[Help]My future?

[BrotherInIslam7]

thats the problem i never understand bro, im in the same boat as you.sisters in front of their parents can disclose their fake personality and act goody, but in reality when your with them with no one els you can see their true personality come out.it will be to late by then aswell.never got a good answer on this.

:salam2:

Just to give you something to ponder about.

If a brother approaches the wali of a sister and consequently gets the permission to speak to her (in the presence of the wali), the brother would/could also try to put on his best foot front and show (what he thinks) are his best personality trait.

I wouldn't go far and call it 'fake' because we aren't here to judge anyone and we ourselves face the same problem of double standards and self projection.

Also,you can marry the most pious sister on this planet and the marriage wouldn't work if Allah swt hasn't willed for it too.

This brings up the point that people sometimes tend to forget, seeking the help of Allah swt as it is the best help and the only help that one needs. So make Istikarah and try to reasonably discuss about a marriage contract with the sister.


Then if Allah swt closes the door on a prospective spouse, then accept it as Allah's will and move on hoping and praying that Allah swt has something in store for you that might be better for you.

And if by the mercy of Allah swt, the talk proceeds towards nikaah. Then pray that you can fulfill your obligations as a husband towards your future wife and like bro ahmed_indian said wife leading me towards jannah. Hope and pray for that.

And if you have problems in your marriage, then accept it as Allah's will and works towards what's best. There is no point in blaming to your spouse "You were acting fake before our marriage and now you're all different !". We are muslims, we don't play the blame game. Couples are like garments to each other and each difficulty/problem faced by them should be dealt together with love, care , affection and empathy.

I hope this puts a new and more positive perspective about marriage in the minds of our young brothers on TTI Insha'Allah.

 

[ahmed_indian]

:salam2:

Brother , see things dont work similarly everywhere, like i said, all these are ways that wud most likely work in a place with heavy muslim population.
1st of all, in my city, we dont even have a permanent imam in the mosque, secondly he will think u r such a weirdo/loser to ask him for marriage cuz offcourse he doesn't know everyone in the area or run a marriage site.

and there is no way to talk to the prospective girl, i'll give u an example.

e.g U r in univ, want to get married, u see many girls in hijab but offcourse they are not there with their wali, now are you going to follow her around to know where she lives (while if u do that she will most likely call the cops on u), 2ndly if u figure out about her wali, her wali will think u r a creep idiot or a weirdo to just walk up to him and ask for marriage.
and u just cant tell ur parents in situation, u cant just go there is a girl i lke marry me to her, Well they want to know who she is and stuff and about her family its just normal.

What you said is right but its not practical is countries with low muslim habitat

yes bhai, i agree with u. maybe its not easy in western nations. but the question is how to get married. u cant run after each and every girl who wear hijab. that would be very awkward. and who knows she's wearing hijab for Allah or her social customs.

so any idea?

 

[Shamim56]

But you are expecting that if i keep doing this it will happen. In America no offense almost ALL the young men and women talk to each other EVEN in the mosque and i can tell you its not anything Islamic. The Parents even forget about that their sons or daughters cannot talk to one-another. Usually this means the parents arent even completly aware of the Full Shariah law of marriage. I was surprised my dad knew this law but does not accept it.While the women wear hijab's they still talk to men like as if they were friends and joking with each other.

I have myself talked to women not about Islam but joking etc but i have stopped when i found out it is haraam and you have no idea what it feels like just so suddenly seperate yourself from the women just completly...Trust me i have seen it in so many muslim brother's , Majority talk to girls that have nothing to do with Islam and i am sad to see that the other day i have seen one of my closest friends start hugging girls (welcome back etc..). These characteristics reflect their parents, and i can probrobly say 95% of their parents are not aware of this shariah law or are aware of it but do not accept it.

What do i do brother's?

 

[Muslimah16]

:salam2:

haha! You dont want to follow her around, lol @ that!

Just be cool about it, tell her you are attracted to her and want to keep things halal, so you wana speak to her wali ASAP, IF she is ok with it.

Ta-daa! how easy

best of wishes brothers! LOL

Wassalaam!

 

[Muslimah16]

:salam2:

AND ur 17 bro a long way to go maybe?

 

[BrotherInIslam7]

:salam2:

haha! You dont want to follow her around, lol @ that!

Just be cool about it, tell her you are attracted to her and want to keep things halal, so you wana speak to her wali ASAP, IF she is ok with it.

Ta-daa! how easy

best of wishes brothers! LOL

Wassalaam!

