Possibly the worst day of my life

[ShahnazZ]

:salam2: I hope you're all doing well,

I'm so broken up right now I have no idea how I'm going to write about this but I guess coming out with it right away is the only way. Barely 3 hours ago, my father issued 3 talaqs to my mother and told her to leave the house. I hated seeing my mother so broken up as no one likes to see their mother crying over the end of a 23-year marriage. She really is the most religious woman I know and she knew that she could no longer stay a minute longer in this house because she was now technically no longer his wife. So while my brother, sister, and I clung together, we watched her brother come to pick her up (he had no idea what was going on). I originally wanted to go with her but my sister wanted to see if we could try to reason with our father.

I truly believe the damage has been done. 3 talaqs are what it takes and he repeated them one after the other. Yes, he was angry but he was in his right mind and I'm guessing this is definitely equalling a divorce. Although I have a million complaints against him my main question now is: What do we do now? I mean I'm 21 so it's not like I can't handle my parents splitting up but where does my mother go? My father refuses to leave the house and he made it clear he doesn't want her to come back. Even if he regrets saying that in the morning (which he might), the fact that he issued 3 talaqs is now fixed and he can't take it back. And no she's not going to marry someone else just so that she can marry him again. So what do we do? Who do me and my siblings stay with? Where does my mother go? The only relief I get out of this is the fact that this is happening to me now and not when I was a child because then I would have been inconsolable. As an adult, a small part of me is broken but a larger part of me understands that it was inevitable.

In the end it's just Allah for us and I pray he takes care of both of them. :tti_sister:

 

[Faisal_01]

:salam2: I hope you're all doing well,

I'm so broken up right now I have no idea how I'm going to write about this but I guess coming out with it right away is the only way. Barely 3 hours ago, my father issued 3 talaqs to my mother and told her to leave the house. I hated seeing my mother so broken up as no one likes to see their mother crying over the end of a 23-year marriage. She really is the most religious woman I know and she knew that she could no longer stay a minute longer in this house because she was now technically no longer his wife. So while my brother, sister, and I clung together, we watched her brother come to pick her up (he had no idea what was going on). I originally wanted to go with her but my sister wanted to see if we could try to reason with our father.

I truly believe the damage has been done. 3 talaqs are what it takes and he repeated them one after the other. Yes, he was angry but he was in his right mind and I'm guessing this is definitely equalling a divorce. Although I have a million complaints against him my main question now is: What do we do now? I mean I'm 21 so it's not like I can't handle my parents splitting up but where does my mother go? My father refuses to leave the house and he made it clear he doesn't want her to come back. Even if he regrets saying that in the morning (which he might), the fact that he issued 3 talaqs is now fixed and he can't take it back. And no she's not going to marry someone else just so that she can marry him again. So what do we do? Who do me and my siblings stay with? Where does my mother go? The only relief I get out of this is the fact that this is happening to me now and not when I was a child because then I would have been inconsolable. As an adult, a small part of me is broken but a larger part of me understands that it was inevitable.

In the end it's just Allah for us and I pray he takes care of both of them.

:salam2:

I'm sad to read what has happend to your, and your mother. I'll keep you in my prayers. May Allah guide your family and your self to happines, amen.

 

[palestine]

asalamu alaykum brother/sister. i really don't know what to say. i'm just heartbroken for your family. i hope that thinks turn out well inshaAllah. Just this morning a man's wife died, and i can't tell you how heartbroken i am for him and his children. I wish that your mom and dad wouldn't have divorced, but what has happened, has happened. Just try and console your brothers and sisters and keep trying to reason with your dad. Life is full of obstacles and we just have to be patient. I know it sounds easy and it isn't and i really wish i could help you and your siblings, but i don't know how. and i'm not that religious to answer your questions. May your mother's heart recover and your family back to together for good inshaAllah. just hold on tight and inshaAllah i'll try to find the answers to your questions. May Allah heal all of your hearts. May Allah help you, heal you, and restore your family together. To me it seems that the kids should be with their mother since she is 3x more preferred than the father. and since paradise lies under her feet. don't listen to me. i'll get back with the answers as soon as i get them inshaAllah. asalamu alaykum.

 

[sajjuaiah]

BE PATIENT

As-salaam Alaikum,

I am shock to hear that, very sad. :astag:

May Allah save all of us from such event.


Please be patient : Allah loves the one with patient.

Sura Al-Baqarah , Ayat 214
do ye think that ye shall enter the gardin of bliss without such trials as came to those who passed away before you? they encounterd suffreing and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the messenger and those of faith who where with him cried ''when will come the help of allah? Ah verily, the help of allah is allways near.

"Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in
goods, lives, and the fruits of your toil. But give glad tidings to those who
patiently persevere. Those who say, when afflicted with calamity, 'To Allah we
belong, and to Him is our return.' They are those on whom descend blessings
from their Lord, and mercy. They are the ones who receive guidance." (2:155-157)

:tti_sister:

May Allah help you to the best.

