I feel that I am kind of ungrateful towards Allah...have I gone astray?

[nblueblaze]

As-salaam-o-alaikum brothers & sisters!

Yes, I admit I feel I am ungrateful towards Allah...but somehow I feel that I am still a good Muslim and Allah still loves me...very confused...kinda long post here but would be grateful if you kindly read it...

I am an Asian by birth...male, 25yrs...Indian to be specific...I am not from a conservative Islamic family but again my family is not liberal also...kinda moderate...I used to regularly go to Jummah (friday) prayers in India and never ever drank, never went to night clubs and never touch a female...well, i will be honest...did miss a lot daily prayers because of laziness but still offer a few Kaaza (belated) prayers to compensate the loss...Alhumdulliah, my parents are currently in Saudi Arabia, they intend to Haj this year (2009)...

Academically, I am not very bright...but did quite well actually...of course Allah helped me in every step...did schooling from a very good place, completed under-grad in engineering from India, worked at a USA Company- Accenture for 2 years, completed executive program from INSEAD, france and IE business school-Spain...currently at Warwick business school at UK doing my post graduation...overall its a good profile I think.

Everything was going on fine in my life...I am not super-rich but Allah blessed my family enough to have an upper urbane class standard...by the grace Allah, finance was never a problem in my family/me...was content with which Allah has blessed me, then suddenly my mom decided to find a bride for me since she wanted me to get married (atleast engaged) before she n my dad leaves for Mecca...Well I really do love my parents a lot so I gave in to her demand ...well I was not ready for marriage, I was 24 then and I prefer to be atleast 27-28 when I marry but if marrying a girl gives happiness to my parents I was ready for it since how else could I repay them for what they have given me - life, education, love...I said 'yes'.

My parents (specially my mom) found a beautiful girl and well, she also said yes for the marriage...from good islamic family, well educated and really beautiful...I was quite happy...thanked Allah..Well, 15 days after, the girl's family called up my mom and told her that due to some reason they have to decline the proposal...this left my mom badly shaken...she even bought some jewellery for the bride for my engagement. I am not not that weak hearted and it didnt affect me much but my mom was extremely depressed...this state continued for 2 months and now that she is in Medina for Hajj, her wish is still unfulfilled.

Well, I don't see any damn good reason why she should say 'no' after committing herself to the proposal...Well I am no Brad Pitt but I am not bad looking either...I never crib about my looks and infact all my life I thanked Allah for bringing me in this world without and deformities...I am sad but not because she didn't marry me rather its because of her whims my mom had been depressed for 2 long months.

Now I am in UK and today I suddenly realised that I have developed extreme hate towards muslim ladies in perticular...I seriously hate even my cousin sisters too...cant tolerate any hijab wearing female...honestly I really dont see any good reason to be a good-ol'-honest muslim man any more...from a practicing muslim, I suddenly feel a strong urge to be a non-practicing one..havent gone to friday prayers for over 2 months...Today I went to bar-cum-restaurant and felt a strong urge to try tequila shots...I went with a Chinese girl to the bar; I don't love her , nor does she...pardon my language, we just want to sleep with each other.

I know all my intentions are haraam...but somehow I am TIRED...really tired of this highly formal, so called honest way of life where muslim people are expected to honour their promise which they dont...really I am tired...I went to a night club in Birmingham for the first time in the last weekend and somehow this kind of life makes sense...rather normal...without obligations...

Sorry for this super-long post...I am know I have gone astray...somehow got no regrets....my question is , am I still a Muslim? Personally, i think its just a name-sake...but I kinda still fear the hell actually...

Thanks for reading

 

[IHearIslam]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I first of all without trying to judge think that you're at the moment angry over what has happened, so that is why you try to do such things (going to bars, clubing, etc). we as human have many ways to hundle anger.........and beacuse that girl did that you seem to generalise all "MUSLIM GIRLS". But you're forgetting one thing here brother, the QADR of Allah. You need not to question such nor do you need to change just because Allah willed something and not the other. You've stated all the blessings Allah has given you (and many you've not) but you seem to throw that away and repay Him (SWT) with less gratitude. I am sure there is nothing wrong with you and that you're just going through a phase of feeling "LOW"..........it's your Iman that droppped!! wallahi, get back to your prayers, read Quran and inshaAllah the life of "submission" will make sense. Whatever that makes sense to you now is the "beautification" of this Dunya, soon latter you will meet Allah! and He (SWT) will ask you of EVERY second in your life............EVER SECOND!! you have today to prepare yourself. Akhi, I advice you to prepare for ANSWERS now, for your tomorrow IS NOT promised!! think about it.......
yes, you're still a Muslim one that has the chance to REPENT and be closser to Allah!!

