Grad School Dilemma

[ShahnazZ]

Hope everyone's in the best state of health and iman. I've been kind of MIA from the forum for awhile because I've been in grad school but that's where my current dilemma springs from.

*DISCLAIMER: For those that feel compelled to give me some "tough love", I'm really not in the best place to absorb that right now and will most likely bite your head off. Therefore, please exercise compassion when writing your responses.*

So I'm currently in grad school and so far it's been pretty challenging but I was motivated to overcome all the obstacles in my path so I could graduate on time. While taking one of the most challenging exams ever, I prayed to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala to grant me success as this exam would determine whether I passed or failed this particular course. I studied for months and prepared myself thoroughly. On the day of the exam, I got the exam timings confused and thought I had an hour longer than I really did. No warning was given until 4 minutes before the time the exam had to be handed in and by then I had only answered half the questions. My exam was literally snatched away frome me despite half the questions still remaining blank.

My professor ended up failing me, from not only the exam but from the course as well. I spoke to my professor and my program advisor about this incident. Both believed that there was nothing that could be done as giving me any kind of special treatment would be unfair to the other students, despite the fact that I was the only one who had failed the entire course. As a result, department policy states that I cannot continue my Master's Program until I retake the course I failed...which is only offered once a year. That means, I have to wait until next year to retake the course and resume my program. By then, my fellow students will have graduated and I'll still be stuck here.

What I'm having trouble with is the fact that I not only made excessive dua to pass all my classes as well as this exam, but that I prayed istikhara before entering into this program. This program was not originally at the top of my list but over time I grew into it. Now that I'm settled, this catastrophe happens to me and I'm basically being kicked out for the remaining 8 months of the year.

I can't help but feel betrayed. What I asked Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for literally ended up the OPPOSITE of what I wanted. I asked to pass the exam with flying colors and instead, the paper was literally SNATCHED out of my hand where I failed by default. I asked to be able to pass the course and instead I'm being asked to step out of the program. I've asked Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for guidance every step of the way and I felt I was following His Guidance. Suddenly now I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

How could this injustice happen to me? Every moment is torture. I had the next three years of my life practically planned out and now everything's a mess. My goal of getting my Masters is now more difficult than ever.

As a Believer, I put all my trust and my faith in Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala and the knowledge that He would help me. Instead, how could the exact OPPOSITE happen to me?

I have no idea how I'm going to get over this or move on for the remaining year. I keep praying for strength and although my pain seems to be dwindling at times, it begins all over again when I wake up the next morning. The summer portion of the course starts in a few days and I won't be able to attend. None of the other students know and those that I've connected with and become attached to are oblivious and will be absolutely shocked when they find out I won't be in the program any longer. Additionally, it's not easy for me to connect with people as much and I'm going to have to go through the same thing all over again next year when I'm placed with the next incoming class.

How can I make sense of what's going on and keep my Iman high at the same time? I know most of the comments will most likely be similar to those made by my mother. Her philosophy is to maintain sabr and believe that there is goodness in this and that we can't possibly understand Allah's Hikmah. Although I usually go by the same motto most of the time, I'm having trouble grasping just how that would apply right now. How is my life being turned upside down good for me? It's been a week since this happened and I understand that right now is when it's going to hurt the most but I really have no idea what I'm going to do.

JazakAllah khair for listening.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Sister,

Here I go again with one of my longwinded responses..get a large cup of black coffee.

Once when I was fired from a job..I sat in the lobby of my apartment building..we were waiting for a major snow storm and I had a good view. I was so sad. I had worked so hard. I was excellent in what I was doing. My dreams had been crushed and there was no fairness in what was done. I was young ( imagine that )...I had tears flowing from my sad sad eyes...a man came to me and asked me what happened. He said I looked like it was the end of the world. I told him. He laughed.

Naturally, I was upset. How could he laugh. He said it was just a job. I explained to him that I would be blacklisted and he responded it was just a job. I think I have been fired from six or seven other jobs after that. I lost count.

It is so hard to understand how dejected we become when our dreams our snatched from us. It is a betrayal of all that we have worked towards. And it all happens in the snap of a second. You really begin to understand the meaning of the phrase: the rug was pulled under your feet.

So where am I going with this. It is a blessing. What the blessing is has not manifested itself. Isn't the world of the kufr amazing. This is policy and this is not. And tomorrow it will change to something else.

