Having a girlfriend...

[seekingtruth2]

as salaamu alaykm,
Ibn Adham..... I really enjoyed your article about relationships between young men and women......
one thing that stands out to me is the issue of young marriage and how, seeing as how the rules are what they are in islam, it is very difficult for a young man to afford marriage..... most are waiting until they are at least 30 if not 35 or 40 to marry..... all due to money issues.....
I think muslim parents should encourage early marriage and simply let the children live with them until they have finished with their studies and have good jobs.....
I think this would help to keep the ummah strong and Islam strong with the youth of today as they are looking outside of islamic principles for something they feel like they are missing in Islam itself........
what does everybody think???????

 

[ibn azem]

:salam2:

Well that is quite the case nowdays, but what do you do till you reach 30? 35? 40?! to my opinion that is way not right!
I mean what yre you waiting for till those ages?! Till you get a house, a car, a lot of money saved...?! Those things can come even after the marriage!
I mean a lot of people are able to care for their families by the age say 20-25 the most.
That is a good idea though you metioned about living with the parents, for those who have the ability to that would even be a pleasure for their mothers, I know it definitely would be for my mother . But it also a fact that young people like very much a lot of them to be on their own as they get married.


wassalaam.

 

[Jibran]

Salam.

Marry Her.

 

[alias_hunter]

:salam2:

Wow, I was not expecting this many responses and views at all. I guess it's a serious topic for Muslims. I would like everyone to know that I've read every response word for word so thank you all very much for your time, effort, and wisdom in your responses.

With that aside, I think I should answer a few questions. My girlfriend's from Kosovo. Funny story actually, I assumed she was just the average WASP (white anglo saxon protestant), she thought I was Hindu; we both laughed when we told each other what background we thought each of us were, heh..... well it might not be funny to most of you =/. Also, she's not very religious at all (I don't mind) and I've been over to her house several times. Her parents seem to be very Liberal and not very religious either and even though they seem to not mind I come over, I hope they like me

Marriage... not ready for that yet and don't think she is either. I agree with Samiha, it'll only create more problems. Seriously, marriage is completely out of the question. We're Uni students, tuition took all our money ='(. Umm, I forgot who said Allah blessed me with a good body and good looks but I hope you know I was joking when I said "chiseled good looks and rugged body" Lol. I actually look pretty scronny but people have said I have a good face and smile.... Okay I lied, only my mom says that LOL jk.

As for the level of relationship with my girlfriend... I don't think I have to reveal that. Lets just say my relationship with her isn't driven by sexual desires; we just simply enjoy being with each other. I've stated first that I am not as religious as others and I came here with the intention of finding out Islam's stance on acquainting with the opposite sex, which I have found out. I appreciate you all attempting me to show the righteous path but I think I've made my decision about having a girlfriend; and although many of you will probably look down upon it, hopefully some of you will still respect the decision. Once again, thank you all very much for your responses, they were not wasted.

 

[NewMuslim]

alias - I respect your decision and agree with it. You are not in the wrong.

People assume "no dating!" because it would lead us away from thinking about Allah. Doesn't sex do the same? Does that mean we should abstain from sex? No, unless we want to go extinct.

Just remember Allah and you'll be fine. Also, (though you said you're not looking for just sex) just remember not to be alone and start getting too touchy feely, lol.

For all those who say "get married", it's not like that. Not only do you have to pay an enormous fund, but just because two people love each other doesn't mean it's time to get married. If everyone were to follow your advice on getting married (no offense), divorce rates would be extremely high!

This is my view on the subject, and I've seen no Hadith nor Qur'an passage that would convince me otherwise. The only "evidence" is that "it keeps your mind off of AllaH" but if you continously think of Allah, then it would be alright.

HOWEVER, remember please that this is only my view, and I, as a teenager, am nowhere near as wise as a scholar. But, also remember that the Prophet Muhammad wasn't the wises among the people in Makkah or among the Bedouin but who was the one who was correct? Sometimes, the less wise are more wise than the scholars (confusing, but true).

Best of luck with your relationship, alias; and may you, when you're ready, have a steady relationship with the one whom you love.

 

[AishaR]

:salam2:

I respect your honesty brother & thanx for taking the time to read all the replies. Some didnt say what you wanted to hear but you listened all the same.

