I feel so GUILTY and UNSURE!

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

brothers and sisters...

I have made a decision to stop talking to a friend of mine and leave her eventually...the reasons are below..but I wish to find out if I am just in making this decision...just please keep in mind that I am writing the problem here because nobody knows her or me and thus she will not be scandalized amongst the Muslims in the community (though some people are starting to find out about her actions already)..and also keep in mind...that I have been advising her and trying to help her out (with her deen and character) for MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS now..she acts good for a week or two..but then she goes straight back to how she was if not worst...

anyway..I will leave you with the details..

I am a born-muslimah but I did not practice until about 3 years ago...and of course due to the change it brought upon my character..my feelings..and my thoughts..I could not stay friends with many and many people that I was friends with because we were not on the same track..if you know what i mean..now don't get me wrong..I still say salam to them..ask them how they are doing..because they are still Muslims..and I pray for Allah to guide them all the time..but I do not hang out with them or anything of the sort...

Now...I only have *one* friend (not kidding...just *one*)...she's a born Muslim too but from a different country than I am...she is a very kind girl..a true friend in times of need..and has a big heart...but lately she had been going crazy because she is BEST-friends with the friends that I left...and they basically do everything haram you can imagine...like hanging-out with the opposite sex..they hug each other..joke around..even flirt...they date..smoke...drink...and even commit zina (a'aotho billah!)...they absolutely do not practice..and only claim to be Muslims...

this friend of mine...hangs out with them very very very often...because now..alhamduliallah...I leave the house only for matters of necessity..and if I hang out..I go to a small restaurant or a cafe for a short bit (most of the time with one of my brothers too!)...and I never stay out late after 10:00 pm...and thus my hang-outs with her have become minimal...and these ex-friends of mine are having a STRONG influence over her...she has already tried alcohol..she told me she *tried*..but during a certain instance..some talk was brought up..and I think she lied..I think she just *drinks*...she hangs out with all these guys at their apartments and dorms..there are other girls..but you know it's still mixing...and now she is smoking...also...I heard she has gone to clubs..and when I asked her to confirm..she said yes I did go...

the day before I found out that even her character has changed..she has become selfish and envious of others..she heard some news about a girl getting married in a phone call..and she just about passed-out with anger!..and started complaining about her life..saying that it has no meaning and that she hates it..and why do bad people get what they want? (she's talking about the girl to be married...she is a whoooole another story!)...and bad people are the ones who have a good life...anyone who prays and does good gets nothing but bad things...*good things happen to good people* is just a lame statements we say to make ourselves feel good..and all these other things

I let her get out all that is inside as to not interrupt her and help her calm down..and I was like *well there's this hadith qudsi which says...* and I related it to her the best way I could remember it...she just gave me this look...and said that's bulls*** (I apologize a million times for the profanity!)...and then she said...look at how good people live and look at how bad people do and what they get..they get everything they want...that's why sometimes I don't believe...

I don't know if she meant Islam or Allah..but either way...WALLAHI brothers and sisters..my body shivered..I feared a wrath of Allah would fall upon her at that second..I couldn't even swallow my food anymore (we were eating out)...I seriously was scared and felt like I am going to drop dead...but I managed to say to her...*please don't say things like that to me you have misunderstood your deen and this dunya and you are offending me very much..how can you say that?*...she just gave me this belittling look again...and seriously BEGAN TO CRY because that girl got what she wanted even though she is a bad person..and talking about...she got the most financially stable guy in the community (mind you she doesn't have any feelings for the guy :S!)...she got this...she got that...

and I was just SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKED!!!!!

I have not called her since...and I do not plan on calling anytime soon either...but I wanna know if my decision is right or wrong...because even though I love her and she is like a sister to me..and feel I have a duty towards her...I fear for my deen and I fear that I might snap at her and say unkind things because I cannot stand kufur AT ALL..I cannot even discuss it..I just fear it and despise it so bad..I just do not want to be exposed to it EVER...so I do not think I'd handle her too well...

so what do you all think???...am I right?...or wrong?

I leave you all under the protection of Allah The Almighty

 

[Idris16]

i think u are right, may Allah guide her Ameen.

 

[Amir_of_spain]

I can understand your stance however wouldn't it be better to confront kufr and change it, to bring it back onto the pathway of Islam. If you think you are strong and confident enough then try to be more influential over her than her friends. Also, dont respond back emotionally, use wisdom and logical arguements. If you cannot do this, then its better to safeguard your deen and stay away.