Do not second guess yourself. This is not indicative of your intelligence or diligence. You are young. You have time. So now you have eight months to do something you would love to do. This is a respite from Allah subhana wa taala. Take this time to do something you have always wanted to do. Take this time to do stuff at the masjid. You have ideas, you have energy. Now put it together and become strong.

It is with each disappointment that we rely on Allah subhana wa taala. And only on Allah subhana wa taala. We often look at life from our perspective with limited vision. Maybe, just maybe you did the work Allah subhana wa taala wanted you to do and you are ready to move on to do something else that He wants you to do.

You are one of the strong sisters. And we become strong by being tested. Be grateful baby doll that Allah subhana wa taala Loves you and tested you. Think of what Blessings He has stored for you in the near future...InshaAllah.

 

[helpinghumanity]

I had the next three years of my life practically planned out and now everything's a mess

Assalamo alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

I also planned when I was about to graduate (Feb 2012) from college. Every minor detail, on how and what to achieve was listed. Every thing looked simple on that piece of paper and I was driving 100 mph on that smooth road knowing the fact that I am over speeding but there was nothing in my way to stop me.

But fortunately or unfortunately I was stumbled on the very first item in the **To Do List** for the first time. That was a complete shock as I am/was NOT used to of it. So far whatever I desired was handed over without any major issue, but this time my desires/goals were not fulfilled.

At that very moment, I realized life doesn't go the way you plan it. Life doesn't go at a pace you would want it to go. I felt lost and began to ask for suggestion. My trust on TTI lead to write a thread **IN NEED OF YOUR PRECIOUS DUAS**..and alhamdolillah I got the responses that were sufficient enough for me to get back on the track with much determination...and alhamdolillah yesterday I had another achievement

My this particular situation didn't lessened my trust in Allah. On the contrary, I began to have more trust in Allah and at the end of the day I submitted myself to Him.

I would request my beloved sister to analyze this experience from the positive perspective. Alhamdolilah you are a strong muslimah and inshallah you will come out from this situation in a strong and correct way. Develop a strong connection with Allah and know that Allah loves you more than 70 time than the love of your mother. So whatever He has decided for you, Inshallah it will be good for you **not only in this dunya but also in the hereafter**

You are in my duaas baaji. I am hopeful that others on TTI will also make duaa for you. Don't feel alone we all are with you.

wassalam

 

[Itqan Ullah]

Asslamaliekum warahmatullahi wabrakatu,
Same thing happened to me in my maths board exam (hopefully i wont fail though inshallah), you can retake your course, I can't retake my boards, even if I want to and this percentage will matter anywhere I go, be it grad university or enrolling for phd (maybe?) and job interview.

But you got to realise, when something has gone... Itz gone... Your worrying or depression, etc. Won't change it. Perhaps this is only easy to say not to implement, but when you constantly ponder over this, you'll feel contended.

A believer is always in a win-win situation. When Allah (swt) provides him with something he is thankful to him and he is rewarded for that, when he faces trials he keeps sabr and he is rewarded for that .

Think about it, you can be standing on day of judgement and when you'll be informed about the reward which you could have earned for being patient at this time, you'll be like ' ya hasrata'/'oh woe on me!', had I to sacrifice 1000 degrees for this, I would have done so without a second thought.

Now this whole post is a reminder and 100% applicable for first and foremost me, coz many times I feel I am at the hights of impatience.

So inshallah whatever life gives alhamdulillah, may Allah (swt) bless us with goodness of this world and hereafter.
Barakallah Feeki.

 

[IHearIslam]

Assalaamu alaykum,

*hug* dear Sister!
I came here to find strength as I am going through the same situation (or almost)! Then I stumbled upon this thread only to find that there are others who're going through the same thing or worse! May Allah help us all!!! amen
I do not know what to tell you at this moment, but I can say that I feel your pain and confusion. I feel it all and I question, but I have learned not to question Allah's plans. I went through some depression, it got better but the stuff I missed and the lower grades I received are now evidence to my over all grade. I am really disheartened and very disappointed at this moment---but I know I have to stay strong. This is my first test, I NEED to pass it, so do you sister! Look at it as a test from the best teacher, turn to Him and ask Him to give the strength to pass it. I pray that all goes well for and maybe just maybe there is a huge BLESSING behind this PAIN. Hang on tight, lets make dua for each other shall we??
May Allah give you the strength to carry on, the courage to stand straight and the hope to keep going. ameen
Love you fisabilillah!!

