Haven't been Muslim long enough?

weakslave

Junior Member
You are absolutely correct. Without the marriage contract, communication with her should only be when absolutely necessary and to discuss important details.

I don't understand why she would refuse you talking to him. This is why you should get a sheikh on their side involved. I can understand what the wali is going through, if you guys met over the internet, he wouldn't have confidence in her decision making.
 

Waseem203

Young Muslim
tbh i can understand where her father is coming form. I mean, you cant deny these things. Most reverts actually give up islam after a few years because the fitna around them. You know better than anyone, but maybe on occasions you had thought about giving up too. [take the last sentence lightly; im sorry im brutally frank]. I know you are hurt but you have to think form the father's shoes.

i think you should seek a revert or rather a 'new' revert lol! You will be able to relate with each other on a lot of issues. But if you really want to be with this girl then perhaps you could discuss things with her wali; try to convince him and all. heck invite her parents over for lunch to ease their fears!

I think saying most reverts is a heck of a stretch. They do experience difficulties but they had probably anticipated them before they reverted.
 

DanyalSAC

Junior Member
tbh i can understand where her father is coming form. I mean, you cant deny these things. Most reverts actually give up islam after a few years because the fitna around them. You know better than anyone, but maybe on occasions you had thought about giving up too. [take the last sentence lightly; im sorry im brutally frank]. I know you are hurt but you have to think form the father's shoes.

i think you should seek a revert or rather a 'new' revert lol! You will be able to relate with each other on a lot of issues. But if you really want to be with this girl then perhaps you could discuss things with her wali; try to convince him and all. heck invite her parents over for lunch to ease their fears!

Her wali is her brother.

And I think your statement is a bit one sided - "born" Muslims have the same fitnah that converts do, only we're here because we chose to be. Just about every thing you said in your post can be said for both "reverts" and those born into the faith.

But back to the point - yeah we just ended contact. I'm going to go sit in my corner and pout now!

D.
 

arzafar

Junior Member
I think saying most reverts is a heck of a stretch. They do experience difficulties but they had probably anticipated them before they reverted.

well some numbers suggest as high as 75%. some people come on here and say they want to redo shahadah.

It is far easier to give up islam in a kaafir land and in many ways the society/family pressures you to do so. born muslims at least have the background and family to fall back to when the going gets tough. so a wali has to be cautious.

this is by no means revert vs born muslim thing.
 

Ibn Uthaymin

Junior member
Salamu alaykum

Bro who cares what who says what or whIch mathab says what. The prophet :saw: said "لا نكاح الا بولي". There is no marriage without a waliyy. So we stick to what the prophet :saw:.

Allah knows best

ps. By the way, my reply sounds harsh but it's not meant to be :)

wassalam

Its fine brother :)

The problem is the hadith you quoted, its takes precedence over Imam Abu Hanifah`s (rahemahullah ) ijtihad


is this a suggestion, a question , or a comment of mockery.
cant get what r u trying to say.

No brother. I'm dead serious. I don't make mockery with pious scholars :)
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
well some numbers suggest as high as 75%. some people come on here and say they want to redo shahadah.

It is far easier to give up islam in a kaafir land and in many ways the society/family pressures you to do so. born muslims at least have the background and family to fall back to when the going gets tough. so a wali has to be cautious.

this is by no means revert vs born muslim thing.


High as 75%, eh? And where, pray tell, did "they" get such a statistic? From my own personal experience I have never met someone who converted to Islam and then left, and I know over 100 reverts. However I can point to dozens and dozens of "born" Muslims who don't practice Islam whatsoever but simply have an arabic name.

The first generation of Muslims were the best and every.single.one. of them were reverts. Fitnah is everywhere, even in so-called Muslim nations. Turkey has banned hijabs in certain areas, Saudi Arabia has it's fair share of issues, and the list goes on and on. Her wali sounds as if he s prejudiced against Muslim reverts and simply goes off what "they" say.

And btw, most of the repeat shahadas I've read on TTI are "born" Muslims who felt they've strayed too far from the path. Sorry to get so heated but I am tired of generalizations about reverts and people trying to pretend to understand our struggles.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Baby you can pout in my corner!! I'll even bake you cookies and give you a large cold glass of milk.

I am a very simple woman. I will make dua for you brother. I will make dua from the bottom of my heart.

