unmaking myths about dating!!!!!!
as salaamu alaykm,
this article is wriiten for muslimah but also applies just as equally to muslim boys as well..... this is a must read for all muslims of all ages!!!!!
Youve grown up and suddenly you realize the world is half populated with guys. In developing an attraction towards boys you have now opened yourself to a new temptation. As if disobeying your parents, lying, cutting class, and stealing werent tempting enough, now you have a new problem; how to deal with the opposite gender. This temptation will probably be the central one in your life, from age 13 until youre married; but dont despair. Allah made us this way and he has given us rules on how to discipline ourselves.
First rule: Dont copy the kuffar. They deal with each other horribly. Theyre too weak to take responsibility for themselves. They learn through trial and error, which in the end leaves people hurt, dirtied, diseased, pregnant, or all of the above. Muslims take a more dignified, scientific approach to life.
The best way to save yourself from sinning is avoiding questionable situations. Dont be buddies with guys, except your real brothers. It isnt smart to let a boy know about the particulars of your personality, especially the beauty of it. There are many beauties in the average girls behavior and personality that can seep a guy off your feet. So, dont be buds with guys and dont hang out with them.
"A man does not meet privately with a woman without Satan being the third." Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) as related by At Tirmidhee.
Second rule: Avoid ever touching guys. In this society, friendly hugging, grasping, and patting are part of the daily ritual, but Muslims must avoid this. A womans touch is a gift, a privilege which she only shares with men who are worthy her husband and her mahram.
"It is better for one of you to be pierced by an iron needle in the head than touch the hand of a woman that is not allowed to him." Prophet Muhammad as reported by Tabarani.
-ouch- Another important thing is dont make yourself available to them. All your acquaintances should know that you are a Muslimah, and that means you dont date, wont flirt, and you dont give out free samples to guys. If you have to work with men in school or at the job, let this rule be known and understood. Never act open towards them, do not invite their advances. Be reserved around non-Mahram men.
Some people will ask you whats wrong with a little innocent flirting. Tell them that you shouldnt start the lawnmower if youre not going to cut the grass. If youre not going to play kissy face with the guys, theres no sense in mentioning it, teasing them with it, enticing them with it, or tempting them with it. Not all guys can control themselves, not all girls care if guys can control themselves. It's not really surprising that in just out of thirty years since the Free Love of the 1960s there has been an over 500% increase in out-of-wedlock births in the US (National Center for Health Statistics).
By the way, violent crime among juveniles has gone up 600% since the sixties too, and most scientists link that to the fact that a lot of kids are growing up without dads and in broken families (Council on Families/ Institute of American Values).
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest; and let them not display their adornment except that which is apparent." Quran 24:31.
Sadly, many sisters worry that they will be unable to find the right guy to marry if they keep themselves so reserved, so instead they imitate the kuffar and date. Dating is absolutely, completely, and undoubtedly HARAM! There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. There is no way that being alone with a non-Mahram guy, in mutual liking, making emotional and physical bonds is halal. You already know the Islamic reasons why we, Muslims, dont date; now learn the logical ones.
What is dating? A brief description of dating is when two people get together to better know each other as possible long-term partners. Sounds innocent enough doesnt it? But in actuality, dating is a wolf in sheeps clothing once you figure out what it contains.
What does a guy get to do in dating? Anything he can get away with! He is basically trying to get as much stuff for free as he possibly can. Meaning, he wants to get to first base, second base, and possibly score a home run without having to marry you first. What does the girl get? An annoying, confused boy to try to understand and love! How exciting! Not really. Folks lie to themselves and say that by dating they get a better idea of what type of spouse they want. Thats a load of trash.
The personality traits that you would prefer in your future husband would be the type of traits that you would find in anyone. Maybe youd like your husband to be funny like your best friend, protective like your elder brother, and smart like your favorite detective character. You dont need to get used and abused to know that.
Even when girls with boyfriends are serious about their men, the men seldom share the same mentality. In a study conducted by the University of Hawaii, men and women were asked by attractive strangers of the opposite gender if they wanted to go somewhere and have sex. While nine out of ten of the young women said no, seven out of ten young men said yes! If that doesnt show how extremely different men and women think about something as serious as sex, then I dont know what does.
The kind of guy you would date isnt the kind you would marry. Muslims guys interested in marriage will approach either you or your parents with the declaration of the intent for marriage, not contacting you secretly on the phone, or through a mutual friend or whatever. If his intentions are noble, then why is he hiding? He is hiding because he knows your dad can see what hes after, and its not your fair hand in marriage.
Dating ends when you have exhausted all your options with your guys. Youve done EVERYTHING and the only thing left is to get married. Marriage is no longer sacred when you date. You marry the guy youre dating when youre sick of dating, and of course, thats only IF he wants to marry you. With a lot of guys, theyre absolutely content with just being your boyfriend, enjoying as much intimacy as a husband would anyways, but when you want to make it legal and proper, they turn tail and run like a bad dog. Thats because there is not point in buying the cow when you get the milk for free. And if this cow dumps you, go get another stupid cow. The punishment for fornication in Islam is one hundred lashes, and not everyone survives it; if you dont get your punishment for your sin in this life, then you could get worse in the next life.
"The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or an idolatress, and as for the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolator; and it is forbidden to he believers," Al-Israa:032.
So weve established why dating is just dumb, but who wants an arranged marriage? Thats so creepy, right? Not necessarily. Let's think about our parents. Most of our parents have had arranged marriages, and even the rare ones who had love marriages didnt partake in the modern concept of dating. once your parents were young, single folk. They hadnt dated and knew very few guys/girls outside of their family. But once they were emotionally, financially, and spiritually ready to marry, they told their parents, who in turn sought out a good, respectable, pure person to match the traits of their child. Your parents chose each other, and were married
When you put two good, pure people in a situation like that, where overnight theyre married, they have to learn to depend on one another and support one another. The love between them came quickly, and is the easiest part of a marriage. You dont have to be the best thing since sliced bread to be loveable. Just be good, kind, and considerate, and you will be treated kindly. So, because your parents were good people, because they hadnt messed around with other people beforehand and ruined the prospect of love between themselves, and because they were ready and willing to take care of each other, Allah put love between them. Its not such a bad arrangement. No wonder there is such a low divorce rate among arranged marriages, and a 52% divorce rate among Americans.
Of course, an arranged marriage isnt your only option. It is completely halal to tell your parents who you want to marry, as long as you never meet that person without mahram, never touch, and never have lewd conversations. Anyways, if you live your life Allahs way, He declares that He will put love between you and your spouse (Quran 30:21). Dont worry so much about it. Just be strong and dont give into pressures of kafir society and the temptations of the body. Allah never gives you a challenge that you cannot overcome.
Bottom line, keep away from boys and dont date, even if you think youre in love. If he loves you, hell wait until you are both ready for marriage and then hell take the noble and responsible step of asking your parents. You are worth waiting for.