 

[nyerekareem]

:salam2:

dear brother or sister in islam. always remember that with every difficulty comes relief. be patient, think positvely, make du'a , inshallah everything will work out fine. if the divorce stays, always remember that we always have to accept the will of ALLAH SWT.

 

[palestine]

she's a sister everyone. i just checked. sorry shahnaz. didn't mean to offend anyone.

 

[samiha]

:salam2:

I hope Allah makes things easy for you. It's going to be some hard times.

Just remember that even though there may be problems and down times, there will also be good times, and maybe there is some khayr behind it.

For every hardship there are two eases, so sister dont fret.

As for the Divorce, I've read that three talaqs at one time is Bid'ah...however now that he has given them, I'm not sure which status she would be at. I do not think... it is revocable, but it depends on opinion. So Allahu 'Alem... but May Allah help you, your mother and your whole family. Ameen.

wasalam

 

[ShahnazZ]

Thank you so much everyone. It's okay Palestine, I'm not offended lol. I know alot of people reading my name don't know if it's masculine or feminine but it's feminine. Samiha, I heard the same thing but I heard it's still valid. It's just not the right way of doing it but I read that it still counts. Believe me I've been researching it all night and there are no loopholes. I'm sure my mother will contact our alim tomorrow to get his opinion on the whole thing and then we will know more. But as of now, we're just torn over this.

Please keep us in your prayers.

 

[al-fajr]

Unity is strength

:salam2: sis

I dont know much in the way of marriage and divorce rules etc...

You and your siblings really need to stick together and inshAllah, things will work out, you said your father was angry...I guess this shows why anger is made haraam for us, epecially as you put he may well regret what he said.

That is really troubling... I will definitely think of you and remember you in Du'a. Im sorry I cant be of further assistance, I wish I could..

Thank you so much everyone. It's okay Palestine, I'm not offended lol. I know alot of people reading my name don't know if it's masculine or feminine but it's feminine. Samiha, I heard the same thing but I heard it's still valid. It's just not the right way of doing it but I read that it still counts. Believe me I've been researching it all night and there are no loopholes. I'm sure my mother will contact our alim tomorrow to get his opinion on the whole thing and then we will know more. But as of now, we're just torn over this.

Please keep us in your prayers.

 

[muhammad.abdullah]

Wait,,,,Listen

:salam2:

Hey sister listen, i am not gonna ask you how you are because i know. Come on everyone, doesn't anyone of you know about this issue in a bit more detail. Sister, to my knowledge the divorce is NOT complete. Look, you have to consult an aalim as i am not one and dont act on my behalf BUT, I know this little that you must give talaq one by one. You must let a period pass between each talaq. Even if your dad said it three times in a row at one time, it counts as only ONE. To my knowledge, it takes at least 3 months to proclaim a complete divorce. Sister, i am NOT LYING. Plus there are other conditions as well as to when you cant say talaq but i guess it will not be appropriate to write them here but let me tell you one of them in a manner, if your father and mother were expecting a baby, your dad cant divorce your mum even if he wanted to.

Dont let your home be broken. I am amazed that none on this forum has told you these facts yet. Its on YOU now, pray to Allah, see numerous aalims and tell them the complete conditions as it happened infront of you. As i should say sister, create a storm or more appropriately, start a campaign. Don't let this separation happen. Plz, i am so upset now, scare your father of what would happen if the 3 of you didnt have your mother, in a way that he is not disrespected. I dont have the stamina to write all that i want to and tell you about what could be done. BUT DONT LET IT HAPPEN and if ALLAH wills, it will not happen.

Your father might come to his senses in a few days, give him 2-3 days to cool down and oh! your mum still is his wife, there was no point in her going away right away. Anyhow, what is done is done, consult the scholars, i have pointed you in the right direction by the command of Allah. If there is something i can do more for you let me know.

Here is something you might wana listen to.
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=36580&ln=eng&txt=three divorces
Read the WHOLE THING TO THE END PLZ! Dont make assumptions by reading just the start.

Here is another one, again, read to the end.
http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=96194&ln=eng&txt=three divorces

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

23 years is a long time. Husbands and wives are so dear and close to each other that they are at times worse than children. Do not dwell so much on it. Let the hot heads cool their tempers. Let some fresh air come into the home. We will Insha'Allah make dua for them. I pray that someone with sense will assist the family.
In all honesty, dear sister, your father will not be able to find the kitchen and bathroom without your mother. Let your mother have a day or two to relax. I am not jesting. I know how silly men can be.
Please recite the Quran at home. Please do not allow the family to get focused on the negative and do not take sides...we are with you.

