Muslim woman in love with a Christian man
- Thread starter Istella
- Start date
Asalaamu Alaykum,
Dear sister Istella, i pray that you are well and all of the Muslims wherever they may be. Some of the brothers and sisters may come across as being 'extremist' or irrational, that perspective being subjective of course, but these 'outbursts' come as a result of caring for one another, for i suppose that if we did not care for one another, there would have not been a reply to your post, and this would also mean that none would have bothered in advising/warning you regarding about that which they thought was appropriate vis a vis this Deen (for the most part insha'Allah). That being said, we must always have proper conduct, even if we feel that we are correct, for from the Quran and Prophetic example is the encouragement to be merciful to one another, as we are beleivers (brothers and sisters to one another). So firstly advise myself, and then others (as is my duty as a Muslim) to be kind and understanding of each other, and though the truth that you will espouse will be clear as day to you, do not denigrate it by conveying it in a way that is insulting.
My sister, I will not repeat of much what has been said here, as you have correctly affirmed the knowledge that muslim women-non-muslim men marriages are not permissible. And also that pre-marital relationships are not allowed even if it be muslim-muslim! There is nothing wrong whatsoever marrying a revert Muslim, and in your case insha'Allah it will be okay as long as he reverts for the sake of Allah, which you have clearly emphasised i hasten to add. With regards to making him aware of Islam, i would recommend firstly the Qur'an, and then maybe tell him about this site which is masha'Allah good despite your 'ordeal'; he can question and insha'Allah we can all do our best to answer impartially from the Qur'an and Sunnah of our Beloved Messenger Muhammad peace be upon him.
All i can advise you, and myself firstly, is to be careful in this regard; though you will be doing a great job in directing to the truth, you must not allow Shaytaan come between you and your intentions, as once they are tainted, I seek the refuge of Allah from this, all actions which emanate may look pleasing but they will turn to dust and have no worth when the Day of Resurrection is at hand.
As you said before Islam is the core, but just as the branches of a tree and its fruits come from a common root and seedling, so too must our 'peripheral' actions, for if Islam is truely our core, our centre of mass, just like the planets revolve around the Sun due to it possessing greater mass, so too must our life revolve around the commands, encouragements and prohibitions of our Creator, if we truly understand the mass of brilliance which Islam shone into our dry and arid hearts.
I ask Allah to forgive me if i have said anything wrong, and hope that you will overlook any misunderstandings/assumptions i have made regarding you in writing this. May Allah guide us all to the truth, and enable us to see the truth as truth (and cling to it) and see falsehood as falsehood (and be protected from it). Ameen.
Take care.
Wassalaam
Dear sister Istella, i pray that you are well and all of the Muslims wherever they may be. Some of the brothers and sisters may come across as being 'extremist' or irrational, that perspective being subjective of course, but these 'outbursts' come as a result of caring for one another, for i suppose that if we did not care for one another, there would have not been a reply to your post, and this would also mean that none would have bothered in advising/warning you regarding about that which they thought was appropriate vis a vis this Deen (for the most part insha'Allah). That being said, we must always have proper conduct, even if we feel that we are correct, for from the Quran and Prophetic example is the encouragement to be merciful to one another, as we are beleivers (brothers and sisters to one another). So firstly advise myself, and then others (as is my duty as a Muslim) to be kind and understanding of each other, and though the truth that you will espouse will be clear as day to you, do not denigrate it by conveying it in a way that is insulting.
My sister, I will not repeat of much what has been said here, as you have correctly affirmed the knowledge that muslim women-non-muslim men marriages are not permissible. And also that pre-marital relationships are not allowed even if it be muslim-muslim! There is nothing wrong whatsoever marrying a revert Muslim, and in your case insha'Allah it will be okay as long as he reverts for the sake of Allah, which you have clearly emphasised i hasten to add. With regards to making him aware of Islam, i would recommend firstly the Qur'an, and then maybe tell him about this site which is masha'Allah good despite your 'ordeal'; he can question and insha'Allah we can all do our best to answer impartially from the Qur'an and Sunnah of our Beloved Messenger Muhammad peace be upon him.
All i can advise you, and myself firstly, is to be careful in this regard; though you will be doing a great job in directing to the truth, you must not allow Shaytaan come between you and your intentions, as once they are tainted, I seek the refuge of Allah from this, all actions which emanate may look pleasing but they will turn to dust and have no worth when the Day of Resurrection is at hand.
