Need some encouraging words!

[labagel]

I reverted about a month ago, and I still haven't told my family about it, but I planned to do it before anyone started decorating or buying presents for Christmas.

I got an email from my daughter's grandparents saying that they wanted to see her over Thanksgiving weekend because that's when they put up their tree and decorate. They want to include her in that, and they've already bought her a stocking and an ornament to put on the tree. (My daughter is 7 months old, so this will be her first Christmas.) I guess I should also add that these are grandparents on her dad's side of the family, and her dad and I are not together and rarely communicate... so it's not like I have any ties with them through marriage.

Either way, I still feel bad that they're already expecting to celebrate Christmas with her, and I hate having to let people down

So, I just need some encouragement to remind me that I'm doing the right thing by keeping my daughter out of holiday celebrations (because it's so tempting to give in sometimes)!

 

[nyerekareem]

I reverted about a month ago, and I still haven't told my family about it, but I planned to do it before anyone started decorating or buying presents for Christmas.

I got an email from my daughter's grandparents saying that they wanted to see her over Thanksgiving weekend because that's when they put up their tree and decorate. They want to include her in that, and they've already bought her a stocking and an ornament to put on the tree. (My daughter is 7 months old, so this will be her first Christmas.) I guess I should also add that these are grandparents on her dad's side of the family, and her dad and I are not together and rarely communicate... so it's not like I have any ties with them through marriage.

Either way, I still feel bad that they're already expecting to celebrate Christmas with her, and I hate having to let people down

So, I just need some encouragement to remind me that I'm doing the right thing by keeping my daughter out of holiday celebrations (because it's so tempting to give in sometimes)!

:salam2:

i really wish that i could give advice, but it indeed is a difficult situation. insha'allah everything will work out fine.

 

[radwane]

Congratulatoin and encouragement

Assalam alaikum wa rahamtullahi wa barakatuhu .http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/images/smilies/75.gif congratulation sister for your reverting to islam and I am really happy to hear that and i encourage you to still keeping your daughter out of holiday celebrations and things like that .and i remind you to treat your daughter's grandparents by love and as our prophet peace be upon him teach us . allah bless you and your daughter http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/images/smilies/wasalam.gif

 

[hassana elkoussi]

As-salamu alaikom dear sister,

I do admit you're in a difficult situation, but plz remember that you're on the right path, Allah swt has guided you to His Light, you don't want to lose that, so be steadfast, remember the eternal pleasures of the Hereafter as compared to the transient ones of this dunya( world ).If you lose a present or two , the love of one person or two, you'll have the Love of Allah swt. Here are some fatwas on this issue to keep you strong inshaAllah

From Islam Q&A Fatwa 11650​

Can she attend Christmas celebrations in order to greet her relatives?
She says: I want to become Muslim, but my family gather to celebrate Christmas, and I want to go and greet them. This is not with the intention of celebrating or joining in, but simply to make the most of the opportunity of my relatives getting together. Is this allowed?


We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen,who answered as follows:

No, it is not permitted. If Allaah blesses her with Islam, then the first thing she must do is to distance herself from her former religion and its festivals.

And Allaah knows best.

 

[hassana elkoussi]

Fatwa 7876​

Eating food prepared for a Christian festival​

What is the ruling on eating food prepared for a Christian festival? What is the ruling on accepting their invitation to their celebrations of the birth of the Messiah (peace be upon him) [i.e., Christmas celebrations]?

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible to celebrate innovated festivals such as the Christmas of the Christians, or Nowrooz (Persian New Year) or Mahrajaan (Persian festival), or festivals that have been innovated by Muslims such as the Prophet’s birthday in Rabee’ al-Awwal or the Israa’ in Rajab and so on. It is not permissible to eat from that food which the Christians or non Muslims prepare on the occasion of their festivals. It is also not permissible to accept their invitations to join them in their celebrations of those festivals, because this encourages them and is tantamount to approving of their bid’ah, which gives the wrong idea to ignorant people and makes them think that there is nothing wrong with that. And Allaah knows best.



From Al-Lu’lu’ al-Makeen min Fataawaa Ibn Jibreen, p. 27.

 

[AleahKoto]

Alhumdulilah!

