseline. I haven't seen them "upped" (and in any case if they can get them upped then they haven't run out of their meds). This is not a "magic pill" this is medication to regulate a chemical imbalance, like insulin is for diabetes.

I am familiar with HIPAA laws and can tell you no employer has access to your chart or file. There is absolutely no way to know if a person has been to a counselor or received medication of any form. The only way for them to know this information is if the person supplies it and it is illegal to ask them (employer) about this. So no, in this case the history would not prevent you from receiving employment.

Receiving medical help for a medical condition (depression, postpartum issues) is not un-Islamic, it's simply treating an illness. There is no reason whatsoever why a person cannot receive necessary medical treatment while making dua and salat. The two are not exclusive.

 

[esperanza]

jasak Allah sister shyhijabi for your kind words, may Allah reward you abundently for this .. Alhumdulillah my husband is soo understanding MashaAllah ,,, as i get harsh he gets more gentle,,, but he dont allow me anti dipressant due to side effects , he believes that i will get addictive of them ... and plz let me clear m greatful to Allah for my little doll she is apple of my eyes so nobody should have misunderstanding that m fade up of her but things are so new to me she is only 2 months old and there are many other problems side by ... i was not ment to become target of comments but just wanted to knew what others are doing in such....

sister your lucky if you have kind and gentle husband next to you ...not all husbands have time or the ability to do that,,,
dear it will pass inshallah ..you should be sure its really hormonal imbalance before you think about taking medicine,,

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

I am speaking form a different end.

You will never believe me. Thus, I will not debate.

Why would I make anything up on an Islamic forum?

 

[hana*]

:salam2:

im so glad sis shyhijabi replied and i knew that you would. it is exactly as she said: post partum depression is not something that involves self-pity, it is a hormonal imbalance and a reduction in neurotransitters, that is out with ones control. alhamdulilah and thanks be to Allah that i have a great husband who stood by me. I had a transfusion and was away from my baby for days, then my baby fell ill and was hospitalised during her early days.

im really greatful to Allah for the blessung of a wonderful husband and beautiful baby. I hope that sis saima will get better soon.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum

Sister,

What does depression have to do with salat. If anything salat is the cure to depression.

 

[hana*]

it has nothing to do with salah. once should not miss their salah no matter how ill. alhamdulilah i have not missed any. the point was one cant just dismiss PND.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

Dua and dhikr are the solutions to any ills of the soul. Depression by definition is an ill of the soul.

-Postpartum depression is not an ill of the soul. It is a misnomer. It is a temporary condition...all women who give birth go through it. It is part and parcel of the pregnancy cycle.

 

[saima abdullah]

omg i dont said that i cant pray due to depression but lack of time as i start pray she starts crying ... salah is indeed a cure of problems...

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Two things..one pick her up or two ignore her and she will learn to not cry. You can not pick her up each time she cries...Keep her on the prayer rug or pray sitting on a chair and hold her...

 

[ShyHijabi]

omg i dont said that i cant pray due to depression but lack of time as i start pray she starts crying ... salah is indeed a cure of problems...

She is about 2 months old, correct? My daughter had reflux the first 5 months and would scream bloody murder when set down because she was in pain. So I basically held her and did salat with slightly altered positions. Instead of going down into full sajood I would just slightly bend. That was I could do my prayers and keep her her happy and comforted.

 

[saima abdullah]

will it be ok to hold up baby during salah?

 

[AbuIbrahiim]

Asalaamu ALaikum sister,

Yes you can hold your baby while you r praying its permissible to do that.if you can pray without holding her then go ahead but if not then you pray while you are holding Inshaa Allah. Be patient and Allah will reward you for your hard work sister.
May Allah protect you and your baby and make it easy transaction. Allahuma ameen

 

[ShyHijabi]

I always try to perform my Solat on time. However I have an 18 month old baby and there are times when there is no other adult to watch him when I do my solat. The problem is whenever I do my solat with him close by, he will sit in front of me and basically disturb my solat. My question is, Is my solat unacceptable when he does this, and also, is it better to delay my solat even if it means missing it and doing qada'?

Praise be to Allaah.

Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds, and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad and all his family and companions.

The Muslim has to perform the prayers at the appointed times and it is not permissible to delay them for no reason, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, Al-Salaat (the prayer) is enjoined on the believers at fixed hours” [al-Nisaa’ 4:103], i.e. it is obligatory at specific times, and should not be brought forward or delayed. The timing is the most important condition of prayer: if a person is not able to fulfil some of the conditions of the prayer, he should still pray as best as he can, within the prescribed time, and he should not delay it. One of the things that indicate the importance of the times of prayer in sharee’ah is the fact that if a Muslim cannot find water, he should do tayammum (“dry ablution” using earth or sand) and pray, even if he is sure that he will find water after the time for that prayer has passed.

The fact that a child walks in front of his mother whilst she is praying does not have any effect on the prayer and does not make it invalid. It was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) carried a small girl whilst he was praying, picking her up when he stood up and putting her down when he prostrated (sujood). This was reported by al-Bukhaari and Muslim from Abu Qutaadah al-Ansaari: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray whilst he was carrying Umaamah, the daughter of Zaynab bint Rasool-Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). According to the report of Abu’l-‘Aas ibn Rabee’ah ibn ‘Abd Shams, when he prostrated he put her down, and when he stood up he picked her up.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 486, and Muslim, no. 844).

It was also reported that he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) allowed a small boy to ride on his shoulders and he still completed the prayer. This was reported by ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Shaddaad from his father: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came out to lead us in either Maghrib or ‘Ishaa’ one night, and he was carrying Hasan or Husayn. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came forward and put (the child) down, then he said Takbeer and started to pray. During the prayer, he prostrated and made his prostration long. My father said: ‘I raised my head and I saw the child on the back of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whilst he was prostrating, so I returned to my prostration.’ When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) finished praying, the people said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, during your prayer you prostrated for so long that we thought something had happened or that you were receiving Revelation.’ He said, ‘Nothing at all happened, but my son was riding on my back and I did not want to disturb him until he had had enough.’” (Narrated by al-Nisaa’i, no. 1192; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani – may Allaah have mercy on him – in Saheeh Sunan al-Nisaa’i, 1/246).

If you pick you child up and put him down whilst you are praying, it will not do any harm. Keep offering your prayers at the appointed times. May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/5485/praying%20with%20baby