Marriage or Education that is the Question

[Meraj]

I am not trying to cast insult, but marrying someone for whom you have not known and "hoping" you like each others seems rather difficult. What happens if he is introduced to you and you are in full abaya or niqab and then after you are married he dislikes what he sees?

:salam2: sister....
i sugesst u to study islam properly first and then comment on the things...you need to see things in islamic point of veiw not by ........ as in islam it is allowed for a man r a women to see each other before mariage and can introduce them selves...but not in the way you feels.....for a muslim man who can see a woman in hijab is a big honor for him to marry the same....in islam the beauty of a women ix not in her body r look....but the great beauty of muslim women is her modesty....which can easily explain everything abt her,,,,
ALLAH (swt) knows best......
i hope u wil not take it otherwise....i apolgize if u feel anything wrong...
ur brother,,

 

[Summer03]

ok...so most said get married then finish your education..but really sister...i did that (get married before finishing my education) and...my in laws are in the way...i havent even started college the way i was expecting///and to make it worse...i dont know when i'll even start,,, im upset..but all i have is patience..

my advice...finish first...then you can enjoy marriage alone.

salam

 

[dianek]

:salam2: sister....
i sugesst u to study islam properly first and then comment on the things...you need to see things in islamic point of veiw not by ........ as in islam it is allowed for a man r a women to see each other before mariage and can introduce them selves...but not in the way you feels.....for a muslim man who can see a woman in hijab is a big honor for him to marry the same....in islam the beauty of a women ix not in her body r look....but the great beauty of muslim women is her modesty....which can easily explain everything abt her,,,,
ALLAH (swt) knows best......
i hope u wil not take it otherwise....i apolgize if u feel anything wrong...
ur brother,,

I stated that in my "opinion", never saying that i profess knowledge, I don't. I posed the question to understand this way of taking a spouse. It is something I don't understand. Because of what I know of men, in my experiences, they are very superficial.....including my muslim husband mind you. I know very well that his muslim friends scope out women for physical appearances and honestly do not look to muslim sisters for wives, but the general population. So how can a woman meeting a man safeguard that he is marrying her and will love her regardless of what is under the covering. Again, I do not mean to say that I like the way "men" are, but as I have experienced....a man is a man is a man....

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

well
i didn't like the idea,of marriage before education..
about me,i wanna marry when i reach 30...now,i'm 18....
i have along journey in school,workkkkkkkkkkk...
cuz,my work...so painful...i work as part time...in library of alex....
i read lotttttttt of book,that u should dely marriage till u reach ur goals..

Asslam

Count in me on that. I too am 18 and i want to get marry when i am in my
30's, i have a lot of years of school since i am premed major(medical school and resistenc to go) plus some years of my own time as single not marry.

 

[muslimguy]

I am not trying to cast insult, but marrying someone for whom you have not known and "hoping" you like each others seems rather difficult. What happens if he is introduced to you and you are in full abaya or niqab and then after you are married he dislikes what he sees?

sister dianek, in the west you guys get to date and do all this going out stuff, however the west has the highest rate of divorce. so......I am confused....I thought they knew each other well before getting married. what went wrong? hmmmmmmmmm.... make your own conclusion.....


:salam2:

 

[dianek]

sister dianek, in the west you guys get to date and do all this going out stuff, however the west has the highest rate of divorce. so......I am confused....I thought they knew each other well before getting married. what went wrong? hmmmmmmmmm.... make your own conclusion.....


:salam2:

I think Western are probably less tolerant of things from men and know that we can just "divorce" them and likewise men here are most not muslim so they are not acting as Good Husbands.....We also have a very large population here.......

 

[dianek]

I did not mean to offend anyone but we do have a large population of non-muslims that marry and divorce......but I don't think it is because we dated and really got to know each other before marriage. I think it is because we are all to eager to give up and start over when we perceive something is not to our liking. We are a materialistic and shallow society. If you no longer like it get rid of it and move on! Unfortunately that is how many people see marriage. My parents married after 3 months of meeting each other and our still married 35 years later. I believe marriages should last. But they don't because she got fat or he needs to keep himself interested. Somehow there friendship gets loss, there respect for each other and the marriage ends. They lack family values. I too am guilty of that I married my ex-husband after 5 years dating him and divorced him in 1 year. What I could handle as a "girlfriend" I could not as his wife. Thank God I am not that girl anymore and though I have threatened divorce to my husband many times it has only been words......if it came down to him leaving I would beg him to stay and have. I hope to grow in Islam to understand what a marriage should be between he and I. BUT I still don't think that taking time to get to know someone before marriage in a modest way is a bad thing.

 

[rony]

I think Western are probably less tolerant of things from men and know that we can just "divorce" them and likewise men here are most not muslim so they are not acting as Good Husbands.....We also have a very large population here.......