 

[ilyas_eh]

Assalaamu alaykkum sister,

Observe your self in this next eight months. If this whole thing makes you shattered and weak and loose your eeman then you have terribly failed even though you manage to have this degree in hand at the end. BUT if this ordeal make you a strong and better person and did not manage to break you, know that you had the determination to face it and you, by then, will have the experience for the future challenges. And the reward of what has been deprived of you in this world is certainly with Allah. We will not be treated with unjustice by Him, right?

I had been in the same situation. For me it was four years of my studies and my employment that was about to be in vain. Had worse thing happened i would have fell out of college unemployed with no degree in hand. at the age of 21 i would have been forced to start everything from scratch and study with 16-17 yrs old. Alhamdulillah. Allah saved me from that. I won't say that i faced it well and managed it good. I still lost about an year in that whole mess. But believe me by Allah you will not know how the doors open for you. And when Allah removes your pain and agony it is as if nothing bad has ever happened to you.

So keep yourself strong sister. It would be hard to see a strong sister of TTI crumbled under pressure. I hope not and I ask Allah to give you strength to overcome this situation as a stronger and better person. may Allah reward you with the best in this world and in the next.

PS: increase in your ibaadah. read lot of books on sahaabah. and lastly i dont know whether it is a good advice but then it had worked with me, SLEEP A LOT.

 

[thariq2005]

Assalaamu 'alaykum.

Please watch the following video, the shaykh pretty much mentions everything that I want to say.

[ame]www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-B7vxqEvv8[/ame]

 

[abdul-aziz]

:salam2:

Just smile sister!

Do you know Allah is always with you and you can't alter the Gadha and Gader of Allah.

I have failed repeatedly on some important issues outside of Academics and found them very troubling before when I was younger. As I start to reflect on rebuilding what I failed on, I asked myself a very important question. What did I learn from the failure and what could I do to improve my outcome?

SubhanAllah by doing so and thinking through time about them I realized I became a better person and especially in dealing with the situations.

As for Academics, no matter how hard you try there will be some very difficult challenges. It doesn't mean the end of your pursuits, it just means that hey I should be thankful that I live and able to take it over again. Sometimes in work life these chances will not take place.

You never know what you might encounter taking the class again. Ask Allah for guidance, make duaa abundantly and be very patient. In sha Allah, Allah will give you what you wanted with many additional bonuses.

It happened to me where I stopped thinking about the past and present failures in reflection other than finding a way to achieve greater success the next time. Next thing I know so much additional good things came to me that I had to realized all I had to do relax, pursue, and be patient.

 

[MuslimShadow]

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

Maybe i would have cried my heart out if i were in your place......

life definitely doesn't go as you plan it.If you have stumbled upon "i'm never gonna get out of this mess" kind of situation in your life,then only YOU can decide how fast you wanna get out of that situation( by the blessings and mercy of ALLAH).It depends on you dear sister.Take your time.

Please keep making dua for yourself.I will make dua for you too.It can change your life.......

Yes, you know with every difficulty there is ease.So don't lose hope.

It takes only one second for Almighty ALLAH to change your life from this to that.

Here's one second happiness that i'm throwing at you.... catch it.!!

 

[strive-may-i]

Walaikum ssalaam warahmathullaahi wabarakaatuh,

Welcome back!

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” [ Qura'an 2:216]


I am just looking around and counting the number of people I know, who just went through that patch, Where the ship was ready, the plans were made, the sails were set and a great voyage started, just when all seemed well and going as per their plan, there was a storm and the storm put strain on the ship, tested the men/material , and made a mockery of all the plans. Under the storm, these men/women stuck on to their faith, did what they could do best as Voyagers, did not overlook the hints the thunder and lightning were throwing down and gave their best. And, when the storm settled, the men were happy , because they had landed on a much much better island... The storm had actually made them realize their plans were mere plans, the grand plan was better, The storm helped them forget their plan and embrace a new one , right in middle of journey, it cleaned them and prepared them for a new beginning...

Now cheer up, Take a look around you, am sure you will find something good too.

*This-Claim-Error-NOT: Read calmly*
Without hesitating, let me tell you what I have to tell you, Sometimes we tend to get lost in planning, Its happened to me, its happened to many. And there are some places where presence of mind really helps. Deep thinking has its place, Presence of mind too has its place. Life teaches, to bow our head and learn from these situations, it shapes us for the better.

