Marriage or Education that is the Question

[lostlilly07]

Assalamu alaikum

After reading a few post in the sister's section, I decided that there needs to be thread about this mainly because I feel that those who support Marriage first are some of the older sisters who are already married or they there are at part of there life where if they were to tried and get a degree now or masters or whatever then it would have little affect on there lives

So what should come first Marriage or Education

I am in the middle. I personally feel that education should not come before marriage, especially if there is good brother or good sister who wants to married you, then share to them your dream of getting your degree and insha'allah this person will help you achieve it.

However I do agree that for sisters it so hard to get your degree and be married at same time , especially if your husband has reach is terminal point of school system , because you have so many responiblities place upon you you have take care house, the husband, the children (if you have any) complete your school work compare to husband where his job is to provide and getting an education can be look as him providing.

At the same token, I am in my 3 year of college and I wish/ pray that I was married, because college can be stressing emotional, spirtually and physically and I often think if I had husband , I wouldn't feel so bad. I often think I would do better if I was married.

But I just want to hear what other brothers and sisters have to say on the topic

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Assess yourself

Asalaamalikum,

I'm going to give you the political answer - it depends. One has to assess themselves and answer this question.

In my humble opinion, I think education is more vital in such a dynamic and fast paced world. I also understand there is a lot of temptation as well and some brothers and sisters need to get married. With marriage comes spending time and numerous responsibilities. As far as priorities, and as a man, I had to complete school first. I think in today's world there is more pressure for men to be settled , educated, have a good job, to support his family, then it is for a woman...just my opinion.

A versatile person can however knock two birds with one stone. I have seen some couples that are married as well as focused on school.

 

[dianek]

Assalamu alaikum

After reading a few post in the sister's section, I decided that there needs to be thread about this mainly because I feel that those who support Marriage first are some of the older sisters who are already married or they there are at part of there life where if they were to tried and get a degree now or masters or whatever then it would have little affect on there lives

So what should come first Marriage or Education

I am in the middle. I personally feel that education should not come before marriage, especially if there is good brother or good sister who wants to married you, then share to them your dream of getting your degree and insha'allah this person will help you achieve it.

However I do agree that for sisters it so hard to get your degree and be married at same time , especially if your husband has reach is terminal point of school system , because you have so many responiblities place upon you you have take care house, the husband, the children (if you have any) complete your school work compare to husband where his job is to provide and getting an education can be look as him providing.

At the same token, I am in my 3 year of college and I wish/ pray that I was married, because college can be stressing emotional, spirtually and physically and I often think if I had husband , I wouldn't feel so bad. I often think I would do better if I was married.

But I just want to hear what other brothers and sisters have to say on the topic

I am 32.....get your education first. Life happens and once you marry it is difficult to really do for yourself especially if children come along. Guarantee yourself your future of being able to provide for yourself should your future marriage fail or tragedy befall you. That is just my opinion. I thought I wanted marriage right out of high school and consequently never finished my first year.....but alhumdullilah, I found a great career choice that allowed me to learn as I grow.......

 

[lostlilly07]

But in United states a degree especially a bachleor degree does not equate employement......so then what , wait an additional 2 years to before i get married.......but no offense I am a women with harmones ......and I pray this does not get deleted because it needs to be said......but I am women and no amount of fasting is going to suppress my desire to be with the opposite sex.
Allah made men and women for that purpose, not fasting.

and I trying to attack your opinion but I want to open a dialogue........so ppl will express themselves

 

[Ahmed ibn Ibrahim]

Asalaamu alaikum, dear respected brothers & sisters,

The following is my personal opinion based on what I know this far, and I have not heard discussions by Imams on this topic. That said...

I would think that education comes first, and then marriage AND education come second. For the first episode of our lives, we are learning about this world and about the Unseen. It is critically important that we develop our logic, our physical skills, our knowledge database (sorry I work with computers so my language is a bit geeky ;-p), mature our emotions, coping skills, and gain a solid foundation regarding the Unseen. Once we've established the basics and have firm knowledge, we truly begin to flourish as individuals and are independant. Here is the time for personal growth and specific development (maybe some work experience, or technical college, or university), as well as an oppourtunity to rise in the levels of understanding and faith. I figure that we're up to about 19 at this point.

