Secret Marriage..

[iloveislam78]

salam walakum brothers and sisters, i was extremely shocked to discover that in islam a man may marry another wife in secret from his first, why would a man keep his second wife a secret from his first wife and family, his related family, maybe even her family, and society? Keeping polygamy a secret is an issue in and of itself, but what happens when a secret wife is added to the secrecy of polygamy?
There are men who keep secret wives in Islam as they know or believe their first wives would not approve of them having second wives. They don’t want to displease their first wives and families or their related families. The woman that he wants to be with besides his first wife becomes his secret wife, the equivalent of mistress, as it is a secret marriage.
Islam elevated the status of women so whats going on here how is the status elavated??? isn't secret marrige taking the poop out of a muslim women??, . In Islam, the marriage (Nikah) should be made known to the public, and should be followed by a Walima feast-Is that not so? The Islamic system rules and regulations encourage modesty and Chastity and make an effort to close all loopholes of evils and corruption. Isn’t this the reason Islam regard publicity of marriage (Nikah) very essential? The marriage should be publicized to close all loopholes through which immorality can gain access in society.
If the marriage is not given publicity, people would bring their illicit sexual relationships also under marriage, thus opening a backdoor for the sin to find access to society. Modesty and chastity are the objects of marriage and not the gratification of sexual appetite alone.
If a husband does not let society know that he has a second wife, does it not open the door for people to suspect the man of having an affair and the woman as being his mistress? Does a man that has a secret wife deprive that wife of the honor and respect of being known as wife? Polygamy is many times secretive. Do some people add secret wives to the secret lifestyle of polygamy?

in islam doesnt a women have a right to be in a pologamous marriage or not??

how can she excercise this right if she doesnt know whats going on??
and what if a women stipulates monogamy in her marriage contract, has a women no rights???

would appreciate someone to answer, without opinion but islamic evidence inshallah

salam.

 

[arzafar]

firstly, there is no secret marriage in islam. marriage has to be announced in public so that everybody knows the relationship between the man and woman. this has to do with who is mahram and non mahram.

secondly a man has to divide his time and resources equally between his wives plus there are issues with inheritance so marriage cannot be kept secret.

yes a woman can stipulate a monogamy in the marriage contract.

im sleepy rite now, but all the things i said may be found at islamqa.com with evidence.

 

[iloveislam78]

thanks for reply but why then are scholars saying a man doesnt have to tell him wife if his is alrready married and why are these scholars saying our prophet said a man doesnt have to tell his wife????

 

[Abu Talib]

I want to know if a man wants to marry a second wife, is it obligatory for him to ask permission from his present wife? If his wife refuses, can he get married to the other woman anyway?

Sheikh `Abd al-Rahmân al-`Ajlân, lecturer at the Grand Mosque in Mecca answered:
If a man intends to marry a second, third or forth wife and treat them fairly then he may do so. He does not have to get permission form the first wife. If such permission were needed, then only very few marriages would be held. He is allowed to marry if he believes that he can be just to them. The first, second, and third wives’ refusal or objection to his marriage is baseless. Allah says in the Qur’ân: “If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with the orphans, then marry women of your choice, two three or four. But if you fear you will not be able to deal justly with them, then only one.” [Sûrah al-Nisâ’: 3] There is no evidence in the Qur’ân and Sunnah that the man needs the permission of his first wife in order to marry a second. Therefore, the burden of proof lies with those who are making such a claim. And Allah knows best.

 

[nizar83]

thanks for reply but why then are scholars saying a man doesnt have to tell him wife if his is alrready married and why are these scholars saying our prophet said a man doesnt have to tell his wife????

aselemu aleikum, i think the brother summed it up very short, but very true.

you mentioned soem scholars say this? well..im curious..who did tell you this> and we should always ask for proof when someone tells us anything..dont matter if he is a scholar sheikh da3ee or whatever...proooffffff is essential

thats why imaams and sheikhs always talk like this: QALLA ALLAH in the quraan or QALAA rasoololaah SALALAHU WA3ALAYHI WESELEM..delivering proof instantly..

 

[besmiralalbani]

salam alaykum

Does he have to tell his second wife that he is married?
I married a foreign woman after she became Muslim in a shar‘i marriage in accordance with the laws of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger, and I concealed from her the fact that I was married before. Is my marriage legitimate or do I have to tell her that I am married and that she is the second wife? Please note that I concealed this matter from her because the country in which we live does not allow plural marriage.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not obligatory for the husband to tell the second wife that he is already married and this does not affect the validity of his marriage to her. So long as the marriage contract fulfilled the necessary requirements and conditions, then it is valid.

