I'm suffering. Advice needed pls

[yusra489]

Salam Allehkum Rahmatallah



Inshallah you can give me some advice on what should I do because I am torn. Well I got married about 1 year and 10 months now. Mashallah my husband is a very committed muslim (prays, gives zakat, fears Allah, etc.) We have no serious problems between each other rather than its him and my family( father and mother especially ). My husband feels my father always lies to him and doesn't want the best for him. I asked him in many various occasions why he felt that way and he has. He gave me proof in which my dad has lied in various situations and I didn't say anything. I know my dad has lied as well because I proved it to myself as well. The problem is my dad won't admit it when he is wrong. He just swears to Allah it's not true. He swears on his five children and Allah even when there is evidence that he indeed did lie. I feel bad for this because my dad doesn't pray, go to mosque, or nothing so how can he swear to Allah(my dad is Muslim and my mom is Spanish). The other problem is my mom she agrees with him as well even when she knows he is wrong. My husband has had enough and he told me that he can't deal with him anymore. He says I have been patient and patient but enough is enough. He says Allah didn't say I have to put up with someone that lies to him all the time. I'm at the point to getting divorced and I don't know what to do. I know my husband is right. I have talked to my mom and dad on how he feels and nothing. They say he just wants problems as always which is not true. Since the beginning of our engagement 4 years ago they had issues and now it has hit a breaking point. I love my family and my husband and I don't want to leave neither of them. Ever since I have been with my husband I have changed alot. He taught me to pray, told me how important hijab was (now I wear it alhamdillah), and taught me some basics of Islam). Those things I never got from my family. He opened up my eyes on how Islam and religion is in this life. Alhamdillah I changed alot and now I can teach my brothers and sisters. Sorry for this long thing but I am concerned and I want to the the right thing in what our religion says. I don't want to divorce my husband because I know he is a good Muslim. Please give me some advice. Allah Knows Best."

 

[yusra489]

Please someone

 

[palestine]

Salam Allehkum Rahmatallah



Inshallah you can give me some advice on what should I do because I am torn. Well I got married about 1 year and 10 months now. Mashallah my husband is a very committed muslim (prays, gives zakat, fears Allah, etc.) We have no serious problems between each other rather than its him and my family( father and mother especially ). My husband feels my father always lies to him and doesn't want the best for him. I asked him in many various occasions why he felt that way and he has. He gave me proof in which my dad has lied in various situations and I didn't say anything. I know my dad has lied as well because I proved it to myself as well. The problem is my dad won't admit it when he is wrong. He just swears to Allah it's not true. He swears on his five children and Allah even when there is evidence that he indeed did lie. I feel bad for this because my dad doesn't pray, go to mosque, or nothing so how can he swear to Allah(my dad is Muslim and my mom is Spanish). The other problem is my mom she agrees with him as well even when she knows he is wrong. My husband has had enough and he told me that he can't deal with him anymore. He says I have been patient and patient but enough is enough. He says Allah didn't say I have to put up with someone that lies to him all the time. I'm at the point to getting divorced and I don't know what to do. I know my husband is right. I have talked to my mom and dad on how he feels and nothing. They say he just wants problems as always which is not true. Since the beginning of our engagement 4 years ago they had issues and now it has hit a breaking point. I love my family and my husband and I don't want to leave neither of them. Ever since I have been with my husband I have changed alot. He taught me to pray, told me how important hijab was (now I wear it alhamdillah), and taught me some basics of Islam). Those things I never got from my family. He opened up my eyes on how Islam and religion is in this life. Alhamdillah I changed alot and now I can teach my brothers and sisters. Sorry for this long thing but I am concerned and I want to the the right thing in what our religion says. I don't want to divorce my husband because I know he is a good Muslim. Please give me some advice. Allah Knows Best."

:salam2: Dear sister i'm not a scholar but i can still advice you to the best of my ability. the situation your in is very complicated and i know how stubborn moms and dads can be. No matter how much ur dad swears by Allah it doesn't mean he is not lying. You're husband sounds like a wonderful man who has helped you in recognizing the importance of being steadfast. I would hate to hear that you and your husband get a divorce. all i can say is that if this wonderful man leaves there may not be another opportunity to get a man like him. and if you do get a man like him your parents are still there as you said lying for one another. it is wrong. Since you've both been patient with your parents i think you should tell them the honest truth....that they should fear Allah and that they shouldn't break up families who love each other dearly. Now i don't want to point fingers and say there are kafirs but there is a hadith that mentions that whoever does not pray is considered to be a kafir. SubhanaAllah. you need to advice your dad very seriously because this could lead to a really bad eternal home. Your husband on the other hand is a good man; you should not let your parents make you two separate. make dua and pray to Allah with a sincere heart. tell your husband your situation and how your trying your best. Divorce should not be the answer....man i hate it when families break up other pious muslims who are deeply in love with one another . i dont know what else to advice but all i can say is don't let go of this man......he has helped you to open your eyes to the truth. now you gotta tell your parents the TRUTH. it cannot keep on going like this...they may be your parents but what right do they have to do that to you and ur husband? what right do they have to hate on an innocent man who has done nothing wrong but instead did something right? Tell them that you don't want family ties to be gone but that if they continue like this it could end up that way. maybe they think you're joking now, but show them you are serious and that you are willing to stand by the man you love. Sister follow your heart that's all i can say and trust in Allah. make dua, especially the third part of the night which all duas are answered by Allah almighy inshaAllah. sincerely a sister who is concerned. salam.