Welcome to the family of Islam for starters.
Christmas and the other holidays are hard ones when you first revert. They are so ingrained into the psyche, and most people don't even get together except for these holidays-such a shame.

It would be easier to probably answer the email and tell them you have reverted to Islam, and you do not celebrate those holidays anymore.

You will be questioned, cross examined, and with pure exasperation I am sure, but in sha allah, keep yourself strong and you will be okay.

The best way I found to arm myself (with all the questions at first,) was to read about Constantine and how he brought in the pagan birthdays of his god, to become the date of Jesus birth. You will find the story of the good shepherd and all the things that were attached to Jesus. You can then credulously show proof of why you won't clebrate this. Many people don't even know the facts, and to tell them it is because you reverted, they will never get it. With all the media hype, they will figure out you are brainwashed, and if you give them evidence, they are much less likely to have such a fit. They need to see you did your research and didn't just blindly jump into something.

You can also offer to have dinner prior to the celebration to let them see your child, but be firm that it is not to be as a christmas celebration, and that you would like to have more "regular" get togethers.

It is a hard thing to get others to understand, but who knows?? They may see what you see and start to investigate themselves, in sha allah, you will be ok, but as the skaykhs say, you cannot involve yourself in pagan ritual, as it means you approve and are part of it. Since you are responsible for the upbringing of your child, you cannot let her be involved either, no matter how innocent it may seem.

 

[hassana elkoussi]

Part of Fatwa 20961​

Our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was keen to call his family to Islam, and he continued to visit them and call them; he visited his paternal uncle Abu Taalib when he was dying and invited him to Islam.

So there is nothing to prevent you visiting your family, but you have to utilize these visits to call them to the truth and goodness, and help them to attain salvation.


What is haraam in these visits is free mixing of men and women, shaking hands with non-mahram men, and joining in their festivals. It is no secret to you that the rulings brought by Islam are in the best interests of people, both in this world and in the Hereafter. There is nothing wrong with exchanging gifts with them either, and that may be a means of softening their hearts and encouraging them to become Muslim, so long as the gifts are not given because of their festivals, especially the religious festivals. It is not permissible for you to accept or give gifts on those occasions, because that is helping them in their falsehood and approving of it.
And Allaah knows best.


I hope these fatwas will help you keep steadfast and strong in your eman insaAllah. :tti_sister:May Allah always guide you to His right path. :tti_sister: Ameen

 

[Abdullah2008]

Stay strong

:salam2:

I would just tell you to stay strong sister, there is plenty of alternatives to the pagan holidays, although they should be allowed to see the baby it can be in your discretion as to when they see the baby, and plus the baby seems to be to young to differntiate between these holidays, but what effect will it have on you being amongst them, especially since your ex might be there when you are over there. I dont what kind of relations you are maintaining with him so you would just have to think about that. (does he ask for his parents to be allowed to see the baby? Does he come visit the baby? Does he know of your reversion? all these are vital to really understand your POV but all that said you should just know that you are on the right path ask the All mighty, he is the ALL HEARING AND THE ALL KNOWING, look at verse 2:186

When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them); I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me; let them also with a will listen to My call and believe in Me; that they may walk in the right way.


I would also encourage you to look more into the teaching of Islam and familiarize yourself more with you your own creed (aqidah) and increase you eman before being in situation where it present a challange to your faith


May allah guide to what he see is best for you.

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:sister

I suggest that you apologize in a polite way (the girl is too young) , then you visit them with your daughter some other day with gifts with an intention to please Allah swt. And try to be strong you are on the correct path.

 

[palestine]

i agree with all of the above. but i thought i'd say a few words to keep you going in the right direction. Firstly congradulations on your baby. and secondly i know you're in a difficult situation and i'm not gonna say it's easy because i truly don't know how you feel, although i could imagine. sister you're doing the right thing. call up the parents and explain in a befitting manner. Kindly explain to them that celebrating christmas is forbidden in islam and reasons behind it. tell them that she will visit them other times inshaAllah and that they're still her family but that you have to follow through with your faith. and emphasize the importance of being a muslim and the importance of celebrating only the holidays ordered by Allah swt. good luck and may Allah make it easy for you. asalamu alaykum wrwb. your reward is with your lord.