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allah preserve him) was asked: Is it essential for the marriage to be valid that a man should inform the woman he wants to marry that he is married to another one, if he is not asked about that? Are there any consequences if he denies it if he is asked?

He replied: The man is not obliged to tell the woman or her family that he is married if they do not ask him, but that cannot usually be hidden because marriage is not usually done except after a period of enquiring and asking about each of the two partners and verifying that they are suitable. But it is not permissible to conceal any facts, and if either party tells a lie and the other party acts on the basis of it, then there is the option of cancelling it. If he says that he is not married and is lying about that, then the woman has the option of annulling the marriage. If they say that she was a virgin when she is not, then he has the option of going ahead with the marriage or cancelling it.


Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/129.

 

[weakslave]

Please refer to the search feature as this topic was discussed in great detail earlier on.

 

[iloveislam78]

Im trying really hard to look at this with an open mind and try and understand this but i cannot....

guys im not asking about pologamy please read my questions properly jazakallah

i thought islam honoured women etc how on earth is not telling your wife your already married or that your going to marry again honourable, how is that respecting the muslim women????

its actually taking the **** out of them the mother of your children who looks after your reputation belongings etc,

isn't there anything such as trust.....................................

it looks like a muslim women is being reduced to nothing more than a slab of meat to make babies fuffill husbands desire and that is it....

all the husband must do is provide...........

im sorry but its sick in the head......

and before you all try and insult me put yourself in those womens shoes,

a women is really a tresure isnt she, yet shes not worthy of the truth

 

[Abu Talib]

:salam2:
Praise be to Allaah.

Your thinking the other way around. There is no condition of taking consent of first wife for marrying doesn't mean its secret marriage.

Allaah has ordained it and made it permissible for men to marry more than one so you can't say it means dishonor of woman.

 

[besmiralalbani]

salam alaykum

Question

Does a married man need the permission of his first wife to re-marry according to the Sharia?

Fatwa


Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

As for your question about the second wife - There is nothing in the Shari‘a (Islamic law) that proves the unlawfulness of a man marrying a second wife without the consent of his first.

However, a group of scholars made it lawful for a woman to make it a condition for the man who proposes to marry her that he must not get married to any other woman as long as she is his wife. For these scholars, If the man accepts this condition he must fulfill it. Their evidence is the Hadith of Oqbata Ibn Amer (May Allah be pleased upon him) that Prophet Muhammad (Blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

“The most worthy conditions to be fulfilled by you (Muslim men) are the ones, which made the (women’s) vagina lawful to you."
This is a sound Hadith narrated by al-Bukhari and others. But this condition is false and the man is not asked to fulfill it because it goes against the Quran which has made it lawful for the man to marry two, three or four women. Allah says:
{…then marry women of your choice two or three or four}. [4:2].

And the Prophet Muhammad (Blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever stipulates a condition that is not in the Book of Allah (i.e. Qur’an), it is considered false even if he stipulates a hundred conditions”.
Narrated by both Muslim & Bukhari. And Allah knows best



Question

Salam alaikum, can a husband, who marries a second wife in secret, lie to his first wife and say he has not married a second wife, when she asks him the direct question? I am a convert married for 20 yrs in Europe with 6 children. My husband and I built a flat and a granny flat on his fathers property in N. Afriica with joint money with the intention of moving there with the children (in fact, we already lived there for 3 years and only came back to settle a court case in Europe, whick is now ended). He signed a contract recently with me, saying that if he remarries, our flat will remain for me and the children. I heard from my sister in law, that he married and is putting the second wife in our flat. Now I dont feel safe to return to his country with the children as I dont have a flat in my name, my marriage is not registered there, so there are no laws to protect me and the even bigger insecurity of having a husband who is not telling me his plans. I dont know what my possibilities are as a muslim woman to 1. not travel back to his country with the children, if he asks me to ( he could eventually say e.g. that the second wife is temporarily in our flat, until he rebuilds the granny flat for her - in this case I don`t trust him any more because of his lying to me) 2. divorce, if he broke the contract and carries on lying and/or travelling back and forth as he pleases, without keeping the haq of time spent with each wife (eg. 4months here, then 4 months there). Please advise me, dear brothers in Islam, may Allah reward you.