As-salam sister,
Large population, if you compare some of the muslim countries population with western countries population and then comapre divorce rate i bet you you will be shocked. So please do not say western countries has larger population that's why they have more divorce rate than muslim countries.
I am living in the west for over seven years and in seven years I saw most of the western people do not of the family value as we do.
I know a lot of people personally who are married but still they have boyfriend/girlfriend. Some of them even told me they do not like same thing everyday you need to bring some changes (I hope you understand what I mean by changes).
With all my respect toward you if I am not correct please correct me. I do love you for almighty Allah.

 

[ScotsMuslim]

I've given up making Duaa for this particular purpose. I just figure it'll happen, if it happens, when it happens; and no amount of pleading is going to make it happen any sooner.

bro/sis... NEVER giv up on DUA! ... Allah loves those who ask from him n do dua 2 him... so dont EVER giv up on DUA!.. be patient!

 

[goldenmuslimah21]

wa alaikum salaam......hot topic

anyway...I choose husband over education any day........and I also agree made by one sister don't look.....let Allah bring him to you.. But I must admit sometimes when I see a brother , I wonder if he is the one or not.

peace

 

[muslimguy]

I did not mean to offend anyone but we do have a large population of non-muslims that marry and divorce......but I don't think it is because we dated and really got to know each other before marriage. I think it is because we are all to eager to give up and start over when we perceive something is not to our liking. We are a materialistic and shallow society. If you no longer like it get rid of it and move on! Unfortunately that is how many people see marriage. My parents married after 3 months of meeting each other and our still married 35 years later. I believe marriages should last. But they don't because she got fat or he needs to keep himself interested. Somehow there friendship gets loss, there respect for each other and the marriage ends. They lack family values. I too am guilty of that I married my ex-husband after 5 years dating him and divorced him in 1 year. What I could handle as a "girlfriend" I could not as his wife. Thank God I am not that girl anymore and though I have threatened divorce to my husband many times it has only been words......if it came down to him leaving I would beg him to stay and have. I hope to grow in Islam to understand what a marriage should be between he and I. BUT I still don't think that taking time to get to know someone before marriage in a modest way is a bad thing.

:salam2: sister dianek, I am sorry i did not mean to be rude or anything i was just trying to make a point, 'cause Allah is one who created us and he knows us better than ourselves, and I truly believe in marriage the Islamic way ( not cultural), when I look for a sister I want someone who is pious, I don;t look for beauty( that's secondary) cause I believe few years down the road that's gonna start fading away, but the beauty of the soul never goes away.

again i apologize if I offended you.

:salam2:

 

[dianek]

:salam2: sister dianek, I am sorry i did not mean to be rude or anything i was just trying to make a point, 'cause Allah is one who created us and he knows us better than ourselves, and I truly believe in marriage the Islamic way ( not cultural), when I look for a sister I want someone who is pious, I don;t look for beauty( that's secondary) cause I believe few years down the road that's gonna start fading away, but the beauty of the soul never goes away.

again i apologize if I offended you.

:salam2:

Brother,

It's I who offended you I think and so I am sorry. BUT, please understand my knowledge of marriage and men is all I have to go on. I know many muslim men who don't look even for a sister......they look for an American girl I guess thinking that they can mold her as they wish. But they are looking at the package not her deen obviously. Our one friend did see a girl in mosque and they were married after 2 meetings with an imam and her appointed guardian. They lasted exactly 6 months before they split....unfortunately for him during that 6 months she got pregnant and so now he has to at a minimum deal with her mental issues in regards to the child. Her mental/bipolar issues would have been evident had they known each other longer, don't you think?

 

[muslimguy]

Brother,
Her mental/bipolar issues would have been evident had they known each other longer, don't you think?

again I am going to go back to the same argument as before, you have so many Girl/boyfriend who split few weeks after their marriage and I know of some cases. I am not against getting to know a sister before marriage but it has to be through an islamic enviroment, as for the sister you mentioned may be that's a test for her and Allah will give her a better person afterward, only Allah knows best.

:salam2:

 

[dianek]

again I am going to go back to the same argument as before, you have so many Girl/boyfriend who split few weeks after their marriage and I know of some cases. I am not against getting to know a sister before marriage but it has to be through an islamic enviroment, as for the sister you mentioned may be that's a test for her and Allah will give her a better person afterward, only Allah knows best.

:salam2:

Um....she doesn't deserve better, he does........LOL!

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Diane you never know anyone until you become man and wife. Remember words separate us from animals. Language is critical as air for humans. We are warned about our thoughts just as strongly as our actions. Given that, marriage makes a relationship a unit.
One of the nice things about marriage and love is that it is not physical. That is an important aspect. Your spouse is a gift from Allah subhana talla. You have to respect your spouse and you have to believe that it is a good thing.
Islam is perfect. You must respect Islam and slowly the reasons why we must do things a certain way is revealed to you.

