marriage

[aisha ali]

asalam aleykum brothers and sisters?
we have avery big problem in our family and that is arrange marriage and uinfortunately we cant do anthing about it so we need help.

this had been apractice in our family and this situation is realy happening now to my younger sister who is 16yrs old and going home to get married to someone who is much older than her and they hve never seen each other be4 and she jst finished her secondary school now.
she is very depressed becoz she wants to continue with her life and do something for herself unfortunately she cant coz she wants to make her parents happy at the same time but they dont understand her how she feeling
islamically we knw parents are important in our life but they are on our nervous and they think we ae taking the western culture like and we dont listen to them.
we would like to know your opinion and advise becoz we dont wanna hurt them too esp after bringing us up in islamic way and the elmi we hve.
maasalam for now and inshaalah may allah guide us to the right path.:tti_sister:

 

[danial]

if im not wrong, in islam,u cant force a woman to marry a guy unless she agrees to it.right?

wanting to further education and wanting to strive for greater things ISNT western culture. it is a universal thing.

i am very to hear about your situation. maybe you could tell your parents how much all this is affecting you guys.

 

[danial]

"'Truly Allah has totally forbidden disobedience (and the subsequent hurt) to mothers, burying alive daughters, with-holding the rights of others, and demanding that which is not your right.' (Hadith Muslim 4257. Recorded by Mughirah b. Shuba).

With these simple words our Beloved Prophet expressed so much that should convince any Muslim person seeking to force a marriage upon a daughter (or son) that what they are intending is not only terribly wrong, but also in direct opposition to the true spirit of Islam. "

well, what your parents are doing is wrong

you can read the rest of the article here.
http://www.islamfortoday.com/ruqaiyyah04.htm

 

[aisha ali]

:salam2: thank u very much brother i wish they would happen anyway we are making dua and istiqarah and hope for the best.

 

[danial]

im sure anyone who reads this will pray for u too...

 

[aisha ali]

i hve gone to the above site and its realy wat we are going through and we try to read to them.
inshaalah may allah bless all the people who are praying for us

 

[Hashmi]

asalam aleykum brothers and sisters?
we have avery big problem in our family and that is arrange marriage and uinfortunately we cant do anthing about it so we need help.

this had been apractice in our family and this situation is realy happening now to my younger sister who is 16yrs old and going home to get married to someone who is much older than her and they hve never seen each other be4 and she jst finished her secondary school now.
she is very depressed becoz she wants to continue with her life and do something for herself unfortunately she cant coz she wants to make her parents happy at the same time but they dont understand her how she feeling
islamically we knw parents are important in our life but they are on our nervous and they think we ae taking the western culture like and we dont listen to them.
we would like to know your opinion and advise becoz we dont wanna hurt them too esp after bringing us up in islamic way and the elmi we hve.
maasalam for now and inshaalah may allah guide us to the right path.:tti_sister:

Following Hadith are from Sahih Bukhari:

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." (Book #62, Hadith #67)


Narrated Abu Haraira: Allah's Apostle said, "A lady slave should not be given in marriage until she is consulted, and a virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission is granted." The people said, "How will she express her permission?" The Prophet said, "By keeping silent (when asked her consent)." ....
Book #86, Hadith #100

Parents are NOT ALLOWED to marry their daughters without their permission.

 

[abdellah007]

salam

salam alaykum sister.

i think this is a big problem especialy in some east countries like in gulf and pakistan afghanistan india and so on...

well if ur parents really want to fellow what islam says and differ some bad western values, they shud learn more about marriage in islam. they shudnt force their daughter to marry some1 she neva met. there must be reasons behind that. and u shud find out wat is it. maybe money, maybe visa.. allah knows .


wassalam

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Slow down. You say your parents are reacting to you taking up western culture and they don't like it. Are you telling us your parents are reacting to what you are doing? What would make your parents want to marry a 16 year old? You say your parents say you do not listen, why and how?

I do not believe this is about marriage. Your parents are reacting. If you are from the Indo-Pakistani world your parents have hit the panic mode. There is a reason why. What has caused your parents to overreact.

Start here..

 

[Globalpeace]

Some suggestions!

Asslamo Allaikum Sister,

No one can marry OFF an adult, Mature Muslimah without her consent and approval, however it happens in our culture!

You and your sister need some help, you need to approach the problem & look to solve it:

1. Approach people in the family who are sympathetic towards you and her, brother, sister etc.

2. If that doesn’t work, approach relatives who are sympathetic towards you and her.

3. If that doesn’t work, approach Imam/your local Mosque/practising Muslims (Brothers/Sisters) who are sympathetic towards you and her etc.

4. Try your best to have someone have a genuine conversation with your parents about the subject!

5. If all fails then look up in Muslim directory and contact Sisters Help-line....I am eating & if I get greasy hands on the directory my wife will SHOUT at me...so if you don't get the number, reply back & I will give it to you... (Yes, we all have problems, involving women, trust me!)

6. Sister! There is ALWAYS someone who will take a stand for you….BEACAUSE this can get UGLY very fast!

7. If all else fails; then she will have NO CHOICE but to simply refuse going overseas!

Insha’Allah continue to make dua to Allah (SWT)….

Be prepared as t can get NASTY and it can get UGLY!

Stay in touch with good Muslims and friends as you and your sister will need support...