As you said before Islam is the core, but just as the branches of a tree and its fruits come from a common root and seedling, so too must our 'peripheral' actions, for if Islam is truely our core, our centre of mass, just like the planets revolve around the Sun due to it possessing greater mass, so too must our life revolve around the commands, encouragements and prohibitions of our Creator, if we truly understand the mass of brilliance which Islam shone into our dry and arid hearts.
I ask Allah to forgive me if i have said anything wrong, and hope that you will overlook any misunderstandings/assumptions i have made regarding you in writing this. May Allah guide us all to the truth, and enable us to see the truth as truth (and cling to it) and see falsehood as falsehood (and be protected from it). Ameen.
Take care.
Wassalaam
abou haytam
Junior Member
salam o alikom sister;
here are the point of view of scholars.
Question:
My Christian wife is asking: Why is it not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry someone from among the people of the Book – Christians and Jews – whilst that is permitted to Muslim men?.
Response:
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=83736&ln=eng&txt=زواج الكتابية
here are the point of view of scholars.
A Christian woman is saying: Why is it not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kitaabi man when the opposite is permitted?
Question:
My Christian wife is asking: Why is it not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry someone from among the people of the Book – Christians and Jews – whilst that is permitted to Muslim men?.
Response:
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=83736&ln=eng&txt=زواج الكتابية
nyerekareem
abdur-rahman
that was a good link .
Aasalaamu'Alykum,
LA HAWLA WA LA QUWWATA ILLAH BILLAH.
I have never been so enraged. Subhan'Allah! What's going on?
All this bickering and nonsense. All that was required was a similar Fatawa which has been published to be copied and pasted into a reply. Like the reply above brother nyerekareem. I am starting to notice more opinions and "fatawa like replies" issued by unqualified individuals. Not pointing at anyone, but thats not our job.
:astag:
There is a sticky which refers to this and the avoidance of such an act.
Alhamdulilah
Wasalam
LA HAWLA WA LA QUWWATA ILLAH BILLAH.
I have never been so enraged. Subhan'Allah! What's going on?
All this bickering and nonsense. All that was required was a similar Fatawa which has been published to be copied and pasted into a reply. Like the reply above brother nyerekareem. I am starting to notice more opinions and "fatawa like replies" issued by unqualified individuals. Not pointing at anyone, but thats not our job.
:astag:
There is a sticky which refers to this and the avoidance of such an act.
Alhamdulilah
Wasalam
croatian/jewconv
slave_of_Allah
i dont mean to sound like a religious snob but...boyfriend/ girlfirend relationships is haraam....yet i dono ...its difficult for muslims to get married and practise ALLL aspects of islaam PeRfectlY in christian dominated countries.
I pray The Most Exalted, Most merciful guides you to a straigght path and all of us
-----------
the rest of you guys should calm down..boyfriend/girlfriend is haraam....but everyones islaam is diffrent...the only way someone surrenders to practise a certain aspect of ones life is if Allaah(swt) makes one surrender...not you... not us...only Allaah(swt)
so calm down and stop being so cranky
Thank you, AB. Like I said, I don't sugarcoat my words because that would mean I am not being myself. We are entitled to our own opinions, that's what debate is all about - forum is a place for debate and also to get views/insights from other people all over the world.
I chose this forum because I know it is frequented by Muslims from all over the world with different views of Islam.
Assalam aleikum sister
6 pages..for such a simple question but a useful one i guess....anyway, i hope at least you got your answers..and you can be straight foward without having to look down on those who are trying to help you..
Good night
I have received some good insights from those who actually took the time to read through my posts.
I'm sorry but do you think your post is useful to me? To tell me that I don't have to look down on people who are trying to help me? It's people like you, who do not take the time... do not see it from another person's perspective that is letting simple thing like this get out of hand.
Alhamdulillah! THANK YOU VERY MUCH, NAZIR!!
Finally, someone who knows what I was looking for! As I have stated before, we live thousands of miles away - we're in a LDR (long distance relationship) so the only mass of communication we have is the phone. Oh and the internet, of course. So it isn't sexual as I know Islam does not permit pre-marital sex.
Both of us have talked about Islam and I was suppose to introduce him to my uncle (a revert Muslim - a very good and devoted one!) but my uncle passed away just few months back. So now, I thought it would be wise to let him go through some materials and perhaps, read this forum.
Thank you, once again!
croatian/jewconv
slave_of_Allah
maybe show him this website .theres alot of good videos that'll teach him about islaam
insha'llaah Allaah(swt) will sparkle his light on your boyfriend and all will go well
You don't come across as snob at all, Croatian/Jewconv. What you said is the truth and also, you are dead on about the difficulties of practising all aspects of Islam - even in a Muslim country such as mine. We are not as strict as certain parts of Muslims countries but we do practise prayers, Ramadhan and so much more.
