Serious Situation - Urgent Help Needed!

[ATA95]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. At the moment in my life I've got an issue that needs to be addressed because it's really playing on my mind and isn't doing me much good. Last year I did a post on this but now I need to give a more proper understanding into the situation at hand. Here it is. Around the time when I became a new Muslim I had liked this girl who worked at my dad's shop. As time went on I became aware that a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship was haram and found out that she didn't like me in the way I liked her which was on a higher level because at the time I wanted to be more than friends such as partners.

At first when I found out she didn't like me I tried to shift the blame on other things like how her parents were very strict as they wouldn't let her even talk to boys on the phone or literally do anything without them knowing. So being overprotective. She comes from a Lebanese background. Then I tried to somehow get her parents permission to see her outside of when she was working since that was the only times I could actually see her in person. Unfortunately I wasted a lot of my time talking to her on the Internet and chasing her. Soon I realised it was all a waste of time and then I accepted that she didn't like me. I moved on and went with living my life.

This lasted several months before recently I visited my dad's during the holidays and the past few days have gotten the opportunity to talk to her. From this I have gotten to understand who she is. Those feelings have come back stronger than ever and are taking over my brain space. The bad thing is that I know we can't be together because of her strict parents who won't let her do anything, since she is a Christian (not a major problem but could have the potential to be in the future. Also I know a Muslim man can marry a Christian woman but it's still more easier to marry a Muslim woman as she would be the same faith) and that she doesn't feel the same way as I do for her (this is mainly because of her strict parents not letting her to see me outside of her work so we can get to know each other better than she can make a proper decision on if she feels the same way about me or not). Finally I'd have to wait till she is 18 before she can do what she wants but even then her parents might still be the same way they are. I can't wait those years. Despite these things I'm so attached to trying with her. It isn't good.

Even though there are arguments both for and against me trying with her overall to be realistic, sadly it isn't doing me any good. However I'm torn between giving up on trying with her (because it isn't doing me much good and at the moment it won't work out due to her strict parents) and keeping on trying (because of my strong liking for her). What should I do? I'm lost and confused. Why did Allah (SWT) make it that we meet in the first place and have it turn out like this? I've been seeking help and guidance from Allah (SWT) with this since I need to deal with it now. Please help me brothers and sisters. It's not doing me any good at all. How can I finally deal with this once and for all? Thank you.

 

[Sister Zohra]

Assalamu Alaikum,

May Allah help us with our problems for he is the One we ask help from first.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Slow down brother.

It is not permitted for you to see her. It would do you good to find out what behaviors you need to work on. You need to learn what is the expected behavior you must display.

You are caught in a fever. It is the easiest way to describe why you are feeling the way you are.

Please step back. Spend time with other brothers. Take time to learn Islam.

 

[ShahnazZ]

:salam2:,

I remember you. From what I recall, you're 15 or 16 correct?

Akhi, you have so much ahead of you. So much life to live and so much to learn.

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala tests us in various ways to see if we will remember Him in those times as well as use the knowledge and wisdom He has given us through the Quran.

If there's no chance of you being with this girl then you really need to let her go.

This is your test. You may have feelings for her and it's completely normal for you to have the thoughts that you're having given your age. But you need to remember that premarital relationships are haram. And if we ignore that reality and indulge in what's haram, we're getting lost in the dunya and we end up suffering for it. Sometimes both in this life and the next. Indulging in something that's haram will NEVER bring you peace. Only following the Commands of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will.

You clearly seem to need peace. And you're at war with yourself. The solution is simple.

Focus on yourself and building your iman. Learn more about your deen. Put all your dependence in Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala than on this girl. Usually when we become so consumed with our feelings for a human being, we forget the place that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala has in our hearts. He should have a greater place in your heart than this girl. Easier said than done, I know but you can start working on that.

