Second Marriage

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by mosabaig, Nov 7, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. marildu
    Offline

    marildu Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +3 / 0
    And one other thought on this topic.

    Regarding a man's sexual needs a wife is supposed to not deny him those.

    Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning".
    [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

    Abu `Ali Talq bin `Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire, she must go to him even if she is occupied with the oven".
    [At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i].

    So unless the wife has health issues or something similar I don't see why having another wife for sexual needs is really necessary. It's his right to have relations with his wife and her duty to give that to him.
  2. Oem Soufiane
    Offline

    Oem Soufiane Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +11 / 0
    salaam aleikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

    I would like to say, how can you put something in doubt when Allah swt made clear that men can have 4 wifes, if you don't like it that is anothet thing, but you certainly can't put it in doubt, ofcourse you can feel jalous, Aisha r.a. had the same feelings while she is one of the best, if not the best women in islamic history.

    A man has a greater sexual need then women and maybe he wants some variety, the way i am saying it is like a product but you know what i mean. inshallah. . And i said I wouldn't mind to be a second wife, if you are the first wife it would be harder to accept, but still you will have to, because Allah swt decided. It would be better if a man tells his wife first, for himself and for the wifes to get along better.

    I know women who share their husband and it is working out fine, what they did was that the first wife looked for the second wife after her husband told her he wanted a second wife, and after getting to know eachother, she decided wether she wanted her to be her husbands wife, if not, they looked further. and Alhamdulilah, they have the best marriages i know. Plus the women are helping eachother, and are the best sisters and friends of eachother.
  3. Oem Soufiane
    Offline

    Oem Soufiane Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +11 / 0
    What if a man has the desire for different wifes, he has the right to get them, if the first wife immediatly divorces the man as i have heard from some women on the tv, Astaghfirulah, may Allah swt guide them, these women are disobeying Allah swt and his orders
  4. west
    Offline

    west Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2006
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    self-employed
    Location:
    Cape Town, South Africa
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    Yeas, a man is ALLOWED a maximum of 4 wives. Yet there is a lot attached to that. If you are already have one wife - you have to get her permission before marrying another. You should not be marrying for lust. Each wife shoudl be treated equally - this is not an wasy thing to do.

    Remember, the prophet only had more than one wife but it mainly for political reasons that he married so many women. Khadijah was his first and in her lifetime there had been no other wife
  5. Oem Soufiane
    Offline

    Oem Soufiane Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +11 / 0
    The first wife’s approval is not a condition for marrying a second wife

    Question:
    My question is if you would help me to know the Hadith or the point of vieuw from the Islamic law on the follwing situation.
    If a woman is married to a man and that this man is also married to an other woman without her, the last, knows about this marriage.
    No need to say that this is a difficult and very exceptional situation but seems the best concerning the circumstances?

    Answer:

    Praise be to Allaah.

    The wife’s approval is not a condition for plural marriage, and it is not obligatory for the husband to have the approval of his first wife if he wants to marry a second wife. But it is good manners and kind treatment to approach the issue in such a way as to reduce the pain which women naturally feel in such cases, by smiling at her, greeting her warmly, speaking nicely to her and spending money on her according to his means, in order to gain her approval. Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/204.

    If a husband takes a second wife, he has to treat his wives equally as far as possible. If he does not treat them equally then he is exposing himself to a stern warning, for it was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and inclines more towards one of them than the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” (narrated by al-Nisaa’i, ‘Ushrat al-Nisaa’, 3881; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Nasaa’i, no. 3682).

    When Allaah permitted us to marry more than one woman, He said (interpretation of the meaning):

    “but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”[al-Nisaa’ 4:3]

    So Allaah commands that a man should restrict himself to one wife, if he knows that he cannot be just. And Allaah is the source of strength.

    See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, 2/570.

    Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
  6. abumah
    Offline

    abumah New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    You are absolutely wrong in your advice, the first wife doesn't have a voice in whom you marry and no doubt it is from good etiquettes to discuss this issue with her it is not obligatory for a man to do this if he believes it is going to cause a problem. You have to bring a proof that states that if a man gets married a second time then he has to tell his other wife if you can not do so the fear ALLAH. And know that the religion is based on proofs and evidences not the desires of women and the opinions of ignorant men. (in regards to islamic understanding).
  7. marildu
    Offline

    marildu Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +3 / 0
    I'm sorry. Maybe it is because I am so new to this religion. But I can't see a God fearing religious man looking for different wives just because he can.
    Maybe it's because I had a boyfriend before I converted and I love him and we would like to get married InshaAllah. And we both are practicing but he was not when we met. I also have a disease where I could possibly never have children and the idea of sharing him makes me want to die.
  8. Oem Soufiane
    Offline

    Oem Soufiane Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +11 / 0
    i don't know if you were talking to me, just for the record, the women i mentioned were an example of how great a marriage with 2 wifes(or more) can be.
  9. Oem Soufiane
    Offline

    Oem Soufiane Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +11 / 0
    salaam aleikum sister,:SMILY252:

