*Sweet as Honey* getting married!!

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by Sakeena, Apr 12, 2010.

  1. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    Thank you for the du'as...Actually I don't know if we'll marry afterall... :girl3: The Imam informed me that it's not a good idea to talk to the brother after my family told me not to talk to him. He even told me that I'm too young. How old do I have to be to please Allah swt inshallah?

    If I'm ready for it, then isn't this my choice, not my Christian family--by the way they even told me to never talk to a Muslim (includind my Muslimah friends and the Imam). So does this mean I'm disobeying my parents by contacting the Imam as well inshallah? :(

    They don't want me to practice Islam at all. They won't allow me to attend Ju'mah on Fridays, read Islamic books, learn to pray, go out with my Muslimah friends, wear niqab, etc. It's so frustrating and they are so controlling. It makes me sick subhanAllah. :girl3:

    I thought I was going to please Allah (swt) and finally get an opportunity at a new, beautiful life and practice Islam openly without fear and anger from my family...I thought I was suppose to fear Allah (swt) alone, but now I am deeply afraid of my family because now I am still dependent on them... and they can do whatever they want--hit me, yell and scream at me, make fun of me, threaten me, etc--and there's nothing I can do because I have to respect them... :girl3: This is oppression... :( this is emotional abuse :(

  2. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    Dear brothers and sisters, the Imam informed me that I can't contact him anymore because my family does not approve of him. They don't want me marrying a Muslim. The Imam doesn't understand. I'm a convert. SubhanAllah... :girl3:

    My family isn't supportive; they are completly against Islam and Muslims. :girl3: Sister Saabirah who gave me a Qur'an is a Muslimah. I know that Saabirah's not welcome in my home because m family would not like a veiled woman joining us for dinner (like that'll ever happen!!) :)

    They don't want me talking to Saabirah either. They don't want me reading the Qur'an (if they knew), they don't want me posting on TTI while I'm at college, but I do. So, if they don't like any of these things, and if I turn around and do them, it's haraam, right? This makes no sense. :girl3:
  3. samiha
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    samiha --------- Staff Member

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    Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullah

    I hope you're still holding it together ukhti... stay strong inshaAllaah and make Dua'a to Allaah subhan wa ta'ala that He make things easy for you.

    In the meantime, maybe you could also seek out a different Imaam, as I don't think this one completely understands your situation. There are two parts to this, one is allowing you access to the Muslim community, and this should be available to you as a Muslimah regardless of what your parents say. And the second issue is that of marriage.

    Now it would be ideal if your parents approved but when they do not, you are not obligated to adhere to them as long as the brother you are intending to marry is pious and steadfast on his Deen. That - AND his ability to support you. Because in getting married, to an extent you will have to depend and rely on him. Can you be assured of how things are going to occur financially? I mean I understand the age issue a little bit, but I think if you are able to speak to another Imaam you should do so, and also get a trusted older member of the community's opinion on the other party concerned.

    Cos when you like someone things might go a little pink and fuzzy, so having another opinion is always good ;-) ... and also, marriage is a big thing, there are lots of rights and responsibilities for both sides concerned to have a stable lasting marriage inshaAllaah... so its important to read up and know about them as well.

    That's all I can say for now ukhti, in a serious rush nowadays so I'm not around much, but May Allaah make ease in all you do and guide you to what is best. Ameen.

    wasalam
  4. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    Perhaps, but I'm not talking to the brother anymore... :SMILY23: I don't think it will work out subhanAllah... :girl3:
  5. arzafar
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    if you really want to get married, then ask the imam to find you suitable candiates to choose from. Also you can ask muslimahs friends in the mosque/college to find you a match. also there are sites for reverts who want to marry.
  6. hayat84
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    hayat84 I'm not what you believe

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    :salam2:
    My congratulations sister!In Sh Allah you'll realyze your dream,be patient.It's clear that you have to give respect to your parents,but if you try to remember them how got they married when they were young,they may let you go happily.I was 21 years old when I told to my parents that I would get married.they agreed till the day of my depart arrived!In their heart they were seeing their daughter had become a woman and opened her wings.It's an important step of your life,in Sh Allah you'll find the right way to bring your future into your hands:mashallah:
  7. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    My friend's dad was looking for someone originally, but I'll see if he can find someone else inshallah if that will work inshaAllah. :hijabi:
  8. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    My friend's dad was looking for someone originally, but I'll see if he can find someone else inshallah if that will work inshaAllah. :hijabi:

    I mean I'm not looking for trouble if that's what my family is thinking. I know they worry about me, but at some point, they are going to have to let me live my life inshaAllah. No we may not agree on everything, but practicing Islam is vey important to me. It's not something that I can take off, fold up, and stuff in the back of my closet like an old Christmas sweater. Islam is everyday, all day, all night, all year, throughout your entire life mashaAllah.

    I stopped talking to the brother, not because he is bad or anything because he's a really great brother, but I stopped because the Imam informed me to do so and also I didn't want my family angry at me... I didn't know it was haraam to talk on the phone with a guy... Allah please forgive us both inshaAllah. We meant no harm in talking... May Allah protect brother Iqra and continue to guide him inshaAllah...

