wayofthesalaf
New Member
:salam2: Everyone my name is Ahmad Mitchell,
God willing you are well and this message reaches you in the best of health and imaan (faith). This is the story of my reversion. Feel free to comment. While I would like this to be read by other Muslims my primary reason for writing it is to share my story with other Westerners who may have misconceptions about Islam and are wondering how and why a blond haired blue-eyed American could ever think about becoming a Muslim.
Indeed all praise is due to Allah, we praise Him, we seek His aid and we seek His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our own souls and from the evil consequences of our actions. All praise is due to Allah, I was guided to Islam about two years ago. Prior to reverting, I wondered in a state of disillusionment, hedonism, confusion and depression – focusing on this Dunya (worldy life) and material possessions, rather than the worship of my Creator.
I was raised in a white, middle class, non-practicing Catholic family in the Boston area. As a child I was very conscious of the existence of God but as I grew up, like many other young people in the West I began focusing on material possessions and indulging in things relating to this Dunya (worldly life) just to satisfy my own desires, and eventually I fell into a materialist atheistic philosophy. Starting when I was around 11 I found myself becoming increasingly unhappy. I and family could not understand the cause of my depression and as time passed things only got worse. By the time I was 14 and about to enter high school, I was already experimenting with various intoxicants. I saw getting stoned and drunk as a means of "escaping" my problems and incredible sadness. Obviously this was not the case, for the more I did, the worse I felt and the unhappy I became. I was told that contentment and happiness lies in material gain and the fulfillment of desires. And thus I began to chase after the fleeting pleasures of this worldly life, thinking that by satisfying my lusts and desires and obtaining material things, I could achieve true happiness. But it all made my situation worse and I felt dirty and rejected by everything and everyone around me. The world seemed so dark, and I could not understand why I was alive, much less begin to comprehend the reason for my existence. It was if I had a black hole in my heart; a void which nothing could fill.
By age 15 I had become a self-hating nihilistic drug addict. I had seriously contemplated committing suicide on several occasions and almost began user harder drugs such as heroin and cocaine. Yet it was at this time when I was at the darkest point of my life that I realized that if I kept treading on the same path I could easily end up dead or in jail. For I was on a path leading to self destruction and felt it necessary to change lifestyles before it was too late.
By the mercy of Allah I survived those days of fitnah (difficulties) and was finally able to stop using drugs. In the months that followed I began taking long walks outside observing the world around me, contemplating my existence and reflecting on life in general. As a result I became very spiritual and became increasingly interested in to study religious philosophy. For some time I studied Buddhism and Native American spiritual traditions but even after spending hours in silent meditation my soul was still restless and I still unhappy in many respects. I felt there was something fundamentally missing in my life.
As I began to reflect on the world around I started asking myself questions such as; Why am I here? Where did I come from? Where am I going? How does all of this exist? It certainly did not create itself! Even a simple utensil such as a spoon has a designer and maker and no one would ever argue that a spoon created itself or came into existence as a result of some random event. Everyone acknowledges that such an object could not exist without the existence of someone or something to design it. It has a specific purpose and the intelligence behind its design is absolute proof in the existence of its designer. But that is just a spoon. How about the heavens and the earth and all that exists? Is that not infinitely more complicated then a simple utensil? How could someone believe that the entire universe and all it contains have come about randomly, without cause, for absolutely no reason or purpose and yet simultaneously disbelieve that a simple utensil such as a spoon could never exist without the existence of a designer? It was thus in my questioning of my beliefs that I realized after long contemplation, observation and simple reasoning that it was an absolute impossibility for heavens and the earth and all they contain to exist without the existence of One, Perfect, All-Powerful Creator. It hit me in such a profound way that I knew my heart would not be at rest until I found the truth about my existence, my purpose in life and my Creator. Upon (re)finding God, I felt it important for me to do everything in my power to draw closer to Him.
I had heard the terms Islam, Muslims and the Qur'an in the news, especially after 9/11, but it was almost always presented in a negative and distorted manner. At this time I was very interested in current events in the Middle East and was hoping to become a correspondent for Aljazeera or some other channel to inform Americans what was actually happening in that part of the world. And while I dreamt traveling around the Middle East and visiting the desert, I realized that I knew virtually nothing about the beliefs and history of the people I was hoping to spend time with. I had seen bearded men in long white robes and women wearing veils on the TV and around me in America, but it was not until that moment, after reasoning that God must exist, that I felt such a powerful force, outside of myself, guiding me to learn more about this strange religion called Islam.
