marriage

[shariffah]

I have a question and I hope members in this forum willing to answer me in the light of quran and sunnah.

Me being a Muslimah, I know and agree that I should marry a Muslim. I come from a Syed family where my parents (especially my father) believe that a woman from a Syed family can only marry a Syed. I really do not understand this because he believes that other "regular" Muslims (non-syed) as he refers to them are not given this privilege (to marry a Syed) .I am confused, I thought all Muslims were equal and I even read a Hadith that a father should not reject an acceptable suitor. I know that certain families have preferences but this is beyond that because in my family it doesn't matter what family they are from as long as he is Syed. If I didnt marry with Syed, I absolutely no longer with their family anymore. This restriction is placed only on women (in some Syed families, the men are also restricted). Please tell me if there is such a thing and if it has any meaning.


:tti_sister: PLEASE HELPPP!!!

 

[BintMuhammad]

Assalamu alaikum,

First off, I would like to emphasize that the most important thing is that the guy is a practicing Muslim. If he is a Syed but does not pray 5 times a day and goes against the teachings of the Prophet SAW then he won't be good for you.

Hope this helps...

Choosing a husband

Question:
What are the most important factors for a woman in choosing a husband? If she rejects a righteous man for some worldly reasons, will she be punished by Allaah?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The most important factors for a woman in choosing a husband are his attitude/behaviour and his commitment to religion. Wealth and lineage are secondary matters. The most important thing is that the potential husband should be religious and have a good attitude, because if a man has religious commitment and a good attitude, a woman has nothing to lose: if he keeps her (remains married to her), he will keep her on a reasonable basis, and if he divorces her, he will set her free on a reasonable basis. Moreover, a man who is religious and has a good attitude will be a blessing to her and her children, for they will learn good manners and religion from him. But if the prospective husband is not like that (is not religious), she should keep away from him, especially those who take the matter of prayer lightly or who are known to drink alcohol. We seek refuge with Allaah.

As for those who do not pray at all, they are kuffaar and it is not permissible for them to marry believing women. It is important for the woman to focus on the matter of attitude and religious commitment. With regard to the matter of lineage, this is a bonus. The Prophet ages/saws.gif"> (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter etc.) a man with whose religious commitment and attitude you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.”

But if you can manage to ensure compatibility (in terms of lineage and socio-economic status, etc.) as well, then this is better.



From the Fataawa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, from the book Fataawa al-Mar’ah

 

[shariffah]

I have a question and I hope members in this forum willing to answer me in the light of quran and sunnah.

Me being a Muslimah, I know and agree that I should marry a Muslim. I come from a Syed family where my parents (especially my father) believe that a woman from a Syed family can only marry a Syed. I really do not understand this because he believes that other "regular" Muslims (non-syed) as he refers to them are not given this privilege (to marry a Syed) .I am confused, I thought all Muslims were equal and I even read a Hadith that a father should not reject an acceptable suitor. I know that certain families have preferences but this is beyond that because in my family it doesn't matter what family they are from as long as he is Syed. If I didnt marry with Syed, I absolutely no longer with their family anymore. This restriction is placed only on women (in some Syed families, the men are also restricted). Please tell me if there is such a thing and if it has any meaning.


:tti_sister: PLEASE HELPPP!!!

maybe i didnt mention above why my parents really want syed as my husband. Well, syed and syarifah came from prophet-peace upon him- family. Thus, we have to get marry in our same family. I heard also, we syed-syarifah family will get some extra privellage in the judgement day. We also are prohibitten to gain any zakat or sedekah. I thought Islam treat Muslim equally. There is no higher or below status in Islam right?. When I arguing this to my parents, they said its has been written in hadith. It is true??

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

Instincts


A:salam2:
Trust ur instincts.

What u believe about islam being equal to everyone is right. U telling me the Allah aint going to punish someone for belonging to this family, even if they are really naughty????????

Unfortunately there is alot of this stuff around.......when i was looking for marriage a brother was really interested in me. He took my pic home to his parent and his mom basically said, no u not marrying her, she is not pakistani.. Just because someone has a special badge, doesn't make them any more special than me or u or the poor muslim on the street trying to make ends meet or the rich saudi sheikh.