 

[Ashima33]

Salaam everyone,

Probably going to ruffle some feathers with my viewpoint... but I feel it's always important to hear different angles.
I reverted a month ago. I told my mother and one of the first things she asked me was if I was coming home for Christmas. I told her "yes." Then she asked what I would do when I have children. At the time I wasn't for sure... but I know now. At first I was leaning towards not going any where near my mothers around the holidays. But I now know that I will take my children to visit their Grandmother during HER holiday.

I know that if my mother wanted to come and visit me during Eid, I would be overjoyed that she wanted to know about my new holiday. I think that just because you are in the same room as people during Christmas doesn't mean that you are celebrating it with them. I think that it is showing that you are acknowledging that it is a special day for THEM and you're showing tolerance. I will teach my children about Christmas and other holidays, and why we do not celebrate them... but it is okay to share the joy of special occasions. They will be encountered with people of all faiths and having knowledge of others' customs and beliefs can only break down barriers. I also feel that if you bring your children up in a strong foundation of Islam, going over to grandma's house while she decorates her Christmas Tree and then you eat some turkey with her and maybe play some scrabble... it's not going to stray you away. It will only teach that people with differences can still live amongst each other and enjoy.

Of course I know there is the whole pagan/Christmas thing... but the fact is... Christianity and Christmas are not going away. Just because someone celebrates it doesn't make them bad... So we have to learn how to live together. What better way than through knowledge and observation. We all know that if people would gain knowledge and observe some traditions of Islam... people may not convert, but they definitely wouldn't be so afraid of it.

 

[labagel]

Thank you all so much!

I sent an email back, and they mentioned that they're interested in Islam and why I chose it! :blackhijab: They still hope to see my daughter over the holidays because they don't play up any religious aspects of Christmas, so I'll need to explain my views to them a little more. However, they only live 1 1/2 hours away, so it's not like holidays are the only time we see them.

 

[GAZIJA]

Thank you all so much!

I sent an email back, and they mentioned that they're interested in Islam and why I chose it! :blackhijab: They still hope to see my daughter over the holidays because they don't play up any religious aspects of Christmas, so I'll need to explain my views to them a little more. However, they only live 1 1/2 hours away, so it's not like holidays are the only time we see them.

Assalmu aleikum sister, mashAllah to you reversion may allah bless you and indeed He did since you are our new Muslimah. Let's hope that your in-laws would chose Islam too when you explain it to them.

I think you got answers from other brothers and sisters and is clear to you, so I will not bother, just wanted to greet you.

wasalam

 

[AleahKoto]

Masha Allah!

See? Alhumdulilah! Arm yourself with the history, and arm yourself with Islam, you will be fine.

And the previous post who visits on holidays, I do that too. I do not do the prayers, or the gift giving, or enter into the feast. I do respect them and their right to do so. Hopefully I am making an impact that we can truly live side by side in peace....my grown son is asking questions about Islam. Alhumdulilah!

 

[a_muslimah86]

Thank you all so much!

I sent an email back, and they mentioned that they're interested in Islam and why I chose it! :blackhijab: They still hope to see my daughter over the holidays because they don't play up any religious aspects of Christmas, so I'll need to explain my views to them a little more. However, they only live 1 1/2 hours away, so it's not like holidays are the only time we see them.

:salam2:

Sister...we had a discussion in my local MSA Halaqah...and the holiday-issue was brought up...it really is frustrating...may Allah help our revert brothers and sisters with this yearly ordeal

everything rests upon your intention sister...and I think with a little tweaking you may have a solution to this issue...instead of going on christmas eve or christmas day...go one or two days prior to it or one or two days after it...only to have your daughter be with her grandparents while they (and most likely you) have the time off for it...

I do not think it is "Islamic" to keep what seems to be loving and caring grandparents from seeing their grand-daughter because they celebrate a holiday we do not celebrate...try to go in the time period I mentioned...and be honest...but at the same time courteous and respectful in explaining to them why you have to do it this way...

I mean just think about it...

Jehovah's Witnesses feel no shame or weirdness in not celebrating the holidays...and they probably have waaaaay less reasons for not celebrating than you do as a Muslimah...so why should you be weirded out or worried???

I hope I helped somehow...and Inshallah all goes well for you

 

[miq1]

Praise be to Allah (The Glorified and Exalted).

