Lets share Appropriate jokes

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
Two molecules are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other,

"Are you all right?"

"No, I lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive!"

:salam2:
lol dude this is hilarious lol ok yea i get it :) its a really good chemistry joke :)

Sorry guyz :) i wasn't able to keep the thread alive i was gone for a couple of days :)
i hope everyone likes the thread :) its always fun to jok earound a bit from time to time :) but always remember ALlah (swt)
JazakAllah to everyone for making us laugh :)
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
aslam o aliakum


There was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with his wife. One day, he found a genie's lamp.
The genie came out and said, "Hello master. I will grant you three wishes but, what ever you wish for your wife gets double."

The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his first wish, he said,

"Genie, I want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one house, his wife got two. This didn't make him happy but, he made his second wish.

"Genie,I want 2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very happy. The genie says, "You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever you wish for your wife gets double." The guy says, "Yeah, yeah. I know." So the guy thinks real hard and says "

I got it! Genie, beat me half to death!!"

lol
 

saifkhan

abd-Allah
salam alaikum

when the Bangladeshi people first visited Arab,for Hajj or for any deal, when they came back they said:

"In Arab, everything is in Arabic Language(conversation, signboards, notifications etc) except the adhaan (call for prayer), the adhaan is called in Bengali language like here in Bangladesh"......he he

it s a joke.......


JazakALLAH Khair
wassalam
 

WithAllahsPowers

WE ARE PROTECTED
i found this joke:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."



but is it appropriate??

well it did make me laugh so much.
 

WithAllahsPowers

WE ARE PROTECTED
MUST READ MUST READ OH MY GOD I LAUGHED SO MUCH MY KIDS THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY!


A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero," tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl." The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: Brave American saves life of little girl" - the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" - says the man. "Oh, what are you then?" The man says: "I am a Saudi!" Then next day the newspapers say: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
 

faaraa

Nothing but Muslimah
:wasalam:


If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, why are Whales fat?

Why is the place in a stadium where people sit, called a STAND?

Why is that everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die?

Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess as the white piece is moved first?

In our country, we have freedom of speech, then why do we have telephone bills?

If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Why do you still call it building when its already built?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are others here for?

If you melt the gold chain you would have gold, But if you melt a cycle chain, will you have a cycle???

If you have a tooth ache you can remove the tooth, But when you have a head ache can you remove the head????

What do you call a "MALE LADY BIRD?"
 

faaraa

Nothing but Muslimah
:wasalam:

COMPUTER PROBLEMS... Very funny...


Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one..
.


Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of ! the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?



Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...



Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No


Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...

helpdesk; how may i help you?
Customer; I am writing my 1st e-mail
help desk; whats the problem?
customer; well i have the a, but how do i get the circle around it?
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
salam alaikum

when the Bangladeshi people first visited Arab,for Hajj or for any deal, when they came back they said:

"In Arab, everything is in Arabic Language(conversation, signboards, notifications etc) except the adhaan (call for prayer), the adhaan is called in Bengali language like here in Bangladesh"......he he

it s a joke.......


JazakALLAH Khair
wassalam

:salam2:

subhanAllah thats so funny hehe : D mashAllah im still laughing hehe cant wait to tell everyone lol
 

slaveofAllah88

Slave of Allah (swt)
:wasalam:

COMPUTER PROBLEMS... Very funny...


Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one..
.


Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of ! the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?



Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...



Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No


Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...

helpdesk; how may i help you?
Customer; I am writing my 1st e-mail
help desk; whats the problem?
customer; well i have the a, but how do i get the circle around it?

:salam2:

MashAllah very funny JazakAllah khair for sharing
 

sister herb

Official TTI Chef
Are there Indian Jews?


Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Indian restaurant in New York . Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India ?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'

The waiter said, 'I won’t be knowing, but I will ask the Chef .After he returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.' Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' he gave the expected answer, 'I'll check again,' and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returned and said, 'The Chef and the Captain my boss and they all say there is no Indian Jews.'

'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!'

Listen you fools, I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter. 'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews & Tomato Jews! - No Indian Jews OK!!!!!???!!!
 

ansari

STRANGER...
:salam2:


Someone asked Rasulullah (SAW)): “Do you joke with us?” Rasulullah (SAW) replied: “I do, but I only say that which is true” (Al-Bukhari, Tirmidhi)


Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Woe to the one who speaks and tells a lie in order to make the people laugh at it. Woe to him. Then again, woe to him.” (Al-Tirmidhi)



“O you who believe! Be patient, and excel in patience, and remain steadfast and fear Allah, that you may be successful.” (Surah Al-Imran 3:200)


:wasalam:
 

faaraa

Nothing but Muslimah
THIS IS FROM MY INBOX.....