At the end of the day brother you have to live with the decision you make & are accountable for your actions.

May you be guided on the right path

 

[samiha]

Assalam.

I dislike being misunderstood. When I said marriage wouldn't save anything i didn't mean you shouldn't get married, i just meant you shouldn't get married to her. Look, *sigh* how to phrase this... if you get married to this girl, you won't really get ahead in life. Perhaps in the way of your job or your friends or what not, but will she help you religiously? You said not... THEN WHY?

It surprises me when people don't fear the Day of Judgement and their hereafter. It pains me when people don't understand. But what hurts most... is not being able to explain.

The easiest punishment of the people of the fire is having two coals under their feet that makes their brain boil, that person will feel that they are having the worst punishment in Hell, but truly it will be the least!!!

There is a reason that 'Hellfire is surrounded by desires and Paradise is surrounded by hardships' We are humans, we have a mind to control our actions, we are not animals succumbing to our desires or likings.

Why not do what's best for your deen? If Allah favors you and the whole world is against you, you will be favored. I know, I am also too young to do or say or write anything to someone who is already convinced in what they want to do, but I tried.

ANYTHING that leads to haram... is HARAM!! Zina, look up on that, any interaction you have with another woman before marrige is kind of like that maybe less, but still there. And Zina is a Major Sin... so bad.

By THE WAY>>> there is no such thing as a "Liberal Muslim" i've heard that term too many times. A Muslim is a person who surrenders to the will of ALLAH swt. If you don't surrender to His will... boy luv the title but I don't know if it's gonna getcha anywhere. Hope u get my drift...BE MORE THAN JUST THE title of a Muslim, if practice Islam.

I leave it as such... I don't like misunderstanding, hope i cleared it up. I gotta eat.

Wassalam.

 

[NewMuslim]

ANYTHING that leads to haram... is HARAM!! Zina, look up on that, any interaction you have with another woman before marrige is kind of like that maybe less, but still there. And Zina is a Major Sin... so bad.

:salam2:
That is true. So many things lead to things Haram in the Western Society (I know, I lived here all my life).

One thing, however, that contradicts what I'm saying is the Qur'an. Allah :swt: has said "...and neither shall you take them as girlfriends" (talking about marrage). I don't speak fluent Arabic, so I don't know the different possible translations of that Arabic word. But, from what I've seen, there are only minor differences from the English and Arabic (such as "Mu'min" (believer) being translated as "Muslim" (submitter)). Also, the Prophet Muhammad also said that "Whenevr a man and a woman are alone, Satan is the third among them". This all contradicts what I'm saying about girlfriends.

I really hope this doesn't mean that we can't have girlfriends.



__________________________________________
Here's my question relating to this subject:

Being a Muslim just a few years after my hormones start kicking in is torture. Ignoring my raging hormones will drive me wild, especially with all those "girls of interest" in my school.

But, I know Allah said for us not to marry anyone who isn't qualified under "People of the Book" (Jews, Christians, and Muslims). Therefore, no polytheists and no Atheists. This raises a question already:

1) Are people of the Bahai' Faith, Mandaeists, and people of the Rastafari movement (all Monotheists) allowed for us to marry, also?

Now, continuing. I know this very nice, very beautiful Jewish girl in my school. She isn't like the other girls; she never swears and isn't a mean person. As a matter of fact, she is one of the nicest girls in the school, if not THE nicest.

2) Am I allowed to date this Jewish girl? We will never be alone (as it is in school) and probably the most intimate thing that will happen is kissing and hugging (nowhere near sex).

Thank you for your answers.

 

[acedoc]

what is the Problem with REJECTING Allah's Commandments

My thoughts on the matter (maybe it's because I want to have a girlfriend, too) is that Allah forbids anything that would stop us from thinking about Him and/or that wouldn't benefit us, spiritually or physically, in anyway. Some say girls do this. BUT, if one can continue thinking about Allah even while having a girlfriend, then what's the problem?

Just my thoughts on this subject...

:salam2:

A person came to the prophet (sws) and asked his permission to commit adultery the prophet asked him how he would like if anotehr man wanted to commit adultery with his sister (or mother or wife) to which this person expressed dislike.