Thank you for your above post. You're one out of a few here that sees it from all angles. I truly appreciate it.
devotedsoul
New Member
Love comes to some one such a way even no one knows how it comes. So, it has diff shapes. As a muslim we should try to keep it sacred and offcourse that's by marrige.
Offcourse the sister who wants to marry some one from other religion put the condition to revert before any thing. And this is the only way to advance. But better if the guardian of the sisters also involve in this marrige matters.
Offcourse the sister who wants to marry some one from other religion put the condition to revert before any thing. And this is the only way to advance. But better if the guardian of the sisters also involve in this marrige matters.
DON'T BE TOO LATE
As-salaam Alaikum,
My sincere advise to you sister.
COME TO THE RIGHT TRACK - BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
Do ye think that ye shall enter the gardin of bliss without such trials as came to those who passed away before you? they encounterd suffreing and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the messenger and those of faith who where with him cried ''when will come the help of allah? Ah verily, the help of allah is allways near.
“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a
him to get out (from every difficulty).
And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever
puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish
purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things”[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]
"Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in
goods, lives, and the fruits of your toil. But give glad tidings to those who
patiently persevere. Those who say, when afflicted with calamity, 'To Allah we
belong, and to Him is our return.' They are those on whom descend blessings
from their Lord, and mercy. They are the ones who receive guidance." (2:155-157)
May "Allah Help you":tti_sister:
As-salaam Alaikum,
My sincere advise to you sister.
COME TO THE RIGHT TRACK - BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
Do ye think that ye shall enter the gardin of bliss without such trials as came to those who passed away before you? they encounterd suffreing and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the messenger and those of faith who where with him cried ''when will come the help of allah? Ah verily, the help of allah is allways near.
“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a
him to get out (from every difficulty).
And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever
puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish
purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things”[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]
"Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in
goods, lives, and the fruits of your toil. But give glad tidings to those who
patiently persevere. Those who say, when afflicted with calamity, 'To Allah we
belong, and to Him is our return.' They are those on whom descend blessings
from their Lord, and mercy. They are the ones who receive guidance." (2:155-157)
May "Allah Help you":tti_sister:
Asalaamu Alaykum,
I understand the difficulties surrounding some muslim brothers and sisters in adhering to the Islamic precepts in all aspects of life, but we should not marginalise as if they were truly impossible then Allah would not have ordained such matters for us as he is the Al-Aleem (The All-knowing).
O believers enter into Islam completely and do not follow the footsteps of Shaitan, surely he is your clear-cut
enemy.
If you falter after receiving the clear-cut message, then keep in mind that Allah is Mighty, Wise.
Are they waiting for Allah to come down to them in the shadow of clouds, along with the angels, and make His
decision known? Ultimately all matters will be presented to Allah for decision. (Surah Al-Baqara, Ayah 208-210)
This is a excerpt from what another muslim has said:
"The above ayah calls to people to enter Islam fully. Now one would ask the question that he has already entered Islam fully so this should not be meant for him. But just saying shahada or being born and raise in a muslim family doesn't make us a muslim. Entering Islam fully means that we have the follow the teachings of Islam without any exceptions, without any reservations or without just focusing on one part and leaving the other on ALLAH to forgive. ALLAH knows us better then we know ourselves and ALLAH knows whether its possible to follow HIS teachings or not. And as a muslim our responsibility is to try to follow the teachings of ALLAH, ALLAH never said that you have to be a 100% perfect example of it. Its not possible for us as humans are bound to make mistakes. But we just have to try our best and what is our best is already known to ALLAH even if we say something else to the world. So ALLAH will judge us based on our efforts. While in trying to follow HIS teachings, if we makes a mistake then ALLAH is certainly most merciful, most forgiving. But we should know that there is a difference between "mistake" and "intentional attempt."
Most of the times we intentionally choose not to follow certain parts of our deen because we feel that its too rigid, not possible for us to follow or just too out-dated. If things were supposed to be that way, then there was no point for ALLAH to say to us to "enter Islam fully." But as ALLAH has said that, it becomes our responsibility as a muslim to try to do that. If while doing that, we make some mistake which is not deliberate, then ALLAH will certainly forgive. If we are tempted by the wordly desires but repent as soon as we realize our mistake make repentance, then too ALLAH will certainly forgive. But whats does simple logic says for acts that are done deliberately. Does the law in our country forgives for continuous deliberate acts of breach of law? I doubt anyone would say YES or can give any such proof from human history. Then how do we develop this logic that ALLAH will also forgive deliberate disobedience of his rules. ALLAH is not just merciful and forgiving, ALLAH is also the most stern in punishment.