May Allah guide all of us Ameen:tti_sister: :tti_sister: :tti_sister:

 

[jamilgame]

every single muslim is equal we are only differd by allah when it comes to our deeds thats it, and the prophets ummah , IE we muslims today, are at high rank more respected by prophets of the past. But as for this mentality im higher i deserve better its wrong, we will all stand on the day of judgement in the day that there is no doubt and be judge for wat we did Not our surnames remember even if u have a atoms weight of pride in u then u will not smell paradise. may allah guide us all.

Jamil

 

[shariffah]

i try to explain that to my family... and what i get is a scold... some of my family are very good in Islam.. but they still told me like what my parents told me... Our family have some privellage than other umats which i think it is very wrong...

:angryred:

i'm confused....

 

[jamilgame]

i try to explain that to my family... and what i get is a scold... some of my family are very good in Islam.. but they still told me like what my parents told me... Our family have some privellage than other umats which i think it is very wrong...

:angryred:

i'm confused....

you are maybe being tested by allah and being patient(sabr) may help you but 1 thing is if u see wrong u shouldnt fear u should tell to whoever it is but in a respectful manner because i know how it can be as im just turned 18 while i was at hajj this year and its hard to tell mum or dad "look that wrong mum" it feels disresptful but if u dont say something u will be held responsible may allah make it easy for you as long as you have the right intentions.

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

Ok.......have u tried asking theem hpothetical questions like......
What if I was really poor, like starving, u husband died or left u with 6 kids and u have only parents in their 70's, are u still not going to get sadaqa/zakat??????? (Ask ur self first too).
What if a member of the family rejecs islam, is drinking and comitting zina etc, are they going to get a free ticket/ special treatment??????
Besides marrying into the same family over and over an over again is not the good for getting genetic diseases.
I worked in educational psychology dept for about 5 months. Although where i live is about 40% asian.........the majority of the cases were of children of asian origin. Many of the kids had ealy bad diseaes and disabilities etc, many of the families were married to another family member, this had happened for quite a few generations. Many familie round here are campaigning against iner family marriages and understand he risk of genetic diseases. I know islam allows u to marry your first cousin etc but its another thing to think about.

My last point is tha if we look at who our prophet (saw) married, he arried divorced women, widows, reverts, members of his family, non mebers of his family. If in islam we are allowed to marry like this, this applies to all women and men.The only restriction is with the plural mariage thing. No one can foce a girl into marriage either, if you dont want to marry this person or hat person then say so!!!!!! hats ur right, here is no pleaseing the family honor, you have to be in that marriage, not anyone else.

Ok i will zipit now!!!
Ws
A

 

[hussain.mahammed]

As salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu

I am quoting from the Last sermon delivered by Prophet Muhammed (peace and blessings be upon him)

" O People, listen to me in earnest, whorship ALLAH, say your five daily prayers (Salah), fast during the month of Ramadhan, and give your wealth in Zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to. You know that every Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. YOU ARE ALL EQUAL. An Arab has no superiority over a non-arab nor a non arab has any superiority over an arab,a black has no superiority over a white nor a white has any superiority over a black, except by piety and good action. "

So I dont think any such kind of syed or non syed question should arise.

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust. [Sahih-Muslim]

Nowhere in the Quran or The Sunnah , you will find such things as these people should marry only these kind of people. Such cultural things do not have place in Islam. Although many people think its a kind of tradition, but always remember that What has been ordered in The Quran and Sunnah is of the topmost priority rather than following so called cultural stuffs.
You are in the world to follow and obey The Quran and Sunnah, not follow what a culture or tradition.

Regarding dealing with your parents and relatives, you have to be strong. Tell them that nowhere in Quran or SUnnah is mentioned about such kind of rules, which are just innovations by people. Have patience, pray Salatul Istikhara, make duas for your parents. Talk with them, be friendly with your parents and try to express your thoughts to them. Make them feel that if you are not interested or happy with something, how can they make it happier to you. Create that love and affection with them. They scold you, show them your love. They say harsh words, make dua that Allah showers His blessings upon them. The strength you will gain by reading The Quran. Ask Allah to put Barakah in your deeds and actions and give you Hikmah (wisdom).
Remember always that you can do the best on your part but the outcome or result does not depend on you.
Insha Allah Taala ,He will help you.