Fatwa


All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

We ask Allaah to reward you with the best reward for your keenness to ask the people of knowledge, to know the rulings of Islam.
We advise you do not bother much about the marriage of your husband since he might be truthful in his claim that he did not marry another woman. If he did in fact marry another woman, then you should remind yourself that Allaah is The One Who made this lawful for him. A man is not Islamically obliged to inform his wife about his second marriage. Probably, he did not inform you not to hurt your feelings.
However, it is obligatory on your husband to be just between his wives if he has married a second wife; it is obligatory on him to bear both your expenses and provide you with clothing, and accommodation equally.
If he fails to fulfill your rights then you have the right to ask divorce. Nevertheless, a woman should not resort to divorce unless she compares between the advantages of divorce and the advantages of being patient and continuing her marital life with her husband, especially if she has children from him. Many women rushed to divorce and then regretted it later. See Fataawa 90663, 82988 and 84184.
Moreover, you have to obey your husband if he asks you to come back to his country. You are not allowed to reject his request unless you had conditioned on him when conducting the marriage contract that you will stay in your country, then he is obliged to fulfill this condition. If you choose to stay in your country, then Islamically, he has the right to take the children with him to his country.
It is the right of a wife on her husband to provide her with a separate accommodation even if it is a rented one. She is not obliged to live with her co-wife in the same accommodation.
As regards the condition between you and your husband that if he marries another wife then the flat will be for you and your children; this is a conditional gift, and the scholars have clearly mentioned that a conditional gift is not effective, as a gift can not be conditioned. On the other hand, if you have really participated in building the flat with your husband, then as a principal you deserve your share unless you have waived your right in the flat at the time you participated in building it and he has fully obtained it after that. In this case, you can not take it back unless the gift was for a certain purpose which was not fulfilled.
Allaah Knows best.


Question

What do I do if my husband marries another woman?

Fatwa


Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

The noble questioning sister should know that Allah has made lawful for a husband to marry more than one if he is able to fulfill the marital obligation and can treat with justice between his wives. This is the Command of Allah in His Book and there is none to put back His Judgment. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning):
{Should not He Who has created know? And He is the Most Kind and Courteous (to His slaves) All-Aware (of everything).} [67:14].
The clear evidence for this permissibility is the verse of the Qur'an:

{…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. …} [4:3].
Everyone who believes in Allah should submit himself/herself to the religion of Allah without any objection or hesitation. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning):
{It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allâh and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allâh and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error.} [33:36].
Allah knows best.

Fatwa from islamweb.net


So the evidence is that the man should not tell his wife about another marriage. But he must treat them fairly, and he must deal justly with them.
We must think that Allah knows better what is good and what is bad for us, we rely on Allah and we seek help to understand things better and to bear by patience the laws that go against our personal thoughts.

Salam Alaykum

 

[arzafar]

the fatwas that have been posted deal with asking permission with the first wife. The original poster wanted to discuss secret marriage.

A man has to inform his family (not take their permission) when he marries. this is not a condition of marriage contract but a practical step that has to be taken, since it makes the children from first marriage mahram to the second wife and some of her relatives.

 

[Aisya al-Humaira]

Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullah,

Maybe this thread should give some answers to your question.

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68032

Wassalam.

 

[iloveislam78]

salam

whilst i know you are all trying to help. i cannot help but be annoyed by the fact i am asking about pears and you are answering oranges, even though i wrote in my question my issue was NOT to do with pologamy!!!!!!!


such is why i breathed a sigh of relief when bro/ sis posted the below

THANKYOU!!!

the fatwas that have been posted deal with asking permission with the first wife. The original poster wanted to discuss secret marriage.

A man has to inform his family (not take their permission) when he marries. this is not a condition of marriage contract but a practical step that has to be taken, since it makes the children from first marriage mahram to the second wife and some of her relatives.
__________________

 

[wonnee3]

Misunderstood Sister

Im trying really hard to look at this with an open mind and try and understand this but i cannot....

guys im not asking about pologamy please read my questions properly jazakallah

i thought islam honoured women etc how on earth is not telling your wife your already married or that your going to marry again honourable, how is that respecting the muslim women????

its actually taking the **** out of them the mother of your children who looks after your reputation belongings etc,

isn't there anything such as trust.....................................

it looks like a muslim women is being reduced to nothing more than a slab of meat to make babies fuffill husbands desire and that is it....

all the husband must do is provide...........

im sorry but its sick in the head......