So how can brothers in full knowledge of what Allah and His prophet has commanded us abotu staying away from Zina (adultery). Do we NOT fear Allah?? Do we not hope for His mercy? Why can't the brotehr who openly reject the commandment of Allah find a place in the universe where they can hide from Allah while the commit the sins that are clearly forbidden by Allah.
No excuse from any person is acceptable that tehy simply want to be "friends" with the opposite gender. A Hadith telsl us when a man and a woman are alone together the third with them is the shytan (satan).

May Allah protect us all from Fawahish (vulgar behavior/lewdness) in all forms. ameen. Knowingly ignoring the basic tennets (priniciples) of Quran and teaching of our prophet is nothing but rejection of Allah and His prophet (sws).

These brothers and sisters need to repent (perform Tawba) to Allah and return to what Quran and Hadith teaches is the correct Islamic behavior. Anyoen who finds these comments "cute", clever or funny also needs to check their heart for sincerity to Allah.

Please read the following commenst about having any relationship with the opposite gender. Your immediate family-i.e.mother, aunt, sister, daughter,grandmothers and nieces are only females an adult muslim man can interact with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ruling on taking boyfriends or girlfriends

Question:
I am deeply in love with a Muslim man and want to marry him. I know that Allah forbids girlfriend-boyfriend relationships, and feel very sorry in my heart for our relationship. I feel that because we have been in this relationship which is abhorred by Allah, he will never marry me because he has lost respect for me. What does the Quaran say about this?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]

In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“Muhsanaat [translated as “chaste”] means that they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful sexual conduct), hence they are described as not being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them. Regarding the phrase wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan (‘nor taking boyfriends’), Ibn ‘Abbaas said: ‘al-musaafihaat means those who are known to commit zinaa, meaning those who will not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them.’ Ibn ‘Abbaas also said: ‘muttakhidhaati akhdaan means lovers.’ A similar interpretation was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, Mujaahid, al-Sha’bi, al-Dahhaak, ‘Ataa’ al-Khurasaani, Yahyaa ibn Abi Katheer, Muqaatil ibn Hayyaan and al-Saddi. They said: (it means) lovers. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: ‘It means a (male) friend.’ Al-Dahhaak also said: ‘wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan also means a woman who has just one boyfriend or lover with whom she is happy. Allaah has also forbidden this, meaning marrying her so long as she is in that situation…’”

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Made lawful to you this day are al-tayyibaat [all kinds of halaal (lawful) foods…]. The food of the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due mahr (bridal money given by the husband to the wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith, the fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.” [al-Maa’idah 5:5]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“Muhsineen ghayr musaafiheen wa laa muttakhidhi akhdaan (‘desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends’). Just as Allaah imposed the condition of chastity on women, meaning that they refrain from zinaa, so it is also imposed on men. The man must also be pure and chaste. So they should be ghayr musaafiheen, meaning they should not be adulterers who do not refrain from sin and do not refuse any who come to them (for immoral purposes). Nor should they be muttakhidhi akhdaan, meaning those who have girlfriends or female lovers with whom they have an exclusive relationship, as quoted above from Soorat al-Nisaa’. (The one with many lovers or the one with just one lover) are both the same. For this reason Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him) said that it is not right to marry a promiscuous woman unless she has repented, or to arrange a marriage of such a woman to a chaste man, so long as she is still conducting herself in this manner. Similarly, he (Ahmad) says that it is not right for a promiscuous man to marry a chaste woman unless he repents and gives up his immoral conduct, because of this aayah… We will discuss this matter in further detail after quoting the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.” [al-Noor 24:3]

Among the stories that show that it is forbidden to have girlfriends or to marry them is the story of Marthad ibn Abi Marthad, who used to smuggle Muslim prisoners-of-war from Makkah to Madeenah. There was a prostitute in Makkah, called ‘Anaaq, who had been a friend of Marthad’s. Marthad had promised to take one of the prisoners from Makkah to Madeenah. He said: “I came to the shade of one of the gardens of Makkah on a moonlit night, then ‘Anaaq came and saw my shadow by the garden. When she reached me, she recognized me and said: ‘Marthad?’ I said, ‘Marthad.’ She said: ‘Welcome! Stay with us tonight.’ I said, ‘O ‘Anaaq, Allaah has forbidden zinaa (unlawful sexual relations)’ … I came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, should I marry ‘Anaaq?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) remained silent and did not answer me at all, until the aayah ‘Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman; to the Believers such a thing is forbidden’ [al-Noor 24:3 – Yusuf ‘Ali’s translation] was revealed. Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘O Marthad, Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman, so do not marry her.’”

