Reverts to Islam: Lonely in a Crowd.

[sachin4islam]

Assalam Alaikum:

Reverts to Islam: Lonely in a Crowd.

Original Link: http://www.shawuniversitymosque.org/m/faq_qanda.php?id=10

When we hear that someone has entered Islam, we often ask .How did you accept Islam? . We also say Al hamdulilah (All praises are due to Allah alone) when someone says they have reverted to Islam, Right? These remarks show that we are heartened to see someone accepting the Truth!


Life is not easy for any believer. Life is a test!, a Jihad (struggle), for every believer whether you are a "born" Muslims or reverts to Islam.

As for reverts to Islam they undergo a great struggle. The moment they declare their faith (Islam), most of them lose their loved and dear ones. Their old friends refuse to accept their new lifestyle and new faith. Some of them tend to lose their family who are unable to digest the fact that they have embraced Islam. Whenever I hear a revert saying, "I love my parents so much… my family showered and lavished me with affection until I embraced Islam. My family’s attitude towards me is causing me much pain that sometimes I even think of leaving Islam, then Allah would shower His mercy on me that I would be reminded that this is a test and this World is just a temporary abode... and I would say 'I should not fail this test and Allah, The Most Merciful will shower His mercy and blessing on me and my family...'" The pain which, reverts to Islam undergo is something which cannot be felt unless we are in their shoes.


During this time it our duty as brothers and sisters in Islam to lush them with friendship, brotherhood, love, kindness, affection, etc. To the contrary we find some of our brothers and sisters in Islam (who are born into a Muslim family) cause our new brothers and sisters much ache in their heart, by being prejudiced, intolerant and proud.


I intended to write this essay after hearing about the treatment of our revert brothers and sisters in Islam by some of the "born" Muslims. I feel outraged to the core when I hear the spiteful attitude of these Muslims towards reverts to Islam. The new Muslims feel disheartened when they face this kind of behaviour.


I wonder how someone can neglect the brothers or sisters who reverted and consider them inferior.

Prophet [Salla Allaahu .alaihi wa sallam (May Allah peace and blessing be upon him)]
observed: Are you not aware of the fact that Islam wipes out all the previous (misdeeds)? Verily migration wipes out all the previous (misdeeds), and verily the pilgrimage wipes out all the (previous) misdeeds. [Collected by Muslim: Book 001, Number 0220]


I have heard and seen so many Muslims who are born into a Muslim family and raised as a Muslim collecting revert stories. When asked, "Why are you collecting these stories?" They would either reply, "We are curious to know how they found the truth and got the guidance?" and I have heard them saying, "Their reversion stories are truly inspirational and it helps us to boost our Iman (faith)..." The stories of reverts are published in Islamic magazines, Islamic newspapers, Islamic websites and sometimes a book is made out of these stories.



Why?

Because we know these brothers and sisters were not raised in a Muslim family and many would not have had met many Muslims before they reverted, yet they were still able to find the Truth and Guidance. This stirs curiosity in the minds of a raised Muslim or anyone, be it Muslim or non- Muslim, who is immersed and attracted to the "striking" lifestyle of the West. The influence of the west is so great on these Muslim that they tend to lose Islam. People become curious to know the reason why a person from the a non Islamic world, who was living in this "attractive" life of "freedom", suddenly is ready to forgo all his/her liberty and enter a religion which is considered to be irrational, extreme and oppressive. Thus, these revert stories (which are true life stories) act as a food to feed the curious mind.

---

Nobody is infallible except Allah (swt) and everybody would have committed some sins or the other knowingly or unknowingly in their lifetime. When Allah is ready to forgive, who are we judge anyone??


Mariam* 27 from Germany said, “ Seriously, I don't want to go to the Masjid. I find some Muslims are so intolerant towards us (reverts)..." She added, “I find them to be mean and spiteful. They are being so judgmental for the errors which I committed before I completely entered Islam...”


A renowned scholar, Sheikh Muhammad al-Jibaly said, “It is only to Allah to give final judgment in regard to any person. Anyone who takes it upon himself to do so would be overstepping his human boundaries, and may deserve Allah's punishment.”