Being a good Muslim means putting the Commands of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'al first. Make it your goal to start working towards fulfilling those commands. Read the Quran. Make salah. Learn about the Prophet and his Sahaba.

Put Islam first and foremost.

 

[kashif_nazeer]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters. At the moment in my life I've got an issue that needs to be addressed because it's really playing on my mind and isn't doing me much good. Last year I did a post on this but now I need to give a more proper understanding into the situation at hand. Here it is. Around the time when I became a new Muslim I had liked this girl who worked at my dad's shop. As time went on I became aware that a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship was haram and found out that she didn't like me in the way I liked her which was on a higher level because at the time I wanted to be more than friends such as partners.

At first when I found out she didn't like me I tried to shift the blame on other things like how her parents were very strict as they wouldn't let her even talk to boys on the phone or literally do anything without them knowing. So being overprotective. She comes from a Lebanese background. Then I tried to somehow get her parents permission to see her outside of when she was working since that was the only times I could actually see her in person. Unfortunately I wasted a lot of my time talking to her on the Internet and chasing her. Soon I realised it was all a waste of time and then I accepted that she didn't like me. I moved on and went with living my life.

This lasted several months before recently I visited my dad's during the holidays and the past few days have gotten the opportunity to talk to her. From this I have gotten to understand who she is. Those feelings have come back stronger than ever and are taking over my brain space. The bad thing is that I know we can't be together because of her strict parents who won't let her do anything, since she is a Christian (not a major problem but could have the potential to be in the future. Also I know a Muslim man can marry a Christian woman but it's still more easier to marry a Muslim woman as she would be the same faith) and that she doesn't feel the same way as I do for her (this is mainly because of her strict parents not letting her to see me outside of her work so we can get to know each other better than she can make a proper decision on if she feels the same way about me or not). Finally I'd have to wait till she is 18 before she can do what she wants but even then her parents might still be the same way they are. I can't wait those years. Despite these things I'm so attached to trying with her. It isn't good.

Even though there are arguments both for and against me trying with her overall to be realistic, sadly it isn't doing me any good. However I'm torn between giving up on trying with her (because it isn't doing me much good and at the moment it won't work out due to her strict parents) and keeping on trying (because of my strong liking for her). What should I do? I'm lost and confused. Why did Allah (SWT) make it that we meet in the first place and have it turn out like this? I've been seeking help and guidance from Allah (SWT) with this since I need to deal with it now. Please help me brothers and sisters. It's not doing me any good at all. How can I finally deal with this once and for all? Thank you.

Wa alaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
I agree with what sister Aapa and sister Shahnazz have to say.
This is a test,as is every event in our lives,whether they be good or bad.
Dear brother you are young and you have a long life ahead of you.So do not waste your time in worrying "why this happenned?"Life is too short to be spent being worried,sad,anguished or depressed.
The answer is simple because it had tne of the pillars of iman is to accept qadar.Nothing befalls us,except that it was recorded in al lawh al mahfooz and it simply came to pass.
Plus Allah alone knows our compatibility and who will be best for us,no matter what we think.Allah knows best.We might think something is good for us but it might be bad and vice versa.
About love you know akhi,research has shown that people who say they are deeply in love show similar brain patterns to those who are addicted to drugs say cocaine.It's not that they love the person but they are in love with the concept of love itself.So whenever you feel such things be concsious and aware that it's nothing but you are in love with the concept of love itself.
What use is the love that makes you worried sick and always stressed,that surely comes from people and worldy things but if you have the love of Allah in your heart you are free from every sort of worry,pain or anguish ,in fact it's bliss 24x7.
Sheikh Ibn Al Qayyim (rahimhullah) said:"O you who take pleasure in the life of this world,know that falling in love with a fading shadow is sheer stupidity."
This world and everything in it is transitory and not even worth a wing of a mosquito akhi.Everything in it will vanish,but the face of our Lord full of Might and Grandeur will remain!
Remember Allah often,in open and hidden and Allah will remember you.Try to get closer to Him,by compulsory and voluntary acts and perform dhikr and make dua often.