You know our blessed month is around the corner. Shytan is begining to act like a fool. We just have to be strong.

Believe me brother, Allah subhana talla, in His Wisdom will give you better. There is always a reason why people act the way they do. There is always a reason why things happen as they do.

I have earned the right to whip people. I have difficulty when people question faith. Only Allah subhana talla knows your heart. And He will shower his Blessings on you,

my love,

your aapa
 

DanyalSAC

Junior Member
Assalaam walaikum,

Baby you can pout in my corner!! I'll even bake you cookies and give you a large cold glass of milk.

I am a very simple woman. I will make dua for you brother. I will make dua from the bottom of my heart.

You know our blessed month is around the corner. Shytan is begining to act like a fool. We just have to be strong.

Believe me brother, Allah subhana talla, in His Wisdom will give you better. There is always a reason why people act the way they do. There is always a reason why things happen as they do.

I have earned the right to whip people. I have difficulty when people question faith. Only Allah subhana talla knows your heart. And He will shower his Blessings on you,

my love,

your aapa

That's the sweetest virtual hug I've ever gotten, thank you! JazakAllah Khairyn!

Actually one of the ladies that works nearby came and dropped off 2 freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I have a gallon of milk in the work fridge here (I always do) and it all went down SOOOO well, alhamdulillah!

The ironic thing is when people hear I'm a convert I get all the "I can see the NUR in your face! ALLAH has lead you!" platitudes...until I want to marry their sister. Then its "Oh...well you will probably apostate eventually".
 

Waseem203

Young Muslim
Anyway, to the topic. Her wali feels out of line trying to say a revert is more at risk at apostasy then anyone else. In my own humble opinion; a revert is more faithful then a born Muslim for the simple fact they had to go through the painful process of converting. It shows that they truly renounced the world for Islam. The born Muslims, including myself, can't really appreciate the blessing of Islam until they truly start to practice it. In a way we all revert. I hope I didn't offend anyone.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Although I am a born Muslim, I was stupid and played in the duyna. I woke up one day and ran faster than lightning home to Islam. I have been told I am now a fundamentalist, Quran thumping, and over the board born-again.

To keep things light..born Muslim men run from me. Except, last year I had a marriage proposal from a man who lived three thousand miles away..had ten children..and lived six months out of the country..to visit his first wife ..and he was old!! ( major old)

I smiled at the sister who was the go between...got into my car and drove down the mountain to my humble little home.

keep the faith

my love,
your aapa
 

a_muslimah86

Hubbi Li Rabbi
Staff member
:salam2:

Let him say and believe what he wants akhi..ao'otho billah..it's horrid that he'd make assumptions of that sort..

Besides you never know akhi..Allah says:

"And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know." [Al-Baqara 216]

You never know..maybe there's khair in terminating your plans of marriage with her *now*..perhaps Allah has a woman who will return to you all the good intentions of compassion and care..somewhere out there for you..and He (sobhanaho wa ta'ala) wants you to appreciate her more once you meet her and marry her because she'll even surpass *your* expectations of how your wife should be!..and perhaps this sister is not as compatible with you as you may think (this is not to belittle her or say she possesses evil in her character and such..ao'otho billah..but you know what I mean akhi)

Make dua'a..Allah is All-Generous..you never know what He (sobhanaho wa ta'ala) is granting you tomorrow..so remain hopeful in Allah's generosity..and tomorrow is near akhi :)

:wasalam:
 

Clutch

Junior Member
Salam:

All the Sahabbi were revert Muslims... & it is said there never was a better generation of Muslims (Ummah) after them.

Just FYI..... this coming from a so-called "born Muslim", & I find reverts to be stonger Muslims than all in most cases.

:)
 

Ayyub

Junior Member
Salam:

Actually all of us are born muslims.But some of us are given to a family which didn't leave Islam and some given to a family which left Islam.


Seeing that she doen't want you to contact her wali shows that she herself isn't sure about you or?
I mean if she would want to marry you too then why is it that she doesn't want you to contact her wali?

Beisdes that for every man his daughter/sister is like a treasure and that treasure won't be handed over easily cause he fears that this treasure would get hurt by somebody.
So my advice would be to be a bit more patient!Sabr is something great in Islam and everyone who is patient and trust in his Lord that He will lead him and show him a path in his problems will get a big reward.

