I need your feedbacks....I really do!

[IHearIslam]

ASA,
I'm back again.
Only one mistake here. you forgot the space for the 1st line between "me" and "in".
LOL! mA Good Job!

:salam2:

HUG​

lol, I was just reading that and I was like oO0ops!! I forget to separate them...thanks and yea,you are THE BEST editor EVER

 

[ruki4eva]

:salam2:
sorry im just skimming through it if that makes sense
i got to go now but when i come again inshaAllah i will read it
and reply properly

 

[IHearIslam]

:salam2:
sorry im just skimming through it if that makes sense
i got to go now but when i come again inshaAllah i will read it
and reply properly

:salam2:

don't be sorry sister it's all good InshaAllah I will be waiting for your feedback as well


Allah hafiz NOW and ALWAYS

 

[Waseem203]

Mashallah, you are very well-written. I think your school magazine will love it!

 

[ruki4eva]

:salam2:
wow!! MashaAllah that was beautiful really
yes inshaAllah everyone will like it
jazakallahu khaiyr for sharing it with us
and for your kind reply MashaAllah
Allah hafiz now and always
that line always makes me smile
May Allah keep you in this protection
sister Ameen

 

[hassana elkoussi]

:salam2:

I hope this reaches in the best of health/imaan

I want to submit this to my school magazine, I have inspired to let others know about my Hijab because lots of people misunderstand it. I chose to express my thoughts/feelings in a poem. I have lots of time to fix some flows, or wrong words I might have in there. So, brothers and sisters I ask you to give me some feedbacks, critism, or whatever you think you can do for me. The deadline is may 8th, so I would appreciate all that you have to say and your suggestions.

Here is the poem
You see me, but do you REALLY know me???

You've seen me in the hallways
And you might have felt sorry for me
Simply because of the way I am dressed.
With your eyes, you quickly judged
Automatically thinking I am oppressed
Or maybe *culturally* proud
But nay! I am neither this nor that
I am a girl who has taken God’s command,
Submitted to HIS word
Imitating none but my heroine Mary, mother of Jesus the blessed.
With submission, like Mary, I am covered
Thereby seeking the mercy of my Lord
And going against laws by man adorned
Eyes judging me on the size of my behind
Not paying attention to my brilliant mind
So, I said *NO* to being a boy’s toy when I chose to be HIJABED
Thus setting myself free from being objected to and judged
For this beauty I have is uniquely mine and NOT to be by any stranger admired
So, next time you see me,
Do not feel sorry for me
Because Hijab is my choice
So, relax because NOW you know
I am NOT oppressed and that I my body do cover
ONLY to please my Creator for ever.​

Allah hafiz NOW and ALWAYS

:salam2: dear sister,

I like your poem very much. Keep up the good work. I've made some corrections in red, I even added some words for the rhyme. Plz have a look & let me know what u think. May Allah swt bless you for your intentions. Salam

 

[zahrany]

Assalamu Alaikum
Masha'Allah awsome poem!! ukhti
am sure yours will be the best of all
keep up the good work!!!

 

[IHearIslam]

Assalamu Alaikum

Mashallah, you are very well-written. I think your school magazine will love it!

jazakaAllah khairan dear brother,

wow!! MashaAllah that was beautiful really
yes inshaAllah everyone will like it
jazakallahu khaiyr for sharing it with us
and for your kind reply MashaAllah
Allah hafiz now and always
that line always makes me smile
May Allah keep you in this protection

Waiyaak dear, and JazakaAllah khairan for the reply! Iam happy that it makes you smile

Masha'Allah awsome poem!! ukhti
am sure yours will be the best of all
keep up the good work!!!

Awwww! jazakaAllah khairan dear Fiallah...
Allah hafiz ALL of you NOW and ALWAYS

 

[IHearIslam]

:salam2: dear sister,

I like your poem very much. Keep up the good work. I've made some corrections in red, I even added some words for the rhyme. Plz have a look & let me know what u think. May Allah swt bless you for your intentions. Salam

DEAR sister FiAllah

I just want to let you know that I have corrected some of them before, I actually have the editted part here...but YOUR feedbacks are Awesome! I like the fact that you have added more words for the RHYME! that is soo COOL! sister, I am GREATFUL for that...May Allah bless you abandantly for your kindness.Ameen
LOVE you for Allah's sake dear
Allah hafiz NOW and ALWAYS

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Assalamu Alaykum,

Masha'Allah!! Let us know when you win and take the reward home!

 

[Nurain]

ASALAMU ALAYKUM SISTER.

GOOD JOB. BUT FIRSTLY, IT IS POEM NOT PEOM

Sister, I love the way you choose Maryam the mother of our prophet Isa as a role model. I have always thought this is a good way to portray to the world how Islam is the true Abrahimic religion.

All in all sister, I love it. Hope with more practise you would become much much more talented in sha Allaah sis.

 

[ayesha_r]

:salam2:
:ma::ma::ma::ma: very nice poem
man..u r more talented than i thought :ma:
keep up the good work
May ALLAH bless you and grant you an dall of us janay ul firdous.Ameen

 

[IHearIslam]

WaAlaikum Assalaam

Masha'Allah!! Let us know when you win and take the reward home!

ehem, NO REWARD! lol, it's just a sharing of DIVERSITY and different voices to be heard...

GOOD JOB. BUT FIRSTLY, IT IS POEM NOT PEOM

Sister, I love the way you choose Maryam the mother of our prophet Isa as a role model. I have always thought this is a good way to portray to the world how Islam is the true Abrahimic religion.

All in all sister, I love it. Hope with more practise you would become much much more talented in sha Allaah sis.

yea, poem, it was just fot you guys...the actual title is *you see me, but do you really know me??**
Oh yea, about Mary..I put that on purpose because LOTS of the people of the book dont think we LOVE and believe in Jesus(as a prophet ofcourse) so, I am trying to send double massages here

very nice poem
man..u r more talented than i thought
keep up the good work
May ALLAH bless you and grant you an dall of us janay ul firdous.Ameen

Ameen and I ask Allah the same for you and All the ummah...ehem, I am NOT that talented! but thanks anyway LOVE you all for Allah's sake.YOU have been a GREAT help! dont know what/how to express my thoughts and greatfullness to you all. AlhamduliAllah, for GREAT brothers and sisters! AlhamduliAllah for this GREAT ummah and community.
Allah hafiz ALL OF YOU now and always

 

[ismail52]

nice poem

SelamunAleykum

This is a beautifull poem
Take care of yourself :wink:

 

[Al-Salam]

You've done a great job sis with your poem. The way you expressed your emotions, it's exactly how most of us hijabis feel at school. but alhamdoullillah though. I should start writing poems myself, u wanna help me out sis???