For those who intentionally disobeys the law of ALLAH and make different justifications of it, ALLAH says in the above third ayah that are you waiting for ALLAH to come down from the heavens to make the judgement. This will only happen at the day of judgement so ALLAH is in fact asking us if we are waiting for the day of judgement. Are we waiting for doors of repentance to close and then we are gonna realize our mistakes and our sins? Each one of us should ask this question to himself. If we are waiting for that day then we should also keep in mind that there will be no one to save us that day from the wrath of ALLAH.
Is it really a good decision to choose a temporary wordly pleasure over the period of infinity of hell?".
Alhamdulillah i found that to be quite beneficial and succinct-May Allah bless the brother.
Allah doesn't not only outlaw the evil itself, but also the steps which lead to that evil, such as when it comes to alcohol, 'avoiding' it and not sitting on a table on which alcohol is being consumed. The same extends towards Zinaa, the steps towards zinaa such as intimacy, and being alone with the other (of opposite sex that is not your mahram) are not allowed as well.
Just like a consciouss Muslim business person relies solely on Allah for his provision, and does not think twice about engaging in haraam transactions such as ribaa, or 'playing it dirty' by running others to dust, as he is convinced that from Allah alone comes provisions as He is the Provider. Therefore he knows that it may be hard to make a lot of money by being disconnected from the usury circuit, but knows that by sticking to the Truth he will have the immeasurable richness from Allah. Likewise when it comes to choosing spouses, it may be hard in some cases, but if we truly believe in Allah and pray to Him, and keep away from the haraam, then insha'Allah we will be enriched with good spouses. When we begin to justify the haraam is when problems begin, look to the example of the Sahaaba who were unwavering their belief though one of them was even placed on his back on hot coals until the skin of his back melted and extinguished the coals! We are truly weak, and impoverished, so lets turn the the Ghanni (The Rich), who of course is Allah.
O you Who believe enter into Islam completely...
May Allah forgive me if i have said anything incorrectly, and enable me to see that from Allah alone comes ease and success/
Wassalaam
I understand the difficulties surrounding some muslim brothers and sisters in adhering to the Islamic precepts in all aspects of life, but we should not marginalise as if they were truly impossible then Allah would not have ordained such matters for us as he is the Al-Aleem (The All-knowing).
O believers enter into Islam completely and do not follow the footsteps of Shaitan, surely he is your clear-cut
enemy.
If you falter after receiving the clear-cut message, then keep in mind that Allah is Mighty, Wise.
Are they waiting for Allah to come down to them in the shadow of clouds, along with the angels, and make His
decision known? Ultimately all matters will be presented to Allah for decision. (Surah Al-Baqara, Ayah 208-210)
This is a excerpt from what another muslim has said:
"The above ayah calls to people to enter Islam fully. Now one would ask the question that he has already entered Islam fully so this should not be meant for him. But just saying shahada or being born and raise in a muslim family doesn't make us a muslim. Entering Islam fully means that we have the follow the teachings of Islam without any exceptions, without any reservations or without just focusing on one part and leaving the other on ALLAH to forgive. ALLAH knows us better then we know ourselves and ALLAH knows whether its possible to follow HIS teachings or not. And as a muslim our responsibility is to try to follow the teachings of ALLAH, ALLAH never said that you have to be a 100% perfect example of it. Its not possible for us as humans are bound to make mistakes. But we just have to try our best and what is our best is already known to ALLAH even if we say something else to the world. So ALLAH will judge us based on our efforts. While in trying to follow HIS teachings, if we makes a mistake then ALLAH is certainly most merciful, most forgiving. But we should know that there is a difference between "mistake" and "intentional attempt."
Most of the times we intentionally choose not to follow certain parts of our deen because we feel that its too rigid, not possible for us to follow or just too out-dated. If things were supposed to be that way, then there was no point for ALLAH to say to us to "enter Islam fully." But as ALLAH has said that, it becomes our responsibility as a muslim to try to do that. If while doing that, we make some mistake which is not deliberate, then ALLAH will certainly forgive. If we are tempted by the wordly desires but repent as soon as we realize our mistake make repentance, then too ALLAH will certainly forgive. But whats does simple logic says for acts that are done deliberately. Does the law in our country forgives for continuous deliberate acts of breach of law? I doubt anyone would say YES or can give any such proof from human history. Then how do we develop this logic that ALLAH will also forgive deliberate disobedience of his rules. ALLAH is not just merciful and forgiving, ALLAH is also the most stern in punishment.
