[Help]My future?

[Shamim56]

Assalamualakum

I want to go into the subject of Marriage. I am 17 years old and learned a whole lot about Islam during the last 3 years of my life than the previous years combined. I started understanding more about it and its origin and it's message.

As brother's and Sister's have stated in my last thread quite a while ago, You are not aloud to talk to any women at all if it does not have to do with Islam. I have already grasped this and started to applying this to my school life.

So the Question is, How do i marry a girl if i dont know how she is or her personality if i cant talk to her? I am not a fan of arranged marriages for many reasons especially when my parents are in their late 60's. My family isnt all to religious so i dont think they would really care about marriage for me so im left alone.

I dont know what to do

I know it is the month of ramadan but i want to get everything straight before it ends and shaitan comes and tempts me and whisper's into my thoughts.... I am doing my very best this ramadan so far i went to all the Taraweeh prayers and going to the Qadr nights.

Can someone help please and increase us all in knowledge

And allah knows best

 

[zbhotto]

Assalamualakum


So the Question is, How do i marry a girl if i dont know how she is or her personality if i cant talk to her? I am not a fan of arranged marriages for many reasons especially when my parents are in their late 60's. My family isnt all to religious so i dont think they would really care about marriage for me so im left alone.

I dont know what to do


And allah knows best

Go to *removed* , this site maintains islamic rulings strictly. I hope it would help you.

 

[Shamim56]

Uhm, i dont want to get a wife on using a website im sure you can understand not everyone is comfortable with that

 

[BinKhadija]

Stay paitent, fellow bro. And, don't worry; you have time. (Do fast if necessary)

What Shariah requires from us is not the same as it happens in typical arranged marriages. No! There's a difference, brother. Islam's prescribed route involves a male guardian of the girl - who'd see if YOU really are the best mate for that girl and, of course, if she hefself is ready to accept you etc. Whereas in arranged marriages either of them or both, boy and girl, aren't asked if they are happy. See?

Now, first thing first: it is not permitted to have contact with the sister unless her wali agrees (parents, whoever is in charge of her). It's a clear rule.

How do i marry a girl if i dont know how she is or her personality if i cant talk to her?

I'd bluntly say, get either your parents OR someone you know who is suitable for that to go and ask her wali (most often that's her parents) if you could talk to her as is prescribed in Shariah. It's of course allowed to talk to your potential spouse but in her wali's presence. Do all normal questioning etc regarding what you want from a marriage, what your plans and know about hers - get to know her a little. This way you both will behave in more mature and sensible manner so this will be more efficient for both parties, Insha'Allah. That's the best and purest way, akhi; and Other ways are the ways of the shaitan and I am afraid you won't have succes as Allah knows better than we do which is the best way to come together with your future-wife, Insha Allah.


May Allah help you choose what's best for you. And keep in mind that the one who fears Allah SWT and acts according to His law, Allah will find a solution for him, and so for you, Insha'Allah better than you thought.

 

[zbhotto]

Uhm, i dont want to get a wife on using a website im sure you can understand not everyone is comfortable with that

First visit the site and see if you can open your profile. Do not comment on fancy. It is not easy to even open a profile in *removed*.

 

[Shamim56]

Zbhoto please for now i dont want join any marriage sites i am only 17 . Thanks for giving ideas though

BinKhadija so what you are saying is the only way to marry someone is through Arranged Marriage with a guardian. But can you choose the person you want to marry? Lets say if it was a class mate. What your saying is i must tell a guardian of me to go to their parents and try to set-up an arranged marriage.

In America it cant work like that i can probrobly guarantee you half the Muslim Women (and men) dont even know they cant talk to the opposite sex about anything except Islam. This would also mean they do not know about arranged marriages in Islam usually. It's quite hard. dont you think it is better for you to choose who you want to marry. I have to admit when i went to the site Zbhotto gave me it gave me a person thats 45 years looking to marry through this and a women thats 53. I dont want to end up like that.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Zbhoto please for now i dont want join any marriage sites i am only 17 . Thanks for giving ideas though

BinKhadija so what you are saying is the only way to marry someone is through Arranged Marriage with a guardian. But can you choose the person you want to marry? Lets say if it was a class mate. What your saying is i must tell a guardian of me to go to their parents and try to set-up an arranged marriage.

In America it cant work like that i can probrobly guarantee you half the Muslim Women (and men) dont even know they cant talk to the opposite sex about anything except Islam. This would also mean they do not know about arranged marriages in Islam usually. It's quite hard. dont you think it is better for you to choose who you want to marry. I have to admit when i went to the site Zbhotto gave me it gave me a person thats 45 years looking to marry through this and a women thats 53. I dont want to end up like that.

:salam2:

see brother i had the same prb, like how normal is it that u see a girl or like a girl and then u go talk to her dad about it IN the world today who wud let u do that -- u wud be considered the worse person in society.
and how do deal with it, like when ur parents opinions are totally diff than urs , u tell them about a girl and they go like NO , cuz she is too religious or she is too this and they only believe in arrange marriage within family.

See i asked the exact question before cuz i was so confuse but none of the answers made sense or was even close, like i understand the rules and regulation but how are they practical?

Also: the only marriage sites isn't that contradicting rules too i thought u cant even talk to the other person?

 

[ahmed_indian]

wht about putting an ad in newspaper: Wife Wanted to take me to jannah ... just joking brother .

well, if possible u can talk to ur imam or ur friends/relatives that u r looking for life-partner.

inshallah, u'll find sisters in ur area waiting to get married.

u can talk to a prospective girl, look at her in front of her mahram. u can ask her questions needed for future life.

keep making Dua's.

 

[Shamim56]

Hey....I was thinking about that newspaper idea too

Well if you know what i am talking about, as i have stated before in america its alot different. If you understand you really cant really understand the girl's true personality when their parents are there or their guardian. And if they wanted an expensive wedding and they after you find that she had a totally different personality...Well its a bit late by then.

What you are saying i cannot marry a person in my life like a classmate? Going to their parents, you know how parents are too this too that as shaheerpak said. And the person will think you are a creep sort of if she finds out that you asked her parents you want to marry her lol.

 

[allah is with me]

well, you can find an islamic girl, and then show it to your parents. and say that you like her...
i hope its right, and i hope it helps

 

[slaveofAllah88]

wht about putting an ad in newspaper: Wife Wanted to take me to jannah ... just joking brother .

well, if possible u can talk to ur imam or ur friends/relatives that u r looking for life-partner.

inshallah, u'll find sisters in ur area waiting to get married.

u can talk to a prospective girl, look at her in front of her mahram. u can ask her questions needed for future life.

keep making Dua's.

:salam2:

Brother , see things dont work similarly everywhere, like i said, all these are ways that wud most likely work in a place with heavy muslim population.
1st of all, in my city, we dont even have a permanent imam in the mosque, secondly he will think u r such a weirdo/loser to ask him for marriage cuz offcourse he doesn't know everyone in the area or run a marriage site.

and there is no way to talk to the prospective girl, i'll give u an example.

e.g U r in univ, want to get married, u see many girls in hijab but offcourse they are not there with their wali, now are you going to follow her around to know where she lives (while if u do that she will most likely call the cops on u), 2ndly if u figure out about her wali, her wali will think u r a creep idiot or a weirdo to just walk up to him and ask for marriage.
and u just cant tell ur parents in situation, u cant just go there is a girl i lke marry me to her, Well they want to know who she is and stuff and about her family its just normal.

What you said is right but its not practical is countries with low muslim habitat

 

[adam_arb]

Salam bro,

If you see a sister and you want to propose to her, the best thing to do is go up to her, and ask for her father's phone number.

