is it ok to not marry???
i really dont want to anymore
Salam
2 points from me...
While the general American population has the world's highest divorce rate, 48.6 percent, Muslims in the United States come in not too far behind at 33 percent. One in three Muslims marriage here will end in divorce- not surprising considering we are living in a "divorce culture" where independence and individual happiness often come first.
Unfortunately, Kuwait is at 53% of marriages ending in divorce (I think part of the reason is that the Kuwait government gives a lot of money to Kuwaitis when they get married, so many young people get married, take the money, and get divorced. The reason I think that is because of the number of marriages that do not even last a year and produce no children, yet they still get the money - it is like $20,000 they get) - and Kuwait is basically a Muslim country. :-( You can blame the west all you want, but Kuwait isn't in the west - they are doing this themselves.
POint 2 - about interracial marriages (I am in one):
I think it was rightly said that it is a combination of things - was it DianeK who said that if the couple was interracial but grew up in the same culture or faith it seems easier? I totally agree with that. Every step of difference between the spouses will make the marriage more difficult. And it seems to be the small things that make life more difficult. ONe story - my husband's sister recently had a baby boy (little Mohammad is so cute, Masha'Allah!) - I knit hand-made baby blankets. I said I will make one for little Mohammad as a baby gift. He was like NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT - it would look like we were not able to afford to get her a "real" gift (he got her a gold bracelet)! I was very confused because where I am from in the US, hand-made gifts are the most cherished. SO I am making the blanket and will just give it to her on some random day.
Same thing with my baked goods - I make delicious baked goods, but I can only take them when we go to my "western" friends - he won't let me bring home-made goods to his family homes, because "it just isn't done!".
This is just a small, tiny example, but it is a difference between us that ocassionally makes us crabby with each other!
Also, I DID move to Kuwait and accept a lot of the culture before I even met my husband in person (long story there for some other time!), so some of the "Kuwaiti" things, I already knew about, and if I did not accept some things, I was at least aware of them. And I had read up a whole bunch about Islam before moving to a Muslim country too, so I had that background knowledge (I am a voracious reader - does anyone on here have an Amazon Kindle? I am getting one this summer!)
But most days, the biggest problem my husband and I have is that we are both a bit lazy and getting a bit chubby - but at least we are sharing that experience! LOL!
Lana
I have come to a realization on the whole mixed-culture marriage thing. It's not about where you are from. It's about how closely you follow Islam. If you AND your husband/wife are living based upon Allah's rules, there will not be a problem of culture. The reason for this is that the woman will do everything she can to make her husband happy, while being happy inside herself, and following the rules of conduct listed in the Qur'an. The husband will also be following Allah's rules, and will be sensitive to the needs of his wife and patient and understanding with her. If you have a wife who is always trying to please her husband, and a husband who is sensitive, kind, and forgiving, then any problems your marriage might encounter can and WILL be resolved. When you let culture (Arab or American or European or whatever) dictate your behavior, instead of Allah and his Book, your marriage will fail- or at least be verrrrrry difficult.
yeh i know..ive been put off...i always wanted to marry into a different culture aswell...wanted to mix up the world a bit lol....but know i feel i just dont want to....isnt it possible to just stay this way...im happy and i dont wanna cause any trouble in my life alhamdulilah
:salam2:
A Mistake Worth its Weight in GoldOne of the Salaf entered a field, hungry and tired, so he wanted to eat, and his stomach was 'rumbling'. He saw an apple tree, and picked an apple to eat. He ate half of it under the protection of Allah, then he drank from the river near the field. After that, he suddenly realised that he was not aware of what he did due to his hunger, and thought to himself: Woe to you! How can you eat someone else's provision without permission. In remorse he was determined not to leave the place until he found the owner of the garden, and confess to him that he had eaten his provision without his permission. He looked around and saw a house and went up to the door and knocked on it.
From the Original Arabic Piece by Adel bin Muhammad al-Abdul 'Aalee
Translated by Abu Dujanah
The owner came out and asked him what he wanted.
The Salaf said: "I was hungry and entered your garden and took this apple and ate half of it, then I remembered it was not mine, and I came to beg you to forgive me for this mistake."
The man replied, "I will not forgive you except on one condition?"
So the Salaf asked (and he is Thaabit bin Nu'maan), "What is your condition?"
The owner of the garden said: "I want you to marry my daughter."
The honourable Salaf without hesitation said: "yes, I will marry her". The father of the girl then said: "I want you to know that my daughter is blind and cannot see, dumb and cannot speak, deaf and cannot hear."
