hugging male cousins

umm hussain

Junior Member
Asalam alaikum warahmatullah

I know from an Islamic point of view a person can get married to their male/female cousins and they are not considered mahram. I have a question about my male cousins considering they are not Muslim, I am the only muslim in the history of our family. In that culture a cousin is considered a brother in every sense, it is like incest to them if someone marries or even dates a cousin to be honest it doesnt happen at all, even when we were growing up i would have never looked at my cousins as potential boyfriends or husbands it is totally unheard off so it was a shock for me as well when I became muslim that a person can get married to their cousin.

Anyway my question is, if I was to go back home and all my cousins are there is it allowed to give them hugs as a way of greeting. I have explained to my sister already why i cant greet her husband by hugging him or her hugging my husband and that is clear but now if I try and tell people back home i cant hug my cousins anymore or even to tell them I cant hug them anymore or be alone with them, they will look at it as a religion that promotes incest. How do i go about explaining things to them without casting a doubt about islam to them.
 

BintMuhammad

New Member
Staff member
Marrying Cousins

Hope this helps...
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Al-hamdu lillah (All praise be to Allah). There is no objection whatsoever in the Islamic religion for a man to marry any of his relatives except al-maharim (those forbidden for marriage) whom Allah mentioned in surat al-nisaa', 4:23 (interpretation of the meaning):

Prohibited to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, daughters, sisters; father's sisters, mother's sisters; brother's daughters, sister's daughters; foster-mothers (who breast-fed you), foster-sisters (who breast-fed from the same woman as you); your wives' mothers; your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives with whom you have consummated marriage, no prohibition if ye have not consummated; (those who have been) wives of your sons proceeding from your loins; and two sisters in wedlock at one and the same time, except for what is past; for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Thus, when Allah mentioned for us the relatives to whom marriage is forbidden, we then come to know that there is no objection for the remainder of the family relations. Furthermore, there is no condition that it be the last resort as indicated in the question. Among the most prominent evidence of this fact is that the Prophet (peace be upon him) married his daughter Fatima to Ali (may Allah be pleased with them) and he is the son of her father's uncle, as well as the marriage of the Prophet himself to Zainab bint Jahsh (may Allah be please with her) and she is his aunt's daughter (i.e. his cousin); and there are many other such examples.

However, a different question may be asked, namely: "Is it better or preferable for a Muslim to marry someone he is not related to rather than a relative?"

The answer to this question varies from case to case, and perhaps it may be preferable to marry people who are non-relations, for example if one aspires to form new social ties or bonds, and regards the existence of a marriage relationship with a different family as constructive in widening the circle of social bonds.



Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

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Dangers of mixing with male cousins and relatives

Question:
A Muslim girl who was born and lived in America, goes back to her homeland once or twice a year with her family. She has a male cousin (son of paternal uncle) in her homeland who, whenever he is alone with her, touches her, kisses her, enters her room and locks the door, etc, but he has not committed zina with her, praise be to Allaah. She does not like what he is doing and she feels upset and regrets what is happening. She wants to know what she should do because she is going to travel there soon.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly what your cousin is doing to you is clearly haraam and a great evil, because that is only permissible with a wife with whom Allaah has permitted intimacy.

What you must do is to denounce that and refuse, and do not be a partner in the sin. A man usually cannot do that except with the consent of the woman.

You should note that a male cousin is a stranger to you, like any other non-mahram. It is not permissible for him to be alone with you or for you to uncover any part of your body in front of him. He is enjoined to lower his gaze and refrain from looking at you, and you are enjoined to do likewise.

A person who transgresses the sacred limits set by Allaah must be rebuked and spoken to harshly, and you should threaten to tell your family and his.

If he tries to grab hold of you, you must push him back and run away from him.

Beware of taking the matter lightly or being soft in the way in which you deal with him, for the Shaytaan may make this sin attractive to you and you may agree to it, in which case you would become subject to the wrath and punishment of Allaah.

Unfortunately many people are careless about protecting their daughters and sons, and they make it too easy for them to fall into this kind of sin, especially with regard to cousins, because they are ignorant of the obligation to be covered in front of them, or because their faith and protective jealousy is weak. Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.

You have to repent to Allaah from this haraam action; simply regretting it is not enough. Rather you must repent sincerely from committing sin and resolve not to go back to it.

You must also avoid the reasons that may lead you to commit this haraam action, such as being alone with your cousin, shaking hands with him, meeting him and talking to him. You must avoid him completely, so as to ward off evil and prevent immorality, and close the door to fitnah and sin.

Allaah forgives those who repent, give up their sin and turn to Him.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
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If they tell you that it's incest to marry our cousins, you may ask them "Where in the bible did you read that?" :D
 

Noor to shine

Junior Member
:salam2: sister
I think that you should greet your cousins and speak to them in a polite manner without touching that your religion don`t permite such kind of acts now and but you still consider them as your brothers .....try to be patient and brave :SMILY346: :SMILY346: :SMILY346:
 
assalamualaikum sister

first you can tell your cousine that acctually you are not allow to give hug any male accept your husband and all those people with whom you are not allow to marry for example own brother etc..--,but you are allow to marry your cousine.
soo with those people who are alloewd to marry you,,you cant give them hug.
and then just try to tell him what is the right have your husband from you.

if you can give your husbands right then inshallah you will get also who will be able to give your allthose rights which allah fixed for you

if we want to bring light in our life then we should stay steadfast and may be allah can also use it to show your cousines the right.
 