 

[safiya58]

:salam2:

Brother , see things dont work similarly everywhere, like i said, all these are ways that wud most likely work in a place with heavy muslim population.
1st of all, in my city, we dont even have a permanent imam in the mosque, secondly he will think u r such a weirdo/loser to ask him for marriage cuz offcourse he doesn't know everyone in the area or run a marriage site.

and there is no way to talk to the prospective girl, i'll give u an example.

e.g U r in univ, want to get married, u see many girls in hijab but offcourse they are not there with their wali, now are you going to follow her around to know where she lives (while if u do that she will most likely call the cops on u), 2ndly if u figure out about her wali, her wali will think u r a creep idiot or a weirdo to just walk up to him and ask for marriage.
and u just cant tell ur parents in situation, u cant just go there is a girl i lke marry me to her, Well they want to know who she is and stuff and about her family its just normal.

What you said is right but its not practical is countries with low muslim habitat

:salam2:

I can not understand u guys... lol... why you have to make things so complicated....? if you follow a sister for sure she will think you are a strange guy... how can she know what´s ur intention...?

I will give you an example of my life.... I was on my way home from mesjid. and then a brother greeted me with "as salamu aleykum"... i felt uncomfortabl, I was ashamed but i respondet to his greet. then he asked me about marriage.... and I said that I don´t want to marry him... and he accepted... if I would say yes... I would give him my adress and talk to my parents: "hey guys be prepared someone will come to propose for me...."
I respect this brother for he was honest and he did not distrub me by following me for example or asking me one question after another why I don´t want to marry him.... all that happened aswell...!

ppl really make a big deal of this marriage thing...!

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

I think this issue can be solved with the help of Imam Almesjed or some good trusted brothers, or families ,May be it is a good idea if you contant some relatives or friends of the girl you like to know more , and they can arrange a meeting in their presence so you can decide. Even your old parents can help ........ being old means having more experience in life. If your intention is good Allah swt will help you.

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

wht about putting an ad in newspaper: Wife Wanted to take me to jannah ... just joking brother .

Lol brother.. that cracked me up. .. that would be very cheesy and I would like to see it happen. haha

 

[Tabassum07]

:salam2:

I can not understand u guys... lol... why you have to make things so complicated....? if you follow a sister for sure she will think you are a strange guy... how can she know what´s ur intention...?

I will give you an example of my life.... I was on my way home from mesjid. and then a brother greeted me with "as salamu aleykum"... i felt uncomfortabl, I was ashamed but i respondet to his greet. then he asked me about marriage.... and I said that I don´t want to marry him... and he accepted... if I would say yes... I would give him my adress and talk to my parents: "hey guys be prepared someone will come to propose for me...."
I respect this brother for he was honest and he did not distrub me by following me for example or asking me one question after another why I don´t want to marry him.... all that happened aswell...!

ppl really make a big deal of this marriage thing...!

Lol sis!! This is such an interesting experience! I can't believe it actually happened in real life. You don't normally get people like this, and its amazing you actually knew how to respond.

If something like this happened to me, I'd be all "huh? what? um.. uh.. WHO ARE YOU?!" :lol:

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

:salam2:

see brother i had the same prb, like how normal is it that u see a girl or like a girl and then u go talk to her dad about it IN the world today who wud let u do that -- u wud be considered the worse person in society.

Going to their parents, you know how parents are too this too that as shaheerpak said. And the person will think you are a creep sort of if she finds out that you asked her parents you want to marry her lol.

First of all, get off the negative nancy train.

If you are going to propose to a girl who you think is good practicing muslim and of good nature, there might be a high percentage chance that her parents are pious in nature too and aware about Islamic Shariah.

In that case, they would be quite happy that you have chosen to approach in the accurate Islamic manner and something that might actually work in your favor when they are making an impression about your character and piety as well , which would help you to get a chance to sit down with the girl in the presence of her Mahram Insha'Allah if everythng falls into place.