**MUST READ**

* I know of many stories, where some students were charged of malpractice, though they did not do it, they were accused of it. They lost a year or two, but did succeeded in subsequent attempts, they came out stronger.
* I know of another person, who joined his fathers business, and found it not his calling, made loss in business, and then quit it feeling dejected; Later the person did some vocational course in computers and now his colleagues inform me he has turned to an ace programmer!
* Another lost parents and a year, then recovered, gathered , worked hard and came out in flying colors.
* I had a friend/classmate who got so lost once in answering the first question, that by the time my friend felt he had answered satisfactorily, he was left with 1/2 hour. He has spend nearly 2.5 hours answering a question that fetches just 1/10 the max score for that paper. And when he realized he had 1/2 hour remaining, he freaked out. He received a hint of problems which were easy to solve and could help him score. He went on overdirve, answered as fast as he could, and cleared the paper. A quick switch that was, from absence of mind to presence of mind.
* I know many, who lost a year or two, and then overcame it with positive thinking, belief.

Dont linger in the past, learn from it and march on...

Okay the count : I have seen atleast a dozen such cases (academic only) so far in my short experience from close quarters. And am hopeful you too will gather yourself and come out stronger , better and smiling by the end of your course.

 

[ShahnazZ]

JazakAllah khair to everyone who responded. Your words were full of kindness and understanding and I am grateful to each and every single one of you for taking time out of your day to give me words of comfort.

So where am I going with this. It is a blessing. What the blessing is has not manifested itself.

This is what everyone around me keeps saying as well. I understand that that's usually the case; however, I guess right now I'm just having difficulty seeing how that applies. I know that my emotions are clouding my vision and that one day I'll understand. It's just the journey to that one particular day that's the most tumultous one.

You are one of the strong sisters. And we become strong by being tested. Be grateful baby doll that Allah subhana wa taala Loves you and tested you. Think of what Blessings He has stored for you in the near future...InshaAllah.

I can only hope there's a light at the end of this tunnel inshAllah. This is a really nice sentiment. Unfortunately, it's something that I guess I'm going to have to keep reminding myself in order to get through this.

At that very moment, I realized life doesn't go the way you plan it. Life doesn't go at a pace you would want it to go.

I think this was one of the biggest things that became apparent to me. If we don't want to feel pain in this dunya, we shouldn't make plans. Making plans is what we do. And when a monkey wrench is thrown into those plans it shatters our world. That was my mistake. Thinking I could accomplish what I wanted to do on my timeline according to my schedule. This just reminded me that I'm not a fifth of the planner that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is. And what scares me is that I have no clue what His Plan for me is.

But you got to realise, when something has gone... Itz gone... Your worrying or depression, etc. Won't change it. Perhaps this is only easy to say not to implement, but when you constantly ponder over this, you'll feel contended.

A believer is always in a win-win situation. When Allah (swt) provides him with something he is thankful to him and he is rewarded for that, when he faces trials he keeps sabr and he is rewarded for that .

This is true. I need to find a way of pounding this into my memory since I'm one of those that tends to dwell alot.

I am really disheartened and very disappointed at this moment---but I know I have to stay strong. This is my first test, I NEED to pass it, so do you sister! Look at it as a test from the best teacher, turn to Him and ask Him to give the strength to pass it. I pray that all goes well for and maybe just maybe there is a huge BLESSING behind this PAIN.

It's really nice that you have this outlook. Strength is pretty much all I'm praying for right now. At the end of the day, it's His Decision no matter what happens and my job is to deal with it and try to accept it as something that He knows is beneficial for me even though I may not understand. It's difficult but inshAllah it's an outlook I'll aim to achieve.

Barakallahu feeki Ukhti

Observe your self in this next eight months. If this whole thing makes you shattered and weak and loose your eeman then you have terribly failed even though you manage to have this degree in hand at the end. BUT if this ordeal make you a strong and better person and did not manage to break you, know that you had the determination to face it and you, by then, will have the experience for the future challenges. And the reward of what has been deprived of you in this world is certainly with Allah. We will not be treated with unjustice by Him, right?