You may find the following link "Proving ISLAM" helpful in teaching the grandparents: http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=40837

The following thread explains the position of Isa (Jesus) (peace be upon him) in ISLAM: http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41420

There are more "Learning ISLAM (LI)" threads in the "Lounge" section on pages 40-44.

You may learn more about ISLAM at the following website:
http://islamqa.com/en

 

[palestine]

glad it worked out sis! that's really a great news!! MashaAllah it's true that Allah does not forsaken his servants. Alhamdulillah.

 

[Almeftah]

[Al-Hujraat 49]Only those are the believers who have believed in Allâh and His Messenger, and afterward doubt not but strive with their wealth and their lives for the Cause of Allâh. Those! They are the truthful. (15) Say: "Will you inform Allâh of your religion While Allâh knows all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth, and Allâh is All-Aware of everything. (16) They regard as favour to you (O Muhammad SAW) that they have embraced Islâm. Say: "Count not your Islâm as a favour to me. Nay, but Allâh has conferred a favour upon you, that He has guided you to the Faith, if you indeed are true. (17)

[Al-Maeda 5]Allâh will bring a people whom He will love and they will love Him; humble towards the believers, stern towards the disbelievers, fighting in the Way of Allâh, and never fear of the blame of the blamers. That is the Grace of Allâh which He bestows on whom He wills. And Allâh is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knower. (54) Verily, your Walî (Protector or Helper) is none other than Allâh, His Messenger, and the believers, - those who perform As-Salât (Iqâmat-as-Salât), and give Zakât, and they are Rakiun (those who bow down or submit themselves with obedience to Allâh in prayer). (55) And whosoever takes Allâh, His Messenger, and those who have believed, as Protectors, then the party of Allâh will be the victorious.[] (56)

Non-muslims have a reason to fear us, because we have Allah by our side. But we have no reason to fear anything or anyone else but Allah.

 

[Riyadhus]

Salaam Sister,

I think it is alright to visit her grandparents during Christmas. I'm sure your intention is not to celebrate the event but more of bringing your daughter so that they can see her. Every year my christian friends would invite me for Christmas and even prepared (halal) food and gifts for me but when I visit them, my intention is to be with them. Allah knows best.

Wasalam
Sister Asha

 

[slaveofAllah88]

Salaam everyone,

Probably going to ruffle some feathers with my viewpoint... but I feel it's always important to hear different angles.
I reverted a month ago. I told my mother and one of the first things she asked me was if I was coming home for Christmas. I told her "yes." Then she asked what I would do when I have children. At the time I wasn't for sure... but I know now. At first I was leaning towards not going any where near my mothers around the holidays. But I now know that I will take my children to visit their Grandmother during HER holiday.

I know that if my mother wanted to come and visit me during Eid, I would be overjoyed that she wanted to know about my new holiday. I think that just because you are in the same room as people during Christmas doesn't mean that you are celebrating it with them. I think that it is showing that you are acknowledging that it is a special day for THEM and you're showing tolerance. I will teach my children about Christmas and other holidays, and why we do not celebrate them... but it is okay to share the joy of special occasions. They will be encountered with people of all faiths and having knowledge of others' customs and beliefs can only break down barriers. I also feel that if you bring your children up in a strong foundation of Islam, going over to grandma's house while she decorates her Christmas Tree and then you eat some turkey with her and maybe play some scrabble... it's not going to stray you away. It will only teach that people with differences can still live amongst each other and enjoy.

Of course I know there is the whole pagan/Christmas thing... but the fact is... Christianity and Christmas are not going away. Just because someone celebrates it doesn't make them bad... So we have to learn how to live together. What better way than through knowledge and observation. We all know that if people would gain knowledge and observe some traditions of Islam... people may not convert, but they definitely wouldn't be so afraid of it.

Thank You sister, I would just like to add good deeds are based on your intentions so as long your intentions are clear then what is said is true, but i might have to disagree with the whole eating turkey and decorating christmas tree, first of all Turkey shoud be halal ... you need to make sure of that, and I feel like if your decorating christmas tree that is a part of the holiday. and since christmas is totally based on getting gift ... your kids might feel like christmas is more fun since they get so many gift ... just be careful of that .. This is just my opinion from what I see at christmas if i go to someone's house not to attend christmas but just passing by.
Otherwise Allah (swt) knows best
:salam2: