Say No to Dowry.

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by abu_tamim, Jul 1, 2011.

  1. abu_tamim
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    abu_tamim Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    The disease of dowry is rampant in the Indian subcontinental Muslims. So much so that there is a going rate for Muslim grooms of various professions.


    :wasalam:
  2. kashif_nazeer
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    kashif_nazeer ~~~Alhamdulillah~~~

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    Yes,dear brother that is so true.Even amongst the so called "educated muslims",this disease is prevelant.In fact most of the marriage customs are hindu-ish,like jahalat has engulfed us from all sides.
    JazakAllah khayr for the reminder.

    :wasalam:
  3. queenislam
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    Must accept if given.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    :salam2:

    But brother,
    If insisted the effect groom must accept.I meant if were given by the bride ofcourse at her free will(what she can effort and not bearing her debt later) due to show her love and affection why not?
    :ma:

    ~Wassalam .
  4. ShahnazZ
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    ShahnazZ Striving2BeAStranger

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    I'm confused. Muslim women are entitled to mahr and it is their Islamic right. Can you elaborate on what you mean?

    Is this mahr pertaining to men?!
  5. FreedomFighter
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    :salam2:

    Dowry is a must. There is one narration of a man who went to the prophet peace be upon him, to say that he had nothing to give in dowry so what he should do. He had a surah of the Qur'an memorized, and that was his dowry because he was too poor he could not afford, but you see that dowry can even be knowledge. I think in these cases it only occurs if the women accepts the dowry?
  6. samiha
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    :salam2:

    Interesting enough, the literal 'English' meaning of Dowry and the Islaamic meaning are contrastedly different.

    According to english:

    dow·ry

    noun /ˈdou(ə)rē/ 
    dowries, plural

    1. Property or money brought by a bride to her husband on their marriage


    Web definitions

    * money or property brought by a woman to her husband at marriage

    wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

    * A dowry (also known as trousseau or tocher or, in Latin, dos) is the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage. ...

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry

    * Property or payment given by a wife or her family to a husband at the time of marriage. (In some cultures, it is the husband who pays the dowry to the wife’s family.)

    en.wiktionary.org/wiki/dowry

    * the woman's share of her inheritance from the group of her birth, which is taken with her upon marriage.

    oregonstate.edu/instruct/anth370/gloss.html

    * A present given to a new husband by the bride upon marriage. It took the form of land, goods, or money.

    library.thinkquest.org/10949/glossary/index.html

    * Marriage prize brought by the bride or groom as a condition of their marriage, often consisting of lands, titles, or cash payments.

    www.chronique.com/Library/Glossaries/glossary-KCT/gloss_d.h…

    * The marriage wealth-exchange practice in which the woman's family is required to provide the husband with property (eg, money, land, household goods) in order to make the marriage.

    www.routledge.com/textbooks/9780415485395/glossary.asp

    * Money or property that a bride brings to marriage

    www.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~canon/needhelp-dictionary.html

    * Sum of money or goods paid to parents of future husband or wife

    www.sexoteric.com/dix/D

    * entry gift given monastery when a nun or monk joined an order

    essenes.net/index.php

    * Formerly applied to mean that which a woman brings to her hushand in marriage; this is now called a portion. This word is sometimes confounded with dower. Vide Co. Litt. 31; Civ. Code of Lo. art. 2317; Dig. 23, 3, 76; Code, 5, 12, 20.

    www.new-york-lawyer.ws/law-dictionary/dominant.htm

    * (goods, money, jewelry, and - rarely - land that accompanies the bride and is provided by the wife-givers.)

    isites.harvard.edu/fs/docs/icb.topic526694.files/Kinship%20Jarg…

    ________________


    Showing that most of the meanings relate to the woman bringing money to the husband to get married (quite frequent in the sub-continentals) - which isn't recognized by Islaam, rather the Islaamic principal is that the dower is given fromt he husband to the wife, an entirely different concept.
  7. alf2
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    alf2 Islam is a way of life

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    So what you're saying is women are basically buying husbands?

    Where as dowry should be a gift from the husband to the wife?

    Let me know if i am understanding this. Jazakallah khair.
  8. kashif_nazeer
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    :salam2:
    I think the brother is talking about the system of dowry prevalent in South Asian countries like India,Pakistan ,Bangladesh,where the bride and her family is "forced" to pay large amount of money as dowry.Sometimes they pay dowry in the form of expensive things like car.
    When I say forced sometimes it's social pressure and most of the times it's lteral meaning.I have read and come across many cases in Muslim families wherein the bride and her family is humiliated because they pay less dowry.There are so many cases of bride being murdered for not paying enough dowry.That is case with many Muslims as well in the subcontinent.
    This I think is totally unacceptable in Islam.
    Wallahu 'alam

    :wasalam:
  9. abu_tamim
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    abu_tamim Junior Member

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    What I wanted to say is actually this:

    There is a great, stormy debate going on in SF with reference to dowry and whether it is allowed or not. A fatwa from Deoband is as follows:

    Question: 10537

    Assalamualikum, I am going to get married this year.I want know about the dowry in light of quran & ahadith.Should i ask my inlaws about this or whatever they give me will accept.What is the sunnah of Rasulallah SAW,when they get married to ummul momineen.Plz reply ..JAzakallah

    Answer: 10537 Jan 28,2009 (Fatwa: 180/137=H/1429)
    You have nothing to do with dowry; rather dowry is the articles given by parents to their daughter in marriage. You can say that if they want to give any necessary article in marriage they should give it after two three months instead of giving at the time of Nikah. However, if they give anything of immediate need at the time of Nikah, it is also right. It is proved from the Hadith and from the sunnah of the Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم). This is mentioned in a bit detail in Bahishti Zewar, you should study it.
    Allah (Subhana Wa Ta'ala) knows Best
    Darul Ifta, Darul Uloom Deoband

    So, the general answer is that giving gifts to the girl by the father is Sunna and this is well-proven from the sources. No problems. However, the social problem that we are facing and the misunderstandings that seem to arise in well-meaning people stem from the use of several interchangeable words: jahez, dahej, dowry, dower and gifts.
    What is dowry? As the answer explicitly states, for the religiously knowledgeable, dowry refers to the gifts that parents give to their daughters on marriage happily and freely. This is not the dowry of the common man though. You will find the understanding of the common man in the question he asked. Here is the first part of his question:

    "I want know about the dowry in light of quran & ahadith.Should i ask my inlaws about this or whatever they give me will accept?"

    He wants to know about dowry in the light of the sources. Meaning he wants to know what is due to HIM as dowry as per the Qur'an and Sunna. He further wants to know whether he can make demands on his inlaws such as a Hero Honda or a Maruti or whatever or should he throw himself on their mercy and generosity?

    This is the (Hindu)concept of dowry that we are fighting. The belief that the father of the bride OWES something to the groom after marriage.

    Hence the first sentence in the answer is: "You have nothing to do with dowry".

    Now, this is the world of fatwas. It often does not gel well with the real world.
    Let us first make some semantic corrections in the real world.
    Let us call Mehr as Dower or bride-due. This is what the groom has to give to the bride.
    Gifts: These are the items that the parents give to their daughter.
    Dowry: This is the stuff on demand that the son-in-law gets from the father-in-law.

    When dowry demands are not met, then bride torture begins. Sometimes, it ends in bride burning.
    See here: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2006-09-10/india/27828744_1_dowry-deaths-cases-bench

    What is the answer to this?

    The answer is simple. Say No to Dowry.

    Taken from my blog.
  10. Mr. India
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    Dowry originated in the upper caste Hindu communities as a wedding gift (cash or valuables) from the bride's family to the groom's family.subsequently, with passage of time when Muslims and other communities grew in Indian subcontinent this social curse kept on spreading almost in all considerable communities.
    Because of the dowry even today the birth of a female child is viewed as a curse and the girls are considered as burden. The dowry custom prompts many parents to go for female foeticide. millions of girls do not get a chance to live, and are silenced in the wombs of their mothers.
    Due to the curse of this dowry system many girls remain unmarried because of the financial problems of their parents. Some of such girls take recourse to suicide while few of them enter flesh trade. The evil practice of dowry has turned the sacred relationship of husband and wife into a commercial relation making the life of girls and their parents a hell. It has given rise to suicide, corruption and moral degradation.
  11. faaraa
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    faaraa Nothing but Muslimah

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    :wasalam:

    DOWRY.... :astag:

    Its very common in south Asian countries... that most of the Muslim brothers are becoming beggars when it comes to the platform of marriage.....they ask for dowry from the girls ... and..
    "No I dont wanna talk more on this issue :girl3:"

    Indeed I was responding to an article, written in a local forum and had enough of it...

    Sadly and badly people are more into the culture than the religion... :girl3:

    May Allah guide them all....

    Aameen....
  12. Perseveranze
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    Why do people gotta overcomplicate a simple marraige...
  13. Seeker-of-truth
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    its like the woman is some kind of burden where her family gotta pay to get rid of her.. but not in such a cruel way
  14. Aapa
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    Assalaam walaikum,

    I just read up on this subject. And the scholars agree do not complicate the issue.
    Islam teaches that the dowry should be reduced and made simple, and that this is in the interests of both the husband and the wife. As the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The best of marriage is that which is made easiest." Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300.

    It has also been suggested that an exorbitant sum leads to sin.
  15. Mr. India
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    I think there is a confusion between Mahr and Dowry(Jahez). Mehr :In Islam, at the time of marriage the husband has to give money to his wife .
    Dowry :In cultures where the daughter did not have the right to inherit property, she was given something at the time of her marriage as compensation.
    Muslim society of India, Pakistan and Bangladesh commonly use the word jahez or dahej for dowry and justify the practice in terms of jahez-e-fatimi.
  16. abu_tamim
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    right brother.:salam2:
  17. abu_tamim
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    In the Islamic sense when we say dowry, we refer to the Mahr of the woman. In the subcontinental sense, it means the money and kind the boy gets from the girl.:wasalam:
  18. Parvaiz
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    :salam2:
    Not an uncommon thing here in uae but its a bit different father are like selling thier daughters usually the man pays the father around 100,000 dirhams or more in mahr,likewise in subcontinent girls father is made to pay a high mahr ,in both cases it snot allowed under the sharia.Only one allowed is father giving her daughter at his own will(You can refer to marriage of Hazrat Ali)
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    Assalaamu alaikum,

    I mean no offense...and I am actually trying to learn more about the Indian/Pakistani culture. Why does the girl pay money?? and isnt it the same, if the boy pays mehr following the Islamic teachings, and then the girl pays him something......? I am so confused right now. Is it common for a girl to pay her husband in the subcontinent? and when I say common, I mean is it a practice that EVERYONE expects of others?
    What if the girl was not from that culture? what if both the boy and the girl wanted to follow is Islam and leave out all cultural practices? would it hurt the parents because they are soo accustomed to this?
    please forgive me if I said anything bad or offensive....I swear I didnt mean to.
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    Oh sis! Don't worry about it. I'm Pakistani myself and my personal opinion is that is ridiculous to make such a fuss about a dowry. Marriage is a Blessing in itself, so WHAT is the use of a dowry and WHY must people fight about it? It's unnecessary and ungrateful to behave in such a way when Allah (SW) has given you such a privilege.

    Salam :D

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