Assalamo alikom sister Aisha1114,
Alhamdulillah I reversed to Islam about 7 years ago, so I completely understand what you are saying. I used to have a lot of issues regarding this points you mentioned; I used to say, for example, why is it relevant to do this or that 3 times and not 4 or 2 ?? Why does it have to be exactly this or that way if what it is important is your heart??
Alhamdulillah, Allah guided me and talked to my heart, telling me that, purity of the heart, good intention and love for Allah will also be "measured" by our obedience to His beloved Prothet (SAWS) and his Sunna. So that is why you probably will always see brothers and sisters trying their best ( MashaAllah!) to do everything as "perfect" as possible as the Prophet (SAWS) did, or His companions saw Him doing it.
In the other hand, the problem to this is, in my opinion, concentrating entirely on the minimal details neglecting our hearts and therefore the beauty of our actions and intentions.
This two sides of the coin should not be contradictory, nor controvertial; they should be armonious.
May Allah guide us all to achieve the real INTEGRITY of Islam.
I'm sure Allah will guide you, since you have a beautiful heart, mashaAllah; and please NEVER go by the bad example of some muslims, Allah will show you what is right and what is wrong enshaAllah.
Assalamo Alikom.