The Prophet (saws) told that once a self-righteous man saw a sinner, he said: "By Allah, Allah will never forgive him. Allah then said, "Who are you who should dictate to Me what to do? Indeed, I have forgiven so-and so (the sinner), and demolished your deeds. "[Sahih Muslim no. 2621]

He (sheikh) further added: Righteous people are told to be merciful towards those who committed mistakes, even if their mistakes harmed them personally. During the fitnah of accusing Aaishah (ra) with zinaa, one of those who transmitted the falsehood was a poor relative of Abu Bakr (ra) that Abu Bakr used to give sadaqah. When Allah declared Aishah's (ra) innocence in His Book, Abu Bakr made an oath that he will never give any more help to that relative. He showed us a daleel (proof) from the Quran:

"Let not those of you with virtue and wealth swear not to give aid to the relatives, the needy, and the emigrants for Allah’s cause. Rather, let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.." [Soorat an-Noor 22]


As a Muslim, I love all my brothers and sister for the sake of Allah and it causes great pain to hear our brothers and sisters describing their experience as a Muslim after their reversion. Many reverts feel excluded and hurt by this kind of treatment.


One sister said, “I just dont feel lonely but excluded, when I am among Muslims. I would be sitting for hours listening to relatives talk in Urdu. They know I dont understand but still they continue to do that.”


I remember showing a sister an essay. It was an essay for the youth, which tells us that Allah is the Wali (Protector and Friend) to the believers. This essay was actually meant for the youth but this sister (revert) who is in her late thirties told me that this essay made her feel good Alhamdulilah! Why? Because she felt so lonely and barred after reverting and this essay made her realize that she should not accept anyone to be her friend and she is heartened to know that Allah is her Friend.


A brother who had accepted Islam few years’ back said, "I faced a lot of racism in Islam..." I wondered why he said that and then realized he said that because unfortunately the Muslims treated him that way. Then it was explained to him, "One cannot judge Islam based on Muslim's attitude. Because it looks like Muslims haven't submitted completely to the faith. We pick and choose what is convenient for us to follow and leave which is not convenient for us and our culture."


When Sr. Fathima* 42 from the USA was asked to describe the experience of her first
Ramadan, she said, "My first Ramadan was one of my most spiritual.... and was completed in the near total absence of Muslims. I hate to tell the story because I fear it sounds like bragging for having overcome some hardships, but I think it’s a sad commentary on where our community stands that the most spiritual Ramadan I had was done pretty much alone."

Sr. Lamina*, 26 from Chennai, a strong and bold new Muslimah says, "It is really sad to note that some Muslims are behaving like creeps. I started acquiring Islamic knowledge from the time I declared my faith. I witness so many unislamic cultural acts carried on by Muslim in the name of Islam. They tell me what I am doing is wrong and they know better because they are born Muslims. Just because I am new Muslim I have no right to voice the evils happening in the society in the name of Islam? She further ad," Didn’t the prophet say that everybody is born in state of fitrah (natural) and everybody are Muslims when they are born and it is only the way they are raised which makes him a person of another faith? ...Doesn't Islam insist on humility? "


Do these Muslims (who calls themselves born Muslims) know that almost all the Sahabah were reverts? Are they better than the Sahabah (reverts) in understanding and interpreting Islam (Quran and Sunnah)? It is such a pitiful situation that some of these "born" Muslims are corrupting Islam with their shameful and horrible attitude, which has no place in Islam.


This kind of behaviour made many Muslims say "Alhamdulilah! We found Islam before we met any Muslim."


But I would say it is heartening to see there are still many brothers and sisters in Islam who are conscious of Allah. They are like a source of warmth and haven for our new brothers and sister in Islam. They are ready to shower them with love, kindness, encouragement and brotherhood!


Islam is a religion of peace, tolerance and harmony but we see that this is lacking among us. It's so unfortunate that many reverts to Islam tend to leave Islam! Maybe if the community was more welcoming and supportive reverts to Islam would find it easier to stay on the straight path (Islam). These ugly stances by ignorant Muslims should be rejected and amended. Let us be conscious of behaviour towards anyone be it new Muslim, non-Muslim, children or servant. We will meet our Lord soon and let us strive to amend our ways before we meet our Lord.

*Names changed for privacy sake.

 

[Isra]

Wa alaikome salam

Jazakallah khairan for posting about this sensitive subject. I am a revert for more than one year now and alhamdulillah I havent encountered much predjudice or bad attitude from born Muslims and actually quite the contrary! I moved from the USA to a Muslim country in an effort to improve my own Islam and I have been greeted with enthusiasm and affection alhamdulillah!!!

I am one of the lucky ones to be blessed by Allah with this opportunity he has given me! I thank Allah each day for this blessing! I am currently learning how to read Arabic so that one day inshallah I will be able to read Quran in Arabic!