For those who intentionally disobeys the law of ALLAH and make different justifications of it, ALLAH says in the above third ayah that are you waiting for ALLAH to come down from the heavens to make the judgement. This will only happen at the day of judgement so ALLAH is in fact asking us if we are waiting for the day of judgement. Are we waiting for doors of repentance to close and then we are gonna realize our mistakes and our sins? Each one of us should ask this question to himself. If we are waiting for that day then we should also keep in mind that there will be no one to save us that day from the wrath of ALLAH.
Is it really a good decision to choose a temporary wordly pleasure over the period of infinity of hell?".
Alhamdulillah i found that to be quite beneficial and succinct-May Allah bless the brother.
Allah doesn't not only outlaw the evil itself, but also the steps which lead to that evil, such as when it comes to alcohol, 'avoiding' it and not sitting on a table on which alcohol is being consumed. The same extends towards Zinaa, the steps towards zinaa such as intimacy, and being alone with the other (of opposite sex that is not your mahram) are not allowed as well.
Just like a consciouss Muslim business person relies solely on Allah for his provision, and does not think twice about engaging in haraam transactions such as ribaa, or 'playing it dirty' by running others to dust, as he is convinced that from Allah alone comes provisions as He is the Provider. Therefore he knows that it may be hard to make a lot of money by being disconnected from the usury circuit, but knows that by sticking to the Truth he will have the immeasurable richness from Allah. Likewise when it comes to choosing spouses, it may be hard in some cases, but if we truly believe in Allah and pray to Him, and keep away from the haraam, then insha'Allah we will be enriched with good spouses. When we begin to justify the haraam is when problems begin, look to the example of the Sahaaba who were unwavering their belief though one of them was even placed on his back on hot coals until the skin of his back melted and extinguished the coals! We are truly weak, and impoverished, so lets turn the the Ghanni (The Rich), who of course is Allah.
O you Who believe enter into Islam completely...
May Allah forgive me if i have said anything incorrectly, and enable me to see that from Allah alone comes ease and success/
Wassalaam
saira1984
Trust in Allah swt
Salam sister,
I just wanted to say that before I reverted to Islam me and my muslim boyfreind (now husband) were together for over 4 years before we married and astifullah I know now that this is haram but at the time I did not have a religion and had no intentions of becoming Muslim (I was very igronant). I cannot say much as I dont want to be a hypocrite but I think it is very important that you remember that you are Muslim and although you cannot force your boyfriend to become muslim so you can get married but at the same time who's to say that you cannot educate him and you neva know insha allah he may realise that islam is for him and he may revert.
Only he can say whether or not he is muslim its not just about saying the shaddah as we all know anyone can do that its what he feels in his heart that counts.
I hope that you get the answer that you are looking for and insha allah what will be will be. Only Allah has the power to decide what he has instore for us in the future
Masalam Saira x
I just wanted to say that before I reverted to Islam me and my muslim boyfreind (now husband) were together for over 4 years before we married and astifullah I know now that this is haram but at the time I did not have a religion and had no intentions of becoming Muslim (I was very igronant). I cannot say much as I dont want to be a hypocrite but I think it is very important that you remember that you are Muslim and although you cannot force your boyfriend to become muslim so you can get married but at the same time who's to say that you cannot educate him and you neva know insha allah he may realise that islam is for him and he may revert.
Only he can say whether or not he is muslim its not just about saying the shaddah as we all know anyone can do that its what he feels in his heart that counts.
I hope that you get the answer that you are looking for and insha allah what will be will be. Only Allah has the power to decide what he has instore for us in the future
Masalam Saira x
obedience
Your youth will definitely leave you, and if you do not remain within the sphere of the licit, it will bring you calamities and suffering in this world, in the grave, and, in the Hereafter. But if, with Islamic training, you spend the bounty of your youth as thanks honourably, in uprightness and obedience, it will in effect remain perpetually and will be the cause of gaining eternal youth.
Your youth will definitely leave you, and if you do not remain within the sphere of the licit, it will bring you calamities and suffering in this world, in the grave, and, in the Hereafter. But if, with Islamic training, you spend the bounty of your youth as thanks honourably, in uprightness and obedience, it will in effect remain perpetually and will be the cause of gaining eternal youth.