Jazakumullah khair
Barakallahu feek

 

[Noor to shine]

Sorry to say that many muslem families carry strange ideas which is against the teaching of Islam ....Our prophet :saw2: told Fatima his daughter to be careful since he can`t help her on the day of judgment if she disobey Allah swt.

 

[Globalpeace]

Swirling thoughts and emotions!

Asslamo Allaikum Sister,

Being from a Paksitani background I think I have an understanding of what your family is saying but with the utmost respect I beg to differ with the conclusions of your family…

Please note that there are 2 kinds of Syeds in the world:

1) People who have mangled/made-up genealogy and insist that they belong to the family of Rausl-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)
2) People who actually have a factual family tree and genuinely belong to the family of Rausl-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)

From my mother’s side I happen to fall into the 2nd category but my wife is NOT and it doesn’t make a lot of difference; but you may find that most people fall into category 1.

In any case whether a family belongs to category 1 or 2, the implications/injunctions are the same…

1) Islam neither places any obligation nor encourages you to marry in the same sect, caste, and ethnicity.
2) Conversely Islam neither places any hindrances nor discourages you to marry in the same sect, caste, and ethnicity.

The million dollar question is Taqwa (Fear of Allah), Practise of religion, compatibility and suitability. You may find the prerequisites in a Syed or you may find it in someone who is NOT a Syed. Simply belonging to the family of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) is not the sole yard-stick after all I tell my Mother that Abu-Jahal & Abu-Lahab both belonged to the family of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) yet they are both doomed…

Please note that you have touched upon an issue which was previously discussed by another Sister and I advised her following:

1) Try to discuss this candidly with your parents, give them Dawah and make dua for Allah (SWT) to guide them to see the correct point of view
2) If you are unable to do so then ask for other family members who may be understanding to discuss with your parents
3) If you are unable to do so then seek external help from knowledgeable Brothers/Sisters i.e. your local Imam or others to discuss with your parents

Sister, please note that your problem is unfortunately common among the Asian community; please don’t loose heart. Stay in touch with friends and like-minded Muslims and continue to discuss your issue with friends and well-wishers. I advise you NOT to discuss it with every Tom, Dick & Harry as a lot of people are not experienced in giving advice in these matters; they may be sincere and genuinely want to help you but lack of experience and knowledge can lead to advice which may confuse you even further.

I make dua for Allah (SWT) to help you through difficult times. Please don’t loose heart as this is NOT a No-Win situation at all! There are options out there

Think laterally

P.S: Allah (SWT) does talk about “KUFF (Compatibility)” in the Qur’aan but don’t let people twist the verse of the Qur’aan and try to imply the meaning that you MUST marry within the same caste and social structure. This is a complicated subject and I am purposely omitting the details of it…If someone ever talks to you about “KUFF” please note that I have genuinely translated it in English and you can have compatibility with a “Syed” OR “Non-Syed”

P.P.S: On a lighter noted please read my latest update on the fiction thread below as it is slightly related to your subject…


http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7058&page=3

I have a question and I hope members in this forum willing to answer me in the light of quran and sunnah.

Me being a Muslimah, I know and agree that I should marry a Muslim. I come from a Syed family where my parents (especially my father) believe that a woman from a Syed family can only marry a Syed. I really do not understand this because he believes that other "regular" Muslims (non-syed) as he refers to them are not given this privilege (to marry a Syed) .I am confused, I thought all Muslims were equal and I even read a Hadith that a father should not reject an acceptable suitor. I know that certain families have preferences but this is beyond that because in my family it doesn't matter what family they are from as long as he is Syed. If I didnt marry with Syed, I absolutely no longer with their family anymore. This restriction is placed only on women (in some Syed families, the men are also restricted). Please tell me if there is such a thing and if it has any meaning.


:tti_sister: PLEASE HELPPP!!!

 

[zenaida]

Salam....

I just want some insights about being a second wife and acceptance of the fact....can anyone please share their thoughts about choosing a second wife....

Thanks a lot!

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum Sister,

I have a wife & 2 kids and I find that even though financially (& otherwise) I can maintain a 2nd wife but I can't see the reasons for doing it (personally)...