    I guess if it's for the best, I'll do as I'm told... but my family are not Muslim--that doesn't mean that I don't listen to them--that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that they aren't supportive of my interest in marriage and they are against me converting to Islam in the first place. So why would they ever even consider allowing me to get married while I live with them? Or perform salah? Or attend Ju'mah on Fridays? Or wear Niqab? Or accommodate my needs during Ramadan? Why would they? They're Christians. They aren't at all concerned about their daughter's efforts to be a Muslimah in a Christian State. Y'know why, don't ya? :(

    Does this mean I give away my Quran because my family doesn't want me reading it and therefore they are angry at the thought of me keeping one without their knowledge or approval? Then that means I'm disrespecting them my reading the holy book, right? Because, again, the Imam said that it's not right to do something the parents don't like. And believe me--they don't like anything that I do (Islamically of course). :(

    I want to please Allah (swt) first and foremost inshaAllah. I don't care what people think of me. But if I have to hide my faith, then fine, I'll do that, but it saddens me that the Imam at Al-Farooq wasn't more helpful inshaAllah in terms of my family problems... but I'm sure he meant well though. May Allah swt reward him inshaAllah.

    That's all I wanted to say about that...

    wasalam,

    -Sakeena :)
  9. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    You see, I'm 20 mashaAllah. I'm an adult, and my family are not Muslims, so what "rights" do they have over me? They aren't worried about me, they are controlling and want to keep me away from Islam. That's their plan for my future. It's emotional and mental abuse. :girl3:
  10. Idris16
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    “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do”

    [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]

    But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

    [Luqmaan 31:15]
  11. IslamIsLight
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    IslamIsLight Islam is my life Staff Member

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    assalamu aleikum
    Dear sister Sakeena ..
    Marriage is not just something that can be taken lightly .It is great responisbility in front of Allah Subhana wa Taala .Marriage is not just a romantic dream that many younger sisters think ,but it is a journey together through times of hardship and happiness with patience towards one another and one main goal to please Allah and to strive for Jannah ,raising righteous children and focusing on the family most then anythingelse.

    You have to ask yourself many times are you ready for this journey ?Is he the right person ?Will he bet he right companion in this life who will help me in my Deen ?Is he upon Quran and Sunnah ? Does he have the right Aqeeda?
    Make Istikhara first and ask Allah to help you to take the right decision .Do not rush with the marriage and of course ,liten to your parents.

    waaleikum salam
  12. IslamIsLight
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    IslamIsLight Islam is my life Staff Member

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    Dear sister your parents have all the rights over you .They raised you up ,they fed you ,they clothed you ,they took care of you when you were baby .you will never appreciate that until when you will be a mother yourself .

    It is one of the Major sins to disobey yor parents ,even if they are non muslims.you can only disobey them if they order u something which is against islam,then u can disobey,other then that they have all rights over u.
    U can please Allah more, by obeying your parents , then marrying to someone they disagree with ..
    Start with your parents ,be kind to them even if they are bad to you, and u will see the result ,if not in this life but in next one inshaAllah ..
  13. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    haha asawrwb! Aww do you have to question me if I'm ready? If I'm ready, I'll know it inshaAllah. No one knows better than me and Allah swt of course. :hijabi:
  14. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    I disagree. I'm over the age of 18, they do not have the same authority over me. It's unbelievable that you wud say that subhanAllah, either way, it's my life and I'm going to live it to please Allah swt. My deen is limited as long as I live with them subhanAllah. You don't understand. It's not that simple. Sometimes you have to leave and move somewhere else where you worship Allah swt freely inshaAllah. :hearts:
  15. IslamIsLight
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    IslamIsLight Islam is my life Staff Member

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    That is may be by American law ,but not by the law and command of Allah Subhana wa Taala and his religion ..
    Your parents always will have right over you ,you want it or not ,but this is ordained by Allah ..
    It is ok sister ,if you do not want to take others advice ,its up to you and it is between you and Allah

    waaleikum salam
  16. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    In the world, I'm an adult, stop trying to conceal me in my home. I'm leaving inshaAllah. It's my right. :hijabi:
  17. Aisha. joyo
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    Aisha. joyo ~ALLAH 0 AKBAR~

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    i agree wit you sister sakeena!! congratulation sis :ma::ma: if your parents don't want you to practice the religoin of islam sis i suggested you to leave subhanallah.

    love oyu for da seek of Allah sis

    waslama alykum

    Aisha
  18. 4mMadara2Amina
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    As salam alykom ukhti :)

    May ALLAH make things easy for you dear. Amen.:tti_sister:

    So sweet news. Hope everything will go just very well and make in your face the smile and in the heart peace :hearts:
  19. PatienceWins
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    Asalamu Alaikum Sister,

    May Allah make it easier for you to follow Islam.

    Be kind to your parents. They are trying to control you as they love you, believe that they are in the right path and may be afraid of going against the society. They have the same rights on you irrespective of whether you are 8, 18 or 80. At the same time, do not obey them if they do not allow you to follow Islam. Allah has allowed you to do so. I am not telling you to be a rebel, shout at them, confront them etc. Be gentle, give respect to them and try to make them undestand what you want to do. I undestand that this test is not going to be easy for you as you are a woman with no support from the family. Talk to your muslim friends and try to get assistance from another Imam.

    Pray to Allah and have faith in Allah. Allah can support us in ways which we could never imagine. Sister, I am unable to help you as I live in a far away country. May Allah bless you.
  20. Sakeena
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    Sakeena Junior Member

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    I'm not getting married. Changed his mind. It's okay though... no big deal...:hijabi:

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