 

[ahmed_indian]

,

Mashallah good explanation by sister *AmatuAllah4lyf*.

so brother, u'll thank Allah for His blessings by missing prayers, drinking, sleeping with girls?

a girl declined ur proposal and u started hating all pious muslimahs? of them so many have been kicked out of their homes, suspended frm their jobs...why? bcause they want to obey Allah and wear hijab.

you hate muslim girls who want to walk on the path of prophet :saw2: wives, sahaba (ra) wives....but u like girls who dont beleive in Allah, have no sense of modesty?

how can u be sure that girl was not under pressure frm her relatives to decline the proposal? muslims are not angels. we too make mistakes.

a muslim broke promise, u feel angry but dont u feel angry when u as a muslim dont pray, drink? are we all not sinful?

one test frm Allah and u r ready to be slave of shaitan. u want to be slave of ur enemy? he wants to see you in hell. dont forget that!

return back to Allah's path which will end up in Paradise. seek His forgiveness and help. if you want to enjoy drinking and being with women.....there u'll have all you desire. but be patient in this world for death can come any moment.

 

[hana*]

:salam2:

brother, are you going to let a girl ruin your life, faith and relationship with Allah? i was saddened to hear your approach to hijabi women. because one woman turned you down, does that mean all hijabi women need to be held to account? let me say that i know EXACTLY what you are saying, as this happened to my brother, not once, not twice, but three times. everything is for a good reason, everything from Allah is good, we might not see this now, but think of all the blessings Allah has given you, dont let shaytan get to you. whether you are brad pit or the most decent man that walked this earth, you have to bear in mind that Allah has not written this girl for you, He has already planned your future and whom youre spouse will be. i am also saddened that you tried drink etc, this is no solution brother. it will land you in a botomless pit of severe regret.
remember, you do not know what was happening in this girls life and thank Allah that, because there is no good in this, that Allah saved you from it.

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

I think that what happens in our life is a test : some are brilliant enough to handle the test, and face troubles with patience and faith.......some loose their faith and values and just submite to their vein desires and do people do.....some rise , pray more , turn to Allah more.....some fall ..still you can choose the correct path which drive you to Janna ..........You are muslem and Allah swt is calling you:39:53: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
........Repent and say :astag: ......

 

[Siddika Begum]

Asalamu alaikum

Maybe Allah was testing you your iman and your faith in islam to see how strong you are.

 

[Kakorot]

Basically brother you are caught up with this duniya. You have bad company around you. You say that you do not feel any guilt, this is because at the moment you have very weak eemaan, so much so that your heart has become very hard.
Everyone's eemaan goes up and down everynow and then. In a way, I do think that you do care. I say this because how many Muslims out there are doing more haram but don't bother about it, but you came on the forum and wrote down your problem; so, this clearly indicates that in a way you do care.
Don't follow your nafs or it will lead you to your own destruction. Wallaah it's not worth it, for this temporary duniya, wasting our time and following our desires, honestly to go to hell for these things is not worth it at all. Imagine, whilst doing that haraam that you was to die at that very moment. That the angel of death came and took your soul, what would you do? Nothing, your helpless. Imagine, that very very moment the angel of death comes and ripps out your soul from your body. This is serious stuff brother. Imagine, your last words could not be the shahadah, and may Allaah make it be that all our last words would be the shahadah. Imagine, the questioning in the grave, and the squeezing in the grave, so much so that the ribs of a person crushes. Imagine, the adhaab of the qabr. Imagine the day of judgement, where all of us are going to see every atoms weight of good and every atoms weight of evil. Imagine, standing infront of Allaah and answering for our actions. Pretty scary stuff indeed. Now ask yourself, is that temporary pleasure worth it. It's only temporary. Why not do things the halal way, i.e. through marriage, that way not only will you be able to fulfill your desires but you will also get rewarded.
You are very fortunate, very very fortunate indeed brother. Why? Because you are in your youth. On the day of judgement 7 types of people will be under the shade of Allaah, where there will be no shade except His. And of these blessed people, is the one who practiced Islam from his youth till his old age. SubhanAllaah! Another type of people under the shade is a man who was called by a woman of beauty for illegal relations, but the man said 'I fear Allaah'.
The reason why you may hate women with hijab, is because you have been around the wrong people for a while. You have gotten used to the way they act and behave and hence, you yourself have become like them. That is why in the first place we are supposed to be careful as to who we make our friends with.
The doors of Allaah mercy is open, so longs you are not dead. You have time InshaAllaah to repent to Allaah. Again the reason why you have no guilt for your bad actions is because your heart has become so hard because the lack of eemaan and you have now become used to your sins. InshaAllaah start obeying Allaah and these feelings will go away, obey Allaah and worship Him because that is the reason why He created us. Seek knowledge and practice it. Also, hang around with the right company and cut all ties with the people who have made you go astray.

 

[nblueblaze]

Salaam Everyone.