I understand & respect the reasons for brothers who opt for this path; however having discussed this issue with many brothers I find that a lot of brothers are perhaps doing it for the wrong reasons (in my humble opinion)...Islam PERMITS a man to have more then 1 wife but doesn't ENCOURAGE it; moreover Islam emphasise justice and fair treatment while I know some brothers who have a 2nd wife (when the 1st one doesn't know about it); 1st one lives in a house while the 2nd one is hidden away from the world in an apartment & personally I can’t accept it as fair (although I respect their behaviour and treatment)…

I have yet to come across any brothers who have more then 1 wife and are treating it with justice and equity like the Qur’aan commands us to do; lastly I know some brothers who have more then 1 wife and the 2nd wife is a result of an illicit affair while they were married which is obviously HARAM

I hope that I have not offended anyone by stating my experience.

 

[queenmuslimah]

salam

asalamu calykum sis shariffah

inshallah like all of our dear brothers and sisters have been saying just try to have faith in alllah( swa) alone this could be a test from allah...i know many people have traditions and mashallah some ofthem are good while others are......allahu akbar...anywho it doesnt matter whether u are and arab Decedent of the prophet or watever.....we are all muslims and inshallah in the day of judgement allah wont look at our background but he will look at our deeds........so inshalllah lets try to be in the rihgt path inshallah

 

[shariffah]

thanks everyone for the encouranging advice... may Allah bless you all..

 

[NaXuS]

Allah has declared wives of Prophet Mohammed Pbuh as mothers of believers.


Only a believer is from his progeny n thats wut Allah declared.

The Prophet is closer to the believers than their selves, and his wives are (as) their mothers. And the owners of kinship are closer one to another in the ordinance of Allah than (other) believers and the fugitives (who fled from Mecca), except that ye should do kindness to your friends. This is written in the Book (of nature).

 

[Imad]

Assalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktuh,

Dear sister i want to give you an advice.

We always have to look back in the history and read the life of our prophet and his companions. It's very important to encounter the innovations with clear knowledge. When someone has clear knowledge he has to simplify his knowledge to the people.

If your family says: " It's not allowed for a woman from the family of the prophet to marry a non-family of the prophet"

Ask them: " What about Uthmaan ibn Afaan, he married two daughters of the prophet while he was not from the family of the prophet"

If you read the story of uthmaan ibn afaan you will find out that uthmaan was married to Ruqaya. When she died our prophet gave Oem Khaltoum to uthmaan as his second wive. If i'am wrong please correct me.

So on insha Allah.

For every muslim it's important to teach his children the Sira of the companions of the prophets Sallalahu 3alaihi wasslem.

Wassalem oalaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktuh

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

Uthman (RA)'s genealogy does join Rasul-ullah (SAW)'s family tree in a few generations; furthermore Uthman (RA) was from Quryash but..

Hussain (RA) the Grand-Son of Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaiahe Wassallam) marrried the daughter of Nausherwaan (last king of Persia) and had a son called Zainul-Abideen (RA) who the Shia consider one of their Imams and this is accepted by both Shia & Sunni scholars to be a fact.

Shias actually insert the word "Imam" in front of Hussain (RA) & his son Zainul-Abideen (RA)

I also beleive that Zainul-Abideen (RA) also married a Non-Arab woman but I am NOT certain at this point & will have to verify this

 

[Bawar]

Based on the teachings of islam, there is no doubt left in the fact that, the criterion of good and bad is a person's deeds, not race, clolor, wealth....etc.

What distinguishes Ibrahim (alaihessalam) from his father, Aazer and what distinguishes Nooh (alaihessalam) from his son Kinaan?

Very simple, what is important to Allah (swt) is not family tree, but Taqwa.

Wassalam

 

[Imad]

Assalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktuh,

Thank you brother for your reply. I think they mean by family the son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter, grandgrandson, grandgranddaughter etc etc of our prophet Sallalahu 3alaihi wassalem.

But if they mean Family and draw back the tree, you will find out that we are a huge family, a family of Adam and Hawae ( Eve). In this regard aboe Lahab is also one of the family of our prophet, i don't think they mean drawing back the tree.

Bawar has mentioned taqwa " Ina akramakom 3inda llahi Atqakom"

You are right brother

Wassalmoelaikoem warahmatullahi wabaraktuh