    :ma: you don't have to appologise, we are here to learn, I understand your feelings, but that doesn't change the freedom men have in this matter. They don't have to have a reason for another wife. Allah swt gave them the right, but if your new to our beautifull religion you should not worrie about this. In time your knowledge and maybe your feeling will change. When i just converted I still found it very hard to imagine sharing your husband, but now, i really wouldn't mind if my husband is a practising muslim.
  10. rguyah
    Offline

    rguyah Junior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2006
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Test Engineer
    Location:
    Pittsburgh, Pa, USA
    Home page:
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    marildu

    May Allah guide you and your future husband.
    You are both new to Islam and should take it slowly and be meticulous about your learning. Bothering yourself with this part of the deen at this time may not be the right thing to do right now.

    We must all remember that the ayah about marrying more women was revealed after a war... and I am not able to remember which battle at this time. If anyone else knows please share. There were many dead men of the disbelieving tribe and their wives and children were left unattended for. The Muslims were allowed at this time to marry these women to care for them. But, even with that, we are allowed to this day and to the end of this world to marrying additional women... with many stipulations. Marrying another woman just because you want sex with another woman does not seem to be a valid reason and may Allah guide us men of this Deen to do what is right by our women and our families.
  11. ibnAbdullah87
    Offline

    ibnAbdullah87 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2006
    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +16 / 0
    Okay now lets hear from a scholar and a great one Shaykh Muhammad bin Saalih al-`Uthaymeen (rahimuhulah)

    Marrying More than One is Desirable

    Question:
    Some men marry more than one woman out of pride or in order to compete with one another and due to a genuine need. Is such a thing permissible? And what is your advice to those men and women who object to plurality when there is a need for it?

    Answer:
    Marrying more than one wife is a desirable thing - on condition that the man has the financial means and the physical ability to act with justice between his wives. This is because through plurality of wives, good is acheived, such as protecting the private parts of the women who he marries (from illegal sexual intercourse) and broadening of unity between the people, and increasing the number of births, as indicated by the Prophet sallallaahu alahi wasallam:
    'Marry loving, productive women.' (Abu Dawud 2050, An-Nasaai' 3229, Ibn Hibbaan 4028, & Ahmad 3/158-245)

    It also contains many other benefits. As for a man marrying more than one wife out of pride and competitiveness, it is something which falls into the category of waste, which is not permitted. Allaah, the Most High says:

    'Waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allaah) likes not Al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance).' (Al-'Araaf 7:31)


    Shaykh Muhammad bin Saalih al-`Uthaymeen
    Fatawa Islamiyah, Darussalam, volume 5, page 355-356
  12. ibnAbdullah87
    Offline

    ibnAbdullah87 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2006
    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +16 / 0
    And Shaykh `Abdul-`Azeez Bin Baz

    Question:
    Concerning Polygyny it is stated in the Qur’aan ''If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly [with more than one wife ], then [marry] one only .” an-Nisa :3 However, in another place it states, ''You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire .” an-Nisa : 129 In the first verse being just among the wives is stated while in the second verse it makes it clear that the condition of justice could never be met. Does this mean that the first verse is abrogated and that it is not allowed to marry more than one women since the condition of justice cannot be fulfilled? Benefit us, may Allah reward you.

    Answer:
    There is no contradiction between the two verses. There is no abrogation by one verse of the other. The justice that is mentioned in the first verse is the justice within ones ability, which is related to being fair in division of time and maintenance.
    As for being just with respect to love and sexual relations, this is not within ones ability. This is what is being referred to in this verse;


    ''You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire .” an-Nisa : 129

    In a hadeeth about the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi-wasallam), Aisha [ may Allah be Pleased with her] stated,

    ''The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ‘alaihi-wasallam) used to divide his time between his wives and he was fair. He used to say. ‘ O Allah, that is my division with respect to what I have control over. Do not blame me for what You control and over which I have no control.’ ‘’

    This was recorded by Abu Dawud, al- Tirmidhi, al- Nasai, Ibn Majah. It is graded Sahih by ibn Hibban and al- Haakim.


    Shaykh `Abdul-`Azeez Bin Baz
    Islamic Fatawa Regarding Women - Darussalam Pg. 179
    http://www.fatwaislam.com
  13. rguyah
    Offline

    rguyah Junior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2006
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Test Engineer
    Location:
    Pittsburgh, Pa, USA
    Home page:
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Allahu Akbar... thanks for the furthur clarifications.
  14. Mabsoot
    sunnah
    Offline

    Mabsoot Amir Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Messages:
    6,500
    Likes Received:
    281
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    England / Jordan
    Home page:
    Ratings Received:
    +745 / 6
    Assalamu Alaykum,

    Another point that seems to be ignored by some brothers is the fact that they should not be joking about marrying more than 1 wife. What i have found most disturbing was when some brothers joke about marrying more wives, not thinking that women are individuals and they are daughters and sisters of others.

    So, its not a light thing. It is one of responsibility, care and should be a life-long commitment.