 

[yusra489]

:salam2: Dear sister i'm not a scholar but i can still advice you to the best of my ability. the situation your in is very complicated and i know how stubborn moms and dads can be. No matter how much ur dad swears by Allah it doesn't mean he is not lying. You're husband sounds like a wonderful man who has helped you in recognizing the importance of being steadfast. I would hate to hear that you and your husband get a divorce. all i can say is that if this wonderful man leaves there may not be another opportunity to get a man like him. and if you do get a man like him your parents are still there as you said lying for one another. it is wrong. Since you've both been patient with your parents i think you should tell them the honest truth....that they should fear Allah and that they shouldn't break up families who love each other dearly. Now i don't want to point fingers and say there are kafirs but there is a hadith that mentions that whoever does not pray is considered to be a kafir. SubhanaAllah. you need to advice your dad very seriously because this could lead to a really bad eternal home. Your husband on the other hand is a good man; you should not let your parents make you two separate. make dua and pray to Allah with a sincere heart. tell your husband your situation and how your trying your best. Divorce should not be the answer....man i hate it when families break up other pious muslims who are deeply in love with one another . i dont know what else to advice but all i can say is don't let go of this man......he has helped you to open your eyes to the truth. now you gotta tell your parents the TRUTH. it cannot keep on going like this...they may be your parents but what right do they have to do that to you and ur husband? what right do they have to hate on an innocent man who has done nothing wrong but instead did something right? Tell them that you don't want family ties to be gone but that if they continue like this it could end up that way. maybe they think you're joking now, but show them you are serious and that you are willing to stand by the man you love. Sister follow your heart that's all i can say and trust in Allah. make dua, especially the third part of the night which all duas are answered by Allah almighy inshaAllah. sincerely a sister who is concerned. salam.

Wallah I feel horrible. I don't want to leave him because I know he is good. Ya Allah.

 

[Jannah03]

Asalaamu alakum sis, divorcing shouldnt even be an option for you two. Does he want to leave you because of your family or do you want to leave him because you want to please your family? Sis, im having parental isues as well, and subhanallah they are stuck in their ways it seems. and as for your mom, sometimes after being with someone for some time you begin to 'think' the way your partner does. ive seen it with my own mother. Have you tried telling your father about the lies he's said? is he suffering from senility? i dont know the situation, but leaving a good man to go back to someone who is of no benefit is not good thing sweety.

 

[yusra489]

Asalaamu alakum sis, divorcing shouldnt even be an option for you two. Does he want to leave you because of your family or do you want to leave him because you want to please your family? Sis, im having parental isues as well, and subhanallah they are stuck in their ways it seems. and as for your mom, sometimes after being with someone for some time you begin to 'think' the way your partner does. ive seen it with my own mother. Have you tried telling your father about the lies he's said? is he suffering from senility? i dont know the situation, but leaving a good man to go back to someone who is of no benefit is not good thing sweety.

Well today I spoke to my husband and he says divorce is very hard and he doesn't want to do it but if it continues this way he says he can't. He says he has had enough. He said I can't be with ppl that constantly hurt me and he is right. He says its not my fault but maybe Allah is giving us a sign. He says though no matter what happens be with Allah though. I don;t want to leave him subhanallah

 

[yusra489]

Well today I spoke to my husband and he says divorce is very hard and he doesn't want to do it but if it continues this way he says he can't. He says he has had enough. He said I can't be with ppl that constantly hurt me and he is right. He says its not my fault but maybe Allah is giving us a sign. He says though no matter what happens be with Allah though. I don;t want to leave him subhanallah

Oh and I have told my father about these accusations and all he did was talk bad about my husband and said alot mean things. He was so mad at me for believing my husband that he almost did something to me. I told him to fear Allah and pray and he said I believe in Allah more than u and him. When he doesn't.

 

[Saifu deen]

:salam2:

I am dont have sufficient knowledge on this issue. According to my basic knowledge, I believe that parents have certain barrier that they shouldn't pass especially when their daughter is married to a pious a muslim. I believe that once you revealed your accusations to your father, it was wrong. Since your father doesn't admit his mistake, he would automatically defend himself whether he is right or wrong (my father is the same)... Therefore, avoid accusing your father. Regarding your husband, mashallah he is very patient indeed. Tell him to think about them as if they are his parents, and ignore their negative behaviour towards him.

Your parents will remain your parents forever, nothing can change that. And your husband has the right to be respected and live comfortably without interference from your parents/his parents/ or anyone else. Do your best sister to keep your husband, and tell your father to fear Allah (swt). The women who lives with a pious husband, obey him according to the Qur'an and Sunnah, Allah (swt) promised them Jannah sister. Be kind to your parents, and I know how frustrating it can get sometimes knowing that parents cause problems, and appear innocent and perfect. Remind your husband not to take decision such as divorce because of mistakes and problems caused by others such parents. Yet, you have to listen to your husband if you want to keep this relationship, because it is an obligation that you listen to him as long that doesn't break the islamic rules. For example, he may decide to find a house for both you away from your parents, thats if both of you living with your parents, or move away from the area to another. All this solutions will not destroy your relationship with your parents, but at the same time it would save your marriage.

It is difficult for any man to put up with such experience. Ask your husband to be more patient for the sake of this marriage, and for the sake of good reward of Allah (swt). In addition, be kind to your parents. You have to be in favour of your husband, without taking sides. You may even lie to bring to people together. For example, tell your parent that, how your husband respects them, loves them as if they are his parents, and he would love to live with them in happiness than in an environment that can bring tension to everyone. And tell your husband, how your father said that your husband is very kind and good man. I hope you know what I mean. May be that way, your husband can have more patient, and your parent's heart can soften towards him..

Seek Allah (swt) guidance on this sister. Read about husband and wife's right and responsibilities, and avoid the worst halal sister... I ask Allah (swt) to support you keeping you lovely husband, and guide your parents to the truth in action and intentions.. Amiin

 

[happy 2 b muslim]

DONT LEAVE YOU HUSBAND BROTHERS LIKE THAT ARE HARD 2 FIND LOL, nO JUST TALK IS MISSING TALK TO HIM DONT LEAVE ME FOR MY FATHERS DOING THEN SAY YES HE IS WRONG SO LEAVE HIM TO BE ILL DEAL WITH MY FATHER SOZ THAT HOW ILL DO IT

 

[Basicofislam]

:salam2: If your husband is truly as good muslim as you say then it really would be a shame to leave him. And any parent who takes you away from Allah should not be listened to. Respect them cause they gave birth to you. But you dont have to listen to them. You dont have to meet your family every single day. why dont you move to a different town.

 

[najbc]

wow, sis your are in deep trouble. I can not advise because I never to in your shoes but I will tell you what I would do. sis, it is obvious that you love your family and husband. I would suggest that you move to another place far from your parents but to still say connect to your parents. I come to realize in my personally life that family get closer when they are far from each other and are connect more than they ever were when that were near each other. so you might want to move than see how the situation get. But I would strongly tell not to get divorce. Hope everything works out for you. I will pray for you.
:tti_sister:

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

I am a little confused, you said your father lies, ok, why does your husband get angry at you for something your father does? At this point you can be polite to your father without letting him know the personal details of your life. If your father lies simply ignore the words coming out of his mouth, pretend he is not even speaking.

Why are you being asked to chose between your husband and your father? I am not clear on the conflict as to why you are even in a position to choose between one and the other. If your father lies then it is between him and Allah and there is nothing you or your husband can do about it.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[Ahmed ibn Ibrahim]

:salam2: Dear sister i'm not a scholar but i can still advice you to the best of my ability. the situation your in is very complicated and i know how stubborn moms and dads can be. No matter how much ur dad swears by Allah it doesn't mean he is not lying. You're husband sounds like a wonderful man who has helped you in recognizing the importance of being steadfast. I would hate to hear that you and your husband get a divorce. all i can say is that if this wonderful man leaves there may not be another opportunity to get a man like him. and if you do get a man like him your parents are still there as you said lying for one another. it is wrong. Since you've both been patient with your parents i think you should tell them the honest truth....that they should fear Allah and that they shouldn't break up families who love each other dearly. Now i don't want to point fingers and say there are kafirs but there is a hadith that mentions that whoever does not pray is considered to be a kafir. SubhanaAllah. you need to advice your dad very seriously because this could lead to a really bad eternal home. Your husband on the other hand is a good man; you should not let your parents make you two separate. make dua and pray to Allah with a sincere heart. tell your husband your situation and how your trying your best. Divorce should not be the answer....man i hate it when families break up other pious muslims who are deeply in love with one another . i dont know what else to advice but all i can say is don't let go of this man......he has helped you to open your eyes to the truth. now you gotta tell your parents the TRUTH. it cannot keep on going like this...they may be your parents but what right do they have to do that to you and ur husband? what right do they have to hate on an innocent man who has done nothing wrong but instead did something right? Tell them that you don't want family ties to be gone but that if they continue like this it could end up that way. maybe they think you're joking now, but show them you are serious and that you are willing to stand by the man you love. Sister follow your heart that's all i can say and trust in Allah. make dua, especially the third part of the night which all duas are answered by Allah almighy inshaAllah. sincerely a sister who is concerned. salam.

:salam2: i shed a tear after reading this: i agree with it 100%.

 

[sist_Rahmi]

Assalamu'alaikum my beloved sister..

i see it's so hard for you..

ur parents..ur husband.. but really, it gives you a lesson very much insyaAllah.

perhaps i would remind you that we're not allowed to follow our parents if they're against Allah and Islam.
but still, they are still our parents. remember Ibrahim prophet whose father which musyriqin?

we can still do something!praying and guiding them softly! though it takes hundreds years! Allah is the one Who Has the light for His creations.

and it's ur task to make ur husband understand this. if he understand ISlam well, he'll know that respect parents is the second obligation after believe Allah and Rasulullah.


salam, peace...

 

[yusra489]

Salaam,

I am a little confused, you said your father lies, ok, why does your husband get angry at you for something your father does? At this point you can be polite to your father without letting him know the personal details of your life. If your father lies simply ignore the words coming out of his mouth, pretend he is not even speaking.

Why are you being asked to chose between your husband and your father? I am not clear on the conflict as to why you are even in a position to choose between one and the other. If your father lies then it is between him and Allah and there is nothing you or your husband can do about it.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

Salam Allehkum

I was not put in a position to choose but that is what I feel. I told my dad the truth because my husband is not speaking to him. I don't want to be fake with my father and pretend everything is alright. Plus its not only about lying. My husband has also accused my father of taking something that was not his it was supposed to belong to my husband. That is what made my husband more furious.

 

[yusra489]

Salam Allehkum

I was not put in a position to choose but that is what I feel. I told my dad the truth because my husband is not speaking to him. I don't want to be fake with my father and pretend everything is alright. My father is lying to him about things that deal with him. Plus its not only about lying. My husband has also accused my father of taking something that was not his it was supposed to belong to my husband. That is what made my husband more furious. Safai Deen I wish it was that easy to say those beautiful things but its too late unfortunately. They both have bad pictures of eah other because of past situations.

 

[adil ali]

well sisiter my knowledge unfortunately is very short so i can jus suggest in referrence to Hadith of our Prophet S.A.W that says: For man the most important figure is mother & for woman most important figure is her husband,so i wud suggest u to listen to ur husband cos even Allah says that choose the "Haq" against "Baatil" ur parents dont want ur good,dats y they lie to person that the most important in ur life.

 

[mohsofi_abdullah]

yup
the day a married son/daughter get out of the house, HIJRAH happens...
HIJRAH can only mean good things, to the people we leave behind, and to us who are moving out, (house/neighborhood/district/state)...
HIJRAH teaches people to have good memories of what we have or what not.
HIJRAH educates people to mature overtime
HIJRAH creates extra opportunities
HIJRAH heals tragedies/incidents/arguments/even war
HIJRAH is the answer, and make sure that the HIJRAH is done in the name of ALLAH Subhanahuwataala
InsyaAllah

 

[yusra489]

Same ol Same Subhanllah ya rab help me:tti_sister:

 

[muslim-girl]

Asc my dear sister

Asc sister ,,

Wallahi i feel so sorry for u . But sister just remember that this is a Adunya and the hereafter its better then this. and u and your husbane are already doing the right thing, i understand why your husbane feel so hurt, cause its not that easy . But u most tell him that he have to be patience , as our beloved prohet was, this is nothing according to Muhammed Swa. Please dont divorce , its one of the THINGS Allah hate Most. and so do I ,, think about it. And tell your dad that he should fear Allah , and start to pray. And leave him alone for a Week or to , so maybe he will learn from his mistakes. I know that he is your father and u can't ignore him , but when it come to the Deen islam , in some condition u are allow to do so, such as this. He is doing something Wrong , so just ignore him for a while , and inshallah he will learn from his mistakes . and you and your husbane will life together both in this adunya and the hereafter . dont worry sister , inshallah make a alot of duaa.

Asc , from your sister.