 

[arabiantxn]

:salam2:

I too am shocked to hear this. One must remember that your father said talaq three times out of sheer anger and failed to realize the implications and your mothers leaving in the midst of his anger. Inshallah every thing will clam down and he will realize what he has done that said what you can do is try to console each other of your siblings and also reason out and show your how important a wife and a mother is in the house hold . you also want to involve good family members who you can trust and intervene also if your father goes to the mosque that you might want to contact him as well but make sure you contact some one with rational and reason and believe us we will surely pray for you and your parents may Allah unite them together and save all of us from such.

 

[croatian/jewconv]

here i like this verse
it helps me sometimes

Surah 94:
Al-Inshirah (Solace, Consolation, Relief)

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

1. Have We not expanded thee thy breast?- elem nashrah leke sadrak

2. And removed from thee thy burden-wa wadaanaa aanke wizrak

3. The which did gall thy back?-aladi anqada tahrak

4. And raised high the esteem (in which) thou (art held)?warafana leke dhikrak

5. So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:Fa inne ma' el usri yusra

6. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.iinne ma' el usri yusra

7. Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labour hard, Fa idha faraghta fansab

8. And to thy Lord turn (all) thy attention.wa ile rabbike farghab

 

[lightheartgr8hop]

insallah shahnazz thigs gets better for you,we all have in life good and bad things happens what we do is be patient and try our best for our family.there is plenty family having same problems.you are a human and i like to share your sadness and i am sorry for you.sometimes life like a sea you through something in it it loose and never come back,sometimes you put something in it it stays top of it and you can see.that sea sometimes goes with wave and can be dangerous,sometimes it can be smooth so you can think everything fine.please try to be patient insallah your dad and your mum will find the solution,when you need a friend we all brothers and sisters can be beside of you.try to be strong and keep duah to ALLAH.

 

[ShahnazZ]

:salam2: Everyone,

Thank you all so much for your kind words. You have no idea how much of a strength you all are to me in this time and I thank you all for your prayers. Mirajmom, you have no idea how right you are. My dad absolutely CANNOT take care of himself without her as she is always doing everything for him. Muhammad.abdullah, I don't know what to say to you. God bless you so much, brother. I read the links you sent me and they were actually a great source of comfort to me but we still have yet to hear from another alim today. All the alims we contacted are hesitant about declaring it a solid divorce and they all want us to contact other alims as well lol.

Well, color me not so shocked this morning when I wake up to see my father practically PANICKING without my mother. I had called her as soon as I had woken up and he came into my room and told me to tell her to come back. He was willing to leave if she wasn't comfortable with his presence in the house but he wanted her to come back. He deeply regrets what he said and was on the phone with our alim this morning. The issue now is that my mother is saying he issued her 3 talaqs whereas my father is now insisting he only issued 1. Despite this, he said it was out of anger and that he didn't mean it and he wants her to come back. However, my mother still refuses to return until the alims give us their opinion on the matter.

Thank you all again and please pray for us.

 

[arabiantxn]

hello

:salam2: alhumdurllah i am soo happy to hear that your parrents are planning to get back alhumdurllah ,alhumdurllah you don't know how happy i am getting hearing this now you need to tell your mother that the alims are telling this and your father is telling this and you all siblings want her back. really force her you are her kids you have great influence. but anyways i am so happy.

 

[aisha-uk]

Salam Alaikum

Alhamdulillah ur parents are willing to give it another try.. May Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala give them strength and sabr, to carry on, InshaAllah

 

[TheHumbleWun]

Salaam,

Alhamdulillah - your dad is trying reconcile things. It is very important that no matter which alim you speak with, that you mention your father said the talaqs in a state of anger, especially since he is now regreting it. I believe this will have a deciding factor. Please check and let us know.

Talaq (divorce) should not be said in anger. Shaytan controls a person in anger. During such moments, he is unable to think and comprehend when he issues a talaq. Issuing talaqs whilst in anger is neither manliness nor power. On the contrary, a strong person is he who controls himself when in anger. It is mentioned in a Hadith,"The powerful person is not he who overpowers others, but the powerful person is he who restrains himself when angry."

 

[ShahnazZ]

Thank you for all the encouragement but I don't know anything about their wanting to reconcile yet because we're still waiting for another alim to let us know and I'm just worried he's going to say it counts as an official talaq. Most people usually think that the issuing of 3 talaqs counts as an official talaqs regardless of how it's said and I just hope he doesn't discount the links I just read posted by brother Muhammad.abdullah. I already called my mother and told her about them but she still wants to hear what he will say and I just hope he doesn't still say it's an official talaq. There's also the situation of my father saying he only said it once whereas my mother's saying he said it thrice. And she won't return unless she knows its completely halal for her to.

 

[flamingo1]

Asalam Aleykum warah'matullah
Sister i want you to know that there are many women who are being abused by their husbands (which Islam does not permit) If this is your famly's case then it may be the best for your mom/family, and if it's not show dad that your old enough to discuss this matter with both him and mom, show him that he needs his wife and so does mom. And the other thing bring mom home and let her cook dad's best meal ( this may calm dad) they say that there two things that feed a man.......
Allah knows best