    Just a fact that needs to be made.

    Wasalam.
  15. seekingtruth2
    Offline

    seekingtruth2 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2006
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0
    assalaamu alaykm my brothers!!,
    this is such a fun topic is it not? lol.. ok... my opinion is as follows and I hope everyone takes this as opinion only and not real fact... ok.. Im a sister and currently not married just so everyone knows!! Yes you can take for yourself another wife but my believe in this is that there should be a valid reason for this such as the first wife cannot bear your children or the second wife is in need of a husband... You have to be able to provide equally for both wifes and they each have seperate homes... At least that each wife has her own bedroom and bath and kitchen area completely separate from the other wife.... I am thinking that the first wife has to approve in some way of the second wife.... she has the right to say no I believe... now just for everyones sake if said man had enough money to fulfill his obligation to both wifes I would a) allow my husband to marry someone I could at least be freinds with or B) be the second wife... no problem brothers.....
    your sister in islam
    Fatima
  16. Oem Soufiane
    Offline

    Oem Soufiane Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +11 / 0
    i am not new, i converted 5 yrs ago and i gained knowledge alhamdulilah! maybe you didn't mean it like it soundede, but don't say things you don't know sister
  17. rguyah
    Offline

    rguyah Junior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2006
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Test Engineer
    Location:
    Pittsburgh, Pa, USA
    Home page:
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Sorry

    I certainly didn't mean it as such. I misunderstood. I thought your were much younger in Islam than that. Please accept my apologies.
  18. Kayote
    Offline

    Kayote Junior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2006
    Messages:
    517
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Finance
    Ratings Received:
    +7 / 0
    Salam

    I really liked Dna1987 & MubarekMuslimah's answer.

    Many arabs have made it a fashion to marry more than once & as has been pointed out, there are many considerations to take into account before one should take such action.

    As for 'marry again to control desires', I find that downright pathetic. One who cannot control his desire after marrying one lady, will not have his desires met by another. He will surely fall upon another lady who is likable & subsequently desirable.

    The whole point of being a muslim is to please Allah (SHW) & do what he has commanded & allowed us to do but go no further. If one cannot control his desires after being married, then he clearly does not understand Islam.

    And Alhumdulillah we have Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) as an example.

    WaALiekum Assalam
  19. Kayote
    Offline

    Kayote Junior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2006
    Messages:
    517
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Finance
    Ratings Received:
    +7 / 0
    Salam again,

    One more thing, being a man, I personally find it downright an enormous burden if I had two wives. Being able to do justice to both the wives is something I will not be able to do.

    However, if it was for the sake of protection or something (but not desire), I may think about it after consulation with my first wife. Also the whole point of marrying again would be to please Allah (SHW). I donot think Allah (SHW) would be very pleased if I married the second time, only to divorce the first wife (or the secomd) after a while because I found the company of the other wife more to my liking...

    WaAliekum Assalam
  20. ibnAbdullah87
    Offline

    ibnAbdullah87 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2006
    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +16 / 0
    It is not a game marring more then one women or something that anyman can handle but who is anyone to say you can not or it is pathetic. Why do you say something Allah or Messenger have not said bring me one ayah one hadeeth or even a scholar from the past or present day who said you can not marry out of desire more then one wife. With what authority are you making these statements, please fear Allah if. Remeber no one to marry off their daughter to a sinner or one who does not practice the religion but if a man comes whos deen one is pleased with and his character then one should marry his daughter off to him. So if it is a practising man upon the sunnah feels he wants to marry another women why would anyone want to stop him if his deen is good and his character is good then that women is luck to be married to him, better to be his second, third, or fouth wife then the one and only wife of a sinner. And yes men do have desires and sometimes it can take more then one women to fufil his need and when who understand the religion or a bit of it can understand why one marries out of desire to protect his private part and her private parts.

    Marrying More than One is Desirable

    Question:
    Some men marry more than one woman out of pride or in order to compete with one another and due to a genuine need. Is such a thing permissible? And what is your advice to those men and women who object to plurality when there is a need for it?

    Answer:
    Marrying more than one wife is a desirable thing - on condition that the man has the financial means and the physical ability to act with justice between his wives. This is because through plurality of wives, good is acheived, such as protecting the private parts of the women who he marries (from illegal sexual intercourse) and broadening of unity between the people, and increasing the number of births, as indicated by the Prophet sallallaahu alahi wasallam:
    'Marry loving, productive women.' (Abu Dawud 2050, An-Nasaai' 3229, Ibn Hibbaan 4028, & Ahmad 3/158-245)

    It also contains many other benefits. As for a man marrying more than one wife out of pride and competitiveness, it is something which falls into the category of waste, which is not permitted. Allaah, the Most High says:

    'Waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allaah) likes not Al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance).' (Al-'Araaf 7:31)


    Shaykh Muhammad bin Saalih al-`Uthaymeen
    Fatawa Islamiyah, Darussalam, volume 5, page 355-356
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page