One evening while on my computer I found myself on the internet searching for information about Islam. I clicked on the first site that popped up on Google and proceeded to the discover Islam section. I read articles about Allah, the angles, brotherhood, charity, prayers and fasting and while it was all very foreign to me I could not stop reading. The more I read the more I wanted to read. It was as if I had been chasing after a mirage my entire life trying to quench my thirst for knowledge and had I finally found the oasis of truth.
I discovered that Islam is a Deen, and not merely a ‘Religion’ as it is commonly referred to. Rather is a complete way of life, a 24/7, all encompassing, universal lifestyle that is not bound by time, gender, race, age or borders. It is a complete and final guidance sent to mankind from the Creator of all that exists to inform us how He wants us to live: in a state of complete submission to Him and at peace with one another. The closer one is to Allah the stronger one feels tranquility and peace settle upon the heart. And that is what happened. As I read, I felt an intense energy consume my being. Peace and tranquility descend upon my soul in a manner never before known to me. It was as if thousands of pounds had been lifted off my shoulders that had been holding me down and oppressing me for so many years. It all made sense, and was so simple. I physically felt the gaping hole and sadness in heart for so long being closed and vanish. I subsequently began to cry as I felt an incredible joy overcome me. I finally was beginning to understand the reason for my existence and my place in the world, it just took me 17 years to realize it.
About a week later, on November 27, 2004, I walked into the local Masjid and took my Shahadah (Decloration of Faith) in which I declared in front of about 200 witnesses: Ash hadu an La illaha ill Allah wa ash hadu anna Muhamadan RasulAllah, I bear witness that there is nothing worthy of worship except Allah and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. And thus I was Muslim and from that day on my life forever changed.
It is only now, reflecting back on the way I had been living that I can understand the reasons for my deep sadness and the incredible emptiness in my heart. I was looking towards the creation for the answers to my problems rather than to the Creator, who has power over all things. Allah saved me the darkness of self-destruction, ignorance and disbelief, and guided me to the light Islam. Alhamdulillah, I am incredibly grateful for this gift I’ve been given and there is nothing I could ever do to repay Allah for His Generosity and Mercy except do my best to be a good Muslim who struggles in His cause. I have never in my life felt happier and more at peace as I do today, now that I am Muslim, all Praise be to Allah, Lord of All that Exists.
May Allah reward you and guide you to that which please Him,
masalaama,
Your Brother in Islam,
Ahmad bin Christopher Mitchell
God willing you are well and this message reaches you in the best of health and imaan (faith). This is the story of my reversion. Feel free to comment. While I would like this to be read by other Muslims my primary reason for writing it is to share my story with other Westerners who may have misconceptions about Islam and are wondering how and why a blond haired blue-eyed American could ever think about becoming a Muslim.
Indeed all praise is due to Allah, we praise Him, we seek His aid and we seek His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our own souls and from the evil consequences of our actions. All praise is due to Allah, I was guided to Islam about two years ago. Prior to reverting, I wondered in a state of disillusionment, hedonism, confusion and depression – focusing on this Dunya (worldy life) and material possessions, rather than the worship of my Creator.
I was raised in a white, middle class, non-practicing Catholic family in the Boston area. As a child I was very conscious of the existence of God but as I grew up, like many other young people in the West I began focusing on material possessions and indulging in things relating to this Dunya (worldly life) just to satisfy my own desires, and eventually I fell into a materialist atheistic philosophy. Starting when I was around 11 I found myself becoming increasingly unhappy. I and family could not understand the cause of my depression and as time passed things only got worse. By the time I was 14 and about to enter high school, I was already experimenting with various intoxicants. I saw getting stoned and drunk as a means of "escaping" my problems and incredible sadness. Obviously this was not the case, for the more I did, the worse I felt and the unhappy I became. I was told that contentment and happiness lies in material gain and the fulfillment of desires. And thus I began to chase after the fleeting pleasures of this worldly life, thinking that by satisfying my lusts and desires and obtaining material things, I could achieve true happiness. But it all made my situation worse and I felt dirty and rejected by everything and everyone around me. The world seemed so dark, and I could not understand why I was alive, much less begin to comprehend the reason for my existence. It was if I had a black hole in my heart; a void which nothing could fill.
By age 15 I had become a self-hating nihilistic drug addict. I had seriously contemplated committing suicide on several occasions and almost began user harder drugs such as heroin and cocaine. Yet it was at this time when I was at the darkest point of my life that I realized that if I kept treading on the same path I could easily end up dead or in jail. For I was on a path leading to self destruction and felt it necessary to change lifestyles before it was too late.
