HELP ME!!!

[amatullah629]

assalam aleykum,
I am a revert with a baby and her dad is muslim as well.
Before i had the baby i was a non muslim.
I love my baby Aminah dearly.
But i feel a shamed of myself in front of her because what will she think when she finds out that her dad wont marry me.
He thinks that i made my shahada just so that he would marry me which is not true because he asked to marry me once before and i turned him down because he was not ready.For a while we were leaving together in his mom(nonmuslim) house because i had no were to go. My family is not that big on support and love.But all we would do is fuss and Fight all day long. We even got an apartment together but still we argued.When ever i get really angry with him, he either try to have sex or buy me dinner. And i am not saying that he is this real bad Muslim man because he is not he has lot of Knowlegde(he might not use it all the time)And when i needed him he was there for me.I work and he does not have a job the job he has is haram.I also go to school and when i recieve money from the school he always need to borrow it and says that he will pay me back but when anger occurs he says that i will never get it back. I do admit to starting agruements but only because i feel no love or respect or nothing no emotions from him.I cry almost everytime i pray now not because of him but because i feel like there is something wrong with me. The point im try to get at is could you all make dua that things will get better. and please feel free to comment.

 

[Proud_2b_Muslim]

:salam2:
may Allah give you what is best for you and take what is bad for you insha`Allah
sister I will not advice you cause I am not very good in these things but I hope that you find the help you need from the people here soon insha`Allah

 

[um_mustafa]

Asslaam ualikum Sister,
From what I understand (correct me if I am wrong) is that you still have a relationship with the father of your child, and that you are not married to him. In Islam we are not allowed to have a relationship with a male outside marriage , it is Haram. I suggest you part from him and ask him what his intentions are toward you, weather he wants to marry you or not.If he repents for the haram he has done and marries you , that will be good but other wise I think you should be very careful and get on with your life with out him .
Inshallah Allah ta'la will guide and help you to start a new life with your daughter.I understand that this is hard but with the help of Allah inshallah you will be better off.

 

[junaid hasan]

sister try to make dua a lot , and as u know to keep a relationship one from the couple must compromise more than the ohter. and in every society woman were the person who sacrificed and compromised a lot. Try to have inshallah sabr in some case allthough u are right, and dont argue.ANd talk with him more openly about ur future plan. if he doesn´t take any decision then try to be separate from him. And do dua inshallah for a right person for u.

 

[Muslimboy2222]

Asalam Aleikum

i knw that u r having a hard time in your life right now & u might think that u r a bad person but if you try to put your faith in Allah inshallah i knw you will prevail. This is easier said than done cauz this is such a huge task to do & at the same time it's very easy. What i am trying to tell you is that if you continue leaving this way, you will surely ruin both your life & your daughter's, im not saying this just for the sake of it but rather i want to help you realize how ur life will end up if you continue living this way. Judging from the looks of things i believe that you are a good person due to the fact that you actually feel guilty which in real sense is the first step of realiszing that you r doing something wrong. So the second step is to repent & pray for Allahs forgiveness & the final step should be never to repeat the same mistake. In order for you to accomplish this,you must first abstain from the things that made you do them in the first place, with this i mean you must stop living with this man, since it will make it hard for you to change what u r doing & u will find yourself failing each time you try to change. If you want to stay with this man then u must ask him to marry you, but if he doesn't want to then im afraid that you must leave even if his the father to ur daughter.

I also believe that you should try to tell him that he too should stop doing what's wrong & repent & ask for Allah's foregiveness. You must also find out if this man truly loves you or not, cauz i think this is also an important issue you need to resolve before u decide to move on with ur life. Another reason why i believe that you r good person is that u truly care for your daughter & if u want to show her that you truly love her, you will have to fight for her love & do whatever possible to retain this love as long it is done in a true and just manner. I would also suggest that you read the quran more as this will increase your iman & help you overcome your troubles. Pls remember this, as long as you put your faith in Allah swt, you will overcome anything. Also do remember that this earth is just a getway & you could leave it at any time, so try to live a good & islamic life for none knows when death will be upon us. Inshallah i will pray for you & hope that you overcome your troubles. I also hope that after reading all these comments in this post that you promise to change.

Waleikum Salam

 

[mymohsin]

Asslaam ualikum Sister,
From what I understand (correct me if I am wrong) is that you still have a relationship with the father of your child, and that you are not married to him. In Islam we are not allowed to have a relationship with a male outside marriage , it is Haram. I suggest you part from him and ask him what his intentions are toward you, weather he wants to marry you or not.If he repents for the haram he has done and marries you , that will be good but other wise I think you should be very careful and get on with your life with out him .
Inshallah Allah ta'la will guide and help you to start a new life with your daughter.I understand that this is hard but with the help of Allah inshallah you will be better off.

Salam Sister,

from what u have mentioned and my lil understanding with my lil knowledge ur worried about ur daughter when she growup ask about her father and so, Sister as u r following Islam from now, before her birth ur not muslim and after becoming muslim relationship(sexual) without marrage is Haram. when ur daughter growup, she will understand stand u insha allah and she will love and respect u more by thinking that after all hardship u have grown herup all alone in Islamic way.

My lil knowledge I agrees with what brother Um_Mustafa said, rest Allah knows the best.

May Allah give u sabar and have mercy on u. Ameen.

Allah Hafiz.