As for the girls who are putting marriage aside for education..I will be firm..stop being foolish. Give me one good reason for putting marriage aside from an Islamic perspective. Thus far the reasons have been shallow and selfish. Do you not realize you are telling the world you want to remain in the dunya. Islam tells us to marry.

 

[justmuslim]

Salaam,

Diane you never know anyone until you become man and wife. Remember words separate us from animals. Language is critical as air for humans. We are warned about our thoughts just as strongly as our actions. Given that, marriage makes a relationship a unit.
One of the nice things about marriage and love is that it is not physical. That is an important aspect. Your spouse is a gift from Allah subhana talla. You have to respect your spouse and you have to believe that it is a good thing.
Islam is perfect. You must respect Islam and slowly the reasons why we must do things a certain way is revealed to you.

As for the girls who are putting marriage aside for education..I will be firm..stop being foolish. Give me one good reason for putting marriage aside from an Islamic perspective. Thus far the reasons have been shallow and selfish. Do you not realize you are telling the world you want to remain in the dunya. Islam tells us to marry.

Asalamu alaykum to you all,

sis mirajmom i think you make a good point here for those of us that putting marriage aside (even though i'm one of them lol), but it's hard to find bro that will understand you and encourage you to. so that will force you to put aside, and i'm guessing going to school and be a wife and have children on the same time will be hard tho, unless your husband is manshaAllah bro. and going through samething. just my 2 cents.

 

[RenewingMyself]

trust in allah

AsSalaamu Alaykum....whoa, I am sooo surprised how much the world has gotten into the hearts and minds of people. This world is not our final destination and there no reason to feel powerless and challened by something like having a family or getting married when we believe a God that is magnificient and merciful. The Quran cannot be clear enough in providing guidance ...not mention its absolute authenticity and clearity on life. When YOU decide you want to wait to get married and YOU decide you want to be single for some years (for what?)....thats fine , becuase allah has given us a free will but at the end of the day....allah created us and he knows whats best for us...Hawa would not have been created for man if there was no immediate need for her.....its just a simple fact of life that man and woman are attracted to each other and in a way that attraction has a right over your body.....and thats one of the reasons you must safeguard yourself or get married....but all in all, i think we all just need a balance in life and having a wife or husband is like having your other half..........school is cool,...i am in school...but i just think islam is a simple and wholesome way of life that has existed and flourished in times when there was no electricity, no technology, no colleges and no internet.......and the ummah made advances that are barely being made today....so collehe is not some "do or die" thing that makes or breaks your future.............if we just trust in allah ......which is a basic principle.....and sincerely use and practice the word he has given us...it makes this decision very clear......being married will probably keep u on the mustaqim (straight path) better than devoting your a 4-10 years being on a campus ,single and living in dorm

 

[Jannah03]

Why is everyone saying its so hard to find a brother who would understand how they value their education? Do you 'think' or do you know? Never ever ever give up on Du'a! In the sunnah, Muhammad (saws) did not say its ok to delay marriage for the sake of a piece of paper that lets everyone know you went to a college. If you ever decided to live in a dorm, thats fitnah central, and its easy to fall for it depending on your iman. Most women who delay marriage to be CEO's or whatever, will tell you they wish they couldve been with a life partner to help them through it all. every marriage(relationship) will have issues, you could lose your job and not get another for a while because your over-qualified. Believe me it happens. i know someone who went through it. Would you rather have someone by yourside, waking you up for an 8am class, someone to make sure you pray on time, have (other) moments with, someone to enjoy ramadan with, follow the sunnah, have a shoulder to lean on or be alone with a book in your face? and for the ladies who want to be alone til your 30's....are you sure you want to do that?

 

[TheKnowledgeSeeker]

Wa Alaykum Asaalamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu/Asaalamu Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu
Lol,Dear sister i respect your decision but i higly suggest you reconsider inshallah.check out this link inshallah. http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19978&highlight=hussain+muhammad
jazakallah khair for your time and plz forgive me if i have said anything wrong or hurtful
wa alaykum asaalamu warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

Assalam

I know what Islam says about marriage and i read threads thanks. But Islam doesn't say you have to get marry if you aren't marry so i am saying i will wait because i don't believe i am ready until i achieve my goals in life. Or i will drive my spouse crazy telling he how important my goals are plus i will cheat time off my family becasue i chose to get marry early. So at the end i think it is better for me to wait until i finish my education and goals because i know what kind of person i am. Trust me on this But it is also by Allah will.

 

[najbc]

seriously if two people love each other and I think they would understand each other. If you want to finish your education before marriage, the other person should respect and understand that is if he/she cares about you and your value or ideas. if they want to get marry ASPA than they are selfish and Allah knows what they are going to say about you wanting to finish your education when you marry them. Fellow your heart and ask Allah for help because Allah is the only one that knows what is good for us, we think we know but we do not.