funny jokes!

[ovomer]

salam to all!Let us share clean jokes!!this is my first thread!! here is mine!
Dear Father,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

 

[abu'muhammad]

:salam2:

Father – advising to his son for exam,
write your paper neat and clean, be quick ! write fast ! check your answers again ! take as many supplementaries to write. Look at clock !........................
Son says after hearing long – you are better than me papa, for the exam!

One child to other - what disease happen when many bees stink on leg ?
Other child – I don’t know but ‘It’s elephantiasis later’.

Father was prompting his son to eat apples. Father – my son eat those slices of apples . It has lot Iron .. good for health, than strong man… Hhnnn
Son brought the hammer – what to do with this ! then , papa ?

After a whole day at zoo, the family is returning back. Father asks daughter – what you liked in the zoo ?
Daughter – icecreams and sandwiches

Wife to her husband - I made saving of rupees 5000 buy purchasing things at discount. It was wonderful shopping ! see the bill.
Husband says – good ! very nice. where’s the money.
Wife – there were also some beautiful jewelleries and I bought with that.

two footballers are talking before the match.
First – I will make a goal today for sure.
second- but If you cannot make then ?
First – I ‘ll make own goal then !

Teacher asked a question : where most washermen live?
Student : It’s Washington. Is it ?!

 

[ovomer]

Lethal Food
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"

"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."

The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."

 

[arzafar]

A man pays 10 bucks extra when buying something he needs.
A woman saves 10 bucks when buying something she doesn't need.

 

[arzafar]

i just realized this topic doesnt belong to the news and CA section. Its should be moved elsewhere.

 

[IslamicGirl24]

salam to all!Let us share clean jokes!!this is my first thread!! here is mine!
Dear Father,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

LOL! hahaha! The $on is a clever boy...

 

[ovomer]

Two old ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, "I realize we've known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can't bring it to mind... would you please tell me your name again, dear?" There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other lady responds, "How soon do you need to know?"

 

[ovomer]

The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..." A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir."

 

[ovomer]

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

 

[ovomer]

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same
way - 'Take a clean dish."

 

[ovomer]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

 

[Hilal Said]

Dear brothers/sisters

I think it is to share real funny situations happened to you in your life and avoid this sort of jokes.

Please few lines below:

Fatwa no. 6928


Q 2: Many people tell lies when they are joking, is this permissible for them? If I leave them when they start kidding, will I be rewarded for this? Please advise me and may Allah reward you with the best!

A: if the joking involves clear lies and falsehoods, it is obligatory on a Muslim to leave the gathering. You will be rewarded if you leave a gathering due to people telling lies in their jokes . However, if the speech involves allusions and ambiguity that are truthful, there is nothing wrong with this.

May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and Companions!


Permanent Committee for Scholarly Research and Ifta’


:salam2:

 

[An72]

LOL. Funny post! This really made my day..