I mean, this is pretty much what I'm trying to tell myself. I may not understand Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala's actions right now and I may be bitter about it but I'm really trying to still be grateful to Him because I know that if I give up my relationship with Him, I'll truly have lost EVERYTHING. It feels like I already have but we all know that without Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala's Guidance we have nothing. And so I keep telling myself that I have to make sure my iman stays intact and that I have to come out strong at the end of this. Easier said than done but hopefully I can do it.

Had worse thing happened i would have fell out of college unemployed with no degree in hand. at the age of 21 i would have been forced to start everything from scratch and study with 16-17 yrs old.

See this is another thing that's bothering me. I'm going to be placed with the next incoming class, which will most likely be younger and inexperienced. It takes me a while to develop connections with people and I'm going to have to do it all over again with these newbies. I'm going to feel like I'm with juveniles when I know so much more than they do and have experienced so much more than them in this program. Additionally, it'll make me feel like the delinquent of the bunch as I'll already have taken the classes they'll be taking and I'll be known as the "one that failed" anytime anyone sees me.

and lastly i dont know whether it is a good advice but then it had worked with me, SLEEP A LOT.

I understand what you mean when you say this works but Akhi be careful. Sleeping alot isn't good for you and can be hazardous to your health. Excessive sleeping is also a sign of depression and we've already got our fair share to deal with.

But it does help the time pass and I'm guessing that's what you meant.

Maybe i would have cried my heart out if i were in your place......

I did. My mother had to make me drink Zam Zam to calm me down.

Brother Thariq, the video was very beneficial and I actually watched the entire thing.

Again, I'm grateful to every single one of you for responding. I feel truly blessed to have all of you in my corner.

Many of you remarked on how strong you think I am. I assure you I'm not. It's moments like this that gage a person's strength and half the time, I spend my time wondering how these things could possibly happen to me. The other half, I spend complaining. You all talk about how you maintained sabr and strength in your times of difficulty and I really envy that. It's not easy for me to do that and I think it's great that many of you can. InshAllah I can learn from you and try to pick up on that.

BarakAllahu feekum again

 

[Um Ibrahim]

I can't help but feel betrayed. What I asked Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for literally ended up the OPPOSITE of what I wanted. I asked to pass the exam with flying colors and instead, the paper was literally SNATCHED out of my hand where I failed by default. I asked to be able to pass the course and instead I'm being asked to step out of the program. I've asked Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for guidance every step of the way and I felt I was following His Guidance. Suddenly now I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

:salam2:

Sister please be patient and seek refuge with Allah from the shaytan. It's in the most difficult of times that Shaytan takes advantage of us. The shaytan is casting doubts into your heart and head, this is the reason you're writing such statements as "I can't help but feel betrayed." Do you feel betrayed by Allah? Subhanalaah, sister. Think about what you're feeling. You cannot let shaytan cast those types of evil thoughts into your heart or head. Allah is not one to betray. Think about those who are lower than you who have no education at all.People loose their health, wealth, and loved ones suddenly. Read the stories of others. Subhanalaah, then you will realize how good you have it. May Allah forgive you and help you see the many blessings in your life.

P.S.
Please don't bite my head off

 

[Precious Star]

The best thing is that you get to finish your Master's! It hasn't been taken away from you at all...it's just that the end has been prolonged by one short year. You get to take the course again -- slate wiped clean!

And in two, three or ten years, when you are a prof or ph.d candidate perhaps, you will think "what was the big deal".

Everyone has already regaled you with stories of their studies so I will refrain. But I will say two things:

1. Enjoy your life as a student, up and downs and all. Life doesn't get easier when you are out I. The workforce.

2. Life never works out the way you want. Yes dreams are nice but they are often crushed. Why assume your plans are in accord with Allah's plans?? that is the lesson to be learned. At least you have a second chance. There are so many out there who don't get second chances. Even in my profession, so many of my classmates did not pass their certification exams, or, some were not able to find jobs in the profession so thy had to find alternate work out of sheer necessity.

Life is harsh, sister. You have to roll with the punches and accept that God is not our buttler -- we do His bidding, not the other way around.

The best years of my life were as a student. Then real life hit me. So enjoy this upcoming year.

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamu'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

Let go of your grudges. Let the bitterness die tonight. Make a decision today that it's time to move on. And begin again. New, this time. Never forget that what has passed you by was never meant to befall you. And what has befallen you, was never meant to pass you by. Know that sometimes Allah withholds from you, in order to give you something better. Keep your heart focused on Him, and He will take care of the rest. And remember: you will stumble, but that’s part of the path. Keep going. Keep rising, and refuse to give up.