 

[Zafran]

salaam

why dont you tell her to read the Quran or better the Translation that she understands best.

 

[Khalil2u]

Salaam sister. In this life we have difficult decisions to make. Sometimes that decision is to leave a friend behind. It's hard but it has to be done unless your friend can change her ways. You as her find should also tell her that she is so dissatisfied because she is losing her connection from Allah in her heart. Did you as her friend try to help bring her back to Allah? I live in the USA born and raised. I know many people who do the same things. I took a logical approach to religion and found Islam Alhumdolilah. I'm in the early stages of my journey and it is hard to let go of the things that you are used to. I would never give up on Allah or Islam because I stumble and times get hard. I just beg Allah for forgiveness and to make my Deen strait. Your friend has issues and may be losing your friendship will make he wake up. InshaAllah things work out.

 

[TheHumbleWun]

:salam2:

then she said...look at how good people live and look at how bad people do and what they get..they get everything they want...that's why sometimes I don't believe...

Salaam,

If God had so wanted, He could have made all men follow the right path. But that would effectively have meant that man was not given any freedom to choose. And without this freedom the human soul could not have been tested. In such a case, all men would have been good, not by choice but by default. Reward or punishment would then become meaningless. Thus, even though God could have guided all men to the right path, He did not so that man could be tested effectively and so that his good and bad deeds be truly called his own and so that he be rewarded for opting for good and punished for opting for evil. This is exactly what the following verse means:

Had God pleased, He would have guided them all [to the right path].... (6:35)

Allah swt opens His doors for guidance only to those who prove themselves worthy of this favour. If man honestly searches for the truth, God shall guide him to the right path. But if man is wary of the truth, God shall only increase his hatred for it.

Thus your friend needs to realize the purpose of life. You should give her Khalid Yasin's "The Purpose of Life" DVD. Buy it for her. It's a good starting point.

Good people don't get everything they want. Don't let the media lure you to the bait. This life is temporary. When a person time comes, nothing physical from this world goes with them, only their good and bad deeds. Don't get attached to this temporary world. Even hollywood has it's suicide rate.

You might want to show her this brothers story. It's very touching:


[yt]GPuL9Jb_UWc[/yt]

 

[salahdin]

You did right sister"

"If Allah wants to favor someone, He grants him comprehension (understanding) of this religion."
[Sahih Bukhari vol.1 # 71, Tirmidhi and Musnad Ahmad]


Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is that of a perfume seller and one who works the bellows. With the perfume seller, either he will give you something or you will buy something from him, or you will notice a good smell from him, but with the one who works the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you notice a bad smell from him.” Narrated by Muslim, no. 2628.


"It is better to sit alone than in company with the bad; and it is better still to sit with the good than alone. It is better to speak to a seeker of knowledge than to remain silent; but silence is better than idle words." (Bukhari)

 

[Sajidah_1]

Asalaamu Alaikum ...Sis you have been put in a spot that I don't ever like to see my young sisters in .As a revert I will advise you to first off ,put some well needed distance between you and her ,if only so you can assess where your at with your deen .Then if your up to it I would suggest confronting her ,seems she needs to have it put to her straight up as we say .You dont need to be nasty at all sis ,you just need to tell her exactly what you are seeing from her and let her know that one ,you can not continue to be her shoulder to dump upon as she has not shown any want or desire to clean up her act ,second I would suggest you tell her to go have a long look in a mirror and if she is truely happy with what she is seeing then thats her choice . The biggest problem I have seen from muslim freinds is the want and desire to not hurt another persons feeling ,and this would be ok if this was a normal healthy young lady ,but as I like to say, she needs a wake up call and those are never subtle. To just abadon her with out saying anything leaves her to the shaytan ,when what you want to do is show her that Allah truely is merciful and rewarding .So be honest but not cruel when you say to her ...( sis you have made me very concerned for your physical health as well as your spiritual one ,the people you are hanging with are choseing thier path towards the hellfire and to a garrenteed slow and horrible death ,I dont want you to experience the same thing and soo am begging you to please seee what is happening to you ,let me hold your hand as not just a friend but as your sister in Islam and together we will walk upon the deen with love and support for each other and for ALLAH.....) sometimes young people need to hear about the physical down sides to thier bad behavior so I might suggest doing a little hme work on the effects your friend can suffer from with regards to any of the numerous things she has chosen to get involved with...like with smoking ,it can and will lead to breathing problems ,yellowing of the skin due to the toxic chemicals she now is taking in ,and yes the cancer of the lungs . with drinking ,she could suffer from alcohol poisining ,liver failier or even while intoxicated she could fall and die specialy if she were to fall into a busy road and get hit by a car or truck,she also should know it damages brain cells ,and this can be said for drugss,I know many are being told its ok to smoke pot (weed) but they now have evidence that links it to parkinsons ( where a person shakes uncontroably,eventualy leading to thier death as well they are saying it maybe linked to a few other nerological disorders ,and well with sex outside of marriage she opens herself up to a host of deseases not of which AIDS is the garrenteed killer ,thier are no cures for any sexualy transmited deseases ,or very few ,so if she contracts any of them she is sure to never marry or have children ...So the question to her then becomes this ( Is any of this worth it ? ) Am sure a few reading this are now sitting stunned at what I have writen ,but some times I like to say Allah needs to hit a few of us over the head with a 2x4 to get our attention so sis take a deep breath and make dua to ALLHA to give you the strength and the wisdom to help your friend ..

