i was wondering something...

[yasmineSwe]

Hello
When I married my husband I was Christian. We had a small ceremony with just a few friends. It wasn't a religious ceremony, no priest, no Imam. (even though it wouldn't have mattered to me if we were married in the Mosque). I did become Muslim, but not until more than a yr of marriage. Even when I was Christian religious differences were NOT a big deal. I went to church, he went to the Mosque. At the end of it all we'd talk about what the sermon/kutbah was about. It made life interesting and we learned a lot from eachother. I had no pressure to change my religion, but it was just a decission I felt in my heart. As for children, I didn't care what we raised them to believe (at the time), my husband really showed a love for Islam, so if my children were Muslim and I wasn't it would have been ok since Islam respects ALL PEOPLE OF THE BOOK.
If you have any questions for me give me a PM
take care!

Im very happy to hear stories like this! I hope you both will have a happy life filled with joy together!

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

First I never will be offensive. You are the one who wants to learn. I am being honest. It is a man's job to teach his children faith. As a matter of fact teaching a child his faith is one of the most important jobs that a man will ever have.
Children need guidance and direction. To say they can choose later on is not parenting. It would not be fair to the children to confuse them with two different belief systems. One religion waits for Santa Claus to come down a chimmey with gifts whereas the True faith teaches children to learn to fast to please Allah and know what others feel everyday. How will you satisfy the questions of your children when do question the existence of the easter bunny?
Finally, are you willing to surrender your non-Islamic beliefs to benefit the marriage. The tenents of marriage in Islam are not the same as the lust based ideas of marriage in non-Isalmic societies.
You can reject and scoff at what I have written. I write the truth and I pray Allah forgive me.

 

[IbnAlAawam]

Thank you for sending me these links, can u tell me someting, are these real words of your holy book? Because what I read here and interpret is that I, as a religious Christian woman, has evil thoughts which whom I might try to stick on his head and that I am a non believer and that I should be "chaste". Im sorry I do respect Islam but I dont understand this, I dont want my man to see me as a person that comes with evil thoughts when all I do is come in peace with everyone.

Hi Yasmine,

I don't understand why you were sent some of these links at this stage of your research...
No one sees you with evil thoughts, like us you believe in one God and as believer you strive to be good person.
In the Quran Allah says:
"Nearest among them in love to the believers wilt thou find those who say, “We are Christians”: because amongst these are men devoted to learning and men who have renounced the world, and they are not arrogant."5:82

Also:

It is reported, the prophet (saws) said: “Gabriel has continued to recommend me to be good to my neighbour until I thought that he would include him among my heirs.” This sets a general principle. It is important to know which of our neighbours are entitled to our kindness. The practice of the Prophet’s companions provides very important guidance in this regard. We have, for example, a report that Abdullah ibn Amr, a companion who was well versed in Hadith had a sheep slaughtered. He repeatedly asked his servant: “Have you sent some meat as a present to our Jewish neighbour?” When he said that several times, he added: “I have heard Allah’s messenger (Pbuh) saying: “Gabriel has repeatedly recommended me to be good to my neighbour until I have thought that he would include him among my heirs.”

Another version of this story quotes a person called Mujahid as saying that he and others used to visit Abdullah ibn Amr frequently. He had flocks of sheep and they used to drink warm fresh milk when they visited him. One day he gave them cold milk to drink, and he explained that he had to change the area where his sheep grazed. Mujahid mentions that Abdullah’s servant was skinning a sheep he had just slaughtered. Abdullah said to him: “When you have finished, take a portion to our Jewish neighbour.” He repeated that three times. One of his guests said to him: “May Allah guide you, you do mention this Jew frequently.” Abdullah then mentioned the Hadith he heard from the Prophet.

From this report, we learn that the companions of the Prophet were certain that every neighbour, regardless of his religion, is entitled to our kindness.

May Allah grant you hapiness and a blessed marriage.

Take care,

 

[yasmineSwe]

Hi Yasmine,

I don't understand why you were sent some of these links at this stage of your research...
No one sees you with evil thoughts, like us you believe in one God and as believer you strive to be good person.
In the Quran Allah says:
"Nearest among them in love to the believers wilt thou find those who say, “We are Christians”: because amongst these are men devoted to learning and men who have renounced the world, and they are not arrogant."5:82

Also:

It is reported, the prophet (saws) said: “Gabriel has continued to recommend me to be good to my neighbour until I thought that he would include him among my heirs.” This sets a general principle. It is important to know which of our neighbours are entitled to our kindness. The practice of the Prophet’s companions provides very important guidance in this regard. We have, for example, a report that Abdullah ibn Amr, a companion who was well versed in Hadith had a sheep slaughtered. He repeatedly asked his servant: “Have you sent some meat as a present to our Jewish neighbour?” When he said that several times, he added: “I have heard Allah’s messenger (Pbuh) saying: “Gabriel has repeatedly recommended me to be good to my neighbour until I have thought that he would include him among my heirs.”

