Assalamu alaykum,
I felt I should share my experience with you all.
I was a born muslim and came from a cultural afghan background but being born and raised in the U.K I learnt about true Islam from different people, talks and books etc. Anyway, I wasn't such a bad muslim like the ones you see these days such as going out with guys and and drinking, smoking and I would pray more than the average "muslim" teenager or young adult. However, deep down I knew this wasn't enough and it wasn't giving me the connection to Allah.
Because I wear hijab and my 3 best friends don't so I was seen as decent, even religious, which I appreciated but I felt hypocritical because I KNEW I wasn't a proper muslim as I didn't enjoy praying and I wasn't bothered if I missed my prayers and I'd pray quite fast astaghfirullah may Allah forgive me. I just wanted true iman and fear but didn't know how to get it. I didnt even like asking for forgiveness or doing dua to Allah as I felt I was speaking to him in a language I understand (english) which made it harder for me than praying salah though I understand most of the salah but it didnt feel the same. But with dua I felt guilty because I didn't have this love and understanding, I'd only pray because I didn't want to end up in Hell and because I believed in Allah and Islam.
This happened for a few years until I suppose a couple of weeks ago. I was on youtube and I was watching different things associated to Islam such as miracles of Allah and converts to Islam. I also found this website and when I first joined it I'd always read something that would interest me and get ime in the mood before I prayed so that I would be able to concentrate in salah. I kept doing this for a few days, maybe less than 2 weeks and in my salah I would feel different. Not just in my salah but I would do dhikr while doing a chore or just walking around and I never did that before. I know this is something different because usually when I feel fear it would only last a day and diminish the next day but this feeling I have inside of me, it just feels like my eyes have opened up to the reality of this life and world and I never had this awareness before. I'm conscious of what I'm saying or doing daily and whenever I say something I shouldn't say in conversation, I automatically say astaghfirullah and quietly ask forgiveness from Allah and a few weeks ago I wouldn't have given a crap. In every prayer I ask for forgiveness for fear of dying as a sinner and I do dua all the time too alhamdulillah.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I really feel Allah has guided me alhamdulillah! I'm doing things and feel things that I never felt before, for example, I hate menstruating now (sorry brothers) because I just want it to be over and want to pray salah, I think alhamdulillah I find comfort in salah. I NEVER felt this before. I just hope I'm not wrong and I really hope this feeling doesn't disappear.
I do feel sometimes though my iman is lowering but as advice to my brothers and sisters the only way to keep it going is always think about Allah and always think that this life isn't forever. For me I always remember death and that's what keeps me going. I think I have been guided because I was searching for Allah I suppose and was trying to find that fear and connection I've always wanted.
I can remember now that one of the things that opened my heart to Allah is that I saw a footballer on youtube that was talking normally to someone on the pitch and literally 2 seconds later he just dropped dead! and there was a sheikh who was giving a talk and again he just dropped dead without any warning or anything! These were signs for me because I felt that we can die ANYTIME and I wasn't ready to die! This shook me and alhamdulillah now I know that it's worth striving for Allah not caring what anyone thinks of you wallah.
I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything, everyone is bound to do commit sins daily as Allah has created humans weak but knowing what sins you've committed and then asking for forgiveness from Allah 5 times daily at least and trying to change is basically all Allah wants you to do. You know he says he is the MOST forgiving and if someone had sins up to the clouds he would still forgive them all if only you ask Him. It's not hard really is it?! People wonder why they will get punished and find it hard to practise Islam not knowing how simple it really is.
Just thought I'd share it with you because there must be people who find it hard to practice Islam or find it difficult to concentrate in salah or even pray salah etc. well I was one of those people and alhamdulillah i'm not anymore and insha'allah never will be!!! Wallah, if it happened to me it can happen to anyone!! Just be patient and always always try and remember Allah in your daily lives just in your heart.
Wassalam
p.s. sorry if I bored you all but I don't really care!:blackhijab:
I felt I should share my experience with you all.