By the mercy of Allah I survived those days of fitnah (difficulties) and was finally able to stop using drugs. In the months that followed I began taking long walks outside observing the world around me, contemplating my existence and reflecting on life in general. As a result I became very spiritual and became increasingly interested in to study religious philosophy. For some time I studied Buddhism and Native American spiritual traditions but even after spending hours in silent meditation my soul was still restless and I still unhappy in many respects. I felt there was something fundamentally missing in my life.
As I began to reflect on the world around I started asking myself questions such as; Why am I here? Where did I come from? Where am I going? How does all of this exist? It certainly did not create itself! Even a simple utensil such as a spoon has a designer and maker and no one would ever argue that a spoon created itself or came into existence as a result of some random event. Everyone acknowledges that such an object could not exist without the existence of someone or something to design it. It has a specific purpose and the intelligence behind its design is absolute proof in the existence of its designer. But that is just a spoon. How about the heavens and the earth and all that exists? Is that not infinitely more complicated then a simple utensil? How could someone believe that the entire universe and all it contains have come about randomly, without cause, for absolutely no reason or purpose and yet simultaneously disbelieve that a simple utensil such as a spoon could never exist without the existence of a designer? It was thus in my questioning of my beliefs that I realized after long contemplation, observation and simple reasoning that it was an absolute impossibility for heavens and the earth and all they contain to exist without the existence of One, Perfect, All-Powerful Creator. It hit me in such a profound way that I knew my heart would not be at rest until I found the truth about my existence, my purpose in life and my Creator. Upon (re)finding God, I felt it important for me to do everything in my power to draw closer to Him.
I had heard the terms Islam, Muslims and the Qur'an in the news, especially after 9/11, but it was almost always presented in a negative and distorted manner. At this time I was very interested in current events in the Middle East and was hoping to become a correspondent for Aljazeera or some other channel to inform Americans what was actually happening in that part of the world. And while I dreamt traveling around the Middle East and visiting the desert, I realized that I knew virtually nothing about the beliefs and history of the people I was hoping to spend time with. I had seen bearded men in long white robes and women wearing veils on the TV and around me in America, but it was not until that moment, after reasoning that God must exist, that I felt such a powerful force, outside of myself, guiding me to learn more about this strange religion called Islam.
One evening while on my computer I found myself on the internet searching for information about Islam. I clicked on the first site that popped up on Google and proceeded to the discover Islam section. I read articles about Allah, the angles, brotherhood, charity, prayers and fasting and while it was all very foreign to me I could not stop reading. The more I read the more I wanted to read. It was as if I had been chasing after a mirage my entire life trying to quench my thirst for knowledge and had I finally found the oasis of truth.
I discovered that Islam is a Deen, and not merely a ‘Religion’ as it is commonly referred to. Rather is a complete way of life, a 24/7, all encompassing, universal lifestyle that is not bound by time, gender, race, age or borders. It is a complete and final guidance sent to mankind from the Creator of all that exists to inform us how He wants us to live: in a state of complete submission to Him and at peace with one another. The closer one is to Allah the stronger one feels tranquility and peace settle upon the heart. And that is what happened. As I read, I felt an intense energy consume my being. Peace and tranquility descend upon my soul in a manner never before known to me. It was as if thousands of pounds had been lifted off my shoulders that had been holding me down and oppressing me for so many years. It all made sense, and was so simple. I physically felt the gaping hole and sadness in heart for so long being closed and vanish. I subsequently began to cry as I felt an incredible joy overcome me. I finally was beginning to understand the reason for my existence and my place in the world, it just took me 17 years to realize it.
About a week later, on November 27, 2004, I walked into the local Masjid and took my Shahadah (Decloration of Faith) in which I declared in front of about 200 witnesses: Ash hadu an La illaha ill Allah wa ash hadu anna Muhamadan RasulAllah, I bear witness that there is nothing worthy of worship except Allah and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. And thus I was Muslim and from that day on my life forever changed.
It is only now, reflecting back on the way I had been living that I can understand the reasons for my deep sadness and the incredible emptiness in my heart. I was looking towards the creation for the answers to my problems rather than to the Creator, who has power over all things. Allah saved me the darkness of self-destruction, ignorance and disbelief, and guided me to the light Islam. Alhamdulillah, I am incredibly grateful for this gift I’ve been given and there is nothing I could ever do to repay Allah for His Generosity and Mercy except do my best to be a good Muslim who struggles in His cause. I have never in my life felt happier and more at peace as I do today, now that I am Muslim, all Praise be to Allah, Lord of All that Exists.
May Allah reward you and guide you to that which please Him,
masalaama,
Your Brother in Islam,
Ahmad bin Christopher Mitchell
:tti_sister: May Allah guide us all thro the straight path till the end of our lives.
