salaamu alakum everyone!
i realy need some advice for a good friend of mine!
my friend who reverted to islam a few weeks ago needs some advice and i realy dont hav an answer to this.
basically she is in a relationship(girlfriend/boyfriend) with a guy who reverted himself a few yrs ago, but there relationship is on the rocks, b4 this i adviced them to get married as they are commiting a sin, they hav a child together, and she is muslim mashallah!
anyways this guy does not help her in anyways and she is stressed out literally, anyways the point is she is pregnant again and wants to hav an abortion!
she knows its haram and a big sin but she realy dont want to hav a child right now, she goes uni and wants to finish it of for a better life for her child!
i belive she is stressed because she is in a lot of debt and has no help!
i hav realy tryed to giv her advice to the best of my knowledge!!1
please help me help her!!
jazakullah!
Assallaamuailkum,
I thank you, Sister Sahra for offering support and sourcing out solutions to help our newly revert Muslim sister. May ALLAH SWT reward your kindness and effort. Allhamdulillah, now your girlfriend has a new life as a Muslim and as a Muslim mother.
I would like to share with you an experience that I had. A couple of months ago, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. Her Muslim boyfriend didn’t want to get married and had left her. Her Muslim mother told her to have an abortion as she had brought shame to the family. I knew at the back of my mind, if she had really wanted to abort the baby she wouldn’t come to me for opinions or alternative options, as it was clear what was expected of her-to abort the baby.
Yes we all know, she has committed a sin but who are we; only HIS mere creations to judge her or her baby? Here we have an unwed, single Muslim mom to be. She felt ashamed, abandon, frightened, betrayed, angry, worried, sad….. To those emotions I told her to seek refuge in ALLAH SWT for HE knows best, to repent to ALLAH SWT when one recognise and acknowledge her mistakes.
I apologise to all, if what I have said or about to say will offend or upset anyone.
Sister Sahra,
These were the few questions I posted to my girlfriend/conversation that transpired at the initial stage(to the best of my memory);
•To commit a murder you must satisfy 2 elements, the intention to kill and causing of death. You have the intention to abort; and if you go through the abortion you have caused the death. Abortion=Murder? Do you want to murder your own unborn baby?
•What happens during an abortion? Do you know the different types of abortion procedures? In a particular case, the abortion is done with a loop-shaped knife which the Doctor uses to scrape the wall of your uterus; cutting the baby and placenta into smaller parts and pulling them out of your body.
•You moved on, get married but you are not blessed with children. The unborn child was the closest experience to motherhood that you had; a child living, breathing, growing in your belly and you aborted him. Can you then, look back and say that you have made the right decision?
•Do you think that this unborn child will bring you shame? What happens if he grows up to be Imam, Doctor, Teacher or an Engineer who will do well for himself and contribute to other Muslims around him?
•Do you think that this unborn child will be a financial burden? When it is up to ALLAH SWT to decide the rizq for you and your unborn child.
•There are so many childless Muslim couples, why deny them the opportunity and the experience to love and care for this unborn child?
•We named all the sisters & brothers who we knew that have donated their time, effort & money to children of single moms/dads whilst they were at work/university to further their education. We have seen the struggle and yet their children turned out to be intelligent, happy, beautiful Muslim children because of the support they got from the Muslim Community.
I later learned from another friend, that my girlfriend flew thousands of miles just to see me because my opinion mattered a lot to her. I do not know what would have happened; if I had said the wrong things or was too busy to see her that night because she had pre-booked an appointment to have the abortion the next day. Sometimes we unconsciously do not realise, to guide/advice someone to what is correct; is a great responsibility.
Allhamdullilah, Baby Adam is due in couple of weeks, Inchallah we will be seeing him very soon. I pray that your girlfriend and her babies will always be safe, shower with unconditional love and support. You never stand taller until you stoop to help a child. You cannot go wrong when your moral judgment is based on teachings of Islam.
* Mirajmom- You are right, Sister Sahra go seek help from the mosque/professional counsellor, find out what kind of health/legal/financial aid is available for her but it also depends on where she lives too.
