Relationship before Marriage

AE-L

New Member
:salam2:

This is not actually for me, the reason why is I am trying to tell my Friends that any Relationship before Marriage is Unacceptable/Haram. In my Country this spreads so quick and many have lost their Virginity due to Relationship.

I already know that we Muslims should "Lower our Gaze and Protect our Private Parts", "No Free Mixing/Mingling between the opposite Sex", and the such and more.

The thing is Majority of People here don't care to follow the rules of being a Muslim. They do what they like and in the end regret.

My real question is, how do I approach and tell them gently and nice as I can be? (I tried already but need more opinion) Most are Sensitive when it comes to talking about Religious.

And another question, is it True that none can Marry whosoever is in a Boy/Girlfriend Relationship now? Even for Marriage proposal? And if they do get Married knowing it is Haram will they be cursed by Allah?

"It is not permissible for a woman to form a relationship with any man who is a stranger (non-mahram) to her, even if her intention is to get married, because Allaah has forbidden being alone with a non-mahram member of the opposite sex". I found this interesting.

Please help me on this.
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
:wasalam:,

may Allah reward u for ur concern.

bro, the first thing is tawheed. tell them more and more about Allah and His rights. His blessings and His punishment. once the heart understands Him, love and fear Him, duties becomes easy.

then tell them about pillars of Islam. when muslims nowadays dont care about salah and zakaat, how they will care about mingling with opposite gender?

why cant a boyfriend-girlfriend marry? why will a marriage bond cursed by Allah if they are muslims? but they will be asked about pre-marital relationship.

the words u wrote in quotes does not seem to be hadith. can u tell its source?
 

Yusbiq

New Member
sincerety In Islam

:salam2:
we all need to understand the fact that islam is not a matter of jok or fun, it is a matter of the eternel life, hence we must be sincere in all ouy dealings covertly and overtly. as whatever we do today shows and count in our records tomorrow for jugdment, so lets' be sincere.
Ramadan is here and the doors of forgiveness is thrown widely open and that of reward and janah ery close by. may make one those to receive His mercy.
 

AE-L

New Member
Thanks for the replies, they do know about the pillars of Islam including the blessings and punishment of Allah.

We born Muslims here do pray salat and give Zakat but behaviour is disturbing (some know the sins but act nothing is wrong) and taking the reality lightly. We all make mistakes I accept.

I am just worried. It's hard to even have a conversation with them, talking about Football, latest gadget and on rarely Islamic talk.

What I meant about the marriage is, we muslims know having premarital relationship is not permissble. I was trying to say they know it's haram but still get married (Let's say without repentance). Is this not wrong? (Just asking btw)

The last quote I got is rare. Leading to my question [Above]. I can't remember the source, *!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!? I totally forgot sorry. :frown:
 

revert2007

Love Fishing
Assalamualikum.
Well brother this problem among youth is everywhere. This is the sign of Qiyamat as what prophet Muhammad pbuh described.

“Among the signs of the Hour are that knowledge will be taken away, ignorance will be widespread, Zina and wine-drinking will be widespread.” [Bukhari].

All we can do is to make dua that we are not one of them. If we want to do dawah to fornicators, it takes a huge patience as these people will not hasitate to talk bad.

They do know tawheed and they do know it is forbidden in Islam yet their imaan is too weak to control the temptation from syaitan.

The best way is to make them realise that death is too near and tell them the punishment in hell for fornicators and Allah's wrath against sinners who did not repent.

Keep on reminding them by using quranic verses which suits their situation. Use hadith as well. You also should make dua for them so that Allah may give hidayah to them one day in sha Allah.

Before that, make sure they pray 5 times. When their prayer is not perfect, the rest of their behaviour won't be perfect as well.

Invite them to mosque.Let them join any Islamic activity. When they have love for Allah, they will abandon what is forbidden in sha Allah.

You can't straight away change them .You have to begin from their heart. They have some kind of "lock" in their heart and you must try to remove it before you could do further steps in sha Allah.

It might take a long time and you need great sabr/patience.

Indirect way is the best. Everyday put thoughts to their mind.


Allah knows the best.
Assalamualikum
 

Abu Talib

Feeling low
:salam2:
And another question, is it True that none can Marry whosoever is in a Boy/Girlfriend Relationship now? Even for Marriage proposal? And if they do get Married knowing it is Haram will they be cursed by Allah?
.

Assalam alaykum

Ramadaan Kareem to you firstly. May Allaah Azza Wa Jal accept our fast and Ibaadah.

Please see below a fatwa on the same question.

I am deeply in love with a Muslim man and want to marry him. I know that Allah forbids girlfriend-boyfriend relationships, and feel very sorry in my heart for our relationship. I feel that because we have been in this relationship which is abhorred by Allah, he will never marry me because he has lost respect for me. What does the Quaran say about this?