The Messenger of Allâh, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever abstains from asking others, Allâh will make him contented, and whoever tries to make himself self-sufficient, Allâh will make him self-sufficient. And whoever remains patient, Allâh will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience." [Sahih Bukhari, 2:548]

"And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him."
-- Ibn al-Qayyim

Some quotes to ponder to help recharge, rebuild your strengths and move on with a faith full within your heart to Allaah.

P.S: The colored words are that which really suit with your situation.

 

[finding light]

Asalamualykum,

I dont think I have any profound advice like the rest of our wonderful Brothers and Sisters...
I cannot say that I know how you feel, but I can say that with time, you will get the answer to the questions you are asking.. "WHY??".... Why me? It is not today or tomorrow you will see the wisdom behind what Allah does, but InshAllah you will see it after some time. It will hit you, years from now... "OOOOOOHHH!!!! thats why I failed!"

Be patient dear Sister. Allah never fails us... He keeps his promise. Never forget that. You will get your just reward InshAllah!

Keeping you in my duas

 

[ilyas_eh]

See this is another thing that's bothering me. I'm going to be placed with the next incoming class, which will most likely be younger and inexperienced. It takes me a while to develop connections with people and I'm going to have to do it all over again with these newbies. I'm going to feel like I'm with juveniles when I know so much more than they do and have experienced so much more than them in this program. Additionally, it'll make me feel like the delinquent of the bunch as I'll already have taken the classes they'll be taking and I'll be known as the "one that failed" anytime anyone sees me.

I understand this bit, because i was exposed to the same kind of fear. The rest may find it a bit silly but it isn't. It is not so easy either. But then sister, if there is no other way, then you got to deal with it. How long would you think the whole "you are the odd one out among the newbies" thing last? may be a month? and then you get to be like the one who knew the whole subject already. may be some chance to make good friends in shaa Allah. While it is not easy, it is not impossible either, right?

I had a guy fell out of my batch and he joined some other course in my college again. He made new friends and he seemed more comfortable with them than us. Another one from my class fell out only to become an international air-pilot. The third case is my senior, long after he was chucked out of the college he met my batch mate and told him that he was grateful to the captain who chucked him out because he found a much more better career.

So it is not all bad, in shaa Allah.

I understand what you mean when you say this works but Akhi be careful. Sleeping alot isn't good for you and can be hazardous to your health. Excessive sleeping is also a sign of depression and we've already got our fair share to deal with.

aye.
Jazak Allahu khyir sister. I somehow had a feeling that i wasnt entirely good.

 

[Tabassum07]

:salam2:

Oh sis, I'm so sorry for what's happened with you. Yes, we go on with our lives feeling we've got it all worked out, this is what we want to be doing, and then it hits us, everything turns upside down, we're left hanging. All we can do is try, try, just try to pick up the pieces and move on from there. It's difficult, yes. There'll be tears and pain, yes. We worry what will the others say or think, or how they will judge us. But this is our test from Allah. Remember that verse ukhti, the one where it says "Did you think you could say you believe and then think that you wouldn't be tested? Nay, verily you'll be tested with loss of fruits, etc etc." You know the one I'm talking about. You're just spot in the middle of one of these cases like what the verse is talking about.

Similar cases have happened to me over and over and over again.

* I wanted to give an entrance examination for a Graduate Program in University. I didn't have much time to study as I'd just moved from another country. But I still tudied really hard, took the test and didn't get in. That was my first experience of failing at anything in my life. My older brother rebuked me so much how I was good at nothing (he passed the test without studiying at all because he was just born smart, no kidding), and I cried and cried. But I decided to wait another year and study like crazy for the next test attempt. Fast forward to the next year, and alhamdulillah, I not only got into the program, I actually topped the list out of 10,000 students. I still don't know what Allah's reason was for me not to get in the first time. But there must have been something. That was 10 years ago. And I still haven't figured out the reason, maybe never will.

* Some recruiters visited our campus during the final few weeks of my degree for hiring purposes. They brought in written test papers, and whoever passed that would have an interview. My entire class gave the test. The recruiters were from one of the leading banks of the country. This happened during a time when I was still quite ignorant about my deen - I never knew it was haraam to work in a bank. I was studying in a muslim university, but still my entire class gave the test. Now during one section of the test, the recruiters distributed the test to everyone, laying the paper on everyone's desk. Curious I just flipped open the first page to peek inside. The recruiter looked at me, said they hadn't said to start and told me to "get out." He also said "If you're unenthical here, you'll be unethical in the business." I was just horrified at his behaviour because I really hadn't done anything wrong, we hadn't been given any instructions to wait or not to.