:salam2:

I don't think telling a sister, that you find her attractive is going to get a positive response from her. That should be in the 'no-no list'. Should it not ?

 

[The_truth]

But you are expecting that if i keep doing this it will happen. In America no offense almost ALL the young men and women talk to each other EVEN in the mosque and i can tell you its not anything Islamic. The Parents even forget about that their sons or daughters cannot talk to one-another. Usually this means the parents arent even completly aware of the Full Shariah law of marriage. I was surprised my dad knew this law but does not accept it.While the women wear hijab's they still talk to men like as if they were friends and joking with each other.

I have myself talked to women not about Islam but joking etc but i have stopped when i found out it is haraam and you have no idea what it feels like just so suddenly seperate yourself from the women just completly...Trust me i have seen it in so many muslim brother's , Majority talk to girls that have nothing to do with Islam and i am sad to see that the other day i have seen one of my closest friends start hugging girls (welcome back etc..). These characteristics reflect their parents, and i can probrobly say 95% of their parents are not aware of this shariah law or are aware of it but do not accept it.

What do i do brother's?

Asalaamu Alaikum wr wb my brother i remember you from last time.
In the west where we live there is much intermingling with the sexes so inevitably you will find our own brothers and sisters mingling resulting in haraam relationships which lead to SO many other things like sex before marrige, abortions (You may not hear about it but a lot of our own sisters are having abortions nowadays due to sex in a relationship) and both parties having lifetime regrets particularly the women because shes having to marry knowing the fact that she is not a virgin and trust me ive heard myself there regrets that they could not marry being a virgin. Its a terrible thing but we have to face the consequances of our actions.

You have to remember that it is Allah who will find you your partner. You think you will? If it is Allah who will find you a partner then don't you think he would give you the BEST partner if you do things the right way? Brother trust me the divorce rates particularly in the west are rocketing at an alarming rate and this is because people are meeting each other in haraam ways and started their relationship in a haraam way as well as marrying for the wrong reasons like beauty,wealth and education. I'm not saying those things are not important but what ever happened to the most important thing of all character and piety? Did Rasulallah (Saw) not say that marry a women for piety first. Of course there has to be attraction but that should'nt be the primary reason because looks will fade and then the character and piety is what will really matter in the long term.

If Allah is the one who is going to find you a partner then simply do things the right way to make him the happiest and he will give you the right partner do you doubt him? Trust me a lot of my friends are religious and they NEVER mix with women or keep them as friends and don't even glance at them and alhamdolillah Allah has found them wonderful partners!

Make Allah the happiest my brother by obeying all of his commandments and even keeping a beard because a pious women would want a man with a beard who is practising. All you have to do is tell your family that you want a pious women and tell all the good and trustworthy contacts that you have to do the same and they will have a look out for a pious girl for you and trust me eventually they will introduce you to girls who are also looking for marrige as there are MANY muslim brothers and sisters looking for marrige. Then you can talk to her with her mahrams present for a couple of times and trust me brother you do NOT need to know a girl for months and months on end to know that she is the one. That is NOT the way that our beloved Rasulallah (Saw) taught us to do. Which trustworthy women will talk to you privatley a few times? You want a women who will do things the right way because does'nt that show you she is committed to her deen and that she will be honest and trustworthy.
Then you can do isthikhara until you recieve an inclination and Allah will do whats best for you from there.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

I can not understand u guys... lol... why you have to make things so complicated....? if you follow a sister for sure she will think you are a strange guy... how can she know what´s ur intention...?

I will give you an example of my life.... I was on my way home from mesjid. and then a brother greeted me with "as salamu aleykum"... i felt uncomfortabl, I was ashamed but i respondet to his greet. then he asked me about marriage.... and I said that I don´t want to marry him... and he accepted... if I would say yes... I would give him my adress and talk to my parents: "hey guys be prepared someone will come to propose for me...."
I respect this brother for he was honest and he did not distrub me by following me for example or asking me one question after another why I don´t want to marry him.... all that happened aswell...!

ppl really make a big deal of this marriage thing...!

:salam2:
LOL mashallah sis that was funny but thats wat wud happen to every guy, he wud be shot down like that like no girl wud like to say yes, if a girl did say yes her parents wont agree they will be like what a loafer lol u know has no shame or haya

its true thts how the society looks at it.... especially guyz are always looked at with a bad eye.

First of all, get off the negative nancy train.

If you are going to propose to a girl who you think is good practicing muslim and of good nature, there might be a high percentage chance that her parents are pious in nature too and aware about Islamic Shariah.