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25]

In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“Muhsanaat [translated as “chaste”] means that they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful sexual conduct), hence they are described as not being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them. Regarding the phrase wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan (‘nor taking boyfriends’), Ibn ‘Abbaas said: ‘al-musaafihaat means those who are known to commit zinaa, meaning those who will not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them.’ Ibn ‘Abbaas also said: ‘muttakhidhaati akhdaan means lovers.’ A similar interpretation was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, Mujaahid, al-Sha’bi, al-Dahhaak, ‘Ataa’ al-Khurasaani, Yahyaa ibn Abi Katheer, Muqaatil ibn Hayyaan and al-Saddi. They said: (it means) lovers. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: ‘It means a (male) friend.’ Al-Dahhaak also said: ‘wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan also means a woman who has just one boyfriend or lover with whom she is happy. Allaah has also forbidden this, meaning marrying her so long as she is in that situation…’”

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Made lawful to you this day are al-tayyibaat [all kinds of halaal (lawful) foods…]. The food of the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due mahr (bridal money given by the husband to the wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith, the fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.” [al-Maa’idah 5:5]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“Muhsineen ghayr musaafiheen wa laa muttakhidhi akhdaan (‘desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends’). Just as Allaah imposed the condition of chastity on women, meaning that they refrain from zinaa, so it is also imposed on men. The man must also be pure and chaste. So they should be ghayr musaafiheen, meaning they should not be adulterers who do not refrain from sin and do not refuse any who come to them (for immoral purposes). Nor should they be muttakhidhi akhdaan, meaning those who have girlfriends or female lovers with whom they have an exclusive relationship, as quoted above from Soorat al-Nisaa’. (The one with many lovers or the one with just one lover) are both the same. For this reason Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him) said that it is not right to marry a promiscuous woman unless she has repented, or to arrange a marriage of such a woman to a chaste man, so long as she is still conducting herself in this manner. Similarly, he (Ahmad) says that it is not right for a promiscuous man to marry a chaste woman unless he repents and gives up his immoral conduct, because of this aayah… We will discuss this matter in further detail after quoting the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.” [al-Noor 24:3]

Among the stories that show that it is forbidden to have girlfriends or to marry them is the story of Marthad ibn Abi Marthad, who used to smuggle Muslim prisoners-of-war from Makkah to Madeenah. There was a prostitute in Makkah, called ‘Anaaq, who had been a friend of Marthad’s. Marthad had promised to take one of the prisoners from Makkah to Madeenah. He said: “I came to the shade of one of the gardens of Makkah on a moonlit night, then ‘Anaaq came and saw my shadow by the garden. When she reached me, she recognized me and said: ‘Marthad?’ I said, ‘Marthad.’ She said: ‘Welcome! Stay with us tonight.’ I said, ‘O ‘Anaaq, Allaah has forbidden zinaa (unlawful sexual relations)’ … I came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, should I marry ‘Anaaq?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) remained silent and did not answer me at all, until the aayah ‘Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman; to the Believers such a thing is forbidden’ [al-Noor 24:3 – Yusuf ‘Ali’s translation] was revealed. Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘O Marthad, Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman, so do not marry her.’”

(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 3101; he said: it is a hasan ghareeb hadeeth).

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Maghfal reported that there was a woman who had been a prostitute during the days of ignorance (before Islam). A man passed by her, or she passed by him, and he touched her. She said: “Stop it! (Mah! A word connoting a rebuke or denunciation). Allaah has done away with shirk and had brought Islam.” So he left her alone and went away, still looking at her, until he walked into a wall, hitting his face. He came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him what had happened. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You are a man for whom Allaah wishes good. When Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, wishes good for His slave, He hastens the punishment for his sin, so that it is dealt with before the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by al-Haakim, 1/349, who said this hadeeth is saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 308).

These aayaat and ahaadeeth clearly indicate that it is haraam (forbidden) for men to have any kind of friendship or relationship with non-mahram women (women to whom they are not closely-related and to whom they could get married). The evil consequences and misery caused by such relationships are obvious to anyone who observes real life. A similar question has been asked under #2085. We ask Allaah to keep us far away from that which is forbidden, to protect us from all that may earn His wrath and to keep us safe from a painful punishment. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/1114/girlfriend
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

We need to be careful that we do not label. We can not automatically assume that all male-female relationships are sexual.

Islam is wisdom. Islam warns us of possible consequences and why and how we need to be careful.

One simple reason is a protracted relationship with the opposite sex makes desire become a fever. That is why Islam is quick about marriage.

I am concerned that the language used is blaming women. It takes two to tango.
 

ahmed_indian

to Allah we belong
What I meant about the marriage is, we muslims know having premarital relationship is not permissble. I was trying to say they know it's haram but still get married (Let's say without repentance). Is this not wrong? (Just asking btw)

:salam2:

the marriage will still be halaal. * of course if boy is muslim and girl is either muslim or from people of the book.*

but if they dont repent, they will be making their case weak in front of Allah on the Day of Judgment.
 

AE-L

New Member
:wasalam:

I see. Thanks for the response all of you. After extensive research I can finally tell them with the help of your answers.

Oh, while I was watching Youtube. I click to a video from a channel "OneWayToParadise", a lecturer Brother Abu Mussab Wajdi Akkari said "Relationship is a Man and a Woman. Furthermore there is no outside wedlock, there's no boyfriend girlfriend. If it's not under an official Islamic Marriage it's a one way ticket to Jahannam unless someone repents. Islam does not entertain extra marital relations or relations before marriage because this will destroy society." This completely answered my question after watching it.

I guess my topic is done. :jazaak:

May Allah guide us all and forgive our sins. Happy Ramadhan people and may you all be blessed.
 

TipuSultan

Banned
:astag:
dirty boys and girls,tell them for how long they will be young, 1 day they will grow old and when they look back at their youth they will be ashamed.

Allah Hu Akbar, glory to Allah who saves us from fitna of shaitan
 
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