Assalamu'Alaykum Sister elcome to TTI.
The Prophet Muhammad :saw, is the most excellent example as father and husband.
He was very kind and tolerant towards his wives. They could not live, they could not envisage life, without him. They could not live away from him.
He respected and honored the rights of his wives even under the most severe conditions. This was the Messenger of God!
Each of his wives, because of his generosity and kindness, thought that she was his most beloved. The idea that any man could show equality and complete fairness in relationship with nine women seems impossible. For this reason, the Messenger of God asked God’s pardon for any unintentional leanings. He would make this prayer:
I may have unintentionally shown more love to one of them than the others and this would have been injustice. So, O Lord, I take refuge in Your grace for those things which are beyond my power.
[Tirmidhi, “Nikah,” 41. / 4. Bukhari, “Adab,” 68.]
What gentleness and sensitivity! I wonder if anyone else could show such kindness to his children or spouses. When people manage to partially cover up their lower inborn tendencies, it is as if they have done something very clever and shown a sign of their tremendous will-power.
Sometimes it even happens that in bragging of their cleverness, they exhibit their defects unconsciously. The Messenger, despite showing no fault, asked God’s forgiveness.
His gentleness must have penetrated the souls of his wives so deeply that his departure led to what they must have felt like an unceasing separation.
The Messenger was kind and gentle to all women and advised everyone else to be kind to them. His kindness was described on the authority of Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqas, who related:
‘Umar said: ‘One day I went to the Prophet and saw him smiling. “May God make you smile forever, O Messenger of God!”, I said, and asked why he was smiling. “I smile at those women. They were chatting in front of me before you came. When they heard your voice, they all vanished, he answered still smiling.” On hearing this answer, I raised my voice and told them, ‘O enemies of your own selves, you are scared of me, but you are not scared of the Messenger of God, and you do not show respect to him.’ “You are hard-hearted and strict”, they replied.
The women had witnessed the gentleness, sensitivity and kindness of the Messenger. For this reason, they regarded ‘Umar’s behaviour as strict and severe. Yet ‘Umar, may God be pleased with him, shouldered the burden of the Caliphate perfectly. He was to become one of the greatest examples after the Prophet. He showed justice in his behaviour and made a great effort to distinguish right from wrong. He had the qualities that led him to the rank of Caliph. Some of these qualities might seem rather severe to some of us; but, it was precisely because of these qualities that he was able to shoulder such demanding responsibilities.