In that case, they would be quite happy that you have chosen to approach in the accurate Islamic manner and something that might actually work in your favor when they are making an impression about your character and piety as well , which would help you to get a chance to sit down with the girl in the presence of her Mahram Insha'Allah if everythng falls into place.

Alhumdulilah im not on the negative train im just letting u know the reality of the problem cuz people sit far and point fingers but dont understand the situation this is a nice oppurtunity for ALhumdulilah for others to understand this and im glad this brother brought it up. and brother i think the prb we are discussing here is approaching her

replying to ur 2nd point akhi regarding using the " brother network " it cud work but then again depends on the muslim population in the area and not every muslim might understand ur religious demands

yes bhai, i agree with u. maybe its not easy in western nations. but the question is how to get married. u cant run after each and every girl who wear hijab. that would be very awkward. and who knows she's wearing hijab for Allah or her social customs.

so any idea?

LOL subhanAllah brother u understand
brother lol i dont think we run after every sister we see lol and it shudn't be like that

i just feel like if 2 ppl want to get married they shud be able to meet in open public and can have the intention to get married while keeping ur haya (modesty)
thats how i have seen it happens works out good
but not sure if alot of ppl will agree to it here

 

[Tabassum07]

You also have to be mindful that many parents (my parents included, lol), don't want a guy to approach them directly for their daughter. They want the guy's family, his parents, brother, friend, any one other than the guy himself to approach them. Trust me, I've seen this happen a lot of times, where a guy contacts the parents himself and talks to them, but later the parents think to themselves, "doesn't this guy have any family members, any friends, contacts, anyone??? How can we trust him on his word alone? who is he? why isn't he getting his own friends involved in this?"

So the best option is, get your parents, your siblings, your cousins, your friends, your well wishers, anyone at all, make contact with the girls family. Of course this is all just my opinion, and each person is different.

 

[MahyarEL-Prince]

omg... the marriage thing is so tough......................
I wish I had a wife already I dont wanna go thruuu all that!, InshAllah ta'ala I will be guided to a great pious and beautiful wife . AMEEN
good luck to all us brothers, Allah help us with thiss .Amen

 

[safiya58]

:salam2:
LOL mashallah sis that was funny but thats wat wud happen to every guy, he wud be shot down like that like no girl wud like to say yes, if a girl did say yes her parents wont agree they will be like what a loafer lol u know has no shame or haya

its true thts how the society looks at it.... especially guyz are always looked at with a bad eye.



:salam2:

I have to admit you are right... unfurtunately when one wants to marry to protect his deen and is upon sunnah he is a "loafer" or "weird"... but a men who wants to date a girl and wants her to be her girlfriend only is not regarded like that... is he...?

however as I said I respect it when a brother is acting upon sunnah and is looking for marriage! and I f i would not be engaged... may I would not say no... cuz real pious muslims are hard to find... may family also would be ok with that... but... aslong the guy is turkish too... lol...

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:
LOL mashallah sis that was funny but thats wat wud happen to every guy, he wud be shot down like that like no girl wud like to say yes, if a girl did say yes her parents wont agree they will be like what a loafer lol u know has no shame or haya

its true thts how the society looks at it.... especially guyz are always looked at with a bad eye.



:salam2:

I have to admit you are right... unfurtunately when one wants to marry to protect his deen and is upon sunnah he is a "loafer" or "weird"... but a men who wants to date a girl and wants her to be her girlfriend only is not regarded like that... is he...?

however as I said I respect it when a brother is acting upon sunnah and is looking for marriage! and I f i would not be engaged... may I would not say no... cuz real pious muslims are hard to find... may family also would be ok with that... but... aslong the guy is turkish too... lol...

:salam2:

lol i know wat u mean sis hehe loafer, its quite funny cuz i remember if i am ever with friends and we are laughing or jokin around lol people look at us weird cuz we are just guyz lol and we cant be good , so u can imagine first gather the guts to ask a girl then 2ndly hearing remarks not from the girl itself maybe but the society.

I think the brother is respected but the sad part is time has changed and its very hard to trust someone, and then like u mention other things come into play too in a decision lol so ....

Girlfriend and all those sort of things are wrong ! we know that


lol man! its funny cuz this is always a topic which brings out many diff opinion based on situations
May Allah (swt) forgive us all - ameen

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

I think that the wisdom of islamic strict laws concerning intermingling with the sexes is very clear:: to prevent relationships which lead other things like sex before marrige, abortions , Muslems should be very carfull and never follow the steps of shaytan.