Maslaam

 

[AleahKoto]

You are doing Right Sister

Very often we think if we continue to be friends with someone we can change them. This is not true, more often than not, we end up changing to what they do.

You are correct in doing what you are doing. I had to give up life long friends, because I didn't want the life they were living. To be friends with them, I would have to go to where they go (haram places) talk conversations that were not right, I had to make a choice. I say hello to them when I see them, I am not rude. They also know that I have something they don't and maybe, who knows, some day they will ask and have a change of heart. Insha allah I want that, only time will tell.

If you choose Allah and Islam, you are choosing right. As like most people, I want all my friends to be muslim, but that will not happen unless Allah wants it and they want it.

Best to find other Muslimahs who do the right thing, and keep your heart clean. Even the Prophet (pbuh) could not turn his relatives into right thinking. If the Prophet could not do it, then how much more do we think we can do it?

It is not that you don't care about them, it is that your hands are tied. It will be between them, and Allah what they decide to do. Being born muslim, does not mean you are muslim. Muslim is of the heart, not parentage.

 

[massi]

:salam2:
Just keep away from her ​

 

[palestine]

sis you broke out of the bad crowd. leave it that way. this girl is not only insane, and sorry to say this since u care for her, but she really is insane and mad! and so what if she was the only friend you had, inshAllah you'll find better friends. you'll find people who are deserving of you. and i don't know if you consider me a friend, but i really do think of you as a friend. it's just that we are not in the same area. but i care for you like i care for any of my friends. stay away from this girl, she'll only lead you back to the astray path. and since she's a close friend she can have a huge influence even though u may think that she may not. asalamu alaykum wrwb. sincerely Ni'mah.

 

[muminah92]

sis palestine is right prophet muhammad (peace be upon him)
said: " A person is likely to follow the faith of his friends so look whom ubefriend"
instead of making friends with the misguided ones we should befriend the but still treat every1 else in a gracious and just manner.
peace

 

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

:ma::ma::ma:

I quickly went through the replies...but I don't have much time to read them..inshallah once I get the free time (in a few hours)...I will do that..and surely give my feedback...

Jazakom Allaho Khairan in advance for taking the time to read and reply...May Allah Bless All of You!

 

[Al-Kashmiri]

As-salaamu `alaykum.

Subhaan Allaah, what a sad situation. Sister, there are numerous ahaadeeth which stress the importance of keeping good company and leaving off evil company. Recall the hadeeth about the blacksmith and the musk seller, or the saying of the Prophet sall-Allaahu `alayhi wasallam, that one's character is a thief, i.e. that it snatches habits and the likes, from those whom you're around. Alhamdulillaah, I believe you made the best of decisions sister as saving oneself takes precedence to trying to rectify your family, friends and community. Many of us here had to make similar decisions, so don't feel "lonely" if you know what I mean. Anyway, I thought I'd mention a beneficial du`aa that you may want to read,

“Whosoever sees the one who is afflicted and he says: ‘All praise is due to Allah who has saved me from what He has afflicted you with and has preferred me with a preference over many of those whom He has created’, that affliction will not afflict him.”
Reported by At-Tabaraanee in Al-Mu’jam Al-Awsat (2/25/1/5457) and authenticated by the muhadith of our time, Sheikh Muhammad Naasir-ud-deen Al-Albaanee (rahimahullah) in As-Saheehah No.2737.​

 

[a_muslimah86]

i think u are right, may Allah guide her Ameen.