 

[um_mustafa]

Salam sister may allah bless you and your husband
life is full of challenges , good times and bad times, if you allow me I will make those points :
1- don't worry about your baby , becasue when you convert to islam allah forgive everything , all what you need to do is to raise your baby so he/she will a God servant. you have to feel happy no ashamed . allah guides you to islam = you're blessed.
2- if the prophet peace be upon him had fightes with his wifes allah bless them. it's normal to have this kind of trouble in life . the pure quiet life is in the hereafter.
3- try to communicate with your husband and help him to improve his situation .I think he is having a bad time. you are the one who can support him .His is your partner.
4- pray allah to help you and focus on every details .
5- stop arguing but you have to give him advises .
6- you said :''When ever i get really angry with him, he either try to have sex or buy me dinner '' so try to be possitive and take advantages of those lovely moment.
finally , may allah save your family and bring happiness to your life.

Salams Br,, you have given good advice but Br, the sister is not married to this man.
W/salam

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam sister,

You say the father of your child is very knowledgible about Islam but he is breaking so many rules!

1. Fathering a child outside of marriage
2. Continuing a non-halaal relationship instead of manning up and marrying you, you and your child deserve more.
3. Not supporting you and your child financially (this really burns me)
4. Borrowing money from you (where's the shocked emoticon??) and then not paying it back.

Sister, here is my advice. Kick him out NOW. He can come back when he brings two witnesses and a nikah to sign. If he does not marry you then report him for child support, your child deserves to have her interests protected. Demand he get a decent, halaal job and support you, NO MORE loaning him your money, I can't believe his gall!!!!

Do you not know your own worth? You have done all the right things by converting to Islam and trying to raise your child within the light of Islam. You are a precious jewel and if this "man" doesn't understand that then his loss but you need to kick him to the curb. Please be strong sister (as I know you are) and stand up and demand your rights as a Muslim woman be honored by this man.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[massi]

Salaam sister,

You say the father of your child is very knowledgible about Islam but he is breaking so many rules!

1. Fathering a child outside of marriage
2. Continuing a non-halaal relationship instead of manning up and marrying you, you and your child deserve more.
3. Not supporting you and your child financially (this really burns me)
4. Borrowing money from you (where's the shocked emoticon??) and then not paying it back.

Sister, here is my advice. Kick him out NOW. He can come back when he brings two witnesses and a nikah to sign. If he does not marry you then report him for child support, your child deserves to have her interests protected. Demand he get a decent, halaal job and support you, NO MORE loaning him your money, I can't believe his gall!!!!

Do you not know your own worth? You have done all the right things by converting to Islam and trying to raise your child within the light of Islam. You are a precious jewel and if this "man" doesn't understand that then his loss but you need to kick him to the curb. Please be strong sister (as I know you are) and stand up and demand your rights as a Muslim woman be honored by this man.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

:salam2:
Assalamo Alaikom
I agree with you sister 100 % ...and I'm shocked if he has a good knowledge in Islam ...

 

[Ibn_Syena]

As Salamu Alekum sister

Well, brothers and sisters here have already posted some great suggestions, and I'm not adding any more, it's just as a matter of confirmation: WHATEVER YOU GONNA DO, YOU SHOULD LEAVE THIS GUY AT ONCE. Well, I'm not like judging him, and I'm not really into judging people, but that's what I see inbetween your lines, I even dare to say DON'T MARRY HIM, as he's never gonna look after you in a proper way. However I should mention that this OPENION is based on what you youreslf told about him, and I don't know the whole story from his part, plus that he MAY change. So the best advice that can be given on how to deal with the situation (after already leaving him) is: SEEK A LOCAL IMAM OR SHEIKH in a close by mosque or islamic center, and let him in the story, as he may be able to judge better in chaa' Allah.

And i am not saying that he is this real bad Muslim man because he is not he has lot of Knowlegde (he might not use it all the time).

I was just wondering, what is this supposed to mean???!!!!!

May Allah help you out with this issue, and grant you both strength and patience.
Wassalamu Alekum Warhmatu Allah


Muhammad

 

[warda A]

:salam2:

Dear Sister, you have got good advice but, i agree with shyhijabi and others, kick him out,
you deserve better and go to the mosque and find other sisters in islam and form a sisterhood, they may help you through your rough patches.
Mashalla you have found islam.

Inshalla (God willing) all will come out ok.
there is always a reason for all things happening, it is only that we are sometimes blind and we never see things the way they are supposed to be seen.
we will make dua for all to be ok.
you need to really think about your priorities and your child's future.keep praying and keep us posted.

 

[A Kashmiri]

:salam2:
Assalamo Alaikom
I agree with you sister 100 % ...and I'm shocked if he has a good knowledge in Islam ...

Knowledge without action is fruitless.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa baarakatuh

Yaa ukhti Amaatullah

I'm happy to say this:

1st, A Muslimah must marry a Muslim which got the same level in Islam. Even better to marry which is above her level in Islam. This is called Kaffaah.

2nd, If you really want nasihah, I myself found a dilemma. The dilemma is that many people refuting Poliginy, while there are many Muslim which are good, already have a wife.

3rd, So, I just mean that if a husband does not Kaffaah with his wife, than usually the wife will suffers.

4th, Just say like this to your DAUGHTER "Al Qur'an told that if there are women doing hijrah and become Muallaf, test them first.
So, my daughter, to fulfill that, come test your mother about Islam".


Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa baarakatuh.

Salaam,

Forgive me but I do not understand the point you are trying to make? What does polygyny have to do with the sister's question?

~Sarah

 

[mamun_headmaster]

please i am very shy to make sin i am trying to stop sin please make dua for me