Swirling thoughts and emotions!
Asslamo Allaikum Sister,
Being from a Paksitani background I think I have an understanding of what your family is saying but with the utmost respect I beg to differ with the conclusions of your family…
Please note that there are 2 kinds of Syeds in the world:
1) People who have mangled/made-up genealogy and insist that they belong to the family of Rausl-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)
2) People who actually have a factual family tree and genuinely belong to the family of Rausl-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)
From my mother’s side I happen to fall into the 2nd category but my wife is NOT and it doesn’t make a lot of difference; but you may find that most people fall into category 1.
In any case whether a family belongs to category 1 or 2, the implications/injunctions are the same…
1) Islam neither places any obligation nor encourages you to marry in the same sect, caste, and ethnicity.
2) Conversely Islam neither places any hindrances nor discourages you to marry in the same sect, caste, and ethnicity.
The million dollar question is Taqwa (Fear of Allah), Practise of religion, compatibility and suitability. You may find the prerequisites in a Syed or you may find it in someone who is NOT a Syed. Simply belonging to the family of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) is not the sole yard-stick after all I tell my Mother that Abu-Jahal & Abu-Lahab both belonged to the family of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) yet they are both doomed…
Please note that you have touched upon an issue which was previously discussed by another Sister and I advised her following:
1) Try to discuss this candidly with your parents, give them Dawah and make dua for Allah (SWT) to guide them to see the correct point of view
2) If you are unable to do so then ask for other family members who may be understanding to discuss with your parents
3) If you are unable to do so then seek external help from knowledgeable Brothers/Sisters i.e. your local Imam or others to discuss with your parents
Sister, please note that your problem is unfortunately common among the Asian community; please don’t loose heart. Stay in touch with friends and like-minded Muslims and continue to discuss your issue with friends and well-wishers. I advise you NOT to discuss it with every Tom, Dick & Harry as a lot of people are not experienced in giving advice in these matters; they may be sincere and genuinely want to help you but lack of experience and knowledge can lead to advice which may confuse you even further.
I make dua for Allah (SWT) to help you through difficult times. Please don’t loose heart as this is NOT a No-Win situation at all! There are options out there
Think laterally
P.S: Allah (SWT) does talk about “KUFF (Compatibility)” in the Qur’aan but don’t let people twist the verse of the Qur’aan and try to imply the meaning that you MUST marry within the same caste and social structure. This is a complicated subject and I am purposely omitting the details of it…If someone ever talks to you about “KUFF” please note that I have genuinely translated it in English and you can have compatibility with a “Syed” OR “Non-Syed”
P.P.S: On a lighter noted please read my latest update on the fiction thread below as it is slightly related to your subject…
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7058&page=3
I have a question and I hope members in this forum willing to answer me in the light of quran and sunnah.
Me being a Muslimah, I know and agree that I should marry a Muslim. I come from a Syed family where my parents (especially my father) believe that a woman from a Syed family can only marry a Syed. I really do not understand this because he believes that other "regular" Muslims (non-syed) as he refers to them are not given this privilege (to marry a Syed) .I am confused, I thought all Muslims were equal and I even read a Hadith that a father should not reject an acceptable suitor. I know that certain families have preferences but this is beyond that because in my family it doesn't matter what family they are from as long as he is Syed. If I didnt marry with Syed, I absolutely no longer with their family anymore. This restriction is placed only on women (in some Syed families, the men are also restricted). Please tell me if there is such a thing and if it has any meaning.
:tti_sister: PLEASE HELPPP!!!