Of course this is in Allah's hands but sometime between 19 and 25 would be a good time to consider marriage. If you find a suitable partner, I see no reason why you can't continue your education while married, with children, and/or a job. There is so much to learn in the details of in this world and the Unseen - I very much doubt that if you dedicated your entire life to study, Monday to Sunday, 14 hours a day, that you would understand it all - so it is important that you specialize and maintain a work-ethic condusive to "life-long-learning".

To illustrate, my wife and I married at 21 and 22 respectively, and we continue to educate ourselves (she's in university, I'm in technical college) and learn more about Islam and the Unseen daily.

WaSalaam,
Br. Ahmed

 

[dianek]

But in United states a degree especially a bachleor degree does not equate employement......so then what , wait an additional 2 years to before i get married.......but no offense I am a women with harmones ......and I pray this does not get deleted because it needs to be said......but I am women and no amount of fasting is going to suppress my desire to be with the opposite sex.
Allah made men and women for that purpose, not fasting.

and I trying to attack your opinion but I want to open a dialogue........so ppl will express themselves

Which is why I gave into playing house.....and no it doesn't guarantee you a job right away, but you have a better chance of getting a job that provides for you with your education than without. So if you must marry, then marry someone in the same situation as you so that they can appreciate your seeking an education and will not hinder you in your efforts but instead uplift you.

 

[shaheeda35]

:salam2:
I believe education is very important, for we all should have some form of education. Life is not promised to any of us. So I say if the right person comes along, marry him.It is so difficult to find a spouse these days so if you have the opportunity, take it. I would rather NOT have that degree and not go against Allah's commands, then have it, and have all the temptations to disobey Allah. Some people can handle school, wife/husband/children, but some cannot. Your husband is your ticket to Jannah, not that degree. Allah knows best.

 

[Sheba_770]

Salam Aleiykum,
I think if you do get married it will release alot of emotional stress...please don't waste time and get married.....and it is so true no amount of fasting can help overcome what nature gave us ...active hormones...if people were in love and married what a wonderful world this would, there would not be time to think of wrongdoings.
Good luck to you and evryone of us who is not married.
Sheba

 

[*FIRM BELIEVER*]

I'am 17 years old studying in college and personally i think you should get over and done with education as its an important thing in life ... then find the right person and settle down and get married...
But depends what is written in your destiny! Allah swt knows best!

 

[um muhammad al-mahdi]

:salam2:

Is it impossible to get married and keep studying afterwards? I'm trying to get knowledge now more than before my marriage subhanAllah!

But I still advice you: Get married!!!

 

[TheHumbleWun]

:salam2:

Is it impossible to get married and keep studying afterwards? I'm trying to get knowledge now more than before my marriage subhanAllah!

But I still advice you: Get married!!!

ASA,

I don't think it is impossible to get married and study afterwards. I don't want to say that marriage is a burden upon your studies but it does require alot of spending time with your spouse. You probably have to have good time management skills. So yes, it is possible - can't spell impossible without possible

 

[najbc]

I believe getting your education first because honesty marriage will eventually happen but in education it is better and easy while you are single. When you get marry and decide to go to school you are cheating your husband and kids time they had with you. You will be busy with going to school and do house staff that you will not have time for you to spend with your kids. I want to get education first before I marry because I want to give my time and life to my kids and to be there for my kids every second of the day. the other reasons, if you get marry before you finish school and sometime happen to your one of the spouse, who is going to bring food to the table, I know everything happens by Allah will but you have to think about. That is what happen to my aunt, she got marry before she finish school and then her husband was kick out of the country and he got sick and was told he can not work. And now she lives in another country without citizenship and she can not work or go to school because she does not have the money. I think getting married before education is cheating kids out of good life.