May Allah bless and reward you for posting this so that others may know what it feels like to be a revert when you are faced with problems from both sides......your own family and then the born Muslim community!

wa salam

 

[sachin4islam]

Assalam Alaikum: @Isra

You are lucky indeed to find an Islamic country to practice Deen of Allah. But there are many who are not able to move to a free environment to enter the faith completely. Specially those living in undeveloped countries with Muslims as minority.

Take care.

Allah Hafiz.

 

[trying2learn]

It is very difficult to sit with family when they are speaking another language. I went to my brother-in-laws house after the Eid prayer at the end of Ramadan and I was sitting in the dining room with all of my sister-in-laws and they were speaking arabic to eachother, knowing I do not speak arabic. They all speak english, except for one. I sat there waiting for someone to say something to me, but they did not. (This was after I expressed my deisre to be muslim to them). I got up from the table and went into the living room where my son was playing and I sat down. My brother-in-law came in and asked why I was not sitting with the women, and I told him it was because I was getting a headache from all the arabic, and no one was saying anything to me. He laughed and apologized for the women doing that, and he sat down and began telling me the basics of Islam. I feel so uncomfortable when we all get together and they start their conversation in arabic, I sit there, often times feeling like a dog waiting for someone to throw a scrap of food, I wait for a scrap of conversation. The worst thing is my husband does not translate at all for me, and I was never really able to converse with his mother (she spoke only arabic) then she passed away.

 

[faaraa]

Hm... some thing to think about..

JAZAKALLAHU KAHIR for sharing

FEE AMANILLAH

 

[Isra]

Assalam Alaikum: @Isra

You are lucky indeed to find an Islamic country to practice Deen of Allah. But there are many who are not able to move to a free environment to enter the faith completely. Specially those living in undeveloped countries with Muslims as minority.

Take care.

Allah Hafiz.

Wa alaikome salam I totally agree that I am very lucky with this blessing Allah has bestowed upon me but the entire first year after taking my shahada and the year before that when I was just studying Islam I was completely alone so in some way I really was able to identify with your original post as I did live in the USA during that time.

My biggest heartache now and what I struggle with on a daily basis is that none of my children are reverted even though they have seen the changes that took place inside of me since I became Muslim. I pray everyday for Allah to guide them but at this time none of them show any interest. Everything is in Allah's hands which I must keep telling myself and inshallah one day they will come to see the light. But for now all I am able to do is pray.

I did want to add that now living in the Muslim country and married to a Muslim man I also can identify with "Tryingtolearn" from South Carolina! I sit amoung the family of my husband who speak Berber mostly and some Arabic without understanding a word of what they are saying and my husband also rarely translates for me but unlike the women you sat with I never feel as if they are being rude or ignoring me. They try to talk to me and if they know that there is a word or two I have learned in Arabic or Berber they use it alot to try to speak to me in some way. Also it has been my goal to learn especially Arabic and that has been my intention even before coming here because I want to someday read Quran in Arabic inshallah. Its slow going but Ive only been here for 3 months now and I have really learned alot! I think if you do your best to try to show them that you are at least attempting to learn their language maybe it will warm their hearts and let them open up to you. In that way maybe they will look out for you more. I think that a positive attitude will ALWAYS succeed where as a negative one will most likely fail everytime.

May Allah forgive me if I have said something wrong.

wa salam

 

[alf2]

I am a revert as well, and the family thing has happened to me. My father is a Christian pastor, my oldest sister is a Christian marriage councelor. My other 2 siblings do not work in a religiou job but they are very religious.

Because of this, the only family member who is tolerant of me is my mother.

I am trying to start going to a Masjid to get into the community more, but honestly I'm so scared. I am not a social person very much. There are 2 Muslim girls in my entire city, and everyone knows them because they wear hijab and work at a major grocery store. I said salaams to one of them, and she just stared at me. That was painful because I was reaching out with a smile but no response at all.

I did not convert to Islam for the Muslims, I did it because I could not deny the truth of Allah (swt)

But some new-Muslims have very open minded and accepting families, and they have Muslim friends who they learned about Islam from. I've read many stories like that

 

[sachin4islam]

Assalam Alaikum Sis:alf2

Its true that our family members react differently to our reversion. When I reverted to Islam My Mom said she accepts my reversion and advised me to be firm and rigid in following Islam,meaning I should follow Islam 100%. My younger brother who is M.D in medicine is open minded. He even favors that I should offer prayers openly at home instead of concealing myself inside an isolated room for prayers. But my youngest brother is very religious and a staunch Hindu. He often warns me for following Deen of Allah. And above all my Dad says religion is an addiction makes one inhuman and intolerant towards other human beings. He is absolutely unaware of my Islamic identity.

Regards.

 

[ShahnazZ]

May Allah reward all of our revert brothers and sisters with Jannat ul Firdaus. Losing your family and friends is definitely the hardest thing for any individual and to have this happen to you simply because you decide to follow the Truth has to be the most painful thing in the world.

As for the rest of us "born" Muslims, I honestly think we take what we have for granted. We take our religion and the blessings that Allah Subhanu wa Ta'ala has given us for granted. We don't think about how every single day there are Muslims who lose these blessings simply because they weren't raised Muslim like we were. Instead we continue to complain, whine, and bicker, as well as think we know Islam best. We continue to add to the growing mountain of sins that our revert brother or sister just lost because they declared their Shahadah.

InshAllah, I for one will be on the lookout to be extra nice to any revert I come across. Alhamdulillah I already try to but now I'll try ten times more. Why? Because the status of these brothers and sisters is exalted as compared to ours and I personally want to learn from that. I want to learn about where they got the strength to give up everything they had for the Sake of Allah Subhanu wa Ta'ala. I personally don't know if I would have had that strength if I were in their positions.

One thing to consider for all those who think reverts are "inferior": All of us might want to thank Allah Subhanu wa Ta'ala for raising us upon the Deen. Why? Because this was His Mercy and He probably knew that we wouldn't be able to take the step that the revert brothers and sisters took. He probably knows that we would NOT be strong enough to choose the Truth and so He gave it to us. Alhamdulillah, we did not lose anything and all we have to do is simply follow the rules. But our revert brethren have to do that, lose their families and friends, AND face these ridiculous trials and tribulations that we create for them.

InshAllah, I hope articles like this continue to tell the story of reverts so that the rest of us can take heed and watch ourselves before we call anyone "inferior".

 

[zinirah]

Assalamu Alaikom,
I know how it feels to revert to Islam, and feel that everyone around you is rejecting you. Every seems to look at you differently like your some sort of weirdo. My parents are very religious Mennonite Christians. Eventually I have gotten used to it, and got used to people around me looking at me strange for becoming a Muslim. It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to when I first reverted, because I know Islam is the truth, and it didn’t matter to me what anyone says to me. Anyways I remember my first time attending a masjid, and being near Muslim sisters in person all the sisters acted very arrogant and strange around me. Most of them were either Arab or Pakistani so most of them didn’t even speak English. Even I remember seeing a Muslim girl at the store, and she just stared me down. Even after I said salam alaikom…lol..I was just like…okay then. I became a non social person after many different things that occured. I don’t like people much…hehe…just me and my cat. lol I I usually just keep to myself. I don’t mind having any friends. lol..Anyways I remember there was one sister who was nice to me and invited me to her home at a gathering and it was all women speaking Arabic to each other, and they know I don’t speak any Arabic. They would look at me a couple times. Then the lady who invited me would make me look stupid and said…oh! Oops forgot you can’t understand. Then she would translate a section of it, and all eyes were on me. Even someone laughed. Ever since I just don’t attend any gatherings with sisters. I rather speak to people who know English. Also I noticed that many sisters who are born Muslim assumed that I didn’t know anything about Islam and that I didn’t pray. They act like I am dumb…lol, because of this I stopped telling people I reverted to Islam.

 

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I read this and then watched this -

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Makes me upset to hear such prejudice thats a desease against Islam. Allah(swt) no doubt will question those that mistreated their fellow Muslim brothers and Sisters.

I am a born Muslim and will do my best to make my fellow brothers/sisters feel apart of the true Ummah Islam taught us to be.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

You do not have to be a revert to be isolated. But, as a revert you have the blessings of Allah. And that is what is important. Go to the masjid. Spend time with the angels of Allah. Grow in faith. Increase you iman. Each day you will become stronger. Allah subhana talla provides for Muslims. And it is the hereafter we are seeking. We are waiting for the Day that is Promised. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

 

[justoneofmillion]

:salam2:I think the problem characterizes a wider tendency in our communities todays and the person who wrote this article should inshallah open a little windows to perceive the bigger picture.It surely will make her feel better and less singularized and victimized in her role.It is ethnocentricism ,every side(I don t like the word) if we are deemed for the sake of the discussion to refer to them that way, thinks that it s costumes and ornaments that surround the faith,let s plainly say culture (in a very causcious way) are the most faithful to the principles,And tends to judge others according to the collective memory that they were raised in.

Some Arabs think they understand better than anyone else and than Indians,Asians,Africans and others have a certain debt towards them,they become very defensive and are very quick to ignore positive criticism.On the other hand some Indians,Asians ,Africans,think that all Arabs are all like their leaders and that they have lost the true sense of the meaning of Islam so they have no lesson to give to anybody on and so forth....these are just random examples .By doing so we forget the singularity of each individual the same goes for the different sects and people adhering to the teachings of some Scholars instead of Others we are very quick to call others ignorant,we are very good on calling others kaffirs and deviant in that we should get the every gold medal for the next hundred years in the takfir Olympics.We appropriate ourselves the mind of God.

We jump to conclusions.We have lost of sight the reflection we cause by accusing others of their difficency.We follow blindly we don t think.We dont observe that in the very creation itself is a huge revelation for us.Look at our hands as the saying goes when someone points a finger towards someone else four fingers are pointing back at him,Subhanallah!.

In the end to practically break the ice,i believe that we should breed it out by encouraging intercultural and interracial marriages,we are the generation that can make that effort.A lot of children of immigrants adopt the stance and attitudes of their parents who came as workers and had to find a way to organize into a diaspora,they were a few they had to adopt this defensive attitudes in order to feel home to still feel home in some way.We are not we are getting bigger everyday.We have to start to be on the offensive by contributing to the betterment of our societies.

This is very similar to what Allah swt says

[The Koran 2:170] When they are told, "Follow what GOD has revealed herein," they say, "We follow only what we found our parents doing." What if their parents did not understand, and were not guided?

Hence the Parents are not to blame., being a very tiny minority they had to somehow adopt a defensive and exclusive attitude to protect their deen it is a question of Darurat wal haja.This being said I don t think That culture As a whole is the main obstacle breeding prejudice and exclusion,because as history testifies, there would be no religion without culture and no culture without religion,as long as we keep in mind that culture is not religion and religion is not culture.We Should be on the right track.Inshallah

This kind of sectarian tendencies could be cured in my mind by coming back to a deeper sense of the universality of Islam that stresses upon that fact that just principles and noble ideals are to be promoted wherever they might come from,Islam leaves no place for genetic fallacy .Principles of justice,human rights ,charity and reciprocity are to be found in All cultures and in all religions,there is no need for the new Muslims to feel inferior them becoming Muslim is just a filtering process.

Muslims having an origin in Muslim majority as well have to go through this filtering process.All should be aware of that and work together among themselves and with other Muslims that we might not agree with or non Muslims beyond any difference of creed as long as it promotes the good(This doesn t mean that we have to give u our aqeeda!It is about being faithfull to principles beyond culture,spiritualities , beyond race. Acknowledging that our differences are wanted by Allah swt,And that he is the ultimate judge) .It might sound strange to you all but all these matters are so connected to the problem the "NEW"Muslims are facing.

Qur'an 49:13 Surah Al-Hujurat (The Inner Apartments)
O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).


In a sense if we wanna listen to Allah swt when he says

It is He, Who takes your souls by night (when you are asleep), and has knowledge of all that you have done by day [6:60], Then said,

[ثُمَّ يَبْعَثُكُمْ فِيهِ]
(then he raises (wakes) you up again,) by day

[اللَّهُ يَتَوَفَّى الاٌّنفُسَ حِينَ مِوْتِـهَا وَالَّتِى لَمْ تَمُتْ فِى مَنَامِـهَا فَيُمْسِكُ الَّتِى قَضَى عَلَيْهَا الْمَوْتَ وَيُرْسِلُ الاٍّخْرَى إِلَى أَجَلٍ مُّسَمًّى]
(It is Allah Who takes away the souls at the time of their death, and those that die not during their sleep. He keeps those (souls) for which He has ordained death and sends the rest for a term appointed.)[39:42]

Everyday We all are new Muslims. And it is our Action that make us fully remain as such .

Let s promote the good with one another,we could start by forgiving each others deficiencies from all sides.It is a baby step but it should help us polish our fitra with the brush of patience ,wisdom and remembrance of Allah swt, that we should have gained as responsible adults.Bi idni llah.And Allah swt knows best