and before you all try and insult me put yourself in those womens shoes,

a women is really a tresure isnt she, yet shes not worthy of the truth

As Salaamu Alaikhum Sister, I think ur point is " y wouldn't the br. tell the sister of his intent 2 marry another, if he respected the first wife? The plain truth is... ( coming from a brother with no wife any longer) he should, but, because if it was not a stipulation prior to the marriage he doesn't have 2 so most don't! Out of respect 4 both women i would have them meet and work out r arrangement as a family so that no fitnah has room 2 enter the relationship. i can only give the way I would approach the situation. i think u c only the disrespecting of ur fellow sisters and not the underlying fact it not all dual marriages r n secret.
May ALLAH make it easy 4 u. ASA

 

[ShahnazZ]

As Salaamu Alaikhum Sister, I think ur point is " y wouldn't the br. tell the sister of his intent 2 marry another, if he respected the first wife? The plain truth is... ( coming from a brother with no wife any longer) he should, but, because if it was not a stipulation prior to the marriage he doesn't have 2 so most don't! Out of respect 4 both women i would have them meet and work out r arrangement as a family so that no fitnah has room 2 enter the relationship. i can only give the way I would approach the situation. i think u c only the disrespecting of ur fellow sisters and not the underlying fact it not all dual marriages r n secret.
May ALLAH make it easy 4 u. ASA

I don't think she's asking about intent PRIOR to a second marriage. I think she's asking about the intent AFTER. Like basically I think she's asking if it's allowed for a man to marry a second wife and THEN not tell the first wife about it afterwards. You're talking about not taking her permission prior to marrying the second one. But I think that the sister is asking if its allowed for the husband to keep his second wife a secret from his first wife AFTER he marries her.

iloveislam78, personally I have NEVER heard that. The marriage should be made known so I have no idea where you heard that it's okay for him to keep the marriage a secret PERIOD.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

In reflection I could not help but remember, is it not written, what we do in secret Allah subhana talla reveals..

On a deep level..a man of Allah ..a slave of Allah...one who is cognizant of his responisbility to serve Allah...would not leave anything in secret because there can be no secrets. A man of Allah makes decisions with the guidance of Allah and takes the matter to the masjid. A Muslim man treats women with respect.

I have had the luxury of knowing one such man. Brother Frank. A correct man. A man who submits his entire soul to Allah, every moment.

 

[iloveislam78]

I don't think she's asking about intent PRIOR to a second marriage. I think she's asking about the intent AFTER. Like basically I think she's asking if it's allowed for a man to marry a second wife and THEN not tell the first wife about it afterwards. You're talking about not taking her permission prior to marrying the second one. But I think that the sister is asking if its allowed for the husband to keep his second wife a secret from his first wife AFTER he marries her.

iloveislam78, personally I have NEVER heard that. The marriage should be made known so I have no idea where you heard that it's okay for him to keep the marriage a secret PERIOD.

Thanks sis/bro u got me

heres a link to prove what im saying...............

it just seems incredibly treacherous entering a marriage decietfully, because your wife didnt ask u......................

 

[iloveislam78]

link

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/115751

 

[mezeren]

"It is not obligatory for the husband to tell the second wife that he is already married and this does not affect
the validity of his marriage to her."

"A man is not Islamically obliged to inform his wife about his second marriage."

Brothers and sisters,i need proof for the above stataments.in the fatvas you are referring to,there is a proof in the Quran for multiple marriages for a man up to four,which we all know,but i can not see any proof other than saying ,"there is no proof in the Quran or Sunnah which states;"inform your first wife or second wife." ",for the stataments above.

What kind of proof is this?Not informing your first or second wife definitely leads to lying which is haram as far as i know.Would someone call himself honest after secretly marrying second time.

if my sister or my daughter were deceived like that i can not guarantee how i would behave.

Don't we know that when Ali(r.a.) wanted to marry second time while he was married to Fatıma(r.a.).Surely,first wife Fatıma(r.a.) was aware of the situation and displeased and Rasulullah(a.s.) told Ali(r.a.) that his daughter would be hurt if he married second time and advised him not to marry.i hope someone find a refferance for this event and put it here.

 

[allah is with me]

Well, first of all marying a second wife is sunnah. But i dnt thnk so any one on this may give the equal love to both the wives. Coz, the only öne person who was equal in everythn was muhammad s.a.w. . But i dnt knw that is it obligatory to say it to the first wife. Well, many of them have helped you mashallah . . Plz correct me if i am wröng