I was one of the only few students who was kicked out. (though yeah, the same thing happened to 2 more students as well.) Everyone else passed the test, got through the interview and got a job to be started in 4 months. I was one of the few left out for absolutely no reason at all.

No problem, I'd still apply to the bank through their website, I thought. I did. It took 6 months of a wait but I finally got a call for an interview, except the interview was at a place 9 hours away by train. Two trips to that place later (once for a written test, once for an interview), I got the job. Next I had to go to job training for 10 days. They called me over at the same place 9 hours away - I reach there with my suitcase, and the hotel people say they have no training going on there. I phoned the bank HR and they said there was a mistake, and yes, my training would take place at another date in another city, but they'd reimburse me for my expenses. (it was a lot of money for the train ticket).

So finally, I got my real training done and started my work. I started having a lot of problems from the start, even though i was doing the best work I could, and it was being recognized. Due to some management issues, I didn't get paid till like 2 months after I started working, I sent in my form to get reimbursed for the botched training trip, but it came back rejected for no reason at all. I was working 13+ hours with a maximum 15 minute break the whole day, but my boss was telling me to put in the database I was working 8 hours. And there were lots of tiny things that caused me to quit on my own within just a few months. None of these things happened to any one else, one of my own classmates was working at the same place and everything was always smooth for her. It was a few years later that I realized working in a bank was haraam, and now I'm really thankful that things got so bad I was forced to quit the job.

* Another time, I thought I'd teach - my friend was teaching management students and she got me to talk to the head of the program. He was very supportive and literally told me they'd hire me and what courses I'd teach. I did a guest lecture in front of the students once, and it was well received. I gave a dummy lecture to the entire staff another time, that too was well received. Now I just had to go in front of the selection committee to get the job. The day of the committee, the moment I entered the room for my interview, 2 of the main people on the board stepped out. I found that really fishy. My interview did not go well and I was not selected. I found out later on that the entire thing was fixed, and they had decided beforehand to hire someone else. I wasted so much time there all for nothing.

Sister, these are just three things I've mentioned here, but I might have an entire encyclopedia of similar events. So why do all these things happen to us? We don't know. But somewhere, its for our own good. With the free time I got, I read books, learned more about the deen. and reverted in a sense. It was also after all these experiences that I found TTI one day. So yes, whatever happened, happened for good.

Sis, you dont know why what's happened to you has happened. But just learn to accept that yes, it has happened. Please learn to not be bothered about what others will think. Still do your best, and find out the next road to follow. I always tell my younger brother after he has an exam when he's complaining to me that he studied for an entire week pulling all nighters, but he still couldn't finish the whole paper - I tell him not to worry, he did his best and the rest will be his Qadr. All anyone can ask of us is to do your best. If it works out, it was meant to work out. If it doesn't, it was never meant to.

 

[al-fajr]

Assalamu'alaykum,

Many of you remarked on how strong you think I am. I assure you I'm not. It's moments like this that gage a person's strength and half the time, I spend my time wondering how these things could possibly happen to me. The other half, I spend complaining. You all talk about how you maintained sabr and strength in your times of difficulty and I really envy that. It's not easy for me to do that and I think it's great that many of you can. InshAllah I can learn from you and try to pick up on that.

We're all human, all of us. A quote from Ibn al Qayyim on patience is that if you're not patient willingly, it'll be forced out of you due to your situation, and you have the choice of accepting it with misery or keeping your hopes through it and accepting it in good spirits.

Don't let shaytaan make you believe this is a punishment, or 'Allaah must hate me..' this is very damaging for your imaan.

Allaah does shake our foundations from time to time, but not because it's necessarily a punishment, but to check our resolve, our intentions, to re-assess ourselves, consider questions like:

'Where am I heading with this?'
'Where can I do things differently to be better?'
'Do I need to adjust my long term goals?'
'Have I given everything the correct priority in life, maybe I forgot something?'​

Allaah is the most Merciful and whilst this is painful right now, this is nothing but an expression of His mercy on you.

Place your trust in Allaah, and remain true to Him, He always comes back to you with something better than what you lost, always.