And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him, (2) And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah hath set a measure for all things. (3) Quran ,65

 

[slaveofAllah88]

You also have to be mindful that many parents (my parents included, lol), don't want a guy to approach them directly for their daughter. They want the guy's family, his parents, brother, friend, any one other than the guy himself to approach them. Trust me, I've seen this happen a lot of times, where a guy contacts the parents himself and talks to them, but later the parents think to themselves, "doesn't this guy have any family members, any friends, contacts, anyone??? How can we trust him on his word alone? who is he? why isn't he getting his own friends involved in this?"

So the best option is, get your parents, your siblings, your cousins, your friends, your well wishers, anyone at all, make contact with the girls family. Of course this is all just my opinion, and each person is different.

:salam2:
yea ... actually similar thing happened to one of my cuzins, she got a purposal from a guy, who was mashallah had a good job all that stuff she wanted, BUT he approached the family and told them he is interested in marrying her and he did things according to islamic way.
I remembered even my cousin (the girl) remarked how that was wrong and everyone in the family felt offended that the guy didn't have any shame, so i think that was the reason they rejected him too.

But sis i just want to point out, if ur parents are pious and/or share the same thoughts as u then wonderful but similar case is probably not with every muslim.

 

[safiya58]

:salam2:

brother shaheerpak, is so right... this is a one of the topics which we can discuss till we get headache and still there is confusion... lol

I want to add that if you want to marry a woman when you see her or talk to her (infront of her wali) you will know wether she matches with you or not... even without talking much:

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) Saying: souls are troops collected together and those who familiarized with each other (in the heaven from where these come) would have affinity, with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world). (Book #032, Hadith #6376)

In another narration:

Abu Huraira narrated directly from Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) that he said: "The souls are troops collected together and those who had a mutual familiarity amongst themselves in the store of prenatal existence would have affinity amongst them, (in this world also) and those who opposed one of them, would be at variance with one another. (Book #032, Hadith #6377)

if we put our trust in Allah He will make everything ckair for us... even if we get divorced, may this is ckair for us...! We do not know but Allah knows

 

[slaveofAllah88]

:salam2:

brother shaheerpak, is so right... this is a one of the topics which we can discuss till we get headache and still there is confusion... lol

I want to add that if you want to marry a woman when you see her or talk to her (infront of her wali) you will know wether she matches with you or not... even without talking much:

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) Saying: souls are troops collected together and those who familiarized with each other (in the heaven from where these come) would have affinity, with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world). (Book #032, Hadith #6376)

In another narration:

Abu Huraira narrated directly from Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) that he said: "The souls are troops collected together and those who had a mutual familiarity amongst themselves in the store of prenatal existence would have affinity amongst them, (in this world also) and those who opposed one of them, would be at variance with one another. (Book #032, Hadith #6377)

if we put our trust in Allah He will make everything ckair for us... even if we get divorced, may this is ckair for us...! We do not know but Allah knows

:salam2:

true sis
jazakAllah khair for posting those beneficial hadiths

 

[Muslimah16]

:salam2:

I don't think telling a sister, that you find her attractive is going to get a positive response from her. That should be in the 'no-no list'. Should it not ?

:salam2:

You dont literally need to say those exact words, "yo, im attracted to you" when you tell her you want her wali's number *lol* or something she'll know that anyway.

 

[Tabassum07]

:salam2:

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) Saying: souls are troops collected together and those who familiarized with each other (in the heaven from where these come) would have affinity, with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world). (Book #032, Hadith #6376)

Oho, so the whole 'soulmate' concept is true after all in Islam

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Assalamu Alaykum,

Take a deep breath and leave everything to Allah SWT. You are 17 years old and in my opinion (no offence to you in anyway) you are not capable of rising a family nor are you in a state where you can take the role of a husband as Islam prescribes to husbands. Assuming you are still in high school and don’t have a job and if you do you probably work at a minimum wage job, you don't have job nor education to support a wife and maybe a child who you could father within a couple months into a marriage. Brother, think reality here. You live in America where everything is money. You can not just go “I want a wife”, you need money. Let’s say within the next hour you found the right sister, very religious and wonderful and your father will allow you to marry her. Do you have a home you can give her? Money to give to her father? What if the sister decides to stay home and be a wife, do you have the job to support her?

I honestly don’t mean to be rush but with your age you shouldn’t be thinking about marriage. You should be thinking about ways to better yourself as a Muslim and ways to build a better future for yourself so that when the right sister walks into your life you are capable of taking care of her and rising a family with her. So with at said let marriage and girls be the last of your worries, focus on this blessing month and take advantage of it.

 

[Shamim56]

This is why this thread is called "my future" brother