To all, who know how to solve the problems mathematically, something for you all?
Please solve it



Kirchoff's Current Law (KCL):
At every node, the sum of all currents entering a node must equal zero.



Kirchoff's Voltage Law (KVL):
The voltage law says that the sum of voltages around every closed loop in the circuit must equal zero.



Exercise:
Please apply Kirchoff's Current and Voltage laws to the following figures.​








Even Kirchoff's Dad Cannot Solve This One!!​
 

ilyas_eh

Used to be active here!
:salam2:


Someone asked Rasulullah (SAW)): “Do you joke with us?” Rasulullah (SAW) replied: “I do, but I only say that which is true” (Al-Bukhari, Tirmidhi)


Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Woe to the one who speaks and tells a lie in order to make the people laugh at it. Woe to him. Then again, woe to him.” (Al-Tirmidhi)



“O you who believe! Be patient, and excel in patience, and remain steadfast and fear Allah, that you may be successful.” (Surah Al-Imran 3:200)


:wasalam:

wa alaykkum assalaam wa rahmahtullah.

subhan Allah beautiful reminder brother. Jazak Allahu khyir.

@sister faraa - Kirchhoff's law was nice.. may Allah reward you.

remember me in your du'aa
 

faaraa

Nothing but Muslimah
@sister faraa - Kirchhoff's law was nice.. may Allah reward you.

remember me in your du'aa

As I mentioned earlier it was some thing taken from my inbox, and a friend of mine sent it to me.. lolz..

Any ways.. Remember me in your Dua's too
 

ilyas_eh

Used to be active here!
assalaamu alaykkum wa rahmathullahi wa barakatuhu,

as beautifully quoted by my brother ansari, i limit myself with sharing this true story.

in my flight from india to dubai, i sat near an middle aged indian women, who seemed to be the first timer for the flight. i had to help her with few things. Her actual destination is some other city of middle east but i guess her connection flight is at dubai (so was mine).

when the flight arrived at dubai, everybody started leaving and i was preparing to leave. but this women doesnt seem to move. But i didnt bother and was about to leave.

just before i leave the place, she asked me "is the so and so city next stop?" (she probably thought that it works the same way as indian road and rail transport system.. LOL.)


wallahi, i didnt know how to react. finally explained her and showed her the way..
my colleagues burst into laughter hearing this.. LOL.
 

saifkhan

abd-Allah
salam alaikum

two kids were about to press the calling bell of a house
but they were too short to reach, so they were trying their best to reach their hand
then, an much old man came, he was too old to walk without stick.
so slowly slowly he came to these kids and asked: oho, kids, may I help you to press the calling bell?
kinds: sure, grand uncle
so when he pressed, they both said: let's run, so they can't catch us!!!
the old guy was too slow to get moved.....

lolz

it is a common psychology of kids to press the calling bell and run away
I've done it uncountable times in my life, when I was small.....don't know why, but we used to do it, even we've caught red handed also......guh!!


salamalaikum
 

Salam2You

Lil' Muslimah
Salam!

LOL

I began looking at all the jokes, and I look like a saddo laughing on my own in front of the laptop screen... The way my dad looks at me when I do this!
 

MusLiMah_Kubra

Hasbi-Allah
:salam2:

When someone asked Imām al-Sha‘bī [d. 103H], who was known for his humour, the name of Iblees’ wife, he replied, [ ذ ٰلِكَ عُرسٌ لَم أَشهَدُهُ ] “That was a wedding I did not attend.”
[from Tafsīr al-Qurṭubī]
:)
 

faaraa

Nothing but Muslimah
:salam2:

When someone asked Imām al-Sha‘bī [d. 103H], who was known for his humour, the name of Iblees’ wife, he replied, [ ذ ٰلِكَ عُرسٌ لَم أَشهَدُهُ ] “That was a wedding I did not attend.”
[from Tafsīr al-Qurṭubī]
:)

LOLZ...

But if some one would have asked this question to me...

I would have said...

MRS. IBLEES

LOLZZZZZZZZ

Just kidding.. dont take it serious
 

xAllahKnowsBestx

Junior Member
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