Wa'laikum Isalam
 

arzafar

Junior Member
High as 75%, eh? And where, pray tell, did "they" get such a statistic? From my own personal experience I have never met someone who converted to Islam and then left, and I know over 100 reverts. However I can point to dozens and dozens of "born" Muslims who don't practice Islam whatsoever but simply have an arabic name.

The first generation of Muslims were the best and every.single.one. of them were reverts. Fitnah is everywhere, even in so-called Muslim nations. Turkey has banned hijabs in certain areas, Saudi Arabia has it's fair share of issues, and the list goes on and on. Her wali sounds as if he s prejudiced against Muslim reverts and simply goes off what "they" say.

And btw, most of the repeat shahadas I've read on TTI are "born" Muslims who felt they've strayed too far from the path. Sorry to get so heated but I am tired of generalizations about reverts and people trying to pretend to understand our struggles.

The first generation of Muslims were the best and every.single.one. of them were reverts.
that's because they had the prophet Muhammad (saw) with them. miracles, revelations and everything to strengthen faith. Even there were a few hypocrites amongst them.

High as 75%, eh? And where, pray tell, did "they" get such a statistic?
it was them romans. it's good to learn what our counterparts have to say. keeps me grounded, realistic and open minded. I know muslims too well to trust fully trust them. So the actual number of reverts giving up islam lies between 0% (muslim assessment/bias) to 75% (roman assessment/bias)

Fitnah is everywhere, even in so-called Muslim nations. Turkey has banned hijabs in certain areas, Saudi Arabia has it's fair share of issues, and the list goes on and on. Her wali sounds as if he s prejudiced against Muslim reverts and simply goes off what "they" say.

every country has it's share of issues but instead of improving the situation muslims migrate to settle in the kaafir lands. originally there was no division as revert Muslim and born Muslim in islam. You were either a Muslim or a non muslim. The division exists today because
1) born muslims migrate to kaafir lands
2) reverted muslims stay put in kaafir lands.
If all muslims stayed inside muslims lands, such discrimination wont exist - certainly not at the level as seen in kaafir lands. There would be muslim countries and non muslims countries as it has always been up until the late 20th century. sadly there are muslims in every country but there is no muslim country. hence you get revert muslims and born muslims, instead of Muslims.

most of the repeat shahadas I've read on TTI are "born" Muslims who felt they've strayed too far from the path.
not in my observation. probably have to dig though the archives to settle this one. Moreover, you dont have to say the shahadah again unless one has disbelieved in tawheed and Muhammad ibn Abdullah being the final messenger of Allah. Most born muslims have the first pillar intact. i mean they dont go back to idols and crosses.

However I can point to dozens and dozens of "born" Muslims who don't practice Islam whatsoever but simply have an arabic name.
true, just as a lot of reverts give up islam after a few years.

I guess the question here is, who is more likely to to give up islam?
A) New revert muslim
B) Old revert muslim
C) Born muslim
muslim - one who does the five pillars
give up islam - abandons the five pillars and/or commits one of the following http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68779

In truth only Allah knows the answer. But the perception is (with enough examples to support it) that it goes from A to C in decreasing order of likelihood. maybe im biased but that's how i see it.
 

queenislam

★★★I LOVE ALLAH★★★
~Salam to all!

Ok so I meet a sister. She's perfect for me, she accepted me in spite of my past. I thanked Allah for sending someone so "right" for me.

Her wali says no, he will not allow her to marry me.

Why? Because I haven't been Muslim long enough. I'm 45, she's 36.

Can someone tell me what the "magical number" is where I become a genuine Muslim since apparently 2 years isn't "good enough". He says that he doesn't want to accept the responsibility if I decide to drop Islam and go back to my previous faith.

So...I guess that's something 2 year Muslims do that 10 year Muslims don't do?

Whatever. Sigh. SubhanAllah.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:bismillah:
:salam2:

:astag:

There's nothing wrong with you brother :)
You are perfectly alright!
Alhamdulillah!

The problem i see is with the otherside well... would you believe it, she is 36 years old and her parent say No???Lol........something is wrong somewhere wif dem:SMILY149:
Now there's so many girls want to marry my brother :ma:

Patient is a virtue bro,!The right one will come along. insya allah
Trust me :)

I understand the muslim council in your country can solve this special problem too~insya allah!

~May Allah swt guide and help you~Amin!

Thank you,
Take Care!

~Wassalam :)
 
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