:salam2:
Just keep away from her ​

Baraka Allaho Feekom for giving me your input and taking the time to reply...

 

[a_muslimah86]

I can understand your stance however wouldn't it be better to confront kufr and change it, to bring it back onto the pathway of Islam. If you think you are strong and confident enough then try to be more influential over her than her friends. Also, dont respond back emotionally, use wisdom and logical arguements. If you cannot do this, then its better to safeguard your deen and stay away.

the issue is safeguarding my deen brother...just as you put it mashallah...alhamduliallah I have not kept quiet about her actions and I spoke to her many times..told her of so many virtues in the deen which can help her better herself and thus better her life...but it seems like it was all getting into one ear and out of the other...

May Allah Guide Her...and Jazaka Allah Khair

 

[a_muslimah86]

salaam

why dont you tell her to read the Quran or better the Translation that she understands best.

I wish it was that simple with her brother...I even offered to take her to our local masjid's Tajweed and Memorization lessons every week and she refused...she doesn't even pray anymore...she's getting to be a tough case unfortunately...

 

[a_muslimah86]

Salaam sister. In this life we have difficult decisions to make. Sometimes that decision is to leave a friend behind. It's hard but it has to be done unless your friend can change her ways. You as her find should also tell her that she is so dissatisfied because she is losing her connection from Allah in her heart. Did you as her friend try to help bring her back to Allah? I live in the USA born and raised. I know many people who do the same things. I took a logical approach to religion and found Islam Alhumdolilah. I'm in the early stages of my journey and it is hard to let go of the things that you are used to. I would never give up on Allah or Islam because I stumble and times get hard. I just beg Allah for forgiveness and to make my Deen strait. Your friend has issues and may be losing your friendship will make he wake up. InshaAllah things work out.

brother I never passed the chance to help her in her deen...I tried in so many ways...every time I read something or find something out about Islam..watch a lecture..or anything like that...I would go and tell her about it in the hopes of it provoking something..she would get moved at that moment..but within days...she would go back to how she was...because she was listening with her ears...not her heart

Baraka Allaho Feek for passing through..

 

[a_muslimah86]

Salaam,

If God had so wanted, He could have made all men follow the right path. But that would effectively have meant that man was not given any freedom to choose. And without this freedom the human soul could not have been tested. In such a case, all men would have been good, not by choice but by default. Reward or punishment would then become meaningless. Thus, even though God could have guided all men to the right path, He did not so that man could be tested effectively and so that his good and bad deeds be truly called his own and so that he be rewarded for opting for good and punished for opting for evil. This is exactly what the following verse means:

Had God pleased, He would have guided them all [to the right path].... (6:35)

Allah swt opens His doors for guidance only to those who prove themselves worthy of this favour. If man honestly searches for the truth, God shall guide him to the right path. But if man is wary of the truth, God shall only increase his hatred for it.

Thus your friend needs to realize the purpose of life. You should give her Khalid Yasin's "The Purpose of Life" DVD. Buy it for her. It's a good starting point.

Good people don't get everything they want. Don't let the media lure you to the bait. This life is temporary. When a person time comes, nothing physical from this world goes with them, only their good and bad deeds. Don't get attached to this temporary world. Even hollywood has it's suicide rate.

You might want to show her this brothers story. It's very touching:


[yt]GPuL9Jb_UWc[/yt]

Mashallah brother...your post benefited me so much...I wish that she would watch or listen to things I tell her about like she used to..now she dismisses them..and on top of it lies about why she couldn't watch or read what I sent her (I can sense that she is lying...you probably know what I mean!)...

May Allah Bless You and All Your Loved and Dear Ones

 

[a_muslimah86]

You did right sister"

"If Allah wants to favor someone, He grants him comprehension (understanding) of this religion."
[Sahih Bukhari vol.1 # 71, Tirmidhi and Musnad Ahmad]


Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is that of a perfume seller and one who works the bellows. With the perfume seller, either he will give you something or you will buy something from him, or you will notice a good smell from him, but with the one who works the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you notice a bad smell from him.” Narrated by Muslim, no. 2628.


"It is better to sit alone than in company with the bad; and it is better still to sit with the good than alone. It is better to speak to a seeker of knowledge than to remain silent; but silence is better than idle words." (Bukhari)

Brother...this is such a beautiful reply...baraka Allaho feek...the last hadith is oozing with wisdom...sobhanallah!

Thank You for taking the time to look these up for me..