 

[kashif_nazeer]

:salam2:

My sister,I was hearing a khutba this Juma on a similar topic.
About how sometimes things we perceive as loss are actually victory for us.
Allah says in Qur’an in Surah Al Baqarah 2:216,in the interpretation of the meaning:

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

Rasoolullah saw in a dream him and his companions were visiting Makka for pilgrimage and shaved their heads.
When sahaba heard this, they were overjoyed, for they knew that dream of a prophet was always a true vision and a form of revelation.
So when prophet told them to head out with them wearing ihram for pilgrimage to Makkah ,all the sahaba readily agreed and followed him.
The kuffar,however didn’t allow muslims to perform pilgrimage and stopped them at a place before Makkah.
Then what happened was the treaty of Hudaibiya was formed,known as Sulah hudaibiya.
This was very insulting for muslims,also because the kuffar asked the term Messenger of Allah to be erases and ibn Abdullah be written after the prophet ’s name.
This was so hard for muslims to gulp down this treaty of hudaibiya,so much so that when prophet asked the muslims to open their ihram and offer udhiya(sacrificial animal) there,no one even moved.Not even Abu Bakr(radi allahu anhu),who had always said labbaik on any call of prophet .
This disturbed the prophet but by councel of one of his wive,the prophet did it himself and all the sahaba followed.
This treaty was very hard for sahaba to gulp down.
Many of the sahaba might have perceived it as a loss.
But then Allah revealed the verse:

Indeed Allah shall fulfil the true vision which He showed to His Messenger (SAW) [i.e. the Prophet SAW saw a dream that he has entered Makkah along with his companions, having their (head) hair shaved and cut short] in very truth. Certainly, you shall enter Al-Masjid-al-Haram; if Allah wills, secure, (some) having your heads shaved, and (some) having your head hair cut short, having no fear. He knew what you knew not, and He granted besides that a near victory.

Minds were baffled,as to how Allah is calling it a victory,while it looks like a clear loss.But then Allah is greater!

We now know by history that followed sulah hudaibiya,how Islam spread far and wide through dawah in that period of time.By the will of Allah,that what seemed to be a clear loss became a manifest victory.
So you see sister ,sometimes we perceive things a way,while in actuality it is really different than what it appear.
We might think of ourselves a loser but actually there is a victory hidden behind it.

One of my cousins also experienced a similar things.They had a bad habit of chewing paper(yes that’s right!).
O in their exams,they were chewing pieces from the side of question paper.So the invigilator thought ,they were cheating and were chewing the cheat sheet.Although my cosin tried to explain to them,that they were not cheating,but to no avail.Even though the invigilator was well known to our family,they didn’t flinch and my cousin was failed and their whole course cancelled.Qadr of Allah.
Alhamdulillah that is long past now,my cousin have moved on alhamdulillah.This event has faded into past and alhamdulillah like nothing is constant,this too has vanished and not affected their life.Their life is taking a course as it was meant to and alhamdulillah they are in a better position now.

So,sometimes sister as my brothers and sisters have said Allah tests us with these events.Also if there were no failiure,how would we know what success tastes like?It would all be bland.That is why with every hardship there are 2 reliefs.One for comparision, other for joy(I guess,Allahu ‘aalam)!Thus in fact sometimes,these are a form of blessing for us and within every loss of our life is hidden a victory.

Plus life is too short to be sad,depressed or anguished over spilt milk.What is done cannot be undone.There is only one way from now and that is forward.
By looking at past we can 1)Either cry and drown our lives in grief. 2)Learn and grow strong.
It depends on what choice we make.In my opinion second choice is better.

So my sister be brave and from now on be determined to utilise all the abilities you possess. Be successful. Replace the frown on your face with a smile, depression with cheerfulness, miserliness with generosity, and anger with perseverance. Turn your calamities into occasions of joy and your faith into a weapon!Enjoy your life, for it is brief and there is no time in it for anguish.
Shaytaan claws his face when he sees a believer happy,he is miserable and he wants us to be like him.

I would suggest you two books which might be helpful apart from Qur’an and sabr was salah,which would very much be needed.
1) La tahzan(Don’t be sad)
2)In the early hours(for self and spiritual development) by Khurram Murad.

May Allah shower His good pleasure ,mercy and forgiveness upon all of us and our parents and replace our hardships with ease and depression with joy.Ameen.