Dawoodi

Junior Member
salam w

salam walaikum w

i find alhamdulillah the beutiful wisdon of Allah subhanah wata'allah in this regard.

in western society there is a saying : if its a cousin i'll get closser!

meanning that its easy having sex with ur relatives, as a matter of fact in western society for mayority of people the first sexual encunters happen with relatives.

also if u look at the back grownd of homoxesuality, mayority of homosexuals had a sexual experiese of abuse when they were little by a relative.

so we must be aware of this and keep a close eye in our children and be firm in islamic rules.

salam w.:SMILY346:
 

Mabsoot

Amir
Staff member
salam walaikum w

i find alhamdulillah the beutiful wisdon of Allah subhanah wata'allah in this regard.

in western society there is a saying : if its a cousin i'll get closser!

meanning that its easy having sex with ur relatives, as a matter of fact in western society for mayority of people the first sexual encunters happen with relatives.

also if u look at the back grownd of homoxesuality, mayority of homosexuals had a sexual experiese of abuse when they were little by a relative.

so we must be aware of this and keep a close eye in our children and be firm in islamic rules.

salam w.:SMILY346:

assalamu alaykum,

lool, i never heard that .. :SMILY139:
 

Dawoodi

Junior Member
salam walaikum

salam w

I did a search some time before and I founded a webpage from psychologists who protested again the government for changing the low in homosexuality as they regard this as a mental disorder, and they firmly stated that this in majority of cases was the result of child abuse!

and on the histories they recall say cousins, uncles of close friends are the main offenders!
:eek:

salam w.
 

NewbieToIslam

New Member
Asalaam alyikum wa'rahmatullah,

I don't think that we should be speculating on the causes of homosexuality, we all know what the Qur'an says about it (insha'Allah) and that is enough.

May Allah guide us all Ameen.

Salaam
 

khadiga

New Member
:salam2: I think you should talk to your cousins about islam and why you can't hug them in a nice way so they can't have a different idea about islam " i mean in bad way." I have the same problem with my cousins about shaking hands and i still do but i am trying so hard to tell them why . some understood and some didn't. good luck and i will make dwaa for you:salam2: :tti_sister:
 

MubarekMuslimah

Junior Member
"in western society there is a saying : if its a cousin i'll get closser!

meanning that its easy having sex with ur relatives, as a matter of fact in western society for mayority of people the first sexual encunters happen with relatives."

Salaams Brother Dawoodi

I don't know where you are from but I find the above, really strange that you say that.

I live in the UK and was born and brought up in the UK as a non-muslim in a 99% non-muslim society. I have never ever heard that saying before and I have never ever heard of the majority of people having sex with their relatives! Incest as we know is considered disgusting astfirguallah and as for marrying cousins - non muslim western people just don't see it in the same way as other cultures and islam - it does NOT happen! i do not know nor have heard of anyone who has slept with a relative, be it brother, sister or cousin - not even 2nd/3rd cousins twice removed!

I beg you please disregard this 'saying' and view - its simply not true and an indicator perhaps of untrue things that are misunderstood about other societies.

I understand that many people who suffer sexual abuse as children this does happen often at the hands of family or friends of the family BUT that is not the majority of people! and it is not all sexual abuse cases.

Please do not repeat this - I am sorry if I upset you but that makes it look like people in the West have sex with anyone - which simply isn't true.

Sorry if I have misunderstood you and you meant something else.

Salaams
 

Dawoodi

Junior Member
salam w

"in western society there is a saying : if its a cousin i'll get closser!

meanning that its easy having sex with ur relatives, as a matter of fact in western society for mayority of people the first sexual encunters happen with relatives."

Salaams Brother Dawoodi

I don't know where you are from but I find the above, really strange that you say that.

I live in the UK and was born and brought up in the UK as a non-muslim in a 99% non-muslim society. I have never ever heard that saying before and I have never ever heard of the majority of people having sex with their relatives! Incest as we know is considered disgusting astfirguallah and as for marrying cousins - non muslim western people just don't see it in the same way as other cultures and islam - it does NOT happen! i do not know nor have heard of anyone who has slept with a relative, be it brother, sister or cousin - not even 2nd/3rd cousins twice removed!

I beg you please disregard this 'saying' and view - its simply not true and an indicator perhaps of untrue things that are misunderstood about other societies.

I understand that many people who suffer sexual abuse as children this does happen often at the hands of family or friends of the family BUT that is not the majority of people! and it is not all sexual abuse cases.

Please do not repeat this - I am sorry if I upset you but that makes it look like people in the West have sex with anyone - which simply isn't true.

Sorry if I have misunderstood you and you meant something else.