Another version of this story quotes a person called Mujahid as saying that he and others used to visit Abdullah ibn Amr frequently. He had flocks of sheep and they used to drink warm fresh milk when they visited him. One day he gave them cold milk to drink, and he explained that he had to change the area where his sheep grazed. Mujahid mentions that Abdullah’s servant was skinning a sheep he had just slaughtered. Abdullah said to him: “When you have finished, take a portion to our Jewish neighbour.” He repeated that three times. One of his guests said to him: “May Allah guide you, you do mention this Jew frequently.” Abdullah then mentioned the Hadith he heard from the Prophet.

From this report, we learn that the companions of the Prophet were certain that every neighbour, regardless of his religion, is entitled to our kindness.

May Allah grant you hapiness and a blessed marriage.

Take care,

Thank you for your words, fnally someone who at least tries to be understanding. We pray and believe in the same God dont we? So why am I shown as evil? I asked my fiance about it and he said there's nothing in the q'ran that says Christians and Jews are with "evil" thoughts.. probably the translation has been misleading and it probably says a little bit different in arabic.
Thank you for showing me the "nicer" side of islam where Im not shown as "evil" or lesser worth. I really liked this piece.
Take good care of yourself.

 

[yasmineSwe]

Salaam,

First I never will be offensive. You are the one who wants to learn. I am being honest. It is a man's job to teach his children faith. As a matter of fact teaching a child his faith is one of the most important jobs that a man will ever have.
Children need guidance and direction. To say they can choose later on is not parenting. It would not be fair to the children to confuse them with two different belief systems. One religion waits for Santa Claus to come down a chimmey with gifts whereas the True faith teaches children to learn to fast to please Allah and know what others feel everyday. How will you satisfy the questions of your children when do question the existence of the easter bunny?
Finally, are you willing to surrender your non-Islamic beliefs to benefit the marriage. The tenents of marriage in Islam are not the same as the lust based ideas of marriage in non-Isalmic societies.
You can reject and scoff at what I have written. I write the truth and I pray Allah forgive me.

Someone calling someone else lesser worth because she happens to believe in something elese but SHE PRAYS TO THE SAME GOD AS YOU, I call that offensive, I thought Islam was all about peace and happiness? Anyway, I sure scoff off what you are saying.
And of course the "easter bunny" is nothing you "believe in" he is no religious symbol at all, im not even sure if u know why we celebrate easter, its sure not because of the easter bunny.
When children are young, they always tend to follow what their parents say because they dont know better they dont know anything else, thats why we have chosen them to take their descision later, when they have had religion in their school thaught from an objectiv e side from thei teacher. Thats more guidance and direction than pushing them into believing something they might not have chosen when they were older.
And meanwhile they grow as persons and get more knowledge, we introduce our religions to them, we dont confuse them as its just like in school when they teach u religion.

 

[new-muslim]

Hi Yasmine
Salam all
When I married my husband who is muslim, we didn't honestly talk to much about the religious side of things. We got married in a registry office with friends and my family. We also had an Islamic blessing/wedding in our house afterwards. I was chistian with a strong belief in God but not necessarily a practising christian. Anyway my husband would tell me about Islam and I always was interested in learning about Islam. I had considered Islam but was not sure about converting.
Children will be an important issue. I have known many marriages/relationships that have broken up when children come along. Often its easy to say I will bring the children up as Muslim, but the reality is, if you are not muslim with those beliefs it will be very hard. What will happen when your child reaches 12 and starts getting interested in boys, wants to go to the school Xmas disco...do you think your husband will not mind and say he/she can choose for themself....I doubt it!
A woman I know is muslim and married to a man who is half-asian (*non muslim). She tries to show the kids some of her beliefs and the father his and take the opinion that they can decide for themselves when they grow up. What I see is very confused children. They are lovely children, very polite etc but confused about religion...who are they/are they muslim/catholic?
Another acquaintance was a woman who was married to a muslim (not a practising one ..again!). She did not share his beliefs and once their daughter reached about 6 years, she left him with the kids. I don't think you can say 'love conquers all'. The reason for their break up was she did not agree with his beliefs for the children. This couple were childhood sweethearts that had been with each other for 13 years.
Another woman, a practising christian is married to a practising Muslim. She tries to bring her children up as muslims. The boy is now 14 and they seem happy enough. Personally though I think it must be hard to bring your kids up in a different faith if you are 100% happy with your own religion.
Somebody else was married ...had children....and 20 years later converted to Islam. Amazing!
To sum up, i THINK IF YOUR HUSBAND HAS STRONG iSLAMIC BELIEFS you will find the marriage/bringing up kids quite hard but that not to say it cant be done. I have converted to Islam and am still learning things all the time. Some things I find difficult. Islam is a way of life for the whole family not just something the kids may choose when they reach 18. You must seriously think hard about this marriage as you don't want to end up divorced with a few kids as life on your own could be very hard. Sorry if I have said anything that may offend you, I am just trying to help you see different scenarios.
Salam o alaikum