 

[seeking_peace1]

Assalam-o-alaikum.

in my opinion the best is to follow what has been ordained by Allah SWT.Allah SWT has ordained to marry off both girls and boys as soon as they reach balooghat (puberty).and i believe its the best.because you save yourself from any possible stray,error or sin.as the saying goes the best defence is to attack first:so before iblees circumstances your hormones could trap you get married.sister libin i know where you coming from it can be very very straining seeing girls having fun and you just look at them and sigh!!!i been through this.you come from states, in the middle of nonmuslims and ive experienced it in a muslim country pakistan.so why make yourself go through misery.if you come across a pious muslim brother or sister don't let it go because as one of the sisters said its not easy to find one nowadays honestly not even in muslim countries.

as far as education goes one can acquire after getting married.of course its not easy it can be very demanding for a woman but than what else is easy in this life!!!this life is all about striving.i know a girl what she went through after she got married and was expecting.she was alone during day time and there were times when she was lying unconcious for hours with no one to take care of her.husband at job inlaws in other city parents not free.that is why Jannah lies in the feet of a mother its not easy to be a good wife and a mother even if you are not pursuing education.

ive heard that marriage is half deen so...i think we don't know more than Allah Talah does it must be benefitting thats why Allah SWT ordained to get married when one reaches puberty.

W'Salam.:tti_sister:

 

[Optimist]

definitly marriage

The "it is hard to study while being married" mantra is a myth. I'd argue that the emotional drain you are suffering is consuming more that the energy/time that marriage would do. What you need is an understanding and supporting husband. You can always delay having kids.

 

[lostlilly07]

wa alaikum salaam

i just want to reiterate that I am firm supporter of marriage over education any day......but like most sisters on here.......I haven't met the right one yet and untill I do, I will continue on with my education....and my life

 

[khalillulah]

But in United states a degree especially a bachleor degree does not equate employement......so then what , wait an additional 2 years to before i get married.......but no offense I am a women with harmones ......and I pray this does not get deleted because it needs to be said......but I am women and no amount of fasting is going to suppress my desire to be with the opposite sex.
Allah made men and women for that purpose, not fasting.

and I trying to attack your opinion but I want to open a dialogue........so ppl will express themselves

:salam2:
inshaallah i will make dua for you, and may Allah give you a husband who will supress your hormones , but sis i have seen sisters who are married and are very successful in school so please go for education and don't rush to marriage especially if you are young because Allah knows how the marraige may end up. am not against marriage but good education will always back you up.

maaslam.

 

[manOfpeace]

i Think...

:salam2:


I think Marriege would be frist, becouse we need someone to be with when you have all these stres, pressures and the feeling even if we do our fast every Monday and Thrusday you can still feel it and you want wife/husband to share with you this thing they call ALLONE, maybe being married it has its stres and its pressures, but believe me it is much better to be married and continue your education, then being allone in all these years while you are in your education. that is how i am feeling i am in my frist year of the college. and i don't know what to do...

 

[newusman]

I posted this reply for a similar type of question...

Listen to the following lecture, the Sheikh talks about marriage V studying.
(lecture obtained from www.islamhouse.com )
Marriage and Islamic Home - by Shaikh Sohaib Hasan

I think there shouldn't be any Marriage V Education, u can certainly do both together. Education is never ending , if u love to learn then you can go on beyond PHD, does that mean you will remain unmarried untill then? It makes no sense. Continue you education along with marriage, thats my suggestion.

I know brothers over here who mashAllah are doing the same, and inshAllah my sis is going to get married & will continue her education aswell. I'm a junior (third year of my uni) as well inshAllah I'm planning to tell my parents that I want to get married, lets c how they react to it!!!

 

[Bawar]

As brother newusman said, you don't have to choose one of the two.

Both can be done at the same time, but different people have different circumstances and priorities.

The sunnah of our prophet S.A.W suggests that its better to get married sooner than later.

When you feel the NEED to get married, then it is obligatory, just like praying 5 times a day.

If you spend the best days of your life alone, no amount of money, education and job can replace it once it is gone.

So, for those of you who feel the need to get married, do it now if you can find the one for you.

Wassalam

 

[Muhammad_A]

I too have hormones.

Sadly I am not pretty.