Firstly wish Eid Mubarak to ALL!!

Thanks to all the wonderful people who have contributed to this thread...Sorry for catching up so late...lemme tell you what happened in the meanwhile...

Well, actually 'nothing' did happen! Well...actually something good happen and nothing bad happened to be precise!!!

Apologies if I had sounded too blunt in my earlier post...well, you people (particularly ladies) might think I am a mixture of a maniac & pervert...again you have very right to think so reading my post...but actually I am not...A kind lady send me a PM on this website asking me to say 'I love you Allah'...I did that...helped me immensely...read Ayatul Kursi and listened to Surah Yaseen...eased the silly discomfort and...well, I stopped going out with that Chinese girl...in fact I had to ignore her totally to resist myself.


I am kind of very afraid of going to hell...may sound childish but seriously people, very afraid...I wont jeopardise my iman at the cost of anything thats haraam.

The NO to alcohol still sustains and Insha-Allah will sustain till I die.

Went to offer salats at the local mosque...surprisingly...yes, surprisingly was 'relieved' to pray once again...a strange kind of support is what I feel I have now.

Well, I admit I was tired...infact the strange tiredness still does retain in my mind & soul but now obviously in small quantity...like a disliking to hijab wearing females...after all I am a human and I definitely would try to ebb this feeling out of my system totally...believe me, I am not bluffing, the feeling is not in control of me but I am serould fighting against it...

An Islamic video helped me immensely in regaining faith once again...would highly recommend you people spare a few mins watching this video...the lik to the video is : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG4CaV9jyUk

Hope you too like the video!

Jazak-Allah!

 

[IHearIslam]

Salaam Everyone.

Firstly wish Eid Mubarak to ALL!!

Thanks to all the wonderful people who have contributed to this thread...Sorry for catching up so late...lemme tell you what happened in the meanwhile...

Well, actually 'nothing' did happen! Well...actually something good happen and nothing bad happened to be precise!!!

Apologies if I had sounded too blunt in my earlier post...well, you people (particularly ladies) might think I am a mixture of a maniac & pervert...again you have very right to think so reading my post...but actually I am not...A kind lady send me a PM on this website asking me to say 'I love you Allah'...I did that...helped me immensely...read Ayatul Kursi and listened to Surah Yaseen...eased the silly discomfort and...well, I stopped going out with that Chinese girl...in fact I had to ignore her totally to resist myself.


I am kind of very afraid of going to hell...may sound childish but seriously people, very afraid...I wont jeopardise my iman at the cost of anything thats haraam.

The NO to alcohol still sustains and Insha-Allah will sustain till I die.

Went to offer salats at the local mosque...surprisingly...yes, surprisingly was 'relieved' to pray once again...a strange kind of support is what I feel I have now.

Well, I admit I was tired...infact the strange tiredness still does retain in my mind & soul but now obviously in small quantity...like a disliking to hijab wearing females...after all I am a human and I definitely would try to ebb this feeling out of my system totally...believe me, I am not bluffing, the feeling is not in control of me but I am serould fighting against it...

An Islamic video helped me immensely in regaining faith once again...would highly recommend you people spare a few mins watching this video...the lik to the video is : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG4CaV9jyUk

Hope you too like the video!

Jazak-Allah!

:salam2: Brother!! and EId mubarak to you too

wallahi! I am very happy to read what I just read and I had a TOTALL faith in you because I know all of us have ALLAH in our WORST times and He [SWT] is there to shine a LIGHT when the world around us turns DARK! subhanaAllah! walhamdulillah!
Brother, i am seriously happy for you and alhamdulilah for Allah still showed His [SWT] love and mercy towards you!
SubhanaAllah! how Allah is soo merciful and kind towards His [SWT] slaves! subhanaAllah!

PS: about the bold part, I never thought you were both and I think none of my sisters did It's not Islamic to think "negatively or bad" about a brother or a sister in the deen walhamdulilah how beautiful is our religion
well, I just wanted to reassure you for that.....
take care, and keep fighting the Shaitan he will lose!!! for you have Allah by your side
:tti_sister:may Allah increase your Iman and taqwa, may Allah increase your love for Him [SWT] and always protect and safeguard your soul.ameen,ameen,ameen

 

[almanar]

Assalamualaikum..i want to share something with u here.

-------

In the Hadith Qudsi (Sacred Hadith), the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned that Allah (SWT) said,

“Myself, Mankind and Jinn are in a great serious state. I create them, then they worship other gods that they make for themselves; I bless them with my bounties, then they thank someone else for what I sent them; My Mercy descends to them while their evil deeds ascend to Me; I endear them with my gifts even though I have no need to any of them while they alienate themselves from Me with their sins even though they are desperate for my help. Whoever returns to Me, I accept him no matter how far he is; and whoever turns away from Me, I approach him and call on him. Whoever leaves a sin for my sake, I reward him with many gifts and whoever seeks to please Me, I seek to please him. Whoever acknowledges My Will and Power in whatever he does, I make the iron bend for his sake. My dear people are those who are with Me (i.e. whoever would like to be with Me, let him supplicate to Me and remember Me). Whoever thanks Me, I grant him more blessings; whoever obeys Me, I raise him and endear him more. Whoever disobeys Me, I keep the doors of My Mercy open for him; if he returns to Me, I bestow him with My Love since I love those who repent and purify themselves for My Sake. If he does not repent, I still treat him by putting them in hardship to purify him. Whoever favors Me over others, I favor them over others. I reward every single good deed ten times over or seven hundred times over to countless times over. I count every single bad deed as one unless the person repents and ask for My Forgiveness in which case I forgive even that one. I take into account any little good deed and I forgive even major sins. My Mercy supersedes My Anger; My Tolerance supersedes My Blame; My Forgiveness supersedes My Punishment as I am more merciful with My slaves than a mother with her child.”(16)

 

[IHearIslam]

Assalamualaikum..i want to share something with u here.

-------

In the Hadith Qudsi (Sacred Hadith), the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned that Allah (SWT) said,

“Myself, Mankind and Jinn are in a great serious state. I create them, then they worship other gods that they make for themselves; I bless them with my bounties, then they thank someone else for what I sent them; My Mercy descends to them while their evil deeds ascend to Me; I endear them with my gifts even though I have no need to any of them while they alienate themselves from Me with their sins even though they are desperate for my help. Whoever returns to Me, I accept him no matter how far he is; and whoever turns away from Me, I approach him and call on him. Whoever leaves a sin for my sake, I reward him with many gifts and whoever seeks to please Me, I seek to please him. Whoever acknowledges My Will and Power in whatever he does, I make the iron bend for his sake. My dear people are those who are with Me (i.e. whoever would like to be with Me, let him supplicate to Me and remember Me). Whoever thanks Me, I grant him more blessings; whoever obeys Me, I raise him and endear him more. Whoever disobeys Me, I keep the doors of My Mercy open for him; if he returns to Me, I bestow him with My Love since I love those who repent and purify themselves for My Sake. If he does not repent, I still treat him by putting them in hardship to purify him. Whoever favors Me over others, I favor them over others. I reward every single good deed ten times over or seven hundred times over to countless times over. I count every single bad deed as one unless the person repents and ask for My Forgiveness in which case I forgive even that one. I take into account any little good deed and I forgive even major sins. My Mercy supersedes My Anger; My Tolerance supersedes My Blame; My Forgiveness supersedes My Punishment as I am more merciful with My slaves than a mother with her child.”(16)

:salam2:

that was beautiful, I have never seen this HADITH ( I have seen bits of it like the last part) but I have NEVER seen or heard the whole hadith!! it's beautiful, so beautiful!!
oh how Allah is merciful and kind towards us!!!
:tti_sister:may Allah reward you for sharing! I truely benefitted from this
may Allah reward you with Al-firdous brother!!!!
ameeeeeeeeeeeeeen

 

[almanar]

ameen

yea it is so beautiful.
ameen for ur du'aa.

(btw im ur sister) :muslim_child:

:salam2:

that was beautiful, I have never seen this HADITH ( I have seen bits of it like the last part) but I have NEVER seen or heard the whole hadith!! it's beautiful, so beautiful!!
oh how Allah is merciful and kind towards us!!!
:tti_sister:may Allah reward you for sharing! I truely benefitted from this
may Allah reward you with Al-firdous brother!!!!
ameeeeeeeeeeeeeen

 

[nblueblaze]

Salaam,

Thanks for the beautiful posts and encouraging messages...small update...had a telephone call with my parents today...they have completed their Haj yesterday (subhan-Allah) and are safe & sound (and of course happy!)...

Just wanted to share this news...

Jazak-Allah.

 

[krackpot]

As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu....

brother save yourself before allah's punishment befalls you....
millions of ppl have lost their mothers and they still believe in allah but your mum is just sad and you are soo frustrated and being sad is a state of mind that will pass soon.

you are a well educated guy hope you have a good character too. you will get a better bride in future. everythin happens for a reason maybe allah has somethin better in mind for you....


hold yourself back from all haraam for it is verily the shaytaan that puts ungrateful thoughts in your minds and escapes....
i feel very sad that our Prophet muhammed sallahu alaihi wa sallam had to sleep on palm leaves on cold floor for this sinful generation.......you should hate unchaste women not hang around with them.
pls take it as an advice from your younger brother. stop before your consience dies.
may allah bless every brother with Imaan and ibadah...amin

 

[Kakorot]

MashaAllaah anytime u need help, always come on tti where the brothers and sisters are not here to judge you but help you.