I was a born muslim and came from a cultural afghan background but being born and raised in the U.K I learnt about true Islam from different people, talks and books etc. Anyway, I wasn't such a bad muslim like the ones you see these days such as going out with guys and and drinking, smoking and I would pray more than the average "muslim" teenager or young adult. However, deep down I knew this wasn't enough and it wasn't giving me the connection to Allah.
Because I wear hijab and my 3 best friends don't so I was seen as decent, even religious, which I appreciated but I felt hypocritical because I KNEW I wasn't a proper muslim as I didn't enjoy praying and I wasn't bothered if I missed my prayers and I'd pray quite fast astaghfirullah may Allah forgive me. I just wanted true iman and fear but didn't know how to get it. I didnt even like asking for forgiveness or doing dua to Allah as I felt I was speaking to him in a language I understand (english) which made it harder for me than praying salah though I understand most of the salah but it didnt feel the same. But with dua I felt guilty because I didn't have this love and understanding, I'd only pray because I didn't want to end up in Hell and because I believed in Allah and Islam.
This happened for a few years until I suppose a couple of weeks ago. I was on youtube and I was watching different things associated to Islam such as miracles of Allah and converts to Islam. I also found this website and when I first joined it I'd always read something that would interest me and get ime in the mood before I prayed so that I would be able to concentrate in salah. I kept doing this for a few days, maybe less than 2 weeks and in my salah I would feel different. Not just in my salah but I would do dhikr while doing a chore or just walking around and I never did that before. I know this is something different because usually when I feel fear it would only last a day and diminish the next day but this feeling I have inside of me, it just feels like my eyes have opened up to the reality of this life and world and I never had this awareness before. I'm conscious of what I'm saying or doing daily and whenever I say something I shouldn't say in conversation, I automatically say astaghfirullah and quietly ask forgiveness from Allah and a few weeks ago I wouldn't have given a crap. In every prayer I ask for forgiveness for fear of dying as a sinner and I do dua all the time too alhamdulillah.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I really feel Allah has guided me alhamdulillah! I'm doing things and feel things that I never felt before, for example, I hate menstruating now (sorry brothers) because I just want it to be over and want to pray salah, I think alhamdulillah I find comfort in salah. I NEVER felt this before. I just hope I'm not wrong and I really hope this feeling doesn't disappear.
I do feel sometimes though my iman is lowering but as advice to my brothers and sisters the only way to keep it going is always think about Allah and always think that this life isn't forever. For me I always remember death and that's what keeps me going. I think I have been guided because I was searching for Allah I suppose and was trying to find that fear and connection I've always wanted.
I can remember now that one of the things that opened my heart to Allah is that I saw a footballer on youtube that was talking normally to someone on the pitch and literally 2 seconds later he just dropped dead! and there was a sheikh who was giving a talk and again he just dropped dead without any warning or anything! These were signs for me because I felt that we can die ANYTIME and I wasn't ready to die! This shook me and alhamdulillah now I know that it's worth striving for Allah not caring what anyone thinks of you wallah.
I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything, everyone is bound to do commit sins daily as Allah has created humans weak but knowing what sins you've committed and then asking for forgiveness from Allah 5 times daily at least and trying to change is basically all Allah wants you to do. You know he says he is the MOST forgiving and if someone had sins up to the clouds he would still forgive them all if only you ask Him. It's not hard really is it?! People wonder why they will get punished and find it hard to practise Islam not knowing how simple it really is.
Just thought I'd share it with you because there must be people who find it hard to practice Islam or find it difficult to concentrate in salah or even pray salah etc. well I was one of those people and alhamdulillah i'm not anymore and insha'allah never will be!!! Wallah, if it happened to me it can happen to anyone!! Just be patient and always always try and remember Allah in your daily lives just in your heart.
Wassalam
p.s. sorry if I bored you all but I don't really care!:blackhijab: