I'm suffering. Advice needed pls

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by yusra489, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. Muslim18
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    Muslim18 Blessed Muslimah

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    Asalamu alaykum sis u have a very difficult descision to make that may change ur life forever but u must bare in mind what is good for u and bebeficial i.e. good muslim husband or what makes u feel so troubled i.e. conflict with family and remember its ur descision and :tti_sister: pray to allah to help u because the best help and guidance comes from ALLAH alone

    wa salam:hijabi:
  2. PaxVobiscum
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    PaxVobiscum Submitted'nSatisfied

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    Dear Sister :salam2: ,

    1. Concentrate your efforts mostly on your husband. Since he is a religious man, he can be expected to be more forgiving, and it makes more sense to try softening his heart towards your father. May be explain to him that if he simply ignores your father's lies and falls accusation (all the while, praying to Allah to guide your father) he would be protecting the bond of kinship and that Allah will definitely reward both of you for that.

    2. Minimize interaction with your parents for a while (let things cool off).

    May Allah make this difficult time easy for you.

    :salam2:
  3. PaxVobiscum
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    PaxVobiscum Submitted'nSatisfied

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    adding to my last post:

    3. If you live in the same place as your parents (or if you are located such that it's difficult to minimize interaction with your parents), then it might help to start a 15-20 minutes (couple of times a week) Taleem session, where you gather (preferrably, you + parents) and read a portion of a nice book on Quran or Ahadeeth. It might be wise, not to intentionally pick verses/ahadeeth covering the issues of kinship (otherwise your parents might feel that they are being disciplined/admonished). Listening to the nice klam of Allah and the hadeeth of His Messenger (saw) will Insha Allah soften your hearts towards practical Islam and towards each other.

    :salam2:
  4. yusra489
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    yusra489 New Member

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    Salam allehkum all my brothers and sisters,

    Thank u all for ur kind words of enouragement wallah:hearts: I'm still in the same situation:girl3: The only reason why its so hard for me was because my husband made me stay in my parents for house for almost 3 weeks now because he doesn't want to deal with anyone right now including me. So all I'm doing now is being patient and doing what he wishes and praying to Allah. That is all I an do. One again I will like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart:) and Allah Knows best Inshallah. Please bros and sis make dua for me:ma:
  5. yusra489
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    yusra489 New Member

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    Brother and sisters Subhanllah my husband stated that he wanted to divorce me yesterday. Wallahy I feel like a knife went straight to my heart. I love this guy so much and this is what happened. I really honestly thought he would have gave it another chance since he said he would think about it. I made alot of dua's but Allah granted me the one he thought was right for all of us. Allah knows what is best for us and all I can say is Alhamdudillah. Inshallah Allah gives my ex-husband to be the best. Allah ehdi Inshallah. He knows I love him with all my heart and that I never truly intended to hurt him which I think I never have.
  6. AZAM_SIDDIQUI
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    AZAM_SIDDIQUI Junior Member

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    just ask your husband what sort of justice is this-where the crime is committed by someone and the punishment is borne by someone else.
    this is a question from the bottom of your heart so put it as it is.
    let him know u r there for him,because he is on truths side.this brother of yours sall pray for you.do let me know when inshallah everthing is fine.Allah hafiz
  7. msaeed
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    msaeed Junior Member

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    Do not despair..

    WealikumAsSalaamwrwb

    Sister, I am sorry to hear of the recent events taking place in your household. Everyone will be responsible for their deeds and will have to own up to their actions. If your parents or husband do not see this now, then they will InshAllaah realize this at the day of Judgement.

    If this was strictly an issue between your husband's dislike for your family and it has nothing to do with who you are personally, then do not blame yourself or think that it was you who fell short-rather, it was your parents who refused to cooperate as well as your husband who has bought things on your head..does he not know that we are not responsible for other people's sins and therefore should not burden you for your parents' shortcomings?

    Nevertheless, InshAllaah sister please do stay steadfast, Alhamdulilah he taught you things Islamically, InshAllaah use them to ure advantage. May this be the best of ure Eman for you, your (ex) husband and your families, Ameen.

    Never forget the following:

    " No kind of calamity occurs except by Allah's leave: And whoever believes in Allah, Allah will guide his heart [aright]: For Allah knows all things" (Qur'an 64:11)

    "... And maybe you will dislike something that is good for You…" [Al- Baqarah; 2: 161]


    Take care of yourself InshAllaah. You have done your best InshAllaah so you can peacefully and completely leave matters in Allaah's hands now. May this be for your best, Ameen and InshAllaah keep smiling..