 

[yasmineSwe]

Hi Yasmine
Salam all
When I married my husband who is muslim, we didn't honestly talk to much about the religious side of things. We got married in a registry office with friends and my family. We also had an Islamic blessing/wedding in our house afterwards. I was chistian with a strong belief in God but not necessarily a practising christian. Anyway my husband would tell me about Islam and I always was interested in learning about Islam. I had considered Islam but was not sure about converting.
Children will be an important issue. I have known many marriages/relationships that have broken up when children come along. Often its easy to say I will bring the children up as Muslim, but the reality is, if you are not muslim with those beliefs it will be very hard. What will happen when your child reaches 12 and starts getting interested in boys, wants to go to the school Xmas disco...do you think your husband will not mind and say he/she can choose for themself....I doubt it!
A woman I know is muslim and married to a man who is half-asian (*non muslim). She tries to show the kids some of her beliefs and the father his and take the opinion that they can decide for themselves when they grow up. What I see is very confused children. They are lovely children, very polite etc but confused about religion...who are they/are they muslim/catholic?
Another acquaintance was a woman who was married to a muslim (not a practising one ..again!). She did not share his beliefs and once their daughter reached about 6 years, she left him with the kids. I don't think you can say 'love conquers all'. The reason for their break up was she did not agree with his beliefs for the children. This couple were childhood sweethearts that had been with each other for 13 years.
Another woman, a practising christian is married to a practising Muslim. She tries to bring her children up as muslims. The boy is now 14 and they seem happy enough. Personally though I think it must be hard to bring your kids up in a different faith if you are 100% happy with your own religion.
Somebody else was married ...had children....and 20 years later converted to Islam. Amazing!
To sum up, i THINK IF YOUR HUSBAND HAS STRONG iSLAMIC BELIEFS you will find the marriage/bringing up kids quite hard but that not to say it cant be done. I have converted to Islam and am still learning things all the time. Some things I find difficult. Islam is a way of life for the whole family not just something the kids may choose when they reach 18. You must seriously think hard about this marriage as you don't want to end up divorced with a few kids as life on your own could be very hard. Sorry if I have said anything that may offend you, I am just trying to help you see different scenarios.
Salam o alaikum

you dont offend me at all and I dont agree with you at all, those qute little stories you are telling me about, they dont represent all the worlds families. Teaching the kids about religion in two ways are just as in schools where they find out even more religions. I was raised this way myself and i choose Christianity myself as it is the right way for me. And Im not saying they can choose when they are 18, they can choose whenever they want, what is wrong is to PUSH THEM into believeing something, you seek islam and other religions if you self want to and what has been written hre before. The parents dont oush them into believing in what they believe so they can be happy. I am a practising Christian but I would be happy for my kids if they choose islam but I would pray for them, I really would.
I know many people in my country hat lives like this and yes as I said, me myself was brought up like this and me and my 4 other siblings choose for ourselves. You choose your religion yourself you dont get PUSHED IN TO IT. Thats the worst thing you can do. And anyways, this was not the questins I was here about, I am just asking about Christian muslim weddings, stories to hear as I am scard a little bit.

 

[dianne]

Hi Sister Yasmine,
I hope u understand the text from our sister is not just a story but it based on what Islam religion teach us - Al quran & sunnah.raising children is responsible for muslim man.bcoz that is what Allah swt will asks on the day here after.

Here is articles for u to read-

Question:
Why is it that a catholic girl married to a muslim man CANNOT celebrate her religous festivals? even though she is married to a muslim she still remains a catholic. shouldnt she be able to worship what she belives?.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

If a Christian girl agrees to marry a Muslim man, then she should be aware of a number of things:

1 – The wife is commanded to obey her husband, so long as it does not involve sin. No differentiation is made between a Muslim wife and a non-Muslim wife with regard to that. If her husband tells her to do something that is not a sin, then she is obliged to obey him. Allaah has given this right to men, because they are in charge of the family and are responsible for it, and family life cannot run smoothly unless one of its members is in charge and is listened to and obeyed. But this does not mean that the man is allowed to dominate or exploit this right in order to mistreat his wife and children, rather he must strive hard to do a good job, to offer sincere advice and consult with them.

But life is not free of matters that need to be settled in a decisive manner. The Christian girl needs to understand this principle before she goes ahead and marries a Muslim.

2 – Islam allows marriage to a Christian or Jewish woman, i.e., it permits a man to marry such a woman whilst she continues to follow her religion. The husband does not have the right to force her to become Muslim, or to stop her worshipping in her own way. But he does have the right to forbid her to go out of the house, even if she is going to go out to go to church, because she is commanded to obey him. He also has the right to forbid her to commit evil openly in the house, such as setting up statues or ringing bells.

That also includes celebrating innovated festivals, such as Easter, because that is an evil action according to Islam, in two ways. It is an innovation for which there is no basis, like celebrating the birthday of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Mother’s Day, and it also includes false beliefs, namely the belief that the Messiah was killed and crucified, then placed in the grave, then rose from it.

The truth is that ‘Eesa (Jesus – peace be upon him) was not killed or crucified, rather that he was taken up to heaven alive.


Islam QA

 

[sajjuaiah]

If you read quran "Please Note"

Quran is not a story book that, someone dictates about someone.
Quran is a direct message from "GOD" to the human kind.

"Whom soever Allah guides - Non can misguide"
"Whom soever Allah leaves astray - Non can guide"

 

[Rosheen]

I too thought I could bring the children up to believe both my religion and my husbands. It really isn't possible. Sorry to be negative, but I really do need to reiterate my earlier post.

Your husband HAS to raise his children as Muslims. He is incorrect when he states that they will find Allah. A child needs to learn about God....yes you can do that as you both worship God. However Christian traditions are going to confuse them. They will grow up unsure of their faith. I actually know a girl whose father never taught her Islam....she ended up picking up catholicism through school. She now celebrates Easter and Christmas and knows very little about Islam.

I do wish you a happy marriage. I believe you 2 will be happy but I do think that if you are very religious then you will not be truly comfortable with Muslim children. One of the reasons I converted was for this. I respect Islam and I firmly believe it is the truth. But I was guided to it by the thought that my children should share my beliefs. Its already a bone of contention. My mum actually asked me of i could have my future children christened in private (this was before i reverted). This horrifies me now. I never liked the idea of christening and holy communion. It seems children are trapped into a religion they do not understand. I never became a confirmed Catholic as at the age of 14 I did not feel ready to commit myself to a religion.

At the age of 26 I have chosen Islam and with careful consideration, and that means focussing on ALL aspects of life.

All the best for the future

Rosheen

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

You are about to enter a relationship that is going to be the most singnificant relationship of your life. You are going to have to yield to the wishes of your husband. That is marriage. There is no 50-50 in marriage. His religion is his culture, the way he looks at the world is influenced by his religion.
The God of the Prophet Essa is my Allah. The god-head of the trinity is not god. So we do not pray to the same God. I pray to the Only Allah. I do not pray to part man, part god, part ghost.
You wanted to learn. You are given honest answers and you get mad. You have taken the position that you know best. No-one wishes you anything but success in your life. Religion is the backbone of marriage.
And please do not scoff at my answers, the best teacher is always expereince.

 

[TheHumbleWun]

And of course the "easter bunny" is nothing you "believe in" he is no religious symbol at all, im not even sure if u know why we celebrate easter, its sure not because of the easter bunny.

Hello Yasmine,

Welcome to the forum. Please view the following threads about Easter:

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10605&highlight=easter

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10592&highlight=easter

 

[IbnAlAawam]

Salam alaykoum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu,

I just want to say to the brothers and sisters to stop bombarding the poor girl with your links and other information, your intention is certainly a good one but I think she go the message now, poor girl.
Let's try answer her questions.
And let me remind you in case you missed it:

... and I must say I am a religin student at the University so I DO STUDY about Islam, Buddism, Christianity and such. I know what it's all about and I dont believe in what CNN etc says, well its a kind of fact but its just a small little piece in a BIG religion. So thank you, but I do know, I am just here to change my way of thinking because I am about to wed a muslim man. Of course what I read and what I see affects me but I dont judge a whole religion based on what a couple do, not at all

Fi amni'llahi, assalam alaykoum wa rahmatullahi,


PS: sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings, such was not my intention.

 

[Aliyah206]

Assalamu Aliykum dear sister..
mashallah everyone here has already addressed this issue very well and i just wanted to repeat tyheir syaings again..