(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 3101; he said: it is a hasan ghareeb hadeeth).

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Maghfal reported that there was a woman who had been a prostitute during the days of ignorance (before Islam). A man passed by her, or she passed by him, and he touched her. She said: “Stop it! (Mah! A word connoting a rebuke or denunciation). Allaah has done away with shirk and had brought Islam.” So he left her alone and went away, still looking at her, until he walked into a wall, hitting his face. He came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him what had happened. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You are a man for whom Allaah wishes good. When Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, wishes good for His slave, He hastens the punishment for his sin, so that it is dealt with before the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by al-Haakim, 1/349, who said this hadeeth is saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 308).

These aayaat and ahaadeeth clearly indicate that it is haraam (forbidden) for men to have any kind of friendship or relationship with non-mahram women (women to whom they are not closely-related and to whom they could get married). The evil consequences and misery caused by such relationships are obvious to anyone who observes real life. A similar question has been asked under #2085. We ask Allaah to keep us far away from that which is forbidden, to protect us from all that may earn His wrath and to keep us safe from a painful punishment. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

 

[samiha]

Assalam.

I don't have the answer to the first question, and I feel for me it is a waste of time to find out. However here are some quotes from Islam-qa.com

Undoubtedly having boyfriends and girlfriends is a major sin. Intercourse and touching are only permissible for husbands and wives, or for a man with his female slave (concubine). It is haraam for you to have a boyfriend, and it is haraam for both of you to shake hands or to be alone together, let alone hugging, kissing and touching. All of that comes under the heading of zina al-jawaarih (fornication of the limbs).

Next....

Firstly:
Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other.
There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina.
How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).
Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning people’s honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.
You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur’aan, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.
We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the future?
Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more than that is even more serious.
You should realize that zina does not only involve the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina, as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:
Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).
But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).
As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).

Wassalam.

 

[NewMuslim]

to the people who responded.
Augh. It's so hard to NOT date anyone. Why did Allah reveal Islam to me now? Why not at the time when I could marry, and have enough money to do so? Why do I have to be tortured in this Western Society for so many years until I gather enough money to get a citizenship in a Muslim country? Why?!

It's so hard to give up my hopes of having a girlfriend and all the..."girls of interest" who take an "interest" in me.

This is an extreme inner conflict. Please make Du'a for me that I will choose the right path. But for some reason, it's just extremely hard for me to accept it right now...

 

[acedoc]

Allah's reevnege is Severe



Brother,

I am very disappointed to say the least after listening to your whining, stuborness and "twisted logic". It seems you want to justify by any means whta Allah has prohibited.

In Islam we all have our test. I do not doubt your sincerity to islam.

Let me tell you a story. There were some young men, during the time of our prophet (sws), from the town of Mecca. What distinguinshed these new young muslim men from others was that they came from very rich and influential families. Most belonged to families where their fathers were the open and most ardent enemies of Islam. Only Allah knows what attracted these young men towards Islam. But they were not very dedicated to islam and when all others migrated to Medina after Allah has allowed muslims to do so. These guys stayed behind. I guess they were really pampered and spoiled. Migration menat hard life away from all the luxuries of home.

Once the battle between the muslims in Medina and the non-believers of Mecca was declared these young men also tagged along with the army of the Quraish (non muslims). Perhaps just to observe or "for the fun of it". They did not intend to fight against the muslims of Medina. But it so happend by the Will of Allah that each one of them was killed by getting hit by an stray arrow or another freak accident.

These verse in Quran describe what happend to them next.
See Tafseer of Surah An-Nisa or Women (Chapter 4 verse 97)

When angels take the souls of those who die in sin against their souls, they say: "In what (plight) Were ye?" They reply: "Weak and oppressed Were we in the earth." They say: "Was not the earth of Allah spacious enough for you to move yourselves away (From evil)?" Such men will find their abode in Hell,- What an evil refuge!

another translation for the same verse as above is:

Surely (as for) those whom the angels cause to die while they are unjust to their souls, they shall say: In what state were you? They shall say: We were weak in the earth. They shall say: Was not Allah's earth spacious, so that you should have migrated therein? So these it is whose abode is hell, and it is an evil resort.