Get proactive,concentrate on other things like the purpose of life,marriage is not the only thing,it is one of the parts of our lives but it's not our life.Always keep your eyes on the purpose of your life and your destination,inshaAllah that way you can be on a straight path.

Perform Istikhara prayer. How to perform istikhara>> http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/2217/istikhara

May Allah be with you.Ameen

 

[Ahsen]

Walekumassalam.
Brother,you are following your emotions. Slow down bro. Is this your first time?

 

[Ershad]

Assalamu Alaikkum wa rahamatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Start loving Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, our Prophet , your parents, and your religion. Then start loving inanimate things like science, or laptop D for instance), or start loving the nature (river, mountains). Then you will find that you don't have much love left for a single girl.

P.S.: I am sorry if my advice is useless. I am not good at relationship advice. I tried

 

[thariq2005]

Assalaamu `alaykum

From the impression I got from your post, I believe the answer is in your own post.

You said:

Unfortunately I wasted a lot of my time talking to her on the Internet and chasing her. Soon I realised it was all a waste of time and then I accepted that she didn't like me. I moved on and went with living my life.

You left her because of the above bolded reasons. If you left her for the sake of Allaah, then Allaah will most definately facilitate for you and make it easy for you. For sure, the person who leaves anything for the sake of Allaah and purely only for His Sake- then Allaah will definately replace that with something better.

This is why it is not correct for you to make this statement:

Why did Allah (SWT) make it that we meet in the first place and have it turn out like this?

According to my understanding, you did not leave the girl for the sake of Allaah- in order to please Him, so how can you now complain that Allaah made you both meet each other?

The point is that you are still young and you have time to change. As sister Aapa mentioned, it is not permitted for you to even see her. If you abide by the Islamic Laws, there is nothing between you and Allaah- except that Allaah will aid you and will never let you down.

So, change yourself and turn towards Allaah. Pray your 5 daily prayers in and on time. Obey your parents in everything they say and fulfill all that which is obligatory upon you. Preserve the rights of Allaah by obeying Him and Allaah will look preserve you.

WaffaqakAllaah (May Allaah give you Tawfeeq)

Wassalaamu `alaykum

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

Brother the truth of ubodia : worshiping Allah is loving Allah subhanahu wa taaala the most love with most humility , try to remember this meaning while you are praying then after a while you will feel a differance.

 

[MuslimShadow]

Assalamu alaikum brother.

you can't force yourself over her.she has already said no so there is no point in trying with her.do not marry a christian girl out of lust.
if you will patiently obey the commands of ALLAH & be a good Muslim,you will get a wife 1000 times beautiful than her and who will be in love with you.(in jaanah).you should ignore her.

by the way have you talked to her about Islam.?

 

[ATA95]

Thank you! - Good news!

Thanks brothers and sisters to all of you. I greatly appreciate every one of your comments. I've read all of them and they've benefited me a huge lot! I agree with them and have made the change to move on. It's a new year in 2012 and I'm going to be a new and better person. I'm going to start the year fresh and fulfill my duties (most importantly Islam) to the best of my potential!

If there are any closing comments, suggestions or links to other sites please put them in. Thank you! JazakAllah Khayr to all of you.

 

[esperanza]

Thanks brothers and sisters to all of you. I greatly appreciate every one of your comments. I've read all of them and they've benefited me a huge lot! I agree with them and have made the change to move on. It's a new year in 2012 and I'm going to be a new and better person. I'm going to start the year fresh and fulfill my duties (most importantly Islam) to the best of my potential!

If there are any closing comments, suggestions or links to other sites please put them in. Thank you! JazakAllah Khayr to all of you.

inshallah you can really do this and move on wiht your life...and greater happiness will ome to you in the future inshallah
remmeber werce all here for you as your family in islam