I strongly recommed you to go back to the Quran for any questions you have towards Islam. beacuse thats the best source for any researchings.
and the other thing is, i also advice you to sit and have talk with your future husband, so that way you can find out what pleases him and what displeases him [to have a great successful marriage]. and always be open minded.

 

[jabba]

You are going to have to yield to the wishes of your husband. That is marriage. There is no 50-50 in marriage.

Salam
Ummm thats not true for everyone. Maybe this is some peoples reality, but there are men out there that help their wives in everything, and the marriage is 50/50. I know every decission my husband and I make is discussed and sometimes it goes my way sometimes his, you have to talk things out to see whats better in the long run. Yielding to a man is NOT a marriage.......

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,


The best words ever to use in a marriage are Yes dear!

A woman protects the property of her husband. A woman does not allow anyone in her home that he does not want. She has to respond to his needs and come to bed when he calls her. She is to leave the house with his permission. If he tells her not to work, she is not to work. Here I go again...she is his possession.

There is no 50-50 in a marriage. If a man respects his wife he will speak to her but in a marriage he can make a decision and she needs to abide by it.
Marriage is not to constrain another human being.

i know I will get many responses.

 

[jabba]

:salam2:
Sorry sister I love you for the sake of Allah (SWT) but what you wrote is completely foreign to me. I leave the house whenever I want, I respect my husband I do not talk to men when I'm outside, and if they ask me a question I give a short simple one worded reply. I go to bed when I'm tired and if doing more than sleeping is on the agenda it wouldn't be fun to do it when one person is not in the mood....not as fun. So we respect EACHOTHER it's not one sided :lol:
Maybe you are talking about your marriage, I mean you do not know what goes on in the lives of others. OR maybe what you are talking about is the reason why so many women are having problems with their marriages.....

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sister I was referring to what is written in the Holy Quran.
It took me time to digest and appreciate the wisdom behind these words.

 

[jabba]

Dear sister Jabba, Assalaamu `Alayki

You wrote to Mirajmom,



That's understandable since you probably grew up in the Western culture.



Do you ever leave the house when your husband doesn't want you to? If so, then you are giving more importance to your culture or to yourself than to the Sunna and the marriage. Please do not be offended by this and think of me as your older brother, because I probably am, :lol:

Now if your husband is never bothered by your going out anytime with or without his permission, then this matter is academic, but is he? Did you ever discuss it? If he's bothered and you know it but do nothing about it then it's bad, but if he's bothered and you don't know about it then it's worse!



Question is what happens when he's in the mood and you're not and you turn him down? If he gets angry then the Hadeeth applies, "Whoever goes to bed while her husband is angry with her, the angels spend the night cursing her until she wakes up!" Talk about no fun!

What is worse is if he gets angry or frustrated but bottles it inside. You never want that in any relationship, especially a loving marriage.

Salam
I'm not offended by what you wrote because I love my religion and I love my husband. Yes I grew up in Canada, but my husband didn't. I know what goes on around the world and in other relationships, BUT in our relationship this is foreign to me ( I guess I need to rephraise that).
Well I know he isn't bothered by me going out by myself because I tell him I'm going out when he asks what I'm going to do today, in fact I'll ask him if he wants me to get him something. Sometimes he does sometimes he doesn't. I have travelled by myself before (not for a vacation, to visit where I was born ect) I've asked him how he feels, he always says just to call him so he knows I'm ok. He has SAID HE'S OK with it. WE have trust in our relationship, as there is no reason not to trust one another, alhamdulillah. As for the bedroom, I'm not going to go into detail, but like I said WE understand if one person is not in the mood then it will not be as enjoyable or fun.
My husband is not petty and would not get angry with me for something so insignificant, he's a good Muslim.

Allaah says, enjoining kindness towards one's wife (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “And treat women with kindness, and treat women with kindness.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5186; Muslim, 1468.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his womenfolk, and I am the best of you to my womenfolk.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3314.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Sister by your questions you help so many people. We are so influenced by non-Islamic customs that we forget the wisdom behind Islamic marriage.
No-one is questioning your relationship. We are all attempting to raise our deen. The closer we follow the way of the Quran the easier life is for us.

Sister, in all honesty, if I had followed the way of the sunnath, maybe I would not be alone right now. I grew up in the west. I fought for the women's liberation movement. I did the bra burning, in your face, i am woman thing. It was a joke in the end. I have changed my ways and I pray Allah forgives the mistakes of my youth.

Please know I am speaking as an older sister who does not wish any sister unnecessary heartache. Sister, know that your comments are always brave and I welcome them.