I hope all of us living in the West have something to learn from this. Where does our sincerity lie??? Do we find excuses to break the Law Allah has set for us. Are we like otehr nations who found "loop-holes" in the Divine Law revealed to them. Do we really think we can fool Allah?

For Allah's sake do NOT MOCK Allah and His Messenger. His revenge is very severe.

My last advice to you is the same what Mohammad (sws) advised other young unmarried muslims. If you can not afford to get married...then FAST.


May Allah guide you and make you perservere on His Path. Ameen.

your brother in Islam

:salam2:
That is true. So many things lead to things Haram in the Western Society (I know, I lived here all my life).

One thing, however, that contradicts what I'm saying is the Qur'an. Allah :swt: has said "...and neither shall you take them as girlfriends" (talking about marrage). I don't speak fluent Arabic, so I don't know the different possible translations of that Arabic word. But, from what I've seen, there are only minor differences from the English and Arabic (such as "Mu'min" (believer) being translated as "Muslim" (submitter)). Also, the Prophet Muhammad also said that "Whenevr a man and a woman are alone, Satan is the third among them". This all contradicts what I'm saying about girlfriends.

I really hope this doesn't mean that we can't have girlfriends.



__________________________________________
Here's my question relating to this subject:

Being a Muslim just a few years after my hormones start kicking in is torture. Ignoring my raging hormones will drive me wild, especially with all those "girls of interest" in my school.

But, I know Allah said for us not to marry anyone who isn't qualified under "People of the Book" (Jews, Christians, and Muslims). Therefore, no polytheists and no Atheists. This raises a question already:

1) Are people of the Bahai' Faith, Mandaeists, and people of the Rastafari movement (all Monotheists) allowed for us to marry, also?

Now, continuing. I know this very nice, very beautiful Jewish girl in my school. She isn't like the other girls; she never swears and isn't a mean person. As a matter of fact, she is one of the nicest girls in the school, if not THE nicest.

2) Am I allowed to date this Jewish girl? We will never be alone (as it is in school) and probably the most intimate thing that will happen is kissing and hugging (nowhere near sex).

Thank you for your answers.

 

[Mabsoot]

Assalamu Alaykum,

please be respectful to each other and help each other to good.

 

[NewMuslim]

snip

Yes, my whining is very horrible, to say the least. And I'm certain Allah is tired of hearing "But" or "It's so hard, I don't think I can do it". What faith do I have?!

Thank you for your reply. Islam means submission, and I shall submit to Allah's Will. Thank you for the advice on fasting. I'm sure it will help a lot.

I say "so long" to girlfriends, and surely Allah will be pleased for that is the other reason for me doing it. Thank you for guiding me (no doubt with Allah using you) to the straight path. JazakAllah Khair for that, and JazakAllah Khair for all others. May Allah punish me for my whining.

 

[samiha]

Assalamu Alaykum,

please be respectful to each other and help each other to good.

:salam2:

Yes sir , mr.admin sir


As for you NewMuslim I shall be a bit more sympathetic because this is a killer age. Perhaps it’s easier for some to not be caught up in such things because they are born into Muslim families, but for you… I can see there are difficulties. However you realize you will be rewarded for all of this. I mean imagine, there will come an age when you will get married and seriously do you want to know that your wife kissed so many # of guys or that she hugged so many # of guys. Respect your body, your future wife and abstain from these things. Strange, in the West many still condemn affairs AFTER marriage, why not before?

I mean, I personally would hate to think that perhaps my future husband was thinking of another person while they were with me or something. It sickens me just imagining it. *shiver* I suggest, do constant Dhikr and Remember Allah and your Hereafter at every moment you have, or any time you get the warm fuzzies… lol. No really, and fasting is a good idea too, I mean it’s in Hadith right? So obviously it’s good.

Just some ideas...

Wassalam.

 

[samiha]

May Allah punish me for my whining.

Assalam.

Bro, never ask for Allah's wrath, ask for His (swt) Mercy. After all... Allah's Mercy overcomes His anger.

May Allah forgive you and all of us for our daily mistakes. Ameen.

 

[acedoc]

we (muslims) invite towards good and prohibit each otehr from evil

Dear Brother New Muslim

I swear by Allah ..my intention is NOT to nag you but my concern for you as my younger brother.

I see you are from Mass. I lived in Boston for close to 10 years after arriving to the US from Pakistan some 24 years ago. I was young...and can identify what you are going through now. But I assure you Insha Alalh through faith Insha Allah you will find your self stronger.

Brotehr my words may be harsh but Allah knows I have nothing but your safety/welfare at heart. This world is a slippery slope brother one wrong step will land us in hell for ever. May Allah protect us all.

Please email me directly so that we can openly talk about issues.

Please forgive me if I have shown disrespect for you. I mean none of that only to protect us from hell-fire.

was salam

your brotehr in Islam

 

[alias_hunter]

:salam2:

I dislike being misunderstood. When I said marriage wouldn't save anything i didn't mean you shouldn't get married, i just meant you shouldn't get married to her. Look, *sigh* how to phrase this... if you get married to this girl, you won't really get ahead in life. Perhaps in the way of your job or your friends or what not, but will she help you religiously? You said not... THEN WHY?

Had a nice meal? I apologize for me taking your words out of your context. However, I disagree with your thinking. If Allah was worried that we would not get ahead in life by marrying a non-religious person, then how come marriage between Christians and Jews are permissible? One thing I really disagree with our culture (This applies mostly to South Asians, not all Muslims), is that "love marriages" are looked down upon. Arranged marriages are still common in our culture and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against arranged marriages. I think a lot of them work out but there are a lot of varying factors to them (eg: some may stay because they see it as their cultural duty even if they don't enjoy it, while others may just have good chemistry).

I however dislike the fact that having a "love marriage" is seen as failure on the parent's part in our culture. I also believe a lot of these cultural customs and ideas get transferred to religion sub textually as seen in Dr. Muhammad Al' Mahdi's lecture: "We must get over the widely accepted idea that so-called ‘love marriages’ are somehow more desirable than marriages arranged for good Islamic purposes."

It surprises me when people don't fear the Day of Judgement and their hereafter. It pains me when people don't understand. But what hurts most... is not being able to explain.

The easiest punishment of the people of the fire is having two coals under their feet that makes their brain boil, that person will feel that they are having the worst punishment in Hell, but truly it will be the least!!!

There is a reason that 'Hellfire is surrounded by desires and Paradise is surrounded by hardships' We are humans, we have a mind to control our actions, we are not animals succumbing to our desires or likings.

Why not do what's best for your deen? If Allah favors you and the whole world is against you, you will be favored. I know, I am also too young to do or say or write anything to someone who is already convinced in what they want to do, but I tried.

ANYTHING that leads to haram... is HARAM!! Zina, look up on that, any interaction you have with another woman before marrige is kind of like that maybe less, but still there. And Zina is a Major Sin... so bad.

By THE WAY>>> there is no such thing as a "Liberal Muslim" i've heard that term too many times. A Muslim is a person who surrenders to the will of ALLAH swt. If you don't surrender to His will... boy luv the title but I don't know if it's gonna getcha anywhere. Hope u get my drift...BE MORE THAN JUST THE title of a Muslim, if practice Islam.

I leave it as such... I don't like misunderstanding, hope i cleared it up. I gotta eat.

Wassalam.

I find showing people the beauty of Islam as a much more effective approach to preach to someone rather than scaring them into it. I'm also fully aware of the consequences that may lie ahead of me thank you; but like I said before, I'm not that religious. I beg to differ on your idea that Liberal Muslims don't exist either. As discussed in this thread (which I has hoping for more replies since it was such a good topic), there are certain sins you do that still make you Muslim, and other bigger sins that do not make you one.

 

[samiha]

Assalam.

Had a nice meal?

lol. thank you it was nice, Alhamdulillah. I am most flattered and annoyed by you using my quotes… means I have to reply…
I didn’t say you couldn’t marry a non-religious person, I merely meant that it is undesirable. I know u can marry a chaste Christian or Jew… but really consider that you are committed to this person, I feel it better if they are religious. There is a Hadith about that… that you marry a girl for four reasons, and the pious one is best.
Since u seem to not be willing to consider that option anywho it is pointless to go into a discussion I know nothing about.

Another thing… How do u define love?

Love I feel has kind of become a slang word; it no longer carries the same value it once did. It’s easy to say for many… ‘I love you’ but the word itself carries no meaning. Love is based on actions, not rash feelings… that’s my view anyway. My mom always told me, when I was younger and I used to tell her be4 I went to bed “Ammu I love you” she said (roughly), “It’s easy to say that, I don’t need you to tell me, just really feel that in your heart, that’s all I need.”
So anyway, I will just input that I’m from BD too, and before you come telling me what our culture takes and doesn’t take, define for YOURSELF how you view love and Islam. Depending on what you call love and religious, your view the world will change.

One thing I really disagree with our culture (This applies mostly to South Asians, not all Muslims), is that "love marriages" are looked down upon. Arranged marriages are still common in our culture and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against arranged marriages. I think a lot of them work out but there are a lot of varying factors to them (eg: some may stay because they see it as their cultural duty even if they don't enjoy it, while others may just have good chemistry).
I however dislike the fact that having a "love marriage" is seen as failure on the parent's part in our culture. I also believe a lot of these cultural customs and ideas get transferred to religion sub textually as seen in Dr. Muhammad Al' Mahdi's lecture: "We must get over the widely accepted idea that so-called ‘love marriages’ are somehow more desirable than marriages arranged for good Islamic purposes."

Btw you say u understand abt the consequences of actions, if you say that I let you go. However, I just wanted to make sure that on the Day of Judgment, I wouldn’t be held accountable for anything, I did my duty of trying to show you what I think is the truth. Allah knows BEST and in the end… I am leaving it all up to Him.
He (swt) holds the chains of Paradise and Hell, and will give each person what they deserve.

Yes, definitely, show people the beauty of Islam… that’s what all daee’s should do, I don’t know who you are referring to when you say…

rather than scaring them into it.

I beg to differ on your idea that Liberal Muslims don't exist either.

that’s cool with me, differ all you want. Just I have to say, my goals go higher than just being a Muslim, I want Jannatul Firduas!! I’d rather live my life ‘conservatively’ here, rather than spend any time in the fires of Hell.

May Allah help us all in truth and guidance…

 

[Shaheed_m]

Assalamu Alaykum fellow brothers and sisters. Great little community you guys have here

I'm a born Muslim and I still am although I will admit I'm not as religious as others but I do respect the religion by all means and constantly find myself defending Islam when someone calls it a "violent terrorist religion". I live in Canada where I'm an engineering student now and most people would consider me whitewashed. Anyways, with my chiseled good looks and my rugged body, it's hard for the ladies to not fall for me....okay, I had a hard time keeping a straight face typing that ; it's more like one girl and I fell for each other.

We've been going out for a while and I've wanted to bring her to my house since she really wants to see it but then I think about how my orthodox parents would react and think it's probably not a good idea. I brought it upto them about what would they think if I brought a girl over to play video games or even to study. They said I almost gave them two heart strokes (how do you get that?) and that I shouldn't be hanging around girls period "because we're Muslim" =/.

Personally, I think they're wrong about the "no girls" because they've been wrong about so many other things (we're Bengali btw, I know some of you see our customs as pretty silly) and I took it upon myself to prove them wrong one way or another. Hair length, marriage between of non-muslims (don't even get me started on arranged marriages), clothing, even details about prayer are just some of the few small things I've had to tell them they were wrong about.

I can imagine a lot of people here taking my parents side on this. I do have a girlfriend yes, and I'll accept that it's even wrong according to Islam but I really doubt Islam goes as far as avoiding contact with the opposite sex or even having girl's over. Could someone please shed some light into this issue and input their opinions? So are my parents right or am I just going to have to give them two heart strokes?

Assalamu Alaikum
Having friends male or female are the best part of living, be muslims or non muslims.
There must be mutual respect for each other religion, who know, you may be able to revert them to Islam.
You need to have a person to person talk with your parents, let them know who you are, you may understand their plight or vice versa
With reference to Islam being a religon of violence, I tell people each religion had their period of resistance.
The hindu - The mahabarat
The christian - The crusade
Those who fight and claim it being jihad you need to analyse the facts and not cast aspersions