Salaams

the saying i just mention its a translation of something is said in spanish

"si es mi primo mas me arrimo" and its well know all over spanish speakers cuntries.

here i was talking about cousins no no about incest. and if you havent hear you can start looking at UK history for instance and noble blood.... isnt a practice of the noble people in history of UK to marry their own relatives to keep the blood pure? lets start with the kinds traditions lol

sure u are going to argeu this dosent happen now...but sure u havent hear cuple of jokes about it? ....how many sexshops are in london per stret?

regarding abuse its well know for the autorities that mayority of it happen with out been reported, but psicologist they do talk about it not me!

i live in UK for 8 years and i'm sure it is a very promiscuos place. and just took some litle walking on the streets to see that.

i'm sorry but i do desagree western sociaty its lost decadent and selfdestructive!, if u disagry with that i think u are out of reality my brother.
i have travel most western cuntries before i came to islam and belive me i know its becaming worse.

and media isnt helping at all, now days tell me if i'm lrong the average age for boys having sex now its now about 8-12 years old.

maybe u have a diferent experience alhamdulillah around u and it dosen`t surprice me as Uk dosen`t have much of a sence of a big families now days ...but this those it mean this isnt the reality.


the solution for all this is Islam simple..and there isnt any other way superior to that.

salam w.
 

MubarekMuslimah

Junior Member
Salaams brother

I am in total agreement of course that Islam is the solution for all things.

And yes the UK is quite a promiscuous society I am not denying that - but in the UK I have never seen or heard anything that substantiates the claim that for the majority of people their first sexual realtions are with a family member! there is a difference between promiscuous and doing this with a family member.

Maybe I misunderstood you but please be assured that YES there are promiscuous people in the UK but NOT ALL UK people are promiscuous or have relations with ANY family member. My entire family are English and none of them are promiscuous OR have ever had any kind of relations within the family.

Regarding UK noble families -the practice was not to marry within the family but to marry into a family of similar class and financial standing - so that each family could benefit from the other's money and land - thereby keeping the rich rich and the poor poor. It was about money and social class. People still didn't marry within the family much even then.

Anyways - I think we are of the same agreement though we have different ideas - Islam is the only way, the only solution to any self-destructive society. I am sorry if I misunderstood you - I guess that the Spanish phrase maybe didn't translate accuratly.

Salaams
 

kayleigh

Junior Member
salam walaikum w

i find alhamdulillah the beutiful wisdon of Allah subhanah wata'allah in this regard.

in western society there is a saying : if its a cousin i'll get closser!

meanning that its easy having sex with ur relatives, as a matter of fact in western society for mayority of people the first sexual encunters happen with relatives.

also if u look at the back grownd of homoxesuality, mayority of homosexuals had a sexual experiese of abuse when they were little by a relative.

so we must be aware of this and keep a close eye in our children and be firm in islamic rules.

salam w.:SMILY346:

Although it is true that when children are molested, most of the time it's done by relatives or people close to the family. But I've grown up in the US and I have never heard that saying before. Not only have I not heard it, it's just simply not true.

And yes, people married within the family to keep blood pure. But that stopped a long time ago and is no longer an acceptable practice anywhere in the Western world.

Being promiscuous doesn't mean people have relations with their relatives. I've never known anyone who did that or thought it was anything but disgusting.
 

Dawoodi

Junior Member
salam walaikum w

salam walaikum

ok i gues we all talk from our perspective, so in a sence we all rigth, probably i was quik into access that mayority of people ...... so i retrac my self from that stament.

and insha'allah Allah forgive me for all my mistakes!

all our happiness and sorrous are for Alah.

salam w.
 

asabr

New Member
Asalam alaikum wr/wb
May Allah's Peace and Mercy be upon you all. I think the first step in this process is praying to Allah. Ask Allah to make this easy for and inshallah he will. You should begin by greeting your mother or father...Then when they try to come closer, place your right hand on your chest and start greeting them verbally. If they move towards you, then gently step back. Don't make it look like you are running away. Use your left hand as a stop sign (if need be). This is how I greet all males that are not my maharim. And they usually feel respected. I use to hug my cousins and greet other males by shaking hands until sometime last year. It was not as difficult as I thought it would be. Praise be to Allah. I pray for you my dear sister....focus your mind on the reward from Allah for the struggle, and it will be done before you even start thinking of it inshallah. May Allah guide me, you and rest of the muslims....amin
Asalam alaikum wr/wb
 

AishaR

Junior Member
:salam2

I think we have gone off topic a little here!

So back to your question sister. I have had similar problems with my family & friends. I used to greet everyone with a hug, male or female until I reverted.
It was difficult at first explaining why I didnt feel comfortable anymore with them in my personal space but it didnt take long for this to change. Some people now when they see me hold their arms out to hug me but just keep their arms there.
When my parents first met my in laws I was so nervous of my father giving my sisters in law a hug, there were a few awkward moments when saying goodbyes but all went well.
You just need to explain to them that now you are a muslim it isnt acceptable for other men to touch you, this includes hugging & shaking hands.

:wasalam:
 
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