The revelation shocked Thaabit bin Nu'maan and thoughts flashed through his mind - what a disaster - what's he going to do? Then he remembered that the trials and tribulation he has to endure by accepting this woman as his wife, and taking care of her and serving her is better for him than to eat the food (sadeed) of hellfire due to the fact that he had eaten the apple without permission. He also realised that if he did not make amends, his days in the dunya are numbered. So he promised to marry the girl, and prayed for forgiveness and reward from Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.
The day of marriage came, and the man was nervous and very worried: "How will I enter upon a woman who does not speak, see, or hear?!" What a dilemma, and he wished the earth would swallow him before that happened ( i.e. going the wedding ceremony), but he remembered Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala and said: "Laa Hawla wa laa quwata illa billah, wa inna lilah wa inna ilayhi raji'oon." He went off to the wedding ceremony and when he arrived, his future bride stood up and greeted him, saying, "Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu."
When he saw her, it took his breath away and remembered what he had imagined of the hoor il-'ayn in paradise. Gaining his composure, he blurted out: "What is this? So you speak, see, and hear." Thaabit bin Nu'maan then informed her what her father had to told him.
She gave him the most beautiful smile and said: "My father spoke the truth and he didn't lie."
"But why did he tell me things about you which are untrue?
She replied, "My father said I am dumb, because I have never said a word which displeases Allah, nor have I ever spoken to a man whom it is not permissable to speak to. [He said] I am deaf, because I have never sat it in a place where malicious backbiting, gossip or tale-telling takes place. [He said] I am blind because I have never looked at a man who was not permissable for me to look."
So ponder how Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala united this pious woman to this pious man.!!
Assalamualaikum
Dear Sister, I would like to begin by agreeing to what the other Brothers and Sisters said about implementing Islam in your life and putting culture second.
I, myself, am not married. But, I have certainly seen many marriages, what breaks them and what has held them together for many many years.
You shoulnt be put off by people's stories. What people may be expriencing is not what you might experience. People's stories should be an example for you, not a put off. You should learn from their examples and mistakes and either implement them in your life, or avoid them.
The main thing in marriage or in any dealings where there is a second person involved, is sacrifice. As a woman, who might have spent her life before marriage doing things that please her, after marriage, she should come to the stage where she does everything, solely for her partners happiness. If she does something for her husband, she should not have to remind him over and over that she has did it for him. Men get irritated and are very sensitive. It shouldnt get to the point where everything we do tests our husbands patience.
I hope I have not offended or upset you in anyway.
Assalamualaikum
No rather you should sit back and let them take advantage of all your work and "pleasing" nature.......EQUAL EQUAL EQUAL division of work and chores....and I am sorry, I know of NO women who think that their whole worth and happiness is wrapped up in SERVING their husband.....Just as no man gets pleasure and happiness out of catering and trying to live to "please" his wife......you can't sacrifice and sacrifice and not receive back otherwise resentment WILL happen and especially for those of you who are in arranged marriages, why would you want to please a man you didn't chose for yourself? All this selfless female crap is bull, women, you can't tell me that you never feel overlooked or unappreciated. Just admit to it.....and for western women married to foreign men you KNOW it is not easy to handle their habits around the house and the fact that usually they know NOTHING about cars or tools or yardwork.........they lack the knowledge and skills our fathers had and that drives me NUTS!
:salam2: sister dianek
you sound like you are talking about your own experience... you can't generalize to all.... in general, when either of the partners show care and try to please the other, the other partner would respond in a similar matter... no doubt, there are "bad husbands and wifes"... lets keep looking at the big picture, this whole life is a test... our wife/husband/kids/etc can be a test for us... one would need to practice patience, and those are the winners
Salam
No rather you should sit back and let them take advantage of all your work and "pleasing" nature.......EQUAL EQUAL EQUAL division of work and chores....and I am sorry, I know of NO women who think that their whole worth and happiness is wrapped up in SERVING their husband.....Just as no man gets pleasure and happiness out of catering and trying to live to "please" his wife......you can't sacrifice and sacrifice and not receive back otherwise resentment WILL happen and especially for those of you who are in arranged marriages, why would you want to please a man you didn't chose for yourself? All this selfless female crap is bull, women, you can't tell me that you never feel overlooked or unappreciated. Just admit to it.....and for western women married to foreign men you KNOW it is not easy to handle their habits around the house and the fact that usually they know NOTHING about cars or tools or yardwork.........they lack the knowledge and skills our fathers had and that drives me NUTS!