    Salaamualikumwrwb :)
  8. NaXuS
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    NaXuS Junior Member

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    Salam Sister Yusra

    sad to know the decision of your husband but if the divorce is still not done then do ask him that if he has a sister and her husband leave her like that then what will he feel about that guy......

    In any case Don,t worry ...Allah knows the Best for us.May be it appears to be a trial but what if Allah save you from a bigger trial then you are already experiencing.Time will give you the answer of that trial in your life and then you might even say Alhumdolillah from what Allah has saved you.Just be patient with your prayers.Allah is the best of planners....
  9. Optimist
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    Optimist قل هو الله أحد

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    Sorry ... I posted something and then I realised that your husband has done what he has done.

    Be patient sister. It may not be the end. Your husband may see the errors of his ways. Otherwise you may meet someone else in future who is a much better person and give you happiness.

    Do Dua'a and Istikhara. Masha'allah it touched my heart when I saw you thanking God for the news of your divorce. Insha'Allah this will not be in vain. All the best.
  10. msaeed
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    We'Alaikumsalam we RahmetAllahe we Barakatuh,
    I assume you and your husband are living seperate from your family. If not, then that should be your first step Insha'Allah. Also, in my personal experience, I have had some problems with my relatives aswell, and keeping some distance (as supposed to seeing them daily, or even weekly) has helped me tolerate them more. Your husband should meet your parents, definately, but perhaps he should be less-involved. Which would then make him more tolerant against your parents. Parents can be annoying, true, but....they're your parents...I had some problems with my mother-in-law, but...now I keep some distance (and ofcourse my wife visits/talks her way more than I do), and I am now more tolerant to her, and she to me.

    Also during arguments between a husband and wife, usually what we find is disagreement. The prophet SallAllahu Alayhi we Sallam, his character was 'agreeing', and accepting. He did not just REJECT what people said directly, rather came around a better way. Simple manners as agreeing with your husband/wife can ease up marriage life by A LOT! Also, Dua is the strongest tool of all for a muslim.

    SalaamAlaikum.
  11. yusra489
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    yusra489 New Member

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    Salam Allehkum:hearts:

    Bothers and sisiters thank u for all of ur support. He has already made his decision. Nothing I can do about it. I'm hoping for some type of miracle. Allah knows best and all I can say is Alhamdillah ya rabna ala meen. Inshallah God gives my ex husband to be the best cuz he deserves it. He is a good man and Inshallah Ta ala God bless him.
  12. Allahu_Hassbi
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    :salam2:Sister Yusra!
    So sorry to hear your story sister.
    You mean you are already divorced now & that your husband has made the dicision.This is so surprising you said he is a committed muslim then how can he be so narrow minded.:astag:
    I mean how can he make such a serious decision just coz of his Father-in-law lying to him.He has to live his life with you not with your father.
    Its really heart rending to hear you wish him all the best in this life & he dispose you all alone.
    Have patience Sister.You really deserve the best for your sincere intentions & may Allah (SWT) reward you in abundance for that.Inshallah
    I will pray for a miracle from Allah for you two Inshallah.:tti_sister:

    :wasalam:
  13. yusra489
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    yusra489 New Member

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    We are not officially divorced yet but he told his family that he doesn't want me anymore so ya. He was not happy so I can't make someone be with me if they don't want to. Allah knows and he knows how much I love him and how much I was going to sacrifice for him. Wallahy that is the only thing that angers me is that. He knew that I was always by his side and I would leave everything for him. Just because I knew he was a good brother and feared Allah. Of course I'm going to talk nice about him. Why wouldn't I? He was good to me. Plus why do I gain from talking bad. Allah will only punish me for doing so and I don't want that. Alhamdillah and Inshallah Allah bless him:hearts:
  14. Allahu_Hassbi
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    Wow that was so lovely to hear sister.Ofcourse you won't again any good speaking bad for him but really surprising to see your love for him so true Mashallah.I m also amazed to see your patience in accepting all these so calmly mashallah.May Allah (SWT) increase your patience & reward you for the same (Ameen).I will pray for you a lot sister Inshallah.