If you understand you really cant really understand the girl's true personality when their parents are there or their guardian. And if they wanted an expensive wedding and they after you find that she had a totally different personality...Well its a bit late by then.

Lolz Brother, you got it exactly opposite. Don't worry though, you are young and you will learn quickly Insha'Allah.

One of the main thing to observe is how the girl treats her parents and this is possibly a very important trait if you are to judge 'how ready is she to join a family (new one after a marriage)'. This is one of the things that brothers are usually told to look out for.

If she talks back to her parents or is rude to them (or gets irritated at them), there are high chances that she might do it to her future husband and also to her future inlaws. A good way to know about her personality and nature.

e.g U r in univ, want to get married, u see many girls in hijab but offcourse they are not there with their wali, now are you going to follow her around to know where she lives (while if u do that she will most likely call the cops on u), 2ndly if u figure out about her wali, her wali will think u r a creep idiot or a weirdo to just walk up to him and ask for marriage.
and u just cant tell ur parents in situation, u cant just go there is a girl i lke marry me to her, Well they want to know who she is and stuff and about her family its just normal.

What you said is right but its not practical is countries with low muslim habitat

haha bro shaheer. I have a solution for you Insha'Allah tallah.

Use the famous *muslim married brother's network*. Tell them that you are interested in such and such girl, who will inturn inform their wives and this can possibly help you out a great deal !

It's better that you don't walk upto her and greet her and then all of a sudden shock her with your marriage proposal. She will not even have time to think about it and will feel really awkward and embarassed.

This might even ruin your chances as she might just *refuse your proposal* out of shock and instant reflex. Women like to ponder & think about various issues & take their own time to make up their mind. I hope this is making sense.

 

[BinKhadija]

Zbhoto please for now i dont want join any marriage sites i am only 17 . Thanks for giving ideas though

BinKhadija so what you are saying is the only way to marry someone is through Arranged Marriage with a guardian. But can you choose the person you want to marry? Lets say if it was a class mate. What your saying is i must tell a guardian of me to go to their parents and try to set-up an arranged marriage.

In America it cant work like that i can probrobly guarantee you half the Muslim Women (and men) dont even know they cant talk to the opposite sex about anything except Islam. This would also mean they do not know about arranged marriages in Islam usually. It's quite hard. dont you think it is better for you to choose who you want to marry. I have to admit when i went to the site Zbhotto gave me it gave me a person thats 45 years looking to marry through this and a women thats 53. I dont want to end up like that.

Can't you see the difference between an arranged marriage and the marriage as prescribed in Islamic Shariah.

Let me put it in plain words and let me tell you (I don't think it matters if you live in Muslim community or you don't). You know, if there's a girl you like, do go up to her parents (yourself, for now) and tell that you are interested in their daughter and are very serious about it.

 

[islamdonlyway]

Hey....I was thinking about that newspaper idea too

Well if you know what i am talking about, as i have stated before in america its alot different. If you understand you really cant really understand the girl's true personality when their parents are there or their guardian. And if they wanted an expensive wedding and they after you find that she had a totally different personality...Well its a bit late by then.

What you are saying i cannot marry a person in my life like a classmate? Going to their parents, you know how parents are too this too that as shaheerpak said. And the person will think you are a creep sort of if she finds out that you asked her parents you want to marry her lol.

thats the problem i never understand bro, im in the same boat as you.sisters in front of their parents can disclose their fake personality and act goody, but in reality when your with them with no one els you can see their true personality come out.it will be to late by then aswell.never got a good answer on this.

 

[BinKhadija]

thats the problem i never understand bro, im in the same boat as you.sisters in front of their parents can disclose their fake personality and act goody, but in reality when your with them with no one els you can see their true personality come out.it will be to late by then aswell.never got a good answer on this.

Is that some negative hypothetical situation? I'd be surprised if you tell it's actually happened to you or someone you really do know, more than twice or so.

Why can't we understand there's wisdom in Shariah mathod? :$ And try to twist things a bit to suit ourselves?