Jazakullah Khairun

asalam aleykum brothers and sisters?
we have avery big problem in our family and that is arrange marriage and uinfortunately we cant do anthing about it so we need help.

this had been apractice in our family and this situation is realy happening now to my younger sister who is 16yrs old and going home to get married to someone who is much older than her and they hve never seen each other be4 and she jst finished her secondary school now.
she is very depressed becoz she wants to continue with her life and do something for herself unfortunately she cant coz she wants to make her parents happy at the same time but they dont understand her how she feeling
islamically we knw parents are important in our life but they are on our nervous and they think we ae taking the western culture like and we dont listen to them.
we would like to know your opinion and advise becoz we dont wanna hurt them too esp after bringing us up in islamic way and the elmi we hve.
maasalam for now and inshaalah may allah guide us to the right path.:tti_sister:

 

[Aapa]

Brother GP,,

Am I wrong in thinking that this is an overreaction by the parents. That the suggestion to marry off your duaghter is not islolated. I am sensing there are other issues and marriage seems to be final solution for the parents.
I have noticed I am the only one who sees this.

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

Brother GP,,

Am I wrong in thinking that this is an overreaction by the parents. That the suggestion to marry off your duaghter is not islolated. I am sensing there are other issues and marriage seems to be final solution for the parents.
I have noticed I am the only one who sees this.

:salam2:

As much as I can see what you are getting at sis, I know of lots of sisters who were forced when young to get married to some old baskt case guy from back home. They were mashallah good sisters and had done nothing wrong.....nothing, they were just good young sisters.

It does happen

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum Sister,

This is a genuine problem in the UK due to social, educational and Islamic background of Pakistani immigrants.

I don't know this case....but Fathers are flogging off daughters Sister....

Brother GP,,

Am I wrong in thinking that this is an overreaction by the parents. That the suggestion to marry off your duaghter is not islolated. I am sensing there are other issues and marriage seems to be final solution for the parents.
I have noticed I am the only one who sees this.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

What agencies are available that could act as intemediaries. For the long term wellbeing of the family who could talk sense to the parents without insulting their sensitivites? Are there organizations at the masjids that would work out a plan to assit the family without taking sides.
Yes, when Muslim families raise thier daughters in the western world..things happen. I know for a fact..it has happened here to many a sister..she will submit to the marriage and within a year she is divorced. Often, the young man will go back to the home country. Most of the women my age experienced having to appease their parents and marry a man of thier parents choice. They ended in divorce. I am speaking of women from the subcontinental background.


To the little sister who originally wrote..we are all trying to help you. The dear brothers and sisters are helping me gain a real sense of the intensity of your situation. They are educating a world wide audience to understand how real the situation is for you.

 

[island muslim]

Salaam Alaiykum,

The prophet(pbuh) did say that Whatever makes his daughter (fatima) unhappy makes him unhappy and Ali (ra) did not take a second wife cause Fatima (ra) was unhappy.

*sigh* i dont think i can be of much help to you sister accept my du'a.

 

[uk_brother786]

I THINK ITS AGAINST THE LAW BECAUSE THE LAW SAY ALL PEOPLE MUST NOT GET MARRIED BEFORE 18 YEARS OLD....IF I'M RIGHT, TELL YOUR YOUNG SISTER GOOD NEWS.

 

[danial]

I THINK ITS AGAINST THE LAW BECAUSE THE LAW SAY ALL PEOPLE MUST NOT GET MARRIED BEFORE 18 YEARS OLD....IF I'M RIGHT, TELL YOUR YOUNG SISTER GOOD NEWS.

hey bro, different countries have different minimum age for marriage. i dunno what age for the sister's country but my country its 16.

 

[aisha ali]

:ma: thanxs for the advice currently we are waiting for our dad to come or even call from back home and we are making dua as well and inshaalah we already got the numbers and we will try.

shukran jazila

 

[aisha ali]

hey bro, different countries have different minimum age for marriage. i dunno what age for the sister's country but my country its 16.

the whole thing is more traditional we dont wanna involve the law unless things go out of hand,the wanna make nikkah first then arrange the marriage later,but i think the law here in uk as from 16yrs is an adult but dont know of marriage.
much thanxs for all muslims a who helping us atleast its much better coz we got other muslims who realy care,i hope our parents idiolgy will come to end one day.

islam is the ways:ma:

 

[aisha ali]

Salaam,

What agencies are available that could act as intemediaries. For the long term wellbeing of the family who could talk sense to the parents without insulting their sensitivites? Are there organizations at the masjids that would work out a plan to assit the family without taking sides.
Yes, when Muslim families raise thier daughters in the western world..things happen. I know for a fact..it has happened here to many a sister..she will submit to the marriage and within a year she is divorced. Often, the young man will go back to the home country. Most of the women my age experienced having to appease their parents and marry a man of thier parents choice. They ended in divorce. I am speaking of women from the subcontinental background.


To the little sister who originally wrote..we are all trying to help you. The dear brothers and sisters are helping me gain a real sense of the intensity of your situation. They are educating a world wide audience to understand how real the situation is for you.

marrige is never agurantee of happiness nor even long lasting but will depend with ur choice esp when someone is god fearing u dont expect bad things but i think the only way is to make istiqarah and inshaalah maybe our parents think their choice is the best but rem the concerned person is u who is getting married. and rem of the visa hunters esp here in uk so lets jst pray.
thanxs for the advice