    :wasalam:
  15. Optimist
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    Optimist قل هو الله أحد

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    sister I've got many things that I can tell you .. but I'll keep it brief

    Your ex does not know what he's lost

    Allah will reward you, either in this life or the better - in the hereafter

    Keep it up
  16. the only truth
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    the only truth striving for jannah

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    salam sis,

    erm ru n ur hubby living with ur parents??
    if u are it mayb better for u2 move out that way ur hubby and parents are not always in front of eachother.....thy dont have2 maintain an excellent relationship...this maybe a test from Allah the almigty on how u cope with the situation as in islam parents and husband both are really important....so im suggesting respect and love ur parents as islam says but keep ur hubby out of it...

    and see how it goes insha-allah...at the end of the day a marriage is between a man and a woman not a man and his wifes family...

    insha-allah all goes well for you sister and most importantly make continous dua to Allah as he is ever-watchful most powerful, and dont lose hope in him insha-allah.

    wassalam sis
  17. yusra489
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    yusra489 New Member

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    Salam Allehkum,

    Thank you all for ur kind words of encouragement:hearts: Barakallah Feekom Inshallah:hijabi:
  18. yusra489
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    yusra489 New Member

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    I know I havent been here in awhile but after this whole situation we reconciled. That lasted about a year and half and now he said it again like 2 days ago. Khalas fishi naseeb subhannallah I have tried my best and Allah knows. Just feel bad that we couldnt move passed it. *SIGHS*
  19. doctor38
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    Quite frankly I don't see a problem and I am belittling your complaint. Your husband and your father should not deal with each other any more. You have to fulfill your obligation towards your parents by visiting them, there is no contradiction between this and your obligation to your husband.

    Your case is the norm actually, most family don't get along with there in-laws. act like the UN in a war zone. Separate the 2 parties and establish NO contact between them

    Tell you husband how much you love him and you don't want your family to get a divorce. Remind him that You did NOT choose your parents but you did choose him. If they are laying it is not your fault. remind him that the quran says that every one is responsible for his own actions
  20. Alessia
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    Alessia La ilaha illAllah!

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    Advice

    Assaamu alaikum sister

    Here comes my humble opinion on your problem.
    AsI see it,t is a hurtful thing to see your parents have something against your husband.I have experienced that myself from both sides.

    Parents in Islam are very important and they need to be respected and obeyed.But when they start backbtting ur husband and start advicing you against Islamic matters, when their behaviour is not fitted for a muslim, then you should leave them and go away with your husband.

    As someone else said before, whoever doesnt pray and considers prayer an unimportant is a kafir.And also,if your relatives are not in accordance with Islamic teachings, you can stop talking to them for a while as a punishment or as a warning.The prophet saws separated himself from his wives for nearly 1 month when his wives claimed a rainsing in their allowance from the Prophet saws.Another time the Prophet has forbidden the people to talk to somebody for 50 days.And another time Abdullah bin Umar had a conflict with his son on an Islamic matter(of course he was right) and he ceased to speak to his son because he would notlisten to him.

    People who love eachother do sacrifices for eachother.Allah has put mercy and love between your hearts, and it;s got to be like this.Your situation ius not very complicated, it is actually simple but it needs determination and strenght both in your deen and love foryour husband.Sister, when my husband ran off his house in saudi and cameto romanian to marry me, he knew he has to face his family when going back.They kicked him out of the house for 1 month, his father didnlt speakto him,not even said salam to him for several months.They took away his car, they gave him no money anymore.Then they said they will pay him 30.000 to get another wife there and leave me, but he constantly refused.This is love sister.If you love your husband,you will let go your parents and go with him anf have a real family in yoiur own, just the way me and my husband did.And subhanallah now after more than 1 year things changed so much, his family loves me, my family loves him too.We made alot of dua for this and we were patient.We went through alot of things but we succeded with the help of Allah.

    SO SISTER IF ALLAH GAVE YOU THIS WONDERFUL GIFT OF HAVING A PIOUS HUSBAND(WHICH IS SO HARD TO FIND THIS DAYS), TAKE IT AND GO, DOINTL LET YOUR PARENTS RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE.BE STRONG AND GO WITH YOUR HUSBAND.IF YOU DIDNLT KNOW, IT IS YOUR OBLIGATION IN ISLAM TO OBEY YOUR HUSBAND IN EVERYTHING HE SAYS, AND TO FOLLOW HIM WHEREVER HE GOES, IF HE IS A PIOUS MAN AND DOESN;T ADVICE YOU AGAINST ISLAM!!!!!!!!SO GIVING YOUR SITUATION ALLAH HAS ORDAINED YOU TO LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND AND OBEY HIM AND FOLLOW HIM, DESPITE WHAT YOUR PARENTS SAY, AS WHEN A MUSLIM WOMAN IS MARRIED, SHE HAS TO LISTEN TOHER HUSBAND AND HER PARENTS COEMIN THE SECOND